by Julie Allan
The tech gave Lizzie some papers with instructions and told them they were free to go.
“Sawyer, your Uncle Scott is going to take you home. Aunt Dorothy has an appointment, and I need to be with her.” She hugged him to her.
Sawyer hugged her back. “It’s going to be okay, Mama; I heard Uncle Scott telling Grandma Pat that.”
Lizzie looked into Sawyer’s eyes and brushed his hair back from his forehead. “You are one smart boy. Yes, you are absolutely right, everything is going to be okay.” She gave him her bravest smile and sent him on his way.
Once he had departed, she sank into the chair in the waiting room and let herself cry.
Mama Wilson sat on one side of her and Amy on the other. She could sense their love and their strength. She drew from it, composing herself just in time to be led back to where Aunt Dorothy was being treated.
Aunt Dorothy looked so small and helpless with all the equipment that was attached to her. She gently stroked her hand and waited for the doctor to tell her what was happening and where they would go from here. The guilt of leaving her to walk on the beach nagged at her. I should have known something was wrong!
The doctor explained that Aunt Dorothy was sedated, and she had indeed suffered a stroke. He was admitting her to the ICU and the next twenty-four to thirty-six hours would be critical. He felt they had been able to begin treatment within the optimum window to minimize the side effects. Lizzie returned to the waiting area to fill in Amy and Mama Wilson.
She was surprised to see Ben was still with them. “Ben, I thought you left.”
Ben turned from where he was gazing out the window. “I wanted to find out how things were before I take Meemaw home.”
Lizzie explained that they were admitting Aunt Dorothy to the ICU, but the doctor had been cautiously optimistic. It was decided that Amy would stay with Lizzie and Ben would take Mama Wilson home. Then Ben would go to the house to see how the rest of the family was doing.
Lizzie hugged Mama Wilson and then her nephew. “Ben, is there anything I need to know . . . legally that is for Aunt Dorothy?”
Ben patted her arm reassuringly. “She had me put all her directives on file here, so just make sure you bring that to the attention of the admittance clerk you work with.”
Amy sat with Lizzie while they completed Aunt Dorothy’s admittance and then moved to the private waiting room adjoining the ICU. Lizzie was allowed to see her once they had her settled.
She was still sedated, so Lizzie whispered in her ear. “I love you. You are my heart; please stay with me for a little while longer.”
She thought she felt a faint squeeze from Aunt Dorothy’s hand, but she wasn’t so sure it was wishful thinking. After fifteen minutes the nurses gently shooed her out and strongly encouraged her to go home. They would call if there were any changes.
Amy convinced her the nurses were right, and they headed for the parking garage. They each had a car, so they agreed to meet at Lizzie’s house.
It was almost nine o’clock by the time Lizzie pulled into the driveway. It looked like every light was ablaze in the house, which meant the kids were still up on a school night. She took a deep breath and prepared herself for the onslaught of questions.
Amy had pulled in behind her and met her at the door. They found Scott on the couch, Dot and Sawyer on either side in their pajamas, looking at a photo album.
“Mama!” Dot jumped up and threw her arms around Lizzie. She squeezed her so hard, Lizzie could barely breathe.
Lizzie’s heart melted. Poor Dot! I haven’t even spoken to her since she found Aunt Dorothy! “My sweet Dot! I heard how brave you were!” She hugged her back fiercely.
“How is Aunt Dorothy?” Sawyer asked.
“She is getting better every minute! She needs to stay in the hospital for a bit. I will find out more tomorrow.” Lizzie smiled at him over the top of Dot’s head.
She looked at Scott, “I see we are ready for bed; any chance homework has been done?”
“Yes, ma’am. Although I can’t take credit for that. Faith handled homework before she went home.”
“We had pizza for dinner; Jeremy got it.” Sawyer offered.
“That is awesome, bud. Now you and Dot both need to head up to bed; I’ll be up in a minute to tuck you in.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Both Sawyer and Dot hugged their Uncle Scott and Aunt Amy before they scrambled up the stairs.
