by Natalie Ann
“I wasn’t the best of daughters,” she said. “I know that.”
“You were a typical teen.”
“I made a lot of mistakes. I’m paying for them now,” she said, crying harder.
He pulled her into his arms. “You can’t beat yourself up. All you can do is move forward. All you can do is try to not make the same mistakes again. That doesn’t mean you give up trying because you’re afraid of failure. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try at all.”
“I don’t know what is right any more now than I did years ago.”
“Sure you do,” Rick said. “Listen to your heart. Listen to your head. You’ll find your way if you only give yourself a chance.”
“By fighting for it,” she said, wiping the tears from her face.
“Yes. Fight for you. Don’t wait on someone to fight for you. If you wait for that, it might never come. If it’s not Brody you want, then don’t fight. But I’m telling you, the day will come where you’re going to have to stand tall and throw a few punches, kick some ass, and put people in their place. Might as well get some practice in while you can.”
It was everything Brody had been doing and she’d been blind to it. Now she had to see if she could fix it or not.
***
After tossing and turning all night long, replaying Rick’s conversation in her head, even Brody’s and sadly Pick’s, she decided that in order to take control of her life, she couldn’t leave it in someone else’s hands.
Time to at least practice like Rick said.
Once Sidney was up and fed, bathed, and changed for the day, Aimee looked at the clock and took a chance sending Brody a message. When he didn’t reply back right away, she figured he was too annoyed with her, that she’d have to start all over again—if he even gave her a chance. If he even wanted to at this point.
She’d been a total bitch to him. Well, maybe not completely, but fear was fear and fear of getting hurt turned her into someone she never used to be.
She’d had all the confidence in the world when she was younger. Being on her own so much, she learned her way around people and knew how to read them well.
Until Pick.
Until she was blindsided by someone paying attention to her. Someone a little older. Someone who seemed more street smart. Who talked a bigger game than her and led her to believe he’d make something of himself and he’d take her along with him. Give her a piece of that pie.
When Pick said he was leaving town so casually, saying, “Sorry, but I’ll see you around sometime. I’ve got a big shot I can’t turn down. It’s been fun though,” she’d been stunned. Full of disbelief. How could he just throw away what she’d thought they’d had?
As if that wasn’t bad enough, when she broke the news of her pregnancy, he was appalled, and when he told her to “take care of it” she’d been heartbroken. Over him…not so much at that point. Over her own stupidity…most definitely.
But it was time to not let what happened years ago stop her from having a chance at happiness. From finding a love she always wanted.
If she didn’t make a move, if she didn’t fight, then she’d never get it.
Push His Mood
“Hi,” Aimee said when Brody opened his door. He squatted down eye level with Sidney, squinted one eye at her, then poked her in the belly with his finger. She giggled and then moved closer and tried to poke him back.
“Ouch,” he said, smiling, earning himself another giggle. “Come here.” He opened his arms and she stepped into them, allowing him to pick her up.
As much as he missed Aimee, he found he was missing Sidney just as much. He felt like he was working twice as hard for one woman, but it was really two he wanted all along.
He never thought he’d get this close to a child. Not after having four siblings, all vying for attention, fighting and yelling, laughing and crying all the time. He thought he’d yearn for solitude and then found when it was granted to him it didn’t feel right.
When everyone left for college back then, and he remained, a part of him was missing, almost broken. The silence in the house was louder than the noise the five of them used to make.
He never saw himself having the patience for kids outside of interacting with them at the bar from time to time. Which was few and far between since the kids didn’t actually sit at the bar.
But here he was, feeling Sidney’s tiny hands around his neck, her head on his shoulder, and his heart went pitter-patter, then took off in a gallop.
There was Aimee eying him suspiciously. Cautiously. Trying to read him, but he wasn’t letting his cards show right now. He been laying his cards on the table for weeks and all he did was walk away with empty pockets.
Her text waking him this morning was more than he expected. And as much as he wanted to rush and text her back, he’d decided not to. He’d decided that she could cool her heels for the moment. She’d made him wait plenty, made him sweat over his insecurity, worry about his actions, be careful about his words. Now it was her turn.
“Are you sure we aren’t bothering you?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t have invited you over if you were.” He shut the door behind her and led her into the front hallway. “You didn’t have any problems finding my house, I see.”
“No. I just listened to the GPS on my phone. It’s easy enough.” She was looking up at the entryway and beyond, into the open layout of his house. “I like your house. It seems like a lot of space for one person.”
“It is. More than I need, especially because I’m not home often.”
“Then why did you buy it?”
Sidney was wiggling to get down, so he let her be then watched as she started to dash around the open space, looking over every nook and cranny she could.
“Come on, I’ll show you why.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the back of the house, Sidney following along. Then he stopped at the four large glass doors, hit a button, and watched as they slid into each other and folded open. It was a slow show for him. A tease that he’d seen a thousand times and it would never be enough.
