Many who endure the pain of unanswered prayers aren’t as lucky as Amy. They feel alone and ignored. They don’t have the self-confidence to believe in the realization of their life’s goals. They have no hope.
Some may say and have said that that’s a good thing. Take Sophocles, a Greek playwright, for example. He believed that human suffering was prolonged by hope. And the philosopher Plato thought that hope was a “foolish counselor.” Well, I’m not an ancient Grecian, a legendary playwright, or a brilliant philosopher, but my simple thought is that without hope, we are hopeless. I’m happy to be the kind of person to encourage hope in my friends and vice versa. With the help of that encouragement, I’m able to live a life of optimistic possibility, rather than bleak impossibility. I’d say that’s a much better scenario, wouldn’t you?
Science thinks so. In studies conducted by the late C. R. Snyder, an author and professor of clinical psychology, it was found that hope is directly associated with increased coping skills, improved performance in academics and sports, and higher levels of self-esteem, satisfaction, optimism, meaning in life, and happiness (even taking into account genetic predispositions for success in these areas).
So, in my logical mind, friends encourage hope, hope fosters happiness, and happiness inspires gratitude (at least it did with my friend Amy). Just one more reason to never give up hope and to always cherish your friends.
LOST . . . AND FOUND
On December 24, 2012, I sat in the huge new barn at 4 Eagle Ranch in Wolcott, Colorado, intently listening to the Cowboy Christmas sermon by our friend Pastor Tommy Schneider. Pastor Tommy has such a way with words that he could probably tell me about how paint dries and I would be fascinated, but I think most of the hundreds who joined me that day will agree that the story of Reject, the buffalo, stood out as particularly captivating.
I hope you like it too. . . .
On an especially stormy, lightning-filled night on a private Colorado ranch back in 1991, a baby buffalo was born. Whether it was the traumatic weather or the mother passed out and woke up to an unrecognizable calf, we’ll never know. For whatever reason, he was abandoned—first by his own mother, and second by her herd, which followed her lead. Had it not been for the knowledgeable ranch hands who expertly intervened that night, the young buffalo wouldn’t have needed a name, as he very easily could’ve died that day . . . either due to the lack of maternal protection from outside predators, or the natural tendency of a herd to kill an animal they think of as an outsider. Instead, the people at the ranch kept him safe from harm and from that day forward, he was known as Reject.
Until he was about six months old, they bottle-fed him, but then he simply became too large for them to handle, so the nearby 4 Eagle Ranch accepted him as part of their clan.
Right around the time Reject turned a year old, he was put in the same pen as another animal his age—Snowflake, the horse. With an injured leg, Snowflake could never be the trail horse they had planned for her to be. Instead of selling her, though, they decided to test the waters by putting the two lonesome animals together, and it was magic. As DeWayne Davis, the ranch’s general manager, explained to me, it is really unusual for a buffalo and a horse to bond, but that’s exactly what happened. “They are pretty much inseparable.”
And that’s the case with just about any animal that happens to be sharing space with Reject, be it a goat, a burro, or an alpaca. He has found friends at 4 Eagle Ranch, and in return they have found a protector. As is usually the case in that neck of the woods, coyotes are a big problem, preying on most of the animals that call the ranch their home, but with Reject keeping watch over his friends, the coyotes don’t show their furry faces.
As Pastor Tommy said at Cowboy Christmas, Reject had a purpose and a reason for suffering. He found his way to 4 Eagle and Snowflake and a happy life playing guardian to his diverse group of buddies. As Anaïs Nin, an American author, said, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Yes, Reject is a buffalo, but we can all learn from his path to unlikely friendships.
FURRY FRIENDS
What is the definition of “friend”? The Merriam-Webster online dictionary says: “one attached to another by affection or esteem.” In our household, we would expand it to say: one attached to another by affection or esteem regardless of species. If they walk on all fours, like to play fetch, have a tail, or are covered with fur, our pets earn the title of friend quite easily.
Since I’ve been with Ryan, we’ve always had a fur baby in our home. Whether cozied up for a nighttime snuggle, greeting you at the door with a wagging tail, or playfully nudging a chew toy your way so you will start a game of tug-of-war, our dogs are always there for us. That is, until they aren’t.
The blogs below were written for Buzz.Snow.com in November 2011—the month our thirteen-year-old Siberian husky, Natasha (aka Tosh), took her last breath. The first is by the talented writer I call my husband, and the second was written by me. Different in content, they both depict the genuine appreciation we felt for the time Tosh gave us here on earth and how she will always be with us, as a true friend should.
Lessons from a Snow Dog
by Ryan Sutter
Thirteen years ago, I met my dog, Natasha. Thirteen days ago, I said goodbye to her for the last time.
I had no intention of getting a dog when I first met her. I simply saw her for sale on the side of the road and, without thought or hesitation, added her to my life. In turn, what she added to my life would prove to be the guiding principles from which my current philosophies and attitude were crafted.