Lizzie turned to Scott. “How did things go with Bennett?”
Scott patted for her to sit. “It’s a good thing he only has one more day of the chemo; he barely had the strength to get up the stairs and into bed. I could only get him to drink a milkshake. Ben went and picked up at the diner.”
Lizzie laid her hand on Scott’s. “Thank you, thanks to both of you. I don’t think I could have handled this day without you.”
“Are you kidding? You handled today better than I think I could have!” Amy hugged her. “Love is not just what families say it’s what they do.”
After seeing Scott and Amy out, and turning off the excess lights, Lizzie checked on Bennett. Their bedroom was the one room in the house in nearly complete darkness. She stood by the bed as her eyes adjusted. Bennett or someone had placed a bucket next to the bed. It had been a rough evening. Lizzie could see light beads of perspiration on Bennett’s brow. His breathing was steady, and he did not stir when she placed the back of her hand against his cheek.
She quietly closed the door behind her and moved on to Dot’s room. Dot was already under the covers but had left the light on. Maddie and Monroe were at the foot of the bed and thumped their tails as she entered.
Lizzie sat on the edge next to Dot. “Is there anything you want to ask me about today?”
Dot yawned. “Do you really think Aunt Dorothy is going to be fine or did you just say that so that Sawyer and I wouldn’t worry?”
Lizzie sighed. “The truth is, I really don’t know. The doctor was what he called cautiously optimistic, so I think we should be too. Aunt Dorothy is in her nineties so we can’t expect her to stay with us forever.”
Dot reached her arms up to Lizzie and Lizzie embraced her, stroking her hair. “Dot, I think you are old enough that I can tell you things like this, but I want to keep Sawyer a bit more protected. If he asks you about things, can I count on you to tell him to come to me?”
“Yes, Mama. Do you really think Daddy is going to get better?” Dot laid back down on her pillows.
“I think we are almost through the worst of it. I think we are safe to be cautiously optimistic.” She tucked the blanket more securely around Dot. “Now, I better get on to your brother. Goodnight, sweet girl.”
“Good night, Mama.” When Lizzie reached the door, Dot reached up and turned out her light.
All the lights were on in Sawyer’s room, but he had lost the battle to stay awake waiting for her. Lizzie was not surprised; it was almost two hours past his eight-thirty bedtime. She carefully adjusted him until he was under the covers. She turned on the nightlight and turned off the other lights, taking care to leave the door ajar and turn the nightlight on in the bathroom across the hall. Lizzie did not want him to wake up and be scared.
Back downstairs she opened and closed the fridge. She should eat, but she was so tired. In the pantry, she found one of the quick mac and cheese cups she loathed but kept on hand for Sawyer to fix for himself. It was more satisfying than she expected, or maybe she was so tired, cardboard would taste like freshly baked bread.
Lizzie went into Aunt Dorothy’s room. Her presence was everywhere in this house, but Lizzie sensed her most strongly here. The tea cup from this afternoon still sat on the bedside table. Lizzie climbed on the bed and buried her head into the pillows. She could smell Aunt Dorothy, that faint aroma of fresh roses mingled with vanilla. What if she doesn’t come home? How will I be able to handle things without her? She could almost hear Aunt Dorothy saying to her: Let your heart guide you. Your heart will give you all you need. Lizzie closed
her eyes, and before she knew it, she had fallen asleep still in the clothes she had walked the beach in.
Chapter 16
Loneliness is not a state that requires you to be alone, or at least that was the conclusion Lizzie had come to. Thank goodness the chemo was over. It had taken more of a toll than either of them had expected. Bennett had given up working and spent a good part of each day sleeping or binge watching old television shows. His pulling away and slipping inward had been so gradual. One day he was her partner, and now he was a shadow looking from the outside at his life, barely going through the motions. She longed for his comfort and strength to ease her mind over Aunt Dorothy. He only managed to fake normal in the few hours each day he was around the children. He was often asleep by the time she had taken care of Dot and Sawyer’s bedtime routine, which she had taken over from him early on in his treatment. She would then spend a few hours trying to care for the house and do some work for The Biscuit Box. At least she knew Bennett’s businesses were in good hands.
