by J. S. Scott
I squirmed uncomfortably. “Circumstances that are out of my control. I’m sorry.”
“For fuck’s sake, just tell me what’s wrong, Harper. I’ll do anything in my power to fix it. But please don’t leave me again. Not this time.”
I stared into his dark, tempestuous eyes, indecision making me freeze.
Could I actually tell him?
I’d already been over this in my mind a thousand times, but there was nothing good that could come from telling him why I had to go, why I couldn’t continue our relationship.
“I have to go,” I said as I lowered my eyes so I couldn’t see his face.
He moved forward with lightning speed, tipping my chin up roughly so I was forced to look at him again. “Goddammit, this isn’t you, Harper. You don’t run, and you don’t hide. We’ve been straight with each other from the beginning. You know damn well that I don’t want to see this end between us. Not now. Not ever. What the hell else do you want me to say?”
My heart was pounding and my breath came in short spurts as I looked up at him, afraid my heart was in my eyes as I memorized his striking features and the fierce need in his eyes.
God, I hated myself so much for making him be the one to make himself vulnerable. It wasn’t fair, because I needed him just as much as he needed me. But I loved him too much to keep him attached to me.
I shook my head slowly. “Nothing. I don’t want you to say anything else.”
“Fine,” he said sharply. “Then I’ll just take this.”
His rapid motions had me down on the mat with him in moments, both of us kneeling and facing each other.
I wasn’t sure how he’d even done it, but he hadn’t hurt me at all.
Quickly snaking a hand behind my neck, he tugged me closer and lowered his head to kiss me.
Harper
I was lost the moment our mouths fused and Blake started to plunder my lips, delving into my mouth with his tongue, completely owning me body and soul as I moaned into his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck.
His skin was still moist and hot, and I stroked my hands across his back, savoring every moment of touching his bare skin.
He felt so warm and so alive. I whimpered quietly as he nipped my bottom lip, as though he was claiming me with every nibble to my skin and every lash of his tongue.
“Blake,” I said longingly, tipping my head so he could put his mouth on every exposed inch of bare skin he could find.
He stood up suddenly. “If you’re going to leave me, then by God I’ll give you something to remember,” he vowed as he kicked off his shoes and lowered the loose pants down to his ankles.
In moments, I was staring up at him, completely naked, my body shaking with need. Gut-wrenching desire swept over me and I grasped the hard cock that was right in front of my face. “We have unfinished business,” I reminded him.
“Harper. Don’t,” he rasped.
I licked over the sensitive head while I held him firmly with my right hand. He wasn’t shaking me off, so I knew he actually wanted me to continue.
His hands threaded through my hair, dislodging the clip and letting the locks cascade over my shoulders.
I went into a cadence that seemed to make him crazy as his hands tightened in my hair. He guided my movements as I tried to swallow him with every pump of his hips. I touched his balls with my free hand, teasing them before I reached back and caressed the tightest ass I could ever imagine.
He was groaning out my name, and that spurred me on. I swiped my free fingers through my own pussy and then stroked his ass again, this time using one of my damp fingers to push inside his puckered anus.
I didn’t get far before resistance started, and I curled my finger a little to stroke inside him.
“Goddammit, Harper, I’m going to come.” His voice was feral and unrecognizable.
He grasped my hair harder, and I kept moving my finger shallowly in and out of his ass while I tried to give him a blowjob he’d never forget.
His cock seemed to swell in my mouth, and he fisted my hair until it hurt. But finally, his seed flowed into my mouth, and I swallowed it, savoring the wild, erotic groans that exploded from him as he found an explosive release.
I licked his shaft clean and then smiled as he lowered himself to the mat and collapsed onto his back. “Christ! I think you killed me,” he uttered as he tried to catch his breath.
I sat on the mat, watching him as his breathing slowed.
A few minutes later, he moved quickly and pinned my body under his before I could even think about moving away. “Why in the hell did you do that?” he rasped. “Why?”
I looked up at him and answered, “I just wanted to make you feel good.”
“It did. But for the life of me, I don’t fucking understand you,” he rumbled before his mouth came crashing down on mine. “Women don’t give head like that to a guy she never wants to see again.”
What Blake didn’t understand was that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him again. I couldn’t.
He kissed me breathless, and my arms went around his damp shoulders, trying to give him everything in my heart and soul with that single embrace.
Rearing up, he pulled me into a sitting position and yanked the T-shirt over my head, and then stopped before he tossed it away. “This is my T-shirt,” he said incredulously. “The one I let you use twelve years ago.”
“I kept it,” I admitted.
No matter how many years had passed, for some reason I’d never been able to throw away that old T-shirt. Maybe because it was the only thing I had that belonged to him.
Blake tossed it off the mat, and then removed the rest of my loose clothing and threw it in the pile.
I gasped as he came back to me and lowered his body down until we met skin-to-skin.
“You can run, Harper, but know that I’m always going to find you,” he promised in a graveled tone, lifting my legs and wrapping them around his waist. “We were fucking meant to be like this.”