Dogs are special creatures. Their presence in life is the root of both profound happiness and sadness. Living almost exclusively for the moment, a dog’s love is undiluted by the past or future. Natasha saw me through the most turbulent and tumultuous times of my life. Never has there been a period of more profound change than the time we shared together. Yet through it all, she remained loyal with a patience and calm that would seem condescending were they not rooted entirely in love. Her adventurous spirit fostered my relationship with the mountains and secured them as the place I now and forever will call home.
Natasha was a source of security and comfort. When we hiked, she would look back to make sure I was still coming and OK. Her ability to ensure safety without an overbearing concern for the possibility of danger has been incorporated into my parenting techniques. Her ability to summon energy and enthusiasm despite her age and pain is the source of inspiration that solicits my many varied escapades. The comfort and solace I seek and feel in nature echoes her wild spirit and channels the love of the outdoor lifestyle we both shared. Natasha’s simple notions reflected her pure understanding of life and provided a constant source of stability to my often wobbly existence. Her obvious love of the Vail Valley cemented my residential fate. I am here because of her.
Dogs speak in a language of action not words. They cannot lie. Their eyes are truly the windows to their soul. I will never forget the life reflected in Natasha’s eyes. Nor will I ever forget the day that life left. A dog comes into your life, makes it better and then leaves. Though I miss her profoundly, I am forever grateful for the happiness she brought. My life is better for her having been in it.
Trista Sutter Says Good-bye to Her Best Friend’s Best Friend
by Trista Sutter
As a gift for my husband, I once had our Siberian husky, Natasha’s, image put into a photo frame inscribed “The Love of My Life.” After all, Natasha had been there for Ryan during his most tumultuous times. She had an unbreakable and beautiful bond with him that I could only hope to share, but when I first met her, I didn’t know if she would ever let me. Granted, their four-year love affair with the Vail Valley had been rudely interrupted when Ryan suddenly (at least in Natasha’s mind) disappeared for a few weeks, and then again when he showed up with a strange, allergy-ridden girl who couldn’t touch
her without getting instantaneous hives. Add to that the bright lights and a treat-less camera crew.
As someone who considers herself loyal and protective of the people I love, I could understand the reluctance and warnings I saw in her piercing blue eyes. She happily welcomed any love I gave her, but I knew there was a line she was wary of any woman crossing . . . any woman who could potentially break her best friend’s heart again.
Nine years to the day later, we found out that our “pretty girl” would be given her angel wings. Trying to make her final hours on Earth as happy as possible, Ryan took her for one last hike in the gorgeous mountains that she had called home—her favorite thing to do with her favorite person. Upon their return, I headed outside to welcome them home.
I wrapped my arms around Ryan, then kneeled down to Tosh’s level to pet the especially soft spot between her eyes, just as I had done thousands of times before. As I looked into those crystal-blue soul windows, I assumed I would see the same confusion and fear we had so abruptly started to notice in that last week, but instead she gazed back at me and licked my nose—twice. She had kissed me many times before, but this was different. For that brief moment, she wasn’t frightened or in pain. She knew exactly where she was, whom she was with, and what she needed to do to help her adopted mommy through one of the hardest days of her life. In that wet kiss (which oddly enough never gave me hives), I felt her unconditional love and acceptance—the acceptance I had worried I would never earn. It was a surprise gift I will cherish forever. She was telling me that it was okay. She knew that her best friend was in loving and protective hands and she was ready to go. She had had a wonderful life and she was thankful I had been part of it. I just hope she knew that the feeling was mutual.
HERE’S TO YOUR HEALTH
I don’t know about you, but my friends (including those of the furry variety) fulfill more than just the role of sidekick in my life. Recently I learned that friends actually fulfill another very important role: they make us healthier. The Mayo Clinic says that having friends can increase our sense of belonging and purpose, which in turn makes us happier and decreases our stress levels. Friends help us through difficult life changes, and encourage us to drop unhealthy habits like skipping the gym and wallowing in a bottle of wine. Sure, most of us know this instinctively, but now the research proves it: friends are the stuff of a long and happy life. And it’s not only the Mayo Clinic offering official medical support for keeping buddies around. Check out these findings and then go call a friend (or give him or her a pet on the belly)!
•In 2006, the American Society of Clinical Oncology published research from a study of nearly 3,000 nurses who had breast cancer. What they learned was that those without close friends were four times more likely to die of the disease than those with close friends, no matter how near or far their friends lived. And maybe even more interesting to note, compared to friends, having a spouse wasn’t connected to survival rates of those studied. Puts a little more meaning into “girl power,” right?
•In 1997, Sheldon Cohen, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University, did a study that ended up in the Journal of the American Medical Association. They reported that the incidence of colds in 276 people between the ages of eighteen and fifty-five was significantly reduced by the number and diversity of their social relationships. More friends in greater categories = fewer colds. I’m ready to make some new friends. Are you?
•In 2001, Dr. Redford B. Williams and other researchers at Duke University Medical Center reported that people with heart disease were six times more likely to die within six months if their social ties were in short supply. I hope to never suffer from heart disease, but I’m thinking a little proactive dedication to my friends can’t hurt.
