by Beth Shriver
He got up and followed Solomon to the house. Day was turning to night as the sun slowly disappeared, leaving them in darkness except for the lit candles in the front windows.
Gideon glanced to either side of the steps as he walked up. The usual garden of flowers hadn’t been planted, a chore he remem-bered Meredith and the girls looked forward to each spring. The spring planting would start soon, and Gideon would need to tend to his own family. Courting would begin come autumn, and it was then he hoped to gain Elsie’s attention. He had always planned to, and now with Jake’s departure from the community he felt the time was right to spend more time with her.
“What have you been up to that’s kept you so busy?” Solomon asked with a bit of desperation in his voice, obviously missing his presence.
Gideon forced himself to stay away. He was torn between giving Elsie time to sort out her feelings alone and offering his help. He found neither a good choice. “I thought Elsie needed more time.”
“She’s better when you’re here.” The pleading penetrated his words once again.
Gideon hoped that was true. He knew her spirit was drowning, but she seemed to improve with each visit. She was making an effort to stop the downward spiral, yet Solomon told Gideon he didn’t think Elsie could pull herself from the place she had fallen into. Gideon was sure she could.
Solomon grunted. “I feel as if I’ve lost two daughters, not just Katie.”
Gideon slowed when they reached the top of the stairs and stared at Solomon. “We won’t let that happen.”
Solomon nodded slowly then ambled across the porch. He wasn’t one to let his emotions show, especially of late. Both men were silent except for the sound of their boots hitting the wooden planks.
The smell of baking bread and beef wafted toward them as they entered the house and went through the entry room and then into the kitchen. Gideon’s mouth watered. It had been a long time since he’d last eaten. Knowing he would be seeing Elsie tied his stomach in a knot, a juvenile reaction he thought he’d overcome, until he let Elsie steal his heart.
Gideon watched Elsie work with her mother in the large kitchen. Elsie walked across the spotless, hardwood floor to the long table with a stack of plates in her hands. She lifted her eyes to Gideon and stopped abruptly, her expression unreadable. She was still too thin but improving, and the glow of her skin was returning. Yet her eyes told the story of her soul. The light brown color still appeared to darken more each time he saw her.
“Gideon, I didn’t know you were coming.” She glanced down at the plates and at the sixth place at the table, Katie’s chair. Then she looked at him again.
He smiled. The familiar feeling filled his chest, twisting the knot tighter in his gut. Her mouth twitched as if to hold back a hesitant smile. He was about to speak, but she spoke first. “I’ll get another place setting.”
“I hadn’t planned on dinner.” The awkwardness was too much to stand. As hungry as he was, he didn’t know if he could sit through a meal with her.
“It’s no bother.” She set the plates on the table and went back to the cabinet with swift steps, as if she was grateful to turn away.
Meredith continued to scoop mashed potatoes into a huge bowl then placed it on the table. “We’re all glad you’re here, Gideon. It’s been too long. Have you been helping the downtrodden?” She smiled with admiration, but Elsie gave her a disapproving stare before returning to the table with another plate. When she walked back into the kitchen, Solomon spoke with Gideon in a low voice.
“Have a seat.” Solomon settled into a chair at the head of the table and motioned for Gideon to sit next to him. “I don’t understand her behavior.” He shook his head and rubbed his hand over the many scratches on the once smooth table. “She should be making plans for her own life, jah? Finding a new beau.” He winked.
“Jah, unless there is something we don’t know.” Gideon took the gesture lightly. It was Elsie’s decision as to whom she chose. But he understood this daed’s frustration with his daughter’s slow process getting back into community activity . . . it was a life without her sister. A feeling tugged at him, telling him there was more to her pain than betrayal of the young man she was attached to and the loss of her sister’s companionship, although he couldn’t begin to guess what it could be. He wondered how much Solomon and Meredith knew about Elsie’s feelings for Jake. Courting was kept a secret and usually done in groups. “I wasn’t sure of the relationships they had for one another until this all happened.”