“Water,” Sidney said, moving forward.
“The view is beautiful. Lake Norman, right?”
“Yeah. We came here often as a kid. Ran around like crazy. I always said if I had the chance I’d get my own place here. When I started looking, this house popped up. I knew it was too much, but I told myself if I didn’t buy it now, I’d regret it.”
“Do you have a boat?”
It was the most idle chitchat they’d ever had, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I do. And a jet ski. And no, I don’t get to use them often. I don’t even know why I bought them.”
“A nice toy to have. Is that why you told us to bring our suits?”
“I thought Sidney would enjoy spending the day on the boat.”
“She’s never been on one, so I have no clue.”
“I guess we’ll find out.”
***
Aimee couldn’t believe she was standing here right now. Not in this house. Not looking at this view. Not trying to figure out what Brody was thinking. Why he asked her to come over and not only bring their swimsuits but an overnight bag.
Especially since they weren’t really talking at all.
She had wanted to say no when he asked, but she didn’t. It was time to move beyond her first gut reaction to close the walls up around her and Sidney. She’d taken the step and reached out to him, apologizing actually. Saying that they needed to talk and that she would be more forthcoming.
And all he replied back with was a simple, “Good. Come to my house with a swimsuit and an overnight bag.”
All the doubts she always had were crashing through her brain.
They had nothing in common.
She was dirt poor and barely keeping her head above water in a rent-free garage apartment with a toddler.
He drove a car worth almost double her annual wages. And this house, she couldn’t even fathom thinking the cost of this.
<
br /> “So are you going to put your suits on, or stand here all day staring at the lake?” he asked.
So much for the talk she really wanted to have. She didn’t want to push his mood either, though. “We’ll go change. Can you show me to a bathroom?”
“My bad. How about I show you around the house first?”
“Sounds good.” Anything to occupy her thoughts right now. “Come on, Sidney,” she said, reaching her hand out, but Sidney just walked right by her and over to Brody, grabbing his hand. Yeah, it was time to knock the walls down.
“You’re seeing most of the house right here. It’s a pretty basic open concept.”
She looked around at the high ceilings, the massive kitchen, and breakfast area that led into the back living room they were standing in looking at the lake. They’d walked through a more formal living room already and she’d caught sight of a dining room tucked out of the way off the front door.
“How do you keep it all clean?”
He laughed. “You’re the first person who has ever asked me that. A house cleaner.”
She should have figured. Paying someone to clean her house, even one this size, was something she’d never consider. What a waste of money. But most people probably just assumed he paid someone.
“I’ve got a small office behind that door and a half bath right there by the kitchen. Easy access coming in from the lake for people.”
She nodded and followed him back to the front of the house and up the stairs. “Four bedrooms, three full baths up here. One is in the master. One hall bath and another jack and jill between two rooms.”
“This is nuts.”
“I know,” he said, sighing.
“You hate being alone so much, why put yourself in this much open space?”
“The house caught me at a weak moment.”
She thought that was odd. “How long have you lived here?”
“A few years.” He turned and kept walking down the hall, so she took it as a subject to not broach right now. “I thought Sidney could stay in here tonight. It’s next to the master.”
He opened the door, showing a double bed. The room was pretty plain and empty, but the size of the bed was making her nervous. She hesitated when answering, “I’m not sure how it will work out. You’ve seen what she sleeps in right now. This might scare her.”
He picked Sidney up. “Want to play on this bed?”
“Yes,” Sidney said. “Big.” She was walking around the top of it and then bouncing a little, her knees a bit wobbly.
Aimee grabbed her quick. “We don’t jump on beds. We don’t play on beds. They’re for sleeping.” She turned and gave Brody the stink eye, but he just grinned back at her.
“I’m not tired,” Sidney said, frowning now.
“Not now. Later, when it’s time for a nap. Do you want to try to take a nap here?”
Sidney looked around, then sat on the bed and asked, “Get down, please?”
“See,” Brody said, “She still asked before she tried to do it.”
“We’ll see how it goes.”
“Let’s go in the master and then you two can change in the bathroom there.”
His master suite was huge. Bigger than her entire apartment, she’d bet. “This is beautiful.”
“Thanks. Nice big king-sized bed over there, too.”
“I noticed. A bed is a bed. It gets the job done.”
“So says someone who doesn’t sleep in a king.”
She’d take his word for it. She’d have to take his word on a lot of things, because right now she felt like Alice in Wonderland.
Like a Family
“That was fun,” Aimee said when they sat at the island in Brody’s kitchen. “I thought Sidney would be scared, but she loved it.”
“I knew she’d love it. She loves the car and feeling the air blowing around with the top down. The boat is just like that. She’s like me, has a need for speed and adventure.”
Aimee stopped making a sandwich and looked at him. “What kind of adventure?”
He walked over and took her hand in his. “I can enjoy adventure and not hurt people in the process. I can like life in the fast lane and still be responsible.”
