by Nella Tyler
“Not—not exactly,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to tell them anything until I was sure that this was going to last, that it would be serious. They pester me a lot about settling down with someone, you know?”
“I can picture that,” I said. “So you’re going to tell them when you get there, right? I’d hate to think you’re putting up with them bothering you for a week where I can’t even help.”
“Well, if things get too bad, you can count on me to text you and ask for sanctuary,” Mack told me. We were getting closer to the entrance to the park.
“Or if you change your mind for whatever reason,” I said with a shrug. I felt a little disappointed, but I could understand family obligations. Landon and I both had an obligation to different parts of my family and Joanne’s; I couldn’t exactly assume that Mack didn’t have anything at all going on just because she didn’t have a kid and wasn’t married.
But part of me wondered if she really did want to spend the holiday with her family—who she had told me once or twice in the few dates we’d been on had pressured her to date around for years—or if instead she was using it as an excuse because she thought that a holiday together was too intense, or because she was iffy about seeing me. I walked Mackenzie to my car, holding her hand; I’d set Landon up with family members so that I could hopefully enjoy the thrill of having sex with Mackenzie again, but I had a lot of food for thought now that Mack had given me an excuse for not coming over for the holidays. I told myself that she was just busy—a lot of people were—and that I just had to be patient. But thinking about what Landon wanted from me, and what I wanted for myself, it seemed to me that Mackenzie might just not be all that interested in spending a holiday with an almost stranger. I couldn’t blame her.
I took her straight to her apartment, instead of driving her back to my place; it didn’t seem like the right opportunity. I gave Mackenzie a long, hungry kiss, and then we were parting ways, Mack going into the building and me watching to make sure no one mugged her. By the time I was alone again, I was mostly happy—but also a little bit worried. We’d have to talk soon.
PART THREE
Chapter One
Mackenzie
“Got any Christmas plans, Mack?” I looked up from the file in front of me on the computer; Charlotte, one of the other therapists, had stopped at my desk on her way to the therapy area.
“Just going to be with my family, I think,” I said with a shrug. I couldn’t tell her the little hope that I harbored, even if most of the people in the office were now aware of the fact that I was dating Patrick.
“You’re not going to hang with that tasty guy and his son?” Charlotte clucked her tongue against her teeth, shaking her head. “No better way to spend the holidays than an early wake-up by a kid, followed by an afternoon of making love while the tyke plays with the new toys.” I laughed.
“I’ll get the early wake-up either way,” I told her. “I’ve got nieces and nephews.”
“Not the same,” Charlotte said, shaking her head. “Not the same at all. But do what you will with your life, girl.” She went on her way, back to the therapy area to clean up after her previous patient’s session.
I went back to working on my files, waiting for my next patient to arrive. I had reordered my schedule a little bit; I’d come in about thirty minutes early, before the clinic opened, so that I’d be able to leave thirty minutes early at the end of the day. Patrick had hinted that our date was going to be somewhere relatively fancy that night, and I wanted the extra time to prepare.
There was only a week and a half before Christmas, and I’d gotten about half of my shopping done; I was still going back and forth in my mind on the topic of whether I should get Patrick something. Sometimes I thought that a little token gift wouldn’t be a bad idea—something to show that we were dating, that I had faith in the relationship, but not something huge and expensive. But then I always stopped short of actually thinking of anything in particular, because I thought that we’d only been dating a couple of weeks—not even a full month. If I bought him a gift, he might think I was taking things more seriously than he was comfortable with. This is the real reason you shouldn’t date patients’ parents, Mack: you don’t have the milestone of meeting their kid to show you how serious things are.
I had started debating it in my head again, going back and forth on the issue of whether a small gift would really be all that much of an indication that I thought things were serious, when I heard the buzz of my phone vibrating in my desk drawer. I opened the drawer and took my phone out; flashing on the screen was Patrick’s name and number. “Hey!” I said, keeping my voice as quiet as I could in spite of the excitement that welled up at me just at the thought of him calling. “I was just thinking about you.”
