by Beth Shriver
Gideon looked to the ground and bit the side of his cheek. Elsie watched as he slowly lifted his head and glanced back at the buggies. His shoulders stiffened.
They walked away from her to the area again and went over every detail. How could she get Gideon out of the state he was in when they had to relive it again, and it wouldn’t end even after today? Mamm was home with the boys and Daed was helping Will harvest corn. She would rather be either place than here, and she wanted Gideon out of here even more.
She searched for Gideon and followed him to the area where his buggy was. As she came closer, she looked at what he was staring at. Nothing had been tampered with. The first three buggies were in show condition, the one next to Gideon’s had minor damage, but his was almost unrecognizable.
When she stood next to him, he put his hands on his hips and flexed his jaw muscles. “I’m sorry, Gideon.” She moved closer and put a hand on his chest. He flinched and took a step back.
“I’m going to go talk to the Officer Mayer alone for a minute.” He didn’t look at her and took long strides without turning back. She expected him to turn around and apologize for his strange behavior, or even better, say he was ready to leave. “Elsie.” Timothy’s voice was welcome. As she turned to him, she fought away the emotions churning inside her. “I heard about the buggy catching on fire.” He glanced over her head. “Were you involved?”
“The buggy was Gideon’s.” Her eyes watered when she said the words. She felt so badly for Gideon. It wasn’t fair, but then the Amish knew that about life; Gideon had forgotten that temporarily.
“Tough break.” He glanced back to the burned gate and through to the buggies. “Was his the only one burned?”
“Jah. They think it’s those boys who have been bothering us.”
“Is that still going on?”
“It comes and goes, but nothing for a while.”
He rubbed the stubbles of his blond beard. “I see them around sometimes while I’m driving my route. It appears they’re looking for trouble. But this seems like a big jump from their usual mischief.”
He might be right. If they kept escalating their harassment, they might mess up their lives so badly they may not be able to pull out of it. “There is one boy who Gideon talked to that seemed to want out of the group.”
“Might be Nick Hansen. I’ve seen him with them a few times. Surprised me at first. He’s a good kid, but got a terrible family life I’ve heard.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” So Gideon did pick out the one who was there for all the wrong reasons. Not that they all weren’t, but he seemed to be the one that didn’t fit.
“You’ll be even sorrier when you hear the word that’s going around. The talk is he’s the one who lit the fire.”
Elsie shook her head as her heart filled with disappointment and concern about how Gideon would feel hearing that. “The officers won’t say, so I only have your information to go on.”
“It’s only hearsay, but word gets around in this town.” He put an innocent hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. “This too will pass, right?” Englishers were more apt to touching than the Amish, but everyone in the community knew Timothy.
She smiled back and nodded.
“Timothy.” Gideon stood next to her and greeted him in a cold manner. His voice was sharp and his eyes piercing. “You two seem to be having a serious talk.”
Elsie gave him a stern look, her forehead drawn trying to make out what was wrong. “Everyone is serious today, Gideon. Are you about ready to go?”
“Jah, now I am.” He nodded once to Timothy and didn’t offer his hand as he usually would. It was all Elsie could do not to say a word to Gideon, but it would have to wait. She had no place to chastise him in front of someone, but his behavior wasn’t acceptable, and it wasn’t like Gideon.
They walked in silence, Gideon stuffing his hands in his pockets as if keeping down a tempest about ready to blow. Elsie marched ahead of him more than ready to go home. She’d never wanted to be away from him, but at this moment she did, and it saddened her.
They drove silently as all of the procedures and questions twirled around in her head. Why did the English spend so much time on such matters? What’s gone is gone, and as Jonas said, what’s done is done. Dwelling on such things were dangerous to the mind, heart, and soul; Gideon was proof of that. But some-thing more was bothering him. His behavior had changed too drastically. But given his frame of mind, she wouldn’t get any-thing out of him now.
When they were almost home, Elsie thought she’d try. “Gideon.”
He didn’t answer but finally looked her way.
“What’s wrong? I mean really wrong?”
He kept his eyes on the road, and by his lack of response and eye contact it seemed as if he didn’t hear her at all. He only shook his head as if maybe he didn’t even know.
“Is this about the buggy?”
His eyes narrowed, and his response was a one-shoulder shrug. It seemed painful for him to so much as even think about it.
“I know it’s a disappointment.” She stared at him for the longest time. He was so disconnected she gave up. He was beyond reach.
He stopped, and she quickly got out of the buggy and began to walk up to her house. Tears pricked at her eyes, and she willed them away.
“Elsie.” His eyes were downcast as he picked at the leather reins in his hand. “It’s not about things, but I did want the best for you. This is about something else.” He lifted his eyes up to the sky and then closed them.
They were both silent. A row of black crows left their perch on the wire fence, squawked, and took to the air.
“I need to figure some things out.”
She waited to hear more, for him to explain what he needed to think about. Elsie hoped he’d admit to overreacting and to have placed too much value on a material thing. Instead he sat there feeling sorry for himself, and for the first time since they started courting, she doubted his virtue. She had her reservations about him from the time they’d moved here, but that was more to do with her and her worthiness. This was different. Elsie gave him her heart, and he was putting a materialistic object between them? Again, she told herself there was something more. But she was in no mood to try and pry it out of him. Everyone had had a long night and day.