“I didn’t pay close enough attention, I suppose.” Solomon moved forward and spoke softly, his gray eyebrows drawing together. “What else could be bothering her?” Solomon’s patience was weary, and understandably so. Elsie had been reclusive over the last couple of months.
The patter of four little feet rumbled down the stairs. “Gideon!” Adam yelled and came running with Aaron right behind him.
Elsie walked from the kitchen and smiled as they ran toward him. She put one hand out to stop them. “Slow down; it’s time to eat.”
Gideon motioned for them to come to him. His youngest brother demanded the same attention as these two, and he was happy to oblige. He messed Adam’s hair and snapped Aaron’s suspenders. “Your daed will need help with spring planting since Will has his own to tend to.”
“Jah, I’m big enough now,” Adam said, and Aaron nodded with enthusiasm.
“You’re gut boys.” Gideon didn’t know how much they understood about all that happened involving their sisters. He knew the best way to help was to keep them busy. The whole family was still dealing with the situation, but Elsie’s demeanor seemed to keep them from coming out of the shame Katie’s leaving created.
“Jah, we’ll need two strong boys to do the work,” Solomon added, causing their faces to brighten.
They sat together at the thick, wooden table Solomon made from oak trees growing on his land. Adam sat shoulder to shoulder with Gideon. Aaron copied him on the other side. After Solomon prayed over the food silently, the tinkling of silverware grew in volume over the silence. It grated in Gideon’s head until he couldn’t stand it any longer.
“How are Will and his new bride, Ruby, getting along?” He had heard of the vandalism that went on at their place—a mailbox hit from the post and knocked a couple of feet away. Others had much worse destruction since the Amish came to claim the land. Gideon didn’t know if he should bring up the subject, knowing how independent Will was. He may not have told them. It was a blessing and a curse to have others confide in him; with the information came difficult decisions.
Solomon looked up from his food with fork in hand. “They are still settling into their new home. I’ll miss having him come planting. We’re still getting used to this Texas heat; planting comes too soon down here in Bee County.”
“You know I’m always able to help, Solomon.” Gideon almost felt guilty. As much as he meant what he said, his motivation was always Elsie first when it came to helping the Yoders.
“I miss Will.” Elsie’s voice was such a surprise Gideon couldn’t help but turn his head her way. She hadn’t taken her eyes away from her plate, but it was good to hear her speak her thoughts about something . . . anything.
“I’d like to see their new home. Maybe you could take me over sometime.” Gideon thought he might have jumped at the chance for an outing with her a little too eagerly, but if his interest showed, so be it.
Elsie glanced his way and nodded, then turned to her daed, who was smiling his agreement.
After dinner Solomon read his Bible to the children by the fire. Gideon sang a silly song that got the boys laughing. Then they all sang a traditional hymn. Aaron began to rub his eyes and yawned.
“It’s time for bed.” Meredith wrapped her arms around her sons’ shoulders and walked them up the stairs. Once they were in their room, they started calling for Gideon to tell them good night.
With the children asleep, Meredith and Elsie finished the cleanup of supper dishes while
he sat with Solomon by the fire. A round rug of many colors lay at their feet, one Meredith made with Katie and Elsie to teach them the craft. Pillows the girls made set on two side chairs. The yellow and green coloring of one stood out to Gideon. He remembered Elsie’s beaming face when she showed him her accomplishment.
Gideon studied Solomon as the older man slumped in his rocking chair. The lines around his eyes seemed more deeply etched, which made Gideon wonder if a parent ever got over a child’s desertion. He supposed God wanted them to trust Him and not on themselves for understanding. “You have a fine family, Solomon, and a gut life. You should count yourself a blessed man.”
“You go on and remind him of that, Gideon,” Meredith chimed in as she wiped off the table.
“It would do you gut to stay out of this man’s conversation,” Solomon teased. He rocked at a livelier rhythm and then turned to Gideon.