Daily, Lizzie was visiting Aunt Dorothy who was now out of ICU and on the physical rehab floor, in the hospital while Bennett did his radiation. It was twenty minutes at best, but the staff had Aunt Dorothy so busy, it was just as well. She had made remarkable progress for someone her age but would require a walker even after she could return home. Her speech was improving every day. Much like Bennett, Aunt Dorothy’s stamina was lacking, and a twenty-minute visit was about all she could tolerate. She too seemed to have folded inside herself. Perhaps that is what one did when their body was fighting to survive.
Lizzie didn’t fault either one of them. However, it left her alone to be the rock of the family. A role that was uncomfortable at first, but as time moved along she found herself surprised at how well she was coping.
Lizzie leaned against the railing of the fishing pier. She had taken to walking the dogs to the pier and back before Sawyer would be home from school. It was good to get out of the house, and gave her time each day to process her thoughts, then put them away so she could be in the moment with the kids. Dot and Sawyer had been remarkably cooperative since that horrible day. Lizzie still had residual guilt for not being there when her family needed her most. She had her phone practically glued to her hip since.
She watched as a pair of egrets moved through the marsh. Their legs looked so fragile, yet they were so steady and methodical in their movements. Monroe and Maddie lay at her feet, patient for the walk back. Lizzie hated to tear herself away, but Sawyer would be home soon.
Back at the house, she put the bread in the toaster oven when she saw the flash of the yellow school bus out of the dining room window.
Sawyer ran in, “Mama, is Daddy dying?”
Lizzie’s breath caught. She took a moment before turning from the counter to face him. “What would make you think something like that?”
Sawyer sat down at the table. “Joey said his uncle had cancer, and he died.”
Lizzie nodded. She retrieved the toast that had popped up and began to spread peanut butter on it. She put it before him with a glass of milk and sat down next to him. “Lots of people get cancer, and yes, some people do die from it. Your dad . . . Well, he is already getting better. Did you notice his hair is starting to grow back?”
Sawyer swallowed the last of his snack. “Yeah, but its old man hair.”
Lizzie raised her eyebrows. “What do you mean by old man hair?”
“It’s all gray.”
“Yes, I suppose it is.” Lizzie wondered how Bennett’s hair would grow back; she hoped it would still be wavy. “Sawyer, I can’t make you any promises, but I can tell you what I told Dot. Your daddy’s doctor thinks things are going really well. You’ll see, in a few weeks your daddy will be back to normal.” Even as Lizzie said it, she knew it sounded too optimistic, but Sawyer didn’t seem to notice.
“I sure hope so; I want him to go with my troop to the Barrier Island camp out.”
Lizzie cleared away the now empty plate and glass. “That is still two months away, so I don’t think you need to worry.” I can go with him if Bennett can’t. “You best go change for Karate, Faith will be here in a while to pick you up.”
The end of February was nearing and Dot’s birthday party at the spa was all arranged. Lizzie had booked a day for herself, Amy, and M.A. at the same spa a week ahead of time to try things out. The three sat wrapped in fluffy white robes sipping on mimosas.
“I hope Dot and her friends will be served different refreshments.” Amy took a sip and sat the fluted glass on the table.
Lizzie laughed, “Yes, they assured me the girls would only have access to flavored water.”
M.A. stretched her long legs out in front of her and yawned. “This is so indulgent on a Wednesday. But, well deserved for all of us.”
Amy nodded. “Absolutely, the last few months have been pretty rough. Our trip to Savannah is one of the few bright spots I can think of.”
M.A. raised her glass, “To friends and survivors.”
Lizzie and Amy clinked their glasses with hers. “To friends and survivors,” they repeated.
“So Lizzie time to spill. How are you surviving?” M.A. asked.
Lizzie set her glass down and laced her hands together in her lap. “Better than I thought. We have one more radiation treatment tomorrow and in a few weeks, we should know if it all worked. I just hope Bennett gets his stamina back soon. His fatigue has sucked the life right out of him.”