“My timing is excellent,” Patrick told me, his voice dry. “I really hate to do this, Mack, but I have to cancel tonight.” I frowned.
“Is something wrong with Landon? I can come over and check him out if you want,” I suggested. “I mean—I don’t have to go out somewhere.”
“I wish I could have you over, but I’m not even going to be home,” Patrick said. “I got pulled into this stupid business dinner thing. I’m on my way to pick up Landon and drop him off at the babysitter’s place.”
“That sucks,” I said, feeling my stomach give a lurch inside of me. I swallowed against the tightness that began to form in my throat and blinked a few times to get rid of the tears that started to form in my eyes. It must be close to that time of the month—I’ve never gotten this emotional over a guy canceling on me before. “I wish you could get out of it, but I’m not going to give you a hard time,” I said, keeping my voice level by sheer force of will.
“If I’d had a little more notice I would have had time to ask if you wanted to come with me,” Patrick said, sounding regretful. I smiled weakly, trying to imagine what use I could possibly be to Patrick at a business dinner.
“I’d probably just sit there and try to look pretty,” I told him. “I don’t know if I’d give you any boost in conversation.”
“Sitting there and looking beautiful would be enough on its own,” Patrick said, and I could hear the warmth in his voice. He sighed. “I really hate canceling on you so last minute. I’ll make it up to you, I swear.” I shrugged, glancing around to make sure no one in the office was obviously eavesdropping on me.
“I can’t really talk for long,” I told Patrick. “If the office manager comes through and sees me on my phone she’ll give me hell.”
“I figured as much,” Patrick said. “I just didn’t want to leave you hanging or put it off until after you’d left for the day.” He sighed again. “I wish I was seeing you tonight, Mack. I’m sorry I can’t follow through with our plans.”
“It’s okay,” I said, making my voice lighter than I felt. “These things happen. I’m sure you didn’t expect to get pulled into something tonight. We’ll see each other in a couple of days at Landon’s next appointment.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Patrick told me. “If it wouldn’t be totally unprofessional I’d bring you the biggest bouquet of flowers the florist shop has.” I laughed in spite of myself, picturing Patrick in my mind trying to carry a huge bouquet into the office while Landon ran circles around him.
“Bring the flowers to our next date,” I suggested.
“I’ll do it! And I’ll come up with something even better than my plans for tonight to give you double the date.” I smiled in spite of how disappointed I felt and said goodbye to Patrick, hanging up before I either got caught or stopped being able to cover up how upset I was that I’d come to work early only to end up with no plans at the end of the day. I put my phone back into the drawer and closed it, trying to think of things that I could do when I got out of work thirty minutes early. There’s always the Christmas shopping, I told myself, though it didn’t seem all that great a way to spend my evening.
“You staring off into space again?” I looked up to see
Amie carefully hobbling down the short hallway that led between the waiting room and the therapy area.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I stood up quickly, looking Amie up and down. “You’re still injured. You should be resting.”
“You know as well as I do that getting up and moving around within reason is the best thing someone can do during recovery,” Amie told me. She took the chair next to my desk and sat down in it, crossing her arms—one of which was in a cast—across her chest. “Besides, someone’s got to keep an eye on the likes of you.” I rolled my eyes.
“Right, because you’ve done a great job of that in the past,” I said, sitting back in my chair.
“I knew that you were going to date Landon’s dear old dad before you even did,” Amie said, sticking her tongue out at me. “I’d say that’s a decent track record.”
“Not true,” I said, grinning. “I had already gone out on a date with Patrick when you suggested I should go out with him.”
“You sneaky thing!” Amie looked at me in shock for a long moment. She shook her head, laughing. “So how many dates have you been on with him?” I shrugged.