Meredith came over to Gideon and put her hand on his shoulder. “We’re glad you’re here.”
He grinned. “It’s always gut to spend time with all of you, but I should be going.”
Solomon and Meredith spoke at once, but it was Elsie’s voice Gideon heard. “You’re leaving?”
His eyes lifted to hers. For a brief moment he thought he saw a flicker of disappointment, which gave him hope. “Would you like to walk me out to the porch?” His heart thumped in his chest. Even a few moments alone with her could be enough if only she’d let him in.
Elsie stared at the floor and put her hands behind her back. “Nee, I don’t want to keep you.” She turned toward the kitchen, her eyes still downward.
Gideon didn’t know whether to let her go or offer again. He didn’t seem to be able to make a single right decision when it came to her. “I’m not in a hurry, Elsie. I can stay.” He sounded more like he was pleading than offering his time.
Elsie stopped as if she’d come to a dead-end and stared into the kitchen. He knew she felt the need to finish in the kitchen and thought of a solution. “I can help you with the dishes if you like.”
When she turned to him, her drawn face relaxed slightly. “Jah, that would be nice.”
“Do you mind?” Gideon asked Solomon.
“Of course not, son.” Solomon moved his hand forward as if to physically shove him into the other room.
Gideon stepped lively into the kitchen and closed the door halfway. He hoped with more privacy she would confide in him. “I’ll dry.” He picked up a towel and reached for one of the plates she’d rinsed.
“Danke.” She kept her eyes forward as she handed another plate to Gideon. It was all he could do not to talk, but he wanted her to feel some pressure to say what was on her mind. Small talk would only slow things down.
The repeated clatter of dishes and soft spray of water lulled him into the feeling he was only here for moral support, nothing more. “Elsie?”
She started as if in another world. Elsie glanced at him but avoided his eyes. “You need to go, I know. I’m sorry. I want to talk to you, but I can’t seem to get the words out.” She handed him silverware and wiped drops of water from her cheek.
“It might be gut for you to, Elsie. Maybe you can try. If it doesn’t feel right, stop, and we’ll wait for another time.” His words were just above a whisper, slow and methodical.
When he put a hand on Elsie’s shoulder, her resolve seemed to melt, and she stared straight at him. “How do I get past this, Gideon? What is this stronghold on me?”
Gideon put down the towel and turned to face her. He wanted her to hear his words clearly. “Take one step forward to show yourself you can do it.”
Her eyes began to water. “What step?”
He held her stare, no matter how hard it was to see pieces of her fall apart. “Forgive Katie.”
Her eyes widened, and she took a deep breath. “I’ve tried, but the anger and resentment come back.”
“Don’t give up. Think of the seventy times seven Christ asks of us.” He lifted his hand and wiped off the remaining water on her cheek. “It means infinity.”
She nodded her understanding, locking her eyes on his. For the first time Gideon felt she might care for him in the same way he cared for her.
Chapter Four
ELSIE WOKE FROM her dream, one that played over again in her mind, a wheat field in flames. To an Amish family a burning field was the same as burning money, especially if they were unable to do anything but watch their livelihood go up in smoke.
She sat up in bed and surveyed the dark sky. Closing her eyes, she pushed the vision away and thought of life in Virginia. Elsie enjoyed the memories of their home being built, the friends she’d grown up with, and Bishop Omar, whom she would have missed had he not come with their group here. He was the one person she wished she could confess everything to that was burdening her heart.
She understood why they needed to leave. With three sons to think of, her daed knew they needed to go some place where they could have the land they needed to continue living the Amish way. Some men avoided the move, finding jobs in nearby towns, but they missed working the land. Solomon wanted his boys to continue their farming traditions even if it meant leaving.
“Morning!” Her mamm sang as she came into her room and grinned when she saw Elsie fully dressed. Her mamm’s bright mood was catching. It was enough to make her smile.
“I was up early.” Elsie was working on a better outlook and determined she would succeed.
