by Nella Tyler
We had planned to go to a show that some of Cade’s friends were playing in the next town over as part of a summer festival. That was obviously somewhere I couldn’t bring Addie. I shuddered when I thought of my young daughter trying to deal with the loud noise and crowds and the alcohol and pot that would come along with the event. I’d managed to talk Mom into watching her by telling her that I was going to be meeting up with some of my friends at a different festival. I hated to lie, but I didn’t think I had much choice.
I got dressed quickly and checked the time. I had had about an hour and a half between when I dropped Addie off at my parents’ house and when I needed to leave to meet with Cade, and since we were doing something a little more special than just going to the mall or seeing a movie, I wanted to put in a little more effort. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans that I’d only just started being able to fit into once again and found one of the nicer tops I owned and went back into the bathroom to work on my makeup.
I thought to myself that since Mom had Addie for longer than usual, I might even be able to convince Cade to leave the festival before it ended so that we could have some time alone. A rush of heat washed through me at the thought of being alone with Cade, without even Addie there to preoccupy my mind; we had so few opportunities to really get physical, and I wanted—needed—to feel his body pressed up against mine.
I put on a little makeup: some concealer for a few spots on my face and the under-eye circles I’d had ever since giving birth, a little blush, some neutral eye shadow, and a lip stain that I knew wouldn’t get smeared all over my face if Cade and I kissed. I smiled at myself in the mirror and turned my face this way and that, making sure I looked exactly the way that I wanted.
I thought about my daughter. I couldn’t help feeling guilty about being away from her, even as much as I enjoyed the break. Cade and I mostly managed to include Addie in our plans, if only because my parents didn’t note it as much if I was out of the house, sometimes pretending to be running errands, with my daughter in tow. There was a part of me that wondered if people were talking about Cade and me in town, the same way that they’d been talking about the way that Tuck had been bad-mouthing our farmhand.
I checked to make sure that I had everything I needed: phone, backup battery charger, keys both to the guest house I lived in and to the car, as well as my parents’ house just in case I got in after they’d already locked up for the night. I slipped my lip stain into my bag, as well, and a few other odds and ends I thought I might use away from home.
I spared a look at my parents’ house as I walked towards the front door of my little private space on their property and wondered whether Mom had her own suspicions about what I was up to; certainly she hadn’t had anything to say about me going out for the afternoon and evening. She knew that I’d been more than a little interested in Cade from the very beginning, but while she’d kept my secret from Dad, I didn’t like to force her to continue to lie to him if I didn’t have to. Bad enough that I was doing that.
I got my keys out of my purse and sent a text message to Mom to let her know that I was heading out. Almost as soon as I had seen that it’d been sent, just as I was putting the phone in my pocket, I felt it vibrate. For just a second, I thought that it might be Mom, texting back either to tell me to have fun or to ask me to pick something up for her.
But instead, to my surprise, I saw that the message had come from Titan. It had been weeks since I’d seriously thought about my ex, but I had enjoyed being with Cade so much, and had so many other things on my mind. Besides, Titan had made it clear to me that he had no interest in me or our daughter. I thought I could be forgiven for writing him off and putting him out of my mind.
So when I saw that he had messaged me, I was shocked.
I opened up the message and the words I read only made me more surprised. Hey, Autumn! I just wanted to let you know that I’m probably going to be in town in a week or two to visit the fam.
I pressed my lips together, trying to resist my initial feeling of irritation towards him. I had gotten over the hurt he’d dealt me, and I had moved on from the additional betrayal that I felt at the fact that he wasn’t even interested in getting to know his own daughter in her first year of life. But the fact that he felt entitled to message me to let me know that he would be in town…something about the gall of the cheery message annoyed me.
I took a deep breath and fought back that initial reaction; he was, at the end of the day, the father of my child. I had a bond with him whether I wanted to or not.
I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you, I wrote back. I take it from you messaging me that you might want to meet your daughter?
I wasn’t sure anymore if I even wanted him to meet her; after all, he would be there and gone, and either Addie would never remember him, or she would and feel confused later on when she tried to understand why she didn’t have a father, or why her father didn’t want to be involved in her life.
Absolutely! The response from Titan surprised me yet again. I shook it off. If he was interested in getting to know Adelyn, then I should encourage him. Why don’t I get in touch closer to the time and we can talk about arranging a meeting?
I pressed my lips together and tried to make up my mind to do the right thing. If Titan was interested in developing a relationship with his daughter, I knew my parents would want me to encourage it. I should at least give him a chance to step up and be a father. I took a quick, deep breath and typed up a response, checking the time again.
Let me know when you’re free, and I’ll plan to bring Addie to you, or you can come here. We’ll work something out. I hit send and closed out the app, shaking my head at how strange it was. I had a sneaking suspicion that perhaps things were not going quite as well as he’d claimed in his previous messages, but there was no way for me to know.
I pushed the issue out of my mind, determined to focus on my date with Cade instead. The meeting between Titan and Addie wasn’t going to be happening that day. I had plenty of time to decide how I felt about it and to make up my mind to do the right thing.
