My Other Half

by S Michelle

  * * *

  “Oh, G. There is nothing you could do or say that could make me hate you,” I told him.

  * * *

  “God, I wish that were true, T. More than anything, I wish that were true.”

  My heart sunk at the desperation in his voice. I held my arms out again, and this time he fell into me. He fit in my arms like he was designed purely to be there. And I realised he was—he really was designed to be in my arms.

  I held him for a few minutes before he pulled back and wiped his face. “So, what were you watching? It was Calvin, right?” He chuckled, but it was obviously forced.

  I was so relieved he hadn’t put two and two together. I think the idea I had been watching him was just too unbelievable for his mind to grasp, so it ignored all the evidence. “Yep, Calvin. He really is hot, right? Although Sean. Seriously...”

  * * *

  I awkwardly got back into bed as Gabe went to the bathroom and shut the door. He was in there long enough to make it obvious he was avoiding me. When I felt the bed dip beside me, I was almost asleep. I didn’t really need him to sleep in here after that first night, but I was never going to say that. Now that he was here, I could drift off.

  * * *

  I woke in the morning, more rested than I had been all week. I had only stirred a few times during the night. Gabe’s arm was thrown over my chest, the way he used to when we were little. He had always sought me out in his sleep, and I had always slept better when I could feel him. I didn’t want to move and risk waking him. My bladder was starting to insist I make a move, but I ignored it as long as I could.

  Gabe shifted in his sleep, and he pushed against my hip. I froze. That was his… oh, shit. Morning wood. Perfectly natural. Just ignore it. He made a little moaning sound and pushed his cock against my hip again. Fuck, don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. “Please,” he murmured. Still asleep, his leg slid its way up across my hips, and he pushed against me once more.

  So help me God.

  I tried to concentrate on the ceiling. This was not the time. But my dick heard his moan and wanted to play. Fuck. I needed to piss, and if I didn’t get out of here right now, I was going to be a sprinkler across the fucking bathroom. I yawned loudly and rolled away from him at the same time.

  He woke with a start and jumped back “Sorry, shit, sorry.”

  “Huh? What?” I faked another yawn. Pretending I didn’t know what he was talking about was far easier. Whatever he was dreaming about, I couldn’t let him see he was affecting me. Not like that. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t let him know. I grabbed one crutch and made my way to the bathroom.

  * * *

  After lunch the following day, I decided to sit in the spa for a bit while Gabe was playing on his phone. I had been out there a while, and I knew he was finished because I saw him walk through the living area to the kitchen a couple of times. He obviously knew I was out here, but he hadn’t so much as glanced out the window. Eventually, I decided it was time to get out. Glancing over to the seat where I had left my brace, I realised I hadn’t brought a towel. I usually would run into the house, but I needed to sit for a few minutes to put that brace back on and would prefer not to get frostbite on my balls.

  “Gabe,” I called out to him. It took two more yells, progressively louder, before he heard me. When I asked him for a towel, he frowned and walked off without answering. Okay. A moment later, he returned with a large fluffy blue towel and his fleece-lined jacket. He gave them to me and walked off without another word as I stood.

  Getting in without help was far easier that getting out. It took some manoeuvring, but I managed to towel off and then wrap it around my waist before shrugging on Gabe’s jacket. It was soft and warm, and a long inhale told me he had worn it recently. My cock started to stir at the smell, but luckily the cold was enough to keep it under control while I fitted the brace, balancing on the edge of the freezing wooden bench. Once I had dressed in my last pair of clean track pants, I headed out to the lounge and sat watching Gabe fuss around the kitchen.

  * * *

  “Gabe?”

  * * *

  He didn’t respond. I sighed. I really didn’t want to go back to this. “Gabe, did I do something wrong?” I hated that my tone betrayed how much I needed to know.