•There are many reasons pet owners (including myself) embrace the chance to give a dog or cat or lizard or bird—or whatever may suit their style—a home, and if health benefits aren’t on their list, they should be, according to the multitude of studies that have recently flooded the scientific community. WebMD.com reviewed a gaggle of them, including some from the American Cancer Society, CDC, American Diabetes Association, and Psychology Today, reporting that animal companionship can increase serotonin production, thereby lessening stress, lower blood pressure, improve cardiac function, strengthen children’s immune systems, and improve the owner’s overall quality of life. I’ve always loved my furry friends, but now with this research, I love them even more!
A few years after we graduated college, five of my sorority sisters and I decided that because we were scattering around the country and didn’t want to miss out on one another’s daily lives, we would circulate a journal between us. We filled it with photos as well as our latest personal successes and challenges, and waited eagerly until it was our turn to get the scoop in the mail. “The Journal” (as we called it) ceased after we all started having babies, but I’ve made an executive decision to reinstate it. I miss my girls and want to keep our friendship chain going for a long time to come. If you feel the same about your long-lost besties, join us in revving up the postal system again. Find a light journal that’s easy to mail, figure out the chain of delivery, get to writing, and wait. The smiles and the revived connection will come, I promise.
Life is busy. We all get wrapped up in the daily grind, which makes it hard to maintain stable relationships with our friends, but it doesn’t have to be so difficult. Sometimes short and sweet and present is better than fabulous yet forced. From a kind-hearted comment posted to one of their pictures on Facebook to a brief phone call while you’re making dinner or a short trip to the nail salon for side-by-side polish changes, even the smallest gestures will let you both reap the friendship benefits.
When I first moved to Vail, I had a hard time meeting girlfriends. It took me a good five years, birthing my first child, and attending “Mommy and Me” classes with ladies who were as tired, inexperienced, in love, and ecstatic as I was. We bonded over the commonality of being freshly labeled a proud parent, and I realized I should’ve put more thought into introducing myself to like-minded people when I first became a resident of the Vail Valley. When I made the move, I took a dance class here and there, and hit the gym every so often, but I was in and out in a flash and usually wearing headphones while working out. In hindsight, I know I should’ve branched out and tried to make new friends, just as I asked my son to do years later. I should’ve joined organizations or taken part in hobbies that would introduce me to people I shared common interests and life paths with, more so than I actually did. If you find yourself in the same boat, don’t do as I did. Put yourself out there. Get involved in your community—in the things that bring a smile to your face. Give yourself the chance to meet a new pal, and when a friendship sticks, tell that person how grateful you are to have him or her in your life. If commonality is the attraction, gratitude is the glue.
Every year at Christmas, I send out about three hundred Christmas cards, and we get about that many in return. Wanting to showcase the happy faces of our friends and family every winter in our home, I decided about seven years back to start taping them to our pantry doorway. They now take up not only that, but the side of a cabinet as you come up our entry stairs. Around April or May, I start feeling like holiday cards may not be appropriate decor, but I usually push it back because I love seeing the smiles of the growing families of my very missed friends. Whether it’s a week or a month or half of the year, find a place to display those cherished faces and don’t apologize for wanting to have a visual reminder of your blessed friendships to anyone. I don’t.
Never enter a new experience thinking, “I didn’t come here to make friends.” Open your mind and your heart, and think about the true friendships of your life. Had you closed off your mind and isolated yourself from getting to know anyone new, would you still be able to call them your pals? As the actress Shirley MacLaine once said, “Fear makes strangers of people who would be friends.” Don’t let fear or stubbornness or a bad attitude keep possib
le friendships at bay. You deserve friendship. You deserve one of the greatest joys of life.
The Business of Being Happy
Do not be fooled.
Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
—ANONYMOUS
CHAPTER SEVEN
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AT WORK AND FELT SO ANGRY that you could swear your head grew horns, your eyes grew daggers, and your ears puffed out smoke? Maybe you felt so blindsided by a superior’s criticism that you felt like a smashed bug on the bottom of their shoe?
My husband certainly has—on the day he was hired by the Vail Fire Department. After working as a resident there for ten months, Ryan finally got the offer for a full-time position. He was thrilled, at least until the fire chief he would be working under decided to share his blatant honesty. “Just so you know,” Ryan remembers him saying, “you weren’t my choice. I don’t believe that guys with college degrees will last very long. I don’t think you’ll be successful here.” Talk about laying out the unwelcome mat.
Undeterred, Ryan stuck to his guns, and now, after ten years and a steady climb up the ladder, he eventually achieved his current rank of lieutenant. He sure proved his old boss wrong! But I know for a fact that Ryan didn’t work as hard as he did because of that negative incentive. It’s in his bones and his blood and his upbringing to be the best he can be. I can only imagine, though, how much more fulfilled he would’ve felt all these years if he’d had the chief’s support . . . or had at least been spared the knowledge of his utter disappointment.
At work, just as much as at home, everyone needs and wants to feel valued. Whether it’s taking out the trash, asking a client to hold while his or her call is connected, or ringing up a customer’s purchases, all jobs are important, and every employee should be recognized for his or her hard work and dedication. Otherwise, employers run the risk of losing their employees’ motivation, or never getting it in the first place.
Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart Page 11