With one thrust, he smoothly glided into my sheath, stretching me with his girth until I was full of him, full of Blake.
“Yesssss!” I hissed erotically, my reaction completely carnal and primitive. “Fuck me. Please.”
I didn’t argue that we weren’t meant to be joined together. The sensation was so profound that there was no use denying the truth.
We were meant to be together.
We were once fated.
But reality was going to tear us apart.
“Feel me, Harper. Tell me this doesn’t feel right,” he growled.
“Fuck me,” I answered. “I know how right it feels.”
For now, he had won. I was lost to every single touch, beguiled by every thrust of his massive cock as he claimed me more thoroughly than I ever could have thought possible.
Our bodies rocked together frantically, both of us rising higher and higher, closer and closer to our ultimate pleasure.
Part of me wanted to slow down and enjoy the moment, but Blake was driving the punishing pace, grinding against my wet pussy with every brutal stroke.
My orgasm hit me hard and fast, leaving me helplessly shuddering to completion as I screamed his name, “Blake. Yes. Harder.”
“You’re so damn hot for me, baby,” he groaned. “Let yourself come.”
I did, and I clung to him as spasm after spasm gripped my body in a nearly painful climax. I didn’t close my eyes because I wanted to watch him. As he reared up and grasped my thighs and then threw his head back as he pounded into me a few more times, I noticed the agonized look on his face before it left my sight. His neck muscles strained as he leaned his head back and found his own powerful release.
He collapsed on top of me, and I welcomed his weight as he panted harshly above me.
“I’m not letting you go, Harper. I won’t.
I can’t.”
I pushed hard on his chest. “Not tonight, okay?” I pleaded. “Come with me. Shower and sleep with me.”
It was my last night, and all I really wanted was to be close to him. It didn’t matter that the memories would torture me later. I wanted to live for tonight because it was all I had.
He got up and held his hand out, and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet.
“We did it again. No fucking condom,” he mentioned coarsely.
“Don’t think about it right now,” I requested in a pleading voice and put my fingers over his lips. “If something happens, I’ll let you know.”
He nodded, and then picked me up and cradled my naked body in his arms as he stalked out of the gym and to his bedroom.
Very few words were spoken that night. Everything was said with our bodies, and I slept, completely exhausted, in his arms until the next morning.
Harper
“Please don’t tell me that you snuck out without telling Blake good-bye,” Dani said in a disappointed voice as she sprawled out on the couch of my temporary lodgings in Boston. She was looking at a magazine article, but I knew damn well she was listening to everything I was saying.
I flopped into a chair of the furnished condo with a bag of potato chips, shoveling them into my mouth without even thinking about what I was eating.
Dani had arrived yesterday, and seeing her face had been about the only thing that could make me happy right now. “I didn’t sneak out,” I objected, even though I so had snuck out. I wasn’t sure I could handle saying good-bye to Blake. I was also terrified that if I did, I’d break down and tell him everything. “I had an early morning flight, and I needed to return my rental. I needed to leave early and I didn’t want to wake him.”
Dani looked up from her magazine and tossed it aside, rolling her eyes as she looked at me. “You’re so full of shit. You wimped out. Why?”
For having been a captive in deplorable conditions, Dani looked good. Her face was still bruised and she was incredibly thin. But she was eating like a horse, and I was pretty certain she’d gain her weight back quickly. She’d gotten her hair cut into a very cute pixie, a style that made her eyes look enormous and gorgeous.
I’d had to get on her case several times about resting. She wanted to go out and explore Boston, which probably meant she wanted to find a good story, but she needed to rest for a while. Her broken ribs were still hurting her pretty badly, even though she rarely complained.
“Why?” Dani asked again when I didn’t answer.
“Okay. Yeah.” I stuffed more chips in my mouth before I answered. “I was afraid.”
“You’re in love with him, right?”
I nodded slowly as I continued to munch on my chips.
“Harper, I understand why you’re hesitant, but when I thought I was going to die, the unimportant things didn’t matter anymore. The only thing that I really cared about was the people I loved, and how much I wanted to get back to them. I had regrets, maybe because there were so many things that I didn’t try hard enough to resolve.” She stood and stretched, snatching the bag of chips from me before dropping back slowly onto the couch.
“Dani, you know why I can’t marry him,” I argued.
She chewed a mouthful of food before responding. “Honestly, Harper, no, I don’t. If you cut through all the bullshit and put the truth out there, he either loves you enough or he doesn’t. It’s pretty simple. It sounds like you never even gave him a chance. That’s so unfair, and you’re the fairest and kindest person I know.”
“If I did, I know he’d say it was okay, and we’d deal with it,” I said sadly. “But I don’t think it would be okay. He’d end up regretting his choice when the newness wears off.”
“Oh, for God’s sake, you don’t know that. When in the hell did you become such a pessimist? That’s my job.”
I was usually upbeat and positive, but I didn’t feel that way right now. I felt brokenhearted, depressed, and so lonely that my soul was crying out for Blake. “Since I fell in love with a man who deserves the world,” I answered solemnly.