  He looked over his shoulder at me. “No. You didn’t do anything wrong, but how hard is it to remember to take a fucking towel if you’re going out to the spa?” He sounded genuinely angry with me, and it stung. He had given up all his days boarding to look after me. This was his holiday too, and he was stuck here with me all fucking day, when he’d been reluctant to come in the first place because he knew I’d be here. He was right. I didn’t need to be a pain for him all the time.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. I curled my good leg underneath me and turned on Deadpool. I had watched it last weekend, but it was Gabe’s favourite. If he was stuck looking after me for the rest of the day, he might as well at least get to watch something fun.

  * * *

  Later that evening, Sam was whinging about his back, which still gave him some trouble occasionally. Gabe suggested he should take a day off the next day and soak in the spa and maybe go get a massage. I knew where Gabe was heading, so I figured I would help him out.

  “Yeah Sam, take the day before you hurt yourself. Gabe will head out with Dean.” Once that was all agreed on, I headed to bed and read my book. Gabe didn’t sleep with me that night, and I didn’t see him in the morning before they left.

  * * *

  On Friday night, Mum and Dad arrived around dinner time and brought Italian take away from Jindabyne for all of us. Despite the great food, bottles of wine, and Dean and Sam keeping the conversation light and full of embarrassing stories, I noticed Dad sneaking glances at Gabe and I. I desperately didn’t want him to ask, so I tried to include Gabe in the conversation. When that didn’t work, I started asking Mum about work and their new house, which lead to her talking non-stop for the next hour. Exactly what I needed.

  Mum fussed over me, cleaning up my plates and bringing me tea. She frowned at Gabe a couple of times. I didn’t want her to think he had done anything wrong. Mum asked how I was coping on crutches and what I had been given for pain.

  “Umm, I didn’t really need anything other than Panadol. It’s been fine as long as I don’t move it.” Looking down, inspecting the brace thoroughly, knowing that Gabe was listening now, “And the crutches are fine. A bit of a pain, but Gabe has been looking after me. You know, cooking for me, and cleaning and picking up after me, and doing my washing and, you know, bringing me stuff when I’m a moron and forget towels… Or stuff…” My voice trailed off towards the end. I cleared my throat. “He’s been amazing. But I’m, you know, I’m fine now so he doesn’t have to be stuck here next week. Like, with me.” I swallowed roughly.

  All I wanted was Gabe with me, but the person that made my life whole seemed to hate being in the same room as me, and I didn’t even know why.

  Dean obviously heard the end of that and jumped in to lighten the mood. “Oh yeah. Gabe would make a great nurse. Maybe for Halloween he can wear a slutty nurse uniform.” My mother told him to behave, and my dad clipped him over the back of his head, and everyone laughed as the discussion moved on to other things.

  After Dad and Gabe cleaned up the dinner dishes, we moved to the lounge and Sam and Dean got everyone drinks. I didn’t feel like drinking so stuck to Coke. Dean handed Dad his scotch and Mum her gin & tonic, bowing dramatically.

  “You know the boys are named after the drink, right?” Dad asked Sam and Dean. I groaned, more than sick of the story, but Gabe chuckled.

  When Sam and Dean shook their heads, Dad continued, “G and T has always been her drink and when she got pregnant she bitched for nine months about not being able to have it, so…” he paused to wave a hand towards Gabe and I.

  Sam laughed. Dean nodded with a look of concentration on his face. “Just be grateful she had
n’t discovered Cocksucking Cowboy shots yet.”

  Gabe and Dad made a choking sound, I sprayed Coke painfully out my nose and Mum burst out laughing.

  Once the laughter had subsided, Dad was trying to convince Mum to head up to Guthega in the morning for a few runs, but Mum said she would only agree if they could stick to blue trails. Mum and Dad were skiers rather than snowboarders, but were both more than capable of keeping up with us. After much discussion, I suggested that Gabe go with Dad on some black runs, and Dean and Sam could go with Mum on the blue.

  Dean offered to stay with me, but I declined, saying I was more than happy by myself, and they were smothering me. I reminded them I was an adult and to give me some room. They all reluctantly agreed. To be honest, having the place to myself in the morning was really nice.