She made it as far as the front door and then shed a tear. On the way to her room she was grateful no one saw her, wanting to be alone. She shut the door behind her and knelt to pray. “God, You helped us through the trials of moving here, to cope with storms that destroyed crops and to withstand harassment, but this is tearing us apart. Please help us now.”
When she was finished complaining, she sat down on the bed and searched inward. She didn’t like what she found. She saw a selfish soul who felt she rose above another’s grief. She knew what it felt like to lose something you cherished, her sister. Those months without her, and even still having her here but so different from the girl she grew up with. The hole was smaller, but the loss was still there. For Gideon this incident triggered some-thing. His plans had been altered; maybe that was enough for a man with big expectations. She didn’t know.
Elsie waited for Gideon to come visit the next day, but he didn’t. He didn’t come the following day either. Elsie decided if she didn’t see him by the end of the next day, she would go call on him.
So she put herself to work like always, but to extreme. She went out early the following morning and hung laundry in the hot, summer sun. She didn’t stop until every last piece of clothing was hanging on the line. The hard work made her feel better, but her body ached from pushing so hard.
She came inside, out of the heat of the day, and filled a wash-basin, then splashed water on her face. When she looked in the mirror, she knew to keep searching inward to keep herself humble. And by doing so maybe she’d figure out what was really on Gideon’s heart.
Chapter Thirty-Three
KATIE’S HAVING THE baby!” Aaron yelled as he came
running to the garden where Elsie was gathering vegetables. She lifted her dress rimmed with mud and stared at Aaron in shock. Had it been nine months already? Elsie felt unprepared for this, so Katie must feel so even more.
Aaron stomped his foot. “Now!”
Elsie jumped up and started running to the back door, then followed Aaron up the stairs. When they went into Katie’s room, Mamm was sitting beside Katie and Daed was pacing while rubbing the back of his neck. Katie was most definitely in labor. Elsie sat next to her and watched as she tightened every muscle and then released. “Oh, my, we need a doctor.”
“The doc is in the other community past Beeville. What if he can’t get here in time?” Daed started to pace a little faster, and Elsie wished Gideon was there, resenting the time he was spending away. Three days felt like a year.
“Well then, what about the midwife?” Mamm was the calmest of any of them. Maybe because she’d given birth to four children she was more comfortable with the process. “Daed can; he’s done it before?” Elsie mentioned in a panic.
Daed threw his hands up in the air and started to sweat. “I’ve helped more than one farm animal give birth, but that doesn’t mean—”
“Daed, do something.” Katie’s plea stopped everyone. “But don’t deliver the baby.”
They’d hardly spoken to one another since her first day back. No matter how stubborn her daed was, he couldn’t possibly disagree with anything she wanted right now. Elsie held her breath waiting for Daed to answer.
“I’ll go get Alma,” Daed informed whoever was listening.
Mamm stared at Daed with disgust. “We can deliver the baby.”
“Nee, we need help,” Daed answered with irritation. He was obviously flustered over the many implications that went with this situation. Besides being upset with Katie, being witness to your daughter delivering a child had to be awkward for him. Not that it was unheard of, but it was not ideal.
“I’ll go.” Elsie knew her mamm and daed would be more help than she was, and she could ride a horse faster than either of them.
“Nee, I will.” Gideon stood in the doorway.
Elsie was so relieved to hear his voice she sighed and turned to see his strong, handsome face.
Daed seemed to relax a little. “Gideon, good man; always here when we need an extra hand.”
“I’ll go to Rachel’s and use the phone to see if we can get the doc or find Alma.” He let out a breath in obvious appreciation he’d found something useful to do besides play doctor as he did with Isaac. “Although I’m familiar with Solomon’s touch. I’ve seen it before when I helped him birth a foal last spring,” he said tongue in cheek as he turned to leave.
Elsie followed after him. “Gideon, danke.”
When he stopped and turned to her, she felt everything would be all right. He’d always made her feel that way, and he seemed more like himself again.
“Well, I didn’t want to be Solomon’s assistant this time.” He grinned.
“Nee, danke for being here.” The timing told her he was already on his way here without hearing about Katie’s labor. That gave her hope he was ready to talk.
He gave her a nod and hurried down the stairs.
Elsie and Mamm took over taking care of Katie. Daed went downstairs to keep the boys occupied, but Elsie could hear his boots wearing a hole in the floor. Soon her grandparents came, and other folks brought everything from food to baby blankets and knitted booties. By the time Gideon showed up again, the haus was a revolving door of people, food, and gifts. The most welcomed guest was Alma when she tapped on the bedroom door.
“Today is a day the Lord has made; rejoice and be glad in it!” Her five-foot-nothing stature didn’t fit her loud personality. She was in charge, and a person knew it after her first sentence. She preferred to work alone unless the helper was trained under her supervision.
