by J. L. Madore
I am going to lose him.
Hawk
Fuck me. The pleading panic in Calli’s eyes cuts me to the core of my dark soul. How can she want me anywhere near her when she’s seen what I am? I said she’s not good enough for me but it’s the other way around. After the things I’ve said and done, I am the blight on this mating.
“Okay, Hawk,” she says, taking a step back. “Keeping it simple is probably a good idea.”
The acidic aroma of the lie mixes with the tang of her disappointment. I curse myself. I swore I’d never intentionally hurt her again and I turn around and reject her in front of the others, right before she’s set to face the fae leaders.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This is going to bite me in the ass.
Without consideration of the price I’ll pay, I catch her wrist and yank her back. She comes so willingly it cleaves a chink in my armor. She’s too fucking trusting. I turn her in my arms, pinning her against the wall, so I don’t have to think about the other three watching us.
This is for Calli and only her.
I grip her head and tip it back, in a lavish, heated meeting of our mouths. Calli’s kiss is passionate and demanding. She’s greedy and I wish rising to that call is in the cards for us. It’s not. Still, if this is my one moment to claim those lush full lips, I won’t waste it.
Kissing Calli is everything I feared—and more.
Her need speaks to me at a level I can’t control. She’s scorching hot and hungry—but that’s on the surface. Beneath her wanton, connected like this, her soul seeks mine, needing something from me she doesn’t get from the others.
There’s a darkness inside her she’s afraid to let them see. For the first time in a week, it occurs to me that something more than money and position placed me on the guardian roster. I understand hiding the darkness within.
Maybe we’re not a total cosmic mistake.
My body settles as my hawk stands down. Is this the contact my animal side is craving? It’s not even a need to fuck her—it’s the need to find her, to acknowledge her.
Buried somewhere behind the barriers brought on by years of deflection and survival, she forced part of herself into hiding. My beaten and abused soul recognizes a fellow victim.
Not that either of us is a victim now.
“Earth to Hawk,” Brant says, over my shoulder. “We all get the addiction, but tick-tock bigshot.”
It takes a moment for my mind to catch up with my soul. Calliope Tannis is nothing I would’ve chosen for myself.
And yet here she is.
“Right. Sorry.”
Calli sways as I step back and release her. She presses a hand flat on the wall for support. “Don’t be sorry. Not for getting swept away kissing me like that.”
I check my watch. “Shit. We need to go.”
I turn, intending to allow one of the others the honor of escorting Calli arm-in-arm, except, she slides her hand around my elbow and meets my stride.
Damn. I knew this would bite me in the ass.
Calli
My brain is mush and my knees are weak. It’s a good thing Hawk is holding me up on one side and Jaxx on the other. What I feel for each of them is different yet essential to the whole. It’s hard to wrap my head around that, but I understand more with each passing moment I spend with them.
And yeah, wow. I’m more than a little light-headed.
“You’re far more relaxed than I thought you’d be,” Kotah says, smiling as we break the line of trees into the clearing near the main lodge.
“I learned to meditate this afternoon.”
Hawk chuffs. “I watched your session from the office window. The young wolf seems to confuse the concepts of meditation with making out.”
My cheeks flush warm at the memory. “No complaints here. And hey, it eased a lot of my stresses.”
“The mark of success,” Brant adds, laughter in his voice.
This. This is what our bond is supposed to feel like. I smile and press my cheek to Hawk’s shoulder. “I told you I’d pull it together. I can do this, Hawk. We can do this. Don’t give up on me before I get a chance to prove it.”
Hawk shakes his head and frowns at me. “I grew up around a lot of four-letter words, Spitfire. Love was never one of them. Don’t waste your heart on me. You’re getting swept away by a kiss. It was only that—a kiss.”
I roll my eyes. “A great kiss. A panty-dampening, mind-altering, blow your load kind of kiss.”
Hawk arches a brow. “Perhaps you should get your mind off seminal emissions and into the night ahead. The Fae Council runs our world. First impressions and all that.”
I wink at him and smile. “Nice deflection.”
Jaxx
I’m not sure it’s a good thing that Calli’s determined to bring Hawk into the fold. She feels the pull of the mating bond, but the level of emotion driving that is overwhelming. If Brant’s right and our FCO corporate kingpin is amassing an army of exceptional fae, things won’t go well for us when the shit hits. I hate the idea of conspiring with Brant and investigating him but can’t abide standing by if what the bear suspects is true.