  5

  Mid-morning, I got a text from Scott and Guy asking if I was around this week. Scott and Guy work the snow season at Perisher and then head to Canada and work their season at Whistler. They have been together for several years, but I haven’t seen them or spoken to them since they split from their third, Zander, during their Whistler season. Scott and Guy used to often play with a third, but Zander had been with them for the last two years, and the three of them had seemed really settled. I’m not really sure what had happened, but according to the grapevine, Zander split up with them towards the end of the Whistler season and hadn’t followed them to Perisher. I replied I was free but couldn’t ride or even walk on one leg. We agreed they would pick me up on the way home from shopping, and we would head to The Man from Snowy River Pub for lunch.

  * * *

  As usual the bar was crowded, but we snagged a table with only two chairs. Guy sat on Scott’s lap for our first couple of rounds, but eventually another chair opened up just before our food was ready. I had messaged Dad asking them to pick me up on their way home so that Scott and Guy could drink. The scotch and Coke was doing wonders for my knee, and Scott had lifted my leg up to lay across his lap while I sat and drank.

  I wasn’t sure if mentioning Zander was okay, but a few drinks after lunch, Guy put the next round on the table and said, “You can ask if you want, you know?”

  I really did want to know. I wasn’t drunk because I had alternated alcohol with water, but I had taken the edge off enough to lose my filter. “What happened?”

  Scott massaged my foot, which he had taken out of my boot, obviously not wanting to explain, but nodding to Guy to go ahead.

  Guy explained he and Scott had started looking at settling down here in Australia because that’s where family was, maybe buying a business. They thought everyone was on the same page, but when Guy told Zander he loved him, Zander freaked, saying he wasn’t ready to settle down, he wasn’t old like them, and he wasn’t giving up half his fuck buddies just because they were too old for the scene anymore.

  Scott’s hands stopped rubbing my foot, and he was staring at the ground. I placed my hand on top of his as a tear leaked out the side of his eye. He wiped at it furiously and scowled. “He had been fucking anyone he could find the whole time he was with us. Stupid fuck. You know what pisses me off? If he said he wanted an open relationship, we would have been okay with that. But he was fucking lying the whole time. He fucking put Guy at risk letting us fuck bare, while he was off fucking anything with a heartbeat.” He was furious, but behind that, he was hurt. He absolutely adored Guy, and I was more than a little jealous how protective he was.

  I leaned forward on my seat and held Scott’s face while I kissed his forehead softly. I told them how sorry I was, and we discussed getting tested and how relieved they were when the tests all came back okay. We had started talking about business opportunities when I got a text from Gabe.

  * * *

  I’m heading back now. Dad told me to pick you up. If you’re not too busy. If u want a ride be outside in 5.

  * * *

  I replied with a thumbs up and said my goodbyes, promising to catch up later in the season. I only waited a minute or two for Gabe to pull up. He didn’t look happy. When I asked, he practically bit my head off, so I thought it wiser to not say anything.

  * * *

  I was making mugs of tea while Gabe got changed, but he didn’t come out when the tea was ready, so I went looking for him. He was slamming my wardrobe door and muttering to himself.

  I frowned, wondering how to approach this.

  “You didn’t enjoy your peace and quiet for long, did you?” he snapped. I hadn’t even had a chance to answer when he continued. “Where the fuck is my fleece jacket?”

  I winced at his tone. “Um, sorry, I should have given it back to you. It’s over here, sorry…” I hobbled towards the bed, grabbed the jacket from under the crumpled doona, and held it out to him. I bit my lip, not wanting to make this worse, but my eyes were beginning to burn watching the anger on his face as he snatched it from me.

  “You enjoy lunch with your fuck buddies? Huh? I mean, I know they have a position vacant, and Scott obviously gives a good foot rub, so…” He shrugged and walked towards the door.