“He deserves you. It sounds like you are his world.” Dani retorted. “Happiness is never guaranteed, Harper. Hell, how do you know he won’t die tomorrow? How do you know you won’t? Any of us could be gone from this Earth in an instant. I swore I’d never let myself be held back from anything I wanted ever again. I don’t want to have regrets,” she told me. “And I don’t want you to have any either.”
I already had regrets, and every one of them involved Blake Colter. “What if he ends up resenting me?” I asked her.
“What if he doesn’t? What if he never gets married because he couldn’t have the woman he wanted? You told me you’ve been the only woman he’s wanted for twelve years. The guy was basically in his prime, and he didn’t want to run around spreading his seed everywhere. What if he still feels that way?”
I frowned. “I guess I never considered the fact that Blake wouldn’t ever find a woman to love. He’d be most women’s dream guy.”
“He loves you,” Dani replied with a mouthful of chips. “If he hasn’t even dated another woman, why would he now?”
Now that I’d had a few days to think, I realized that I should have told Blake the whole truth and let the chips fall on the table, wherever they were meant to land. Now that I was away from the emotional torment of being close to him, I knew I was never going to get over Blake Colter. I loved him just that much.
He’d said he’d been waiting for me. Deep inside, I knew I’d been waiting, too. Time had passed and life had gone on, but there was always something missing, a gaping hole inside me that was empty without him. “Maybe I should have handled it differently,” I confessed.
“Like, maybe you should have told him why you’re really scared?”
I watched as Dani got up and went to the fridge to find more food. “I’ll make you something healthy,” I told her as I rushed to the kitchen.
“Really, sis?” she said jokingly. “After being a captive and nearly starved, the last thing I want is something healthy. How about pizza?”
“We’d have to order out,” I said absently.
“Works for me,” Dani agreed and snagged a soda from the fridge.
I called the pizza place that we’d seen down the street, and ordered half the menu. It looked like my depressive eating was going to keep going on for a while, and Dani did need to gain weight.
Dani snorted as I hung up the phone. “Not that I’m complaining, but do we really need that much food? I mean, you could have backed off on the desserts. I think we’ll be pretty full with several pizzas, hot wings, sandwiches, and whatever else you ordered.”
“You need to put on weight,” I told her defensively.
“I’ll gain it back soon enough. If I stay here for another week, I think I’ll gain it all back,” she teased.
I wanted to glare at her, but ended up smiling as I saw her mischievous grin. Dani had been upbeat and happy since she’d gotten to Boston. She’d shared some of the terror she’d experienced during the kidnapping, and she said they hadn’t sexually abused her. But some of the psychological torment they’d put her through had been pretty horrifying.
“Are you going back to your network?” I asked carefully. I didn’t want to encourage her. Personally, I wished she had a different career, a safer one.
“When I’m ready,” she answered. “The bosses won’t even hear about it until I’ve taken a very long vacation. They don’t want to be accused of dragging a hero back to work until she’s completely healed,” she relayed in a disgusted tone.
“Are you going to be okay with going back to the same position?”
She nodded. “I will. But I’ll never take anything for granted again.”
“You were always cautious,” I said, feeling like I wanted to support her.
> “I was. Unfortunately, Marcus the Prick says I’m reckless. He threatened to be around every time I have a new assignment. What is he planning on doing? Being my nanny?”
I laughed. “Marcus is anything but somebody’s nanny. He’s pretty cold.”
“Not always,” Dani remarked. “He has his good moments. Granted, there aren’t many of them between the times that he’s a jackass, but there is some kindness deep down.”
“I’m sure there is,” I agreed. “He rescued you, and he didn’t have to. Even Tate risked his own butt.”
“Tate’s a good man,” Dani said appreciatively. “Marcus is way too uptight. Is Blake anything like him?”
I shook my head. “They look identical, but their personalities are different. Blake isn’t afraid to be kind, and he likes people. Maybe that’s what makes him a good senator. He’s sweet, and he’s passionate about what he thinks is right and wrong. He has a scientific mind, and he’s brilliant. He’s also patient. He would make a wonderful father someday.”
Dani went back to flop on the couch, and I returned to my recliner as she mused, “If he’s patient, then he and Marcus are very different.”
“He also has a pretty good sense of humor. And a smile that could charm a woman out of her panties,” I admitted.
“But he only uses it on you,” Dani joked. “Harper, how long is it going to take you to go see the guy and throw yourself on his mercy for sneaking out on him?”
“I did not sneak,” I said in a haughty voice. “I just…left.”
“Harper,” Dani said in a chastising voice.
I looked at her disappointed expression and said, “I know you’re right. Now that I’ve had some space, I realize what I did wasn’t fair. I was scared that he’d reject me. I was afraid that I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I was afraid that my issues would eventually ruin our relationship, and make him unhappy.”
“You need to at least give him a chance. If you don’t, you’ll never know how he’ll feel. I saw him in passing when I was leaving Washington. I’m telling you, the poor guy looked haunted and miserable. He certainly wasn’t smiling.”