“I’ve been on a few,” I said. I felt my cheeks warming up with a blush. “I mean—it’s not really serious or anything, we just go to dinner or go out and do something.”
“What’s been the best date so far?” I grinned, unable to help myself.
“We went ice-skating together,” I said. “I got to pick the restaurant we went to beforehand, so I took him to that Indian place around the corner from here, and then we just went to the park and went skating.”
“You are a cheap date, Mackie,” Amie said, shaking her head in pretend disapproval. “It’s not like he’s broke! Have you even been paying attention to his clothes? His kid’s clothes? He’s sending that boy to one of the most expensive private schools in Chicago, and rolling in here in designer suits.”
“I’m not going to try and make him spend a ton of money on me,” I said sharply, scowling at Amie. “I just want to have a good time with a nice guy, that’s it.”
“Tell me this: have you and he gone to bed together?” I blushed even harder.
“A few times,” I said, looking away. “Not that it’s any of your business.”
“It is so my business! If I don’t ask, who else are you going to talk to about him? I’ve never seen you really share anything with anyone else in this office, and god knows you don’t have that many friends out of this place.”
“I have friends!” I glared at Amie, a little hurt at her comment. “And I have siblings. I could talk to them.”
“Yeah, if you wanted them to start planning your wedding after your first date you could,” Amie said with a grin. “What’s he like in bed?” I looked around, trying to make sure that none of the young patients—or their parents—were listening in.
“He’s great,” I said quietly. “Of course, it’s been ages since I’ve been with anyone else, but…” I grinned, blushing bright red. “He’s amazing in bed. I swear.”
“It’s probably been a while for him, too,” Amie pointed out. “So it’s good that he’s able to take care of business.” She smirked at me. “Does he go down on you?”
“Amie!” I looked around again, shocked at how direct her questioning had become. I swallowed against the dry feeling of impulsive fear in my throat. “Yes, he does sometimes. He’s good with his hands, too.”
“Then I’m satisfied that this is an excellent life choice,” Amie said, giving me a quick nod. “Even if it isn’t serious and doesn’t go beyond seeing him every few days and having good sex, I’m glad to hear you’re getting out there. I was starting to worry about you.” She pulled herself up carefully, groaning in pain until I started to get up to help her. “No—it’s okay. I just put off the pain pill until I could get back home. I need to fill out paperwork, and I do not fancy trying to take the train home high as a kite.” Amie patted my hand with her uninjured one and gave me another grin. “One of these days if things do get a little more serious between you and him, you should bring him on a double date with me and Travis.” I rolled my eyes.
“That’s down the line,” I said. “I don’t even know if things are going to last beyond the month.” I thought of the fact that Patrick had canceled our date for that night; I didn’t say anything about it to Amie—especially since she was on her way to the manager’s office to fill out paperwork—but I couldn’t help but think that Patrick might have been able to get out of the business dinner if he’d really wanted to. It just seemed too convenient that he found out about the obligation a few hours before our date. You’re being stupid, I told myself. You had to cancel a date with him before; it’s only fair that you give him the benefit of the doubt on one cancelation. Don’t get all paranoid before the relationship even gets serious. I watched Amie leave and went back to trying to decide how to spend my evening off, now that I wasn’t going to be spending it with Patrick.
Chapter Two
Patrick
When Mackenzie bought my story about having a business dinner to go to at the last minute I’d hoped that I’d feel fine about it; after all, I hadn’t lied to her for any bad reason. The fact of the matter was that I’d simply had too much to do, and I hadn’t been able to justify spending the night out. Then too, I’d started to think that maybe she wasn’t as into me as I’d originally thought. I’d played her comments about not being sure she was marriage material anymore through my head until I’d psyched myself out—something I wasn’t proud about, but I couldn’t do anything about it after it was done. I figured that I’d get over it fast enough, or make up my mind one way or the other.