He’d reminded himself that enough in the last year. That a lapse in judgment didn’t mean he wasn’t the person he’d been his whole life. It didn’t mean he had to change everything about who he was and what he loved to do. Now he just needed everyone else to realize that, too.
She nodded and went right back to making Sidney’s sandwich.
“I’m hungry,” Sidney said.
“I’m going as fast as I can,” Aimee said, grinning at her.
“What can I do to help?” he asked, moving closer.
“Do you have any milk?”
“Sorry, no.”
“Not a problem. You can put some water in her cup, if you don’t mind.”
“Maybe after Sidney’s nap we can run to the store and get some things she would like.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Aimee said. “She’ll be fine with water. There’s no need to make a special trip to the store for a few hours.”
He was thinking he should have done all of that before Aimee showed up. He knew what Sidney liked to eat and drink by now. “You’re not spending the night?” he asked. Maybe he read the whole thing wrong when she brought two bags in.
“I haven’t decided completely. I want to see how Sidney does for her nap on the bed. It’s a lot for her to take in and we still need to talk.”
“Meaning you think you’ll want to leave after our talk?” He shouldn’t have been putting it off.
“Or you will want me to,” she said, placing the cut-up sandwich and banana in front of Sidney. Her daughter reached for a triangle of peanut butter and jelly and took a huge bite.
“I won’t want you to leave. I know that.” He might have been keeping stuff close to his chest today, but he wasn’t playing games either.
“Once Sidney is settled, we can see where things go.”
He bit his tongue, not knowing what she might say or what was going through her brain. Instead they would focus on Sidney and share a meal together. Almost like a family.
***
“So where do we start?” Brody asked her when they sat on the patio in the shade.
Surprisingly, Sidney was so worn out her eyes started to droop before she could eat the last piece of her banana. Aimee had brought her upstairs, changed her, put a pull up on her, then lay next to her on the bed until her daughter was out cold.
“I want to start with me. I want to tell you a little about my life growing up,” she said. “Maybe you can get a better understanding of what makes me tick.”
He laughed and reached his hand over, palm up, waiting for her to place hers in it. “I’m not sure I’m ever going to understand what makes you tick, but I would like to know more about you.”
“My mother was young when she had me. Just out of high school. Her parents weren’t much help to her, or if they were, she didn’t want it. Probably didn’t want the strings that came with it.”
“That can be hard,” he said. “Being young and on your own with a child.”
“It was. Like I said, she had roommates for as far back as I can remember.”
“She didn’t have help from your father?”
“I don’t know who my father is. Whenever I asked, she would say it was someone she met one night. I get the feeling it might have been a one-night stand or a party. I don’t even think she knew, which is sad, but beside the point. There was no father in my life at that time, so no child support either.”
“She worked in bars too, you said?”
“She did.”
“What was her name?”
“Sandra. She never went by Sandy,” Aimee said, shaking her head and wondering why that thought popped into her brain.
“Do you look like her?”
“A little. You could tell we were mother and daughter, but I take after my father
, whoever he is.”
“Does it bother you not knowing? Do you want to try to find him?”
“No to both. I haven’t known any different and I had Rick. And I don’t really care to find the man that fathered me.”
He nodded. “So what else about your life?”
“So my mother met Rick in a bar she worked in when I was around four.” She stopped and pulled her hand away. “After you left last night, I was crying on the couch. There was a knock on my door and I thought it was you coming back for me, but when I pulled it open it was Rick.”
He held her stare. “Did you want me to come back?”
“I did.”
“It’s the first time I’ve gotten that impression.”
“Which leads me to what Rick said. He told me what it was like for him trying to win my mother over. Trying to win over a single mother who had more on the line than just the two of them. That he had to fight and push and wiggle his way in any way he could. It got tiresome, but he refused to give up. Then he told me that looking back it wasn’t fair. That it shouldn’t have been that way. That it shouldn’t have been only him fighting for something.”
“He’s right. Men shouldn’t be the only ones that have to fight for what they want. There are times we need reassurance, too. Times we doubt everything and wonder why we’re putting so much effort in. Wonder if we’re wasting our time.”
Her eyes started to fill. “I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way. I’m sorry that I’ve given the impression that I’m good on my own. You see, the problem is, I’m not. I struggle. It’s hard. I hate being alone. I hate having almost no one to depend on. But the thing is, when you depend on someone and they let you down, it hurts even more.”
“I won’t let you down, Aimee.”
“You won’t do it on purpose, I know.”
“I can’t promise you forever right now. It’s too soon to do that, to say that. I want to be with you. I want to be with Sidney. I find myself missing the hell out of both of you when I go more than a day without being in your presence. Right now, I’m living on those emotions. I’m living on those feelings for you. You have to tell me if that is enough. You have to tell me if you need more. And if you do, you need to tell me what it is you need from me. I don’t want to guess.”