Accepting Hawk into our mated life must be approached in slow degrees… assuming he changes his mind and sticks around. If he severs himself from our bond—which I doubt is even possible—it might be the best solution all around.
Having arrived later than expected, the ballroom below is filled to bursting when we stop on the mezzanine overlooking the reception. The event is open to all species but thankfully, due to the short notice, there isn’t more than two or three hundred attendees.
My cat prowls forward and I sniff the air. How can… Where are they? There. My gaze locks on a dapper couple standing at a table in the center of the room.
Mama’s face lights up like Times Square when she sees me. Daddy straightens beside her, his proud smile firmly locked in place. “And that’s why they didn’t answer the phone this morning.”
Calli glances over at me and then follows my gaze.
“The blond woman in the royal blue dress and the man at her side.” When Calli’s gaze finds them, Mama gives her a wave and blows us both a kiss.
Calli looks from them to me and then pales. “Your parents are here? They flew here to meet me?”
The way her high pitched panic leaks out is too cute. I pull her to my side and kiss the side of her face. “Relax, kitten. This is our night. They just want to share in it.”
A mountain elf named Gareth finishes checking in with Hawk and lifts the mic to his mouth. “Everyone, our guests of honor have arrived. May I introduce to you Calliope Tannis, our newly resurrected phoenix, and her guardians, Sir Hawk Barron, Jaxx Stanton, Brantley Robbins, and His Royal Highness, Prince Nakotah Northwood, heir to the Fae Prime.”
The sea of guests below breaks into a wide-eyed round of curtsies and head bobs. The collective gasp doesn’t only hiss out of their lips. Calli and I rubberneck it past Hawk and look at Kotah while Brant mutters, “What the fuck?” far too loudly for such a formal setting.
Kotah looks mortified.
“Later,” Hawk hisses, recovering quickly and smiling out at the masses. “Everyone, wave at the nice people.”
We follow Hawk’s instruction and are almost blinded by the photo flashes that follow. The Royal Prince? Seriously?
Gareth gestures for us to head down the carpeted steps to start through a reception line. People begin stepping away from their tables in a rush to get in line.
My gaze darts over Calli’s face, and my insides melt. My longing to protect her is so acute, it physically hurts. The spice of char in her scent is stronger than usual, and I pray she doesn’t panic and fry the king of one of the more violent races. “We’ve got you, kitten. Relax. No need to flame up.”
She blinks up at me, her emotions guarded.
“Deep, cleansing breaths,” Kotah says, coming at her from the other side. He runs a gentle caress up her bare arm. Thankfully, easing her seems to ease his own distress o
f being outed. “You’re not alone, Chigua. Your guardians are here with you.”
“Pain with a purpose,” Hawk whispers quietly enough so that only we four hear. “Once we get through this, we can get some answers. Chin up. Eyes bright.”
Lukas waits at the bottom of the stairs and escorts us through the handshakes. Hawk takes the lead. He knows many of the faces and introduces us as a group. Touching the Prime Prince is a social sin, so Kotah is free to keep Calli’s hand linked with his. Brant and I take the back of the pack.
We meet up with my parents close to the end and I take the lead on the meet and greet. “Everyone, these are my parents, Johnathan and Magdalene Stanton. Mama, Daddy, this is Calli, Kotah, Brant, and Hawk.”
Despite Calli’s fears, their first meeting goes exactly as I knew it would. Mama hugs all around. Daddy kisses Calli’s cheek, stunned by her beauty, and says how honored they are to welcome her and the guys to our family pride.
“In one week,” Daddy says, “we gained three sons and a daughter. That’s a blessing beyond measure. We can’t wait to get to know you all better.”
When we finish the procession, Lukas escorts us to the head table, so we can be put on display.
Awesome. There’s nothing like three-hundred of the most powerful and influential people of the fae world staring at you while you slurp your soup.
“So, kid,” Brant says, leaning behind me to talk to Kotah at the other end of the table. “Maybe being the crowned prince to our world is something you mention to people you’re supposed to share a life with. Just saying.”
“I’m sorry,” Kotah says. “I never meant to deceive you.”
Calli takes a few gulps of her bubbly and shrugs. “It’s okay. You would’ve told us when you were ready.”
Brant laughs. “The best part is that Sir Barron is no longer top dog. Suck it, Hawk. Bow down to the prince.”
Hawk shoots Brant the finger under the table so no one else can see. I can’t help but laugh.
“If you’ll excuse me a moment.” Kotah removes his napkin