But instead of making up my mind, or feeling better about it after a day or two, I only felt worse. Mack had believed my stupid lie; somehow the fact that she hadn’t even questioned it made me feel like an even bigger tool. I was abusing her trust and we weren’t even in a serious relationship together. I felt like an asshole, and when it came time for Landon’s next appointment with Mack, I couldn’t bring myself to go in with him. “Hey, bud,” I said when I pulled into the parking spot at the Kid Care building. “Can you just tell Mack that I had to hang out and get some work done in my car? I need to make a few phone calls.”
“Okay Dad,” Landon said, shrugging it off; he had no idea of what an asshole I was being to a woman who was at least a little bit interested in me, either. He went into the building while I watched and I sat in the car, knowing I was being a coward and worse, stewing in the disgusting juices of my own bad behavior.
I spent the two sessions after that the very same way, feeling more and more like a cowardly asshole. I had convinced myself that Mack wasn’t all that into me, but why should that matter? I could still face her as my son’s physical therapist, couldn’t I? Or was I afraid that she would look uninterested in me, that I’d see it plain as day on her face whenever I went in with Landon? I hated the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to just get through the interactions; I couldn’t even bring myself to send a text message or call her to try and do what I could to keep the relationship going. It was getting closer and closer to Christmas by the day—and closer to the deadline that Landon had set in his bet with me of finding someone to be his new mom.
Every time I sat in the car, waiting for Landon to finish up his sessions, I thought about the dates I’d been on with Mack. At the time, I’d thought that they had gone so well—each time we’d gone out together I’d felt more and more like I was getting to know her better, and that we were getting closer; right up until the most recent date we’d been on. I thought about our first date, and how Mack had seemed a little on edge, a little nervous. It had been so cute to see her blush, and I could picture it so easily in my mind.
And then at the second date, when we’d ended up in bed together; as much as I tried to fight the impulse to compare Mack with Joanne in any way, shape, or form, I thought that the sex with her might actually be better. I hated to think it—I hated to think o
f Joanne as being better than Mack because it didn’t seem fair to Mackenzie to think that, and I hated to think of Mack being better than Joanne, because it seemed to be cheating the memory of a woman I loved.
Landon brought back the reports that Mackenzie wrote out over the course of the few sessions I couldn’t bring myself to attend, and the sight of her handwriting alone was enough to make my stomach clench. Whether I wasn’t sure of her feelings or not, I was sure that my feelings were way too strong for her. Every little scribble of her notes about Landon’s progress and the next steps that I needed to take with my son was like a silent accusation that I wasn’t holding up my end—even with the little comments at the end that she hoped she would have an opportunity to talk to me again soon, or that Landon was cuter than ever.
I told myself over and over again that I needed to just bite the bullet and reschedule the date. If Mack really wasn’t interested in me, I should hear it from her lips, and not just assume it. If she was into me, then I needed to do the right thing—for both of us—and talk to her about what an insecure jerk I had been. But I couldn’t make myself do it, no matter how much of a coward I felt like for avoiding her. I was an idiot, I knew it—but I couldn’t make myself do the right thing and just confront the issue. I was too much out of practice when it came to relationships, too scared. I didn’t want to have to deal with my own feeling of disappointment, much less tell Landon that things just weren’t going to work with Mack. I thought—somehow—that if I just kept avoiding Mackenzie until the physical therapy sessions ended, it would just dissolve. I thought on the other hand that I would eventually work up the nerve, and everything would be all right again—but that moment didn’t seem to be coming.
There were only a few days left until Christmas, and when Landon came back from his session, climbing clumsily into the back seat of the car and asking me for help in getting the seat belt to work with his booster seat, he handed me a little piece of paper—the latest report on his progress. Landon is doing very well, making very steady gains in his recovery…I’d like to discuss his progress in more detail with you one-on-one, when you’re not so busy…I believe it may be almost time to move Landon down to three-per-week sessions, instead of five-per-week. The report was just as neutral as it had always been, and it still stung to read it.