“Thank God you are here.” Elsie stood so Alma could have the room.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll stay, Alma.” Mamm wrung her hands with worry.
“Jah, I’ll let you know if I need you.” She was quickly at work opening her satchel, pulling out towels and making Katie comfortable. She was so unusually quiet Elsie would be concerned, but she knew how Alma’s ways brought comfort to even the most distraught mother-to-be.
Elsie descended the stairs slowly and worked in the kitchen even slower as she prepared food for guests who were coming and going. She was more tired emotionally than physically. She loved her sister but couldn’t tolerate her snappy words. It would be different with Alma there.
Elsie made her way through the house and out the back door. She took in the warm evening air, glad to be alone. The sound of the footsteps of one of her brothers approaching made her weary, expecting them to need her help.
“Want some water?” Adam held out a cup and sat with her on the stump of an old tree.
“Danke.” Elsie didn’t realize how tired she really was until she sat down. The anticipation for Katie’s baby and spending the morning with her in labor had taken it out of her. She took a long drink even though he’d only filled it halfway.
“Where’s Gideon?” Adam’s eyebrows puckered with worry.
“He’s been busy taking care of some things that happened in town a couple of days ago.” That was true as far as she knew. He was working with the authorities on the vandalized buggy, but it didn’t take up this much time. He was avoiding her.
“About his buggy that got burned?” Adam kicked his boots against the stump but didn’t make eye contact; he rarely did.
“Jah, he is very sad about it.”
“Why? He still has Betsy and Ross.”
“But he needs a buggy for the horses to have a job to do.” She tilted her head toward him.
He cocked his head too. “I miss him.”
Elsie sighed and took another drink of the now lukewarm water. “Me too.” And when she said it, she realized how much she meant it. She’d become accustomed to his daily visits. Then Elsie worried she was the problem he was sorting through.
“What are you two up to?” Gideon stood a rock’s throw away, standing with one foot propped on a small hill.
Adam was up and off the stump in a flash. He ran to Gideon and hugged his leg. Gideon lifted him up and walked up next to Elsie. She couldn’t hide her pleasure that he was there, although she was upset with him for taking so long.
Adam wiggled away from Gideon. “Gotta go.”
“To the bathroom?” Elsie asked.
“Nee, Mamm said if Gideon comes to hightail it to the house.”
Which he did, lickety-split.
Gideon almost smiled watching Adam run off. But when his face tightened, she knew this was a serious visit, not the reunion she’d hoped for. “So, you’re about to be an aunt?”
“Jah, and Katie is going to be a single mother.” Hearing it out loud made it seem like a reality. No matter how much Katie thought she liked the worldly life, she would get a good start here. And Elsie was glad she could spend time with her nephew or niece.
“There’s enough love to go around for this little one.” His facial expression didn’t match his hopeful words. There was too much of something else on his mind.
“Where have you been?” She stared at him, wanting to take in all he was feeling and thinking. He took so long to respond she eventually turned away.
“I never knew something like this could affect me this way. I’ve been wrestling with a lot of hatred.” He looked straight at her, searching for something. An answer, a rebuke, what, she wasn’t sure. One thing she did know was that Gideon was familiar with hate, but not so much with self-hate.
“How does the hate feel?”
“It’s eating me up inside.” He rubbed his hands together as if to rub the sin away. “I need to ask God to take it away so I can forgive.”
She took his hand. “You will. It’s only metal and rubber, things that turn to dust.”
His eyebrows drew together. “You don’t under
stand. It’s not so much losing the buggy as having to testify that boy was the one who did the damage.” He forced his lips together in frustration. “It’s more important that I help that boy, not put him in juvenile hall.”
Elsie took the information in slowly. What she thought was all selfishness on his part was quite the contrary. She shamed herself for thinking he was more worried about his own loss than any-thing else, including her. “Gideon, I had it all wrong . . . ”
“Nee, I was angry about losing the buggy too.”
It was if he didn’t hear her and continued with his confession.
“I should have told you what was eating at me. This was some-thing I hadn’t dealt with before. The English think our ways are so harsh and demanding with so many rules to follow. But it seems the opposite to me. They don’t forgive when a person breaks their laws. If this boy is who I think he is, being put in one of those places could change the direction of his life in a way he’ll never recover from.”
When she finally had a second to cut in, she asked what she thought was most important. Her own confession could wait.
“Have you talked with the boy?”
“Jah, his name is Nick, and he claims he’s the scapegoat. I’m not so naive as to think he could be lying, but I don’t believe he is.”
After seeing Nick at the bazaar that day, Elsie tended to believe him as well. He’d confessed too much and given in too easily, unlike the other boys when Gideon tried to talk with them. “We believe in a God of second chances. Maybe you can share that with him.”
“And the judge, if he’ll listen.”
“Because you feel so strongly about this, you should be there.
To tell them what you told me.”
He looked into the orange sun slowly going down. “I am going to court tomorrow. I have to see how this all works.”
Elsie paused, unsure of how she felt about him dealing with the English ways. “What does the bishop say?”
“I’m not going to defend myself; I’m asking for a reasonable punishment for Nick.”