Amy frowned. “Yes, Jeremy told us, he has picked up the whole of the workload. He’s glad to do it, but he really misses his uncle. I keep praying every day. The idea of losing my little brother is so scary to me.”
Lizzie reached out and patted Amy’s hand. “I know how you feel. Truly, the doctor is confident so we should be too.”
M.A. smiled at Lizzie. “You know, friend, I am so darn proud of you! You have been so together and so calm lately. Not just with Bennett, but Aunt Dorothy as well.”
Lizzie blushed and looked down at her hands, then raised her head to look at M.A. “I think when Aunt Dorothy had her stroke, Sawyer broke his arm, and Bennett was so sick, all on the same day, something in me just realized I had two choices, fall apart, or be for them what they have always been for me.”
Amy leaned in and put her head on Lizzie’s shoulder. “I had no doubt you would rise to the occasion. I have known you for years and have watched you go through some pretty hard times, like losing Uncle George and leaving a marriage. You started all over and built a beautiful life with my brother.”
“It has been a beautiful life, and I’m fighting like hell to keep it.” Lizzie leaned her head to Amy’s. She loved that marrying Bennett had turned them from friends to sisters.
“I’ve gone by to see Aunt Dorothy when I’ve had shifts. She seems to be doing well. When will she get to come home?” M.A. got up to refill her glass.
“We think in another week. She will have a walker, and an aide will come in each morning to help her bathe and dress, plus one will come in the evening to get her ready for bed,” Lizzie answered.
“I’m so glad she will get to come home,” Amy said.
Three of the spa staff came to collect them, each one off to get a scrub, wrap, facial and then a massage. Lizzie eagerly followed hers. “See y’all after the bliss!”
The mud on Lizzie’s face was just drying to a soft crack stage when she felt her cell phone vibrate. She had explained to the tech that she had turned the ringer off, but had to be available in case anything happened. The tech had left her to relax and let the mask dry, so Lizzie answered.
“Ollo . . .” she managed to get out.
Bennett coughed on the other end, Lizzie? Do you have marbles in your mouth?”
“No, I got a msk nn ma fsss.” She tried to tell him, as the mask around her mouth began to crack.
“What?”
Lizzie stretched her cheeks getting the mask to crack and repeated. “I’ve got a mask on my face.”
“Oh
, sorry to interrupt girls’ day . . .” Bennett said.
“That’s okay, everything alright? Do you need me?” Lizzie sat up, ready to spring for her clothes.
“No darlin’, I just wanted to let you know Scott convinced me to go fishing with him for a few hours. I didn’t want you to worry.”
Lizzie brightened. “That sounds awesome! I’m so glad y’all are going to do that.” Finally, he was doing something besides moping around the house. Yea for Scott!
“Thanks, I’ll see you tonight.” Bennett hung up.
Lizzie laid back down and tried to smooth her cracks out, but it was no use. When the tech came back, she gave Lizzie a funny look but did not say a thing.
That night at the dinner table Bennett looked exhausted, but Lizzie could see the spark that had been missing from his eyes returning. She dished out the shrimp scampi over the angel hair pasta, and Dot took the plates to the table. Four plates. It still seemed odd not to have Aunt Dorothy at the table. Hopefully, by next week they would all be back under one roof. Lizzie sat and prompted Sawyer to say the blessing. His plea for Aunt Dorothy to get better tugged at her heartstrings.
At clean-up time Dot and Sawyer cleared the table, and Lizzie sorted the dishwasher items from the things she needed to do by hand. She stood at the sink and washed while Dot dried. Then after starting the dishwasher, she headed into the living room to listen to Sawyer read.
It was a pleasant surprise to see Sawyer snuggled up to Bennett on the couch, reading away. She checked on Dot’s homework, something she had reinstated after her stunt of not doing a big assignment for her social studies class. Fortunately, after explaining the current home circumstances, the teacher had granted Dot a second chance and Lizzie had made her work all weekend to get it done. “Looks like all is in order, you may watch some TV, or have time on your tablet.”