  I couldn’t take this anymore. I couldn’t. I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood, but it wasn’t enough. Tears ran down my face, my throat closed, and a pained sob broke free from me as I sank to the ground next to the bed. He faltered at the door but then kept walking.

  “What did I do?” I tried to yell, but it came out broken. “I fucking hate you, G… I fucking hate you.” I sobbed and closed my eyes.

  I thought he had gone until I heard his voice beside me. “You should hate me, T. I’m disgusting and dirty, and I hate me too. You didn’t do anything wrong. Scott and Guy are great, and they need a third. I just can’t stand you giving them what’s mine. But that’s on me.” His voice was cold but clear.

  I sat up and wiped at my face furiously. “G, please don’t go, please,” I begged.

  I tried to get up, but stumbled and fell to my good knee. I was still crying, but I couldn’t let him go again. It felt final this time.

  He reached for me when I looked up at him, no matter how much it hurt him to do so, and placed me on the edge of the bed. I refused to let go of his shirt sleeve. He looked at my hand, as if considering whether to pull free, but instead he straightened and squared his shoulders. “I love you, T. I’m in love with you.”

  “I love you too, G, so much.”

  He shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. If Mum and Dad ever knew, friends—if anyone ever knew, it would be over. My life would be over.”

  I didn’t understand. He couldn’t mean… could he? I was sure I was only hearing what I wanted. I tried to think back over the time he seemed to be so angry with me, when I couldn’t work out what I had done wrong. But what if he had never been angry at me?

  Oh God. Thinking back over each look of anger, each explosion of temper, I could see the pain I hadn’t understood before.

  When I waited for more, he took a long breath. “I want you to fill me. I want you to tie me down and use me. I want you to fuck my face until I can’t breathe and then toss me onto the floor and fill me with your cum. Do you get it now? Do you get that I am fucking broken, and I know you will hate me? I tried to still be your brother, but I fucking can’t!”

  He was yelling, and I was still crying. I needed to talk, but my throat wouldn’t let me, so I threw my arms around him and held on as tight as I could. Even when he tried to push me away, I held on tighter. He swore at me. He swore at himself. The things he called himself nearly fucking broke me, but I kept my grip. I needed to hold him together.

  When he eventually stopped fighting and sagged against me, I wiped my face on his shoulder. Then I pulled back enough to look him in the eyes, only for a moment, before my lips met his.

  He jerked his head away, but I followed him, crushing my lips against his. Despite the jolts of pain through my knee, I rolled us until he was under me and I used all my weight to hold him still. I took his lips, sucking and nipping and biting. I licked into his mout
h and didn’t give him an inch to try to pull away.

  At some point we would have to talk, but right now I knew—I knew—he wasn’t capable of listening. But I needed him to understand: I was terrified of what I felt, but the only thing stronger was the thought of him walking away for good. He was scared, but I wanted to hold him and protect him from the world. I needed him to know that no matter how scared he was, he was not alone. He would never ever be alone again.

  I pulled my head back to gulp in air.

  “No, Tom, you don’t need to do this,” he sobbed.

  I latched on to his exposed neck and pulled his left hand, already restrained by my right, down, pushing it roughly against my growing hard-on.

  “Like fuck I don’t,” I growled. “You are mine, and I will never let you walk away from me again.”

  I let go of his wrist and used my right hand to grab his hair, yanking his face back to mine and claiming his lips again.

  Eventually, right when I started to worry I had been too rough, he responded. I realised he was grabbing at me rather than pushing away, his hips grinding up into mine. I adjusted my position slightly so his dick pushed against my own. Even through the layers of underwear and denim, I could feel his length. He was as hard as me now, and it would start to get painful soon.

  I pulled my face back just enough to whisper, “Do you trust me?”

  I felt him nod. “Completely.”

  I worked one hand between us and undid our pants, fumbling a little with his. I pushed our underwear roughly out of the way and reached my hand up to his mouth as I ground against him.