“What would I do without your help to prepare breakfast?” Mamm rarely ate a warm meal, always fetching something for one of the children, let alone have one made for her.
“Nee, no one cooks like you do.” Elsie thought it would be nice to make Mamm breakfast one morning. She stored it in her mind. Mamm appreciated actions more than words or gifts.
“Put your apron on and remember its meaning.” With that she stepped out of the room.
Putting on one’s apron meant you were ready to work—a quality instilled in her since she was a child. “I’ll be down quickly,” Elsie called out behind her.
Gideon had told Elsie he had something to show her and had asked if she could come by when morning chores were done. Elsie frequented Omar’s home more after Jake left, having more time once he was gone. She didn’t realize how much she saw him until suddenly he wasn’t there anymore. Elsie stayed awake all night after he told her his plans. He left before she got to his house the next morning. Then she came home to find Katie gone as well. Elsie rubbed her chest, still feeling the stabbing pain of her discovery. Her sister never told her she cared for Jake so deeply. But the ways of courting in their community were proper and subtle, especially in the Fisher and Yoder homes.
Once she cleaned the breakfast dishes, she waited for the boys and her daed to leave. “Mamm, can I meet with Gideon for a while later today?”
“Of course; he could have joined us for breakfast.” She scrubbed a cast iron pan with vigor until its surface was smooth and clean.
“I’m meeting him at Omar’s.” Elsie removed her kapp and repositioned it firmly on her head.
“I suppose you won’t need a chaperone there.” She smiled and placed the pan on the white counter. “You and Gideon seem to be getting along well.”
“He’s been a part of our family since we came here.” Elsie tried to make light of their relationship, not sure of how she felt.
“That’s been over a year now. That’s long enough to know how you feel about someone.” Mamm couldn’t hide her want for Elsie to marry a young man like Gideon. Elsie had seen Mamm watching and listening to them while she tended to her household duties.
“The person I felt for is with someone else.” Elsie stuck the pins through her kapp then looked at her mamm. Her lips parted slightly as she forced a smile.
“Well, he wasn’t the right one for you then.” She drew Elsie to her and gave her a tight hug. “Gideon is more handsome than any young man I’ve yet to see.”
Elsie scoffed at her mamm, not used to her saying such word
s. She shook her head. “I will be back to help with the noon meal. Danke, Mamm.” Elsie appreciated her mamm letting her spend time away from the farm. It made her feel responsible and more mature. She would pick some bluebonnets for Mamm on the way home and put them in a vase for her.
When she got to the main dirt road, she noticed a rider and horse heading her way. It was Rachel and her bay. “Where are you off to?” she asked as she brought Charles to a halt in front of Elsie.
“To Omar’s. Want to give me a ride?” Elsie reached up before Rachel could answer and pulled herself up on the horse’s back behind Rachel.
“We haven’t ridden together for ages.” Rachel clucked to get Charles into a slow stride.
“You’re too busy.”
“I can’t argue with that. But it will get better when my brother is married off.”
Elsie sucked in air. “How do you know?” Couples kept their marriage intentions private until they made an announcement to the church, but it wasn’t much of a surprise if they were courting.
“He’s has been asking me a lot of questions. With no mamm to ask, I suppose it all falls on me.” She kicked again for Charles to pick up his hooves. “Charles is lazy today. I hope you’re not in a hurry.”
“Nee, don’t worry.” Although she was anxious to see Gideon, she appreciated this time with her closest friend. “Do you mind knowing about their plans?”
“Nee, I just wish I had a mamm to talk to when my time comes.”
They were both quiet for a short while. Elsie wished she hadn’t asked the questions, so she switched to a more teasing tone. “And when will that be?”
“Much later than you,” she teased, and Elsie tugged at a long strand of her dark hair.
“Are you and Gideon spending more time together?” Rachel asked.
“Jah, I suppose it’s become common knowledge. He’s helped with . . . well, everything.”