As I got into my car and started off to the next town to meet with Cade for our date, I decided that I wasn’t going to mention the most recent texts from Titan to the farmhand. I hadn’t mentioned the ones I’d gotten before—just that Titan seemed to have no interest whatsoever in getting to know Addie and that things were well and truly done between us, which was, as far as I’d known then, the case.
I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about the fact that I was keeping Cade in the dark about Titan’s messages to me, but I didn’t think that it was, strictly speaking, his business.
After all, any real love I’d had for Titan had died when he’d abandoned me for someone he’d met online, and any potential respect I’d had for him as a person had gone away when he had made it clear he had no interest in his own daughter. I didn’t think I was in any danger of doing anything that would violate my relationship with Cade, and Titan was Addie’s biological father.
It was an issue between my daughter, myself, and her father, not something that Cade could or should get involved in unless we became serious.
I’m just batting a thousand on the honesty front these days, I thought wryly as I turned onto the highway that led out of town. I wasn’t telling my parents about Cade, I wasn’t telling Cade about Titan. I pushed my guilty thoughts as far from my mind as possible, but I couldn’t help thinking that if anything else came up that I had to lie about or cover for, I was going to be in a sad state indeed.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Cade
“Autumn. Autumn?” I reached out to give her shoulder as gentle a shake as I could.
“What?” Autumn blinked up at me and for a moment, I could forget the distraction I’d seen on her face again and again for the past two hours since we’d met at the festival gates.
“I said, Donny’s band should be going on next.” I smiled slightly and shifted my hand along her back, pulli
ng her a bit closer to me. “You know, the whole reason we’re here, instead of doing something else?”
Autumn chuckled, looking up at me. “I thought we were here instead of doing something else because it was out of town and there’s less risk of someone seeing us, and then commenting about seeing us together to my parents,” she pointed out.
“That was part of it,” I admitted, giving her waist a little squeeze. “But I also figured it would be nice to support Donny—and of course, spend some time together.”
Autumn pushed herself up onto the balls of her feet and gave me a quick kiss on the lips; it felt good to be somewhere that we could be affectionate, without having to think about who might be watching us. Every date that we went on in town, we had to be careful. While no one had, to the best of our knowledge, gone to Bob Nelson yet about the fact that we were spending time together, Autumn and I had both agreed that it would be best not to be too obvious while we were in public together.
Of course, we didn’t have a whole hell of a lot of private time together. Autumn couldn’t be away from Addie for very long, and even when she brought Addie on our dates together and we went back to my place, she couldn’t stay away from home for very long without risking her parents worrying about her.
I reminded myself again and again that it would all be worth it once the harvest was over and done with in a month or two, but if I took the work that Bob had offered for the off-season, getting the land ready to overwinter, then I might have to wait even longer to be open about my relationship with her.
When Autumn had met me at the gate, I’d noticed that it looked like something was troubling her, but all she’d said was that she’d run into a weird traffic snarl on her way into town and that she’d been worried she’d be late to meet me. We’d kissed, and gone into the festival with the tickets I’d gotten from Donny, and I’d put it behind us. But as the date went on, I couldn’t help but notice that she was more and more distracted, not less distracted, which was what I’d expect if her worry had been about getting there on time.
There was nothing wrong at all with the way that Autumn looked—that much I had to admit. She always looked cute, and she looked cuter to me every single time I saw her, but I could tell she’d gone to a little extra effort to look nice. I could only assume it was for me. I pulled her into my arms while we waited for my friend’s band to start setting up and swayed with her to the beat of the radio playing over the sound system.
“Have I mentioned you look even more gorgeous than usual today?” I could feel Autumn smiling, even with her head tucked on my shoulder, and started feeling better about us, about the date. She was warm under my hands, her body as alluring as it had ever been, and I hoped—again—that we could find a way to take a little time back at my place before she had to get home.
We broke away from each other when Donny’s band, Rock Island Ragers, finished setting up and started making noises of going into their first song. I cheered my friend on and took Autumn’s hand in mine, moving a little closer to the stage to really enjoy the act. There were a few dozen people at the festival—probably no more than a few hundred on the outside—but the guys were playing hard, and I wanted them to feel their success.
Autumn and I danced together a bit as one song ended and another started, and I began to relax more and more; there wasn’t really anyone there at the show who would notice us together, and most of the people at the festival were out-of-town folks. We were as safe as we could be while still being inside the state.
As the set wore on, though, I noticed that Autumn was paying less and less attention to the band; she was cheering at the end of the songs, but she wasn’t exactly engaged.
“Are you okay?” I had to almost shout my whisper, the crowd and the speakers were so loud.
“I’m fine,” she said, giving me a quick smile.
“Worried about Addie?” It was the only thing that I could think of that could keep her so distracted.
“She’s with my mom; I’m not worried about her.”
“You’re clearly not into this.” I was beginning to wonder if the date had been as good an idea as I’d thought it was.
“I’m into it,” she said briskly.
“Then what’s up? You keep looking distracted.” I made a face as if I was offended, but really I was concerned. “Am I boring you these days?”
“Never,” she told me, smiling again. “It’s always interesting to be with you.”
I snorted. “Not exactly the best reference I’ve been given, but I’ll take it,” I told her. “Come on, Autumn, you can tell me if something is on your mind. Are you worried about your parents finding out?”
She shrugged. “No more than usual,” she said. “Look, I’m a little distracted but it’s kind of a me thing.”
“Are you telling me, young lady, that there are things you worry about enough to not pay attention to a great concert, but which you’re not willing to share with me?” Her cheeks colored and I knew I’d hit on a sensitive spot.
“Just tell me, I’m sure it’s fine,” I told her. I hadn’t wanted to pry, but the fact that she was clearly not having as good a time as we usually had together had me worried about her. If there was something going on with her mom, Bob, or with Tuck, I wanted to know about it, if only so that I could help support her.
“It’s nothing,” she said, shaking her head. We watched the end of the Ragers’ set, and then I pulled her back from the stage, out to where it wasn’t quite so loud, where we could talk without having to shout.
“You’re obviously preoccupied with something,” I pointed out. “I’d hate for you to have gone to so much trouble to get away from home for the day only to not have any real fun while you’re away.”
I gave Autumn a quick hug and felt a jolt of heat work through my body at the feeling of her curves against me. “You can tell me,” I told her, pulling back slightly to look down into her face.
She looked down at our feet, and I could tell she was trying to make up her mind as to whether or not to tell me. I reiterated that she could trust me, and promised that whatever it was, I wasn’t going to freak out.
“Fine,” she said, smiling nervously. She took a quick breath and I saw the look of determination cross over her face. “I didn’t want to tell you about it because...well, it’s not important.”
“Just tell me, babe,” I said, keeping the smile on my face.
“Titan’s been texting me,” Autumn said finally. “Not about getting together or anything; he’s coming into town to visit with his family, and he was thinking he finally wants to meet Addie. I-I guess I feel like I should give him a chance to get to know her, since she’s his blood, you know?”
“And, you felt the need to keep this from me because…” I could feel my anger beginning to rise, but if I gave into it I knew I’d regret it. I needed to give Autumn the chance to explain herself.
“Because Titan’s my ex,” she admitted. “Even though there’s nothing between us, and I’m not even remotely interested…” She shook her head. “I figured since it was something with Addie and him, I would just keep it between me and Addie and him until I found out whether he was actually going to be part of her life or not.”
I held her gaze; I wanted to be convinced, I wanted to believe her, but the fact that Titan was her ex-fiancé made it hard. The fact that she’d seen fit to hide it from me that Titan had gotten back in touch with her didn’t give me a lot of trust that she was telling me the truth about the situation between them.
“If you thought that there wasn’t anything between the two of you, why would you hide it? Even if Titan is your ex?” I tried to keep my voice level, but I could feel jealousy gnawing away at me. I’d been risking my job to be with Autumn, and she had had Titan hiding behind her back for how long?
“Titan isn’t interested in me, and I can guarantee you that I wouldn’t be interested in him if he were the last man on earth,” she told me firmly. “But he is my ex, and he is Adelyn’s bi
ological father. I thought I needed to give him a chance, and I thought getting you involved would just make things more complicated.”
“Why would Titan go from being totally uninterested in getting to know about her to texting you to try and make it happen?” I raised an eyebrow. It was hard for me to believe any guy who hadn’t been interested in his child for the first year of her life would suddenly become interested.
“I think things are probably not going as well as he claimed,” Autumn said with a shrug. “So he’s coming to town to visit with his family, and he wanted to meet Addie while he’s here. He’s not even going to be in town for that long.”
“You swear to me that you’re not even a little interested in him? As the father of your child?”
Autumn nodded. “Like I said, even if he were the last man on earth,” she told me. “I have the exact opposite of interest in Titan.”
“Prove it,” I said.
She frowned, looking up at me in confusion. “Prove it?”
I leaned in close, pressing my lips to her ear. “Come home with me, right now,” I suggested. I’d been wanting to suggest it all day, and I’d been hoping to find a way to broach the topic, but I needed to be alone with Autumn in light of what she’d told me.
“How is that going to prove anything?”
I smiled slightly and shrugged, trying to be more casual than I felt. “It’ll show me you’re really into me,” I pointed out. “And that it’s not just a flirtation to you.”
“I’ve already slept with you though,” she countered.
“I want to be close to you. I want to feel you,” I told her. “I want to know we’re still...us.”
Autumn considered it for a moment longer. “Okay,” she said, smiling slowly. “But instead of going to your place, let’s go to mine. It’ll be dark by the time we get into town.” I thought about her counter-offer; it was actually riskier for us both for me to go with her to the guest house on her parents’ property. But I had to admit I was more than a little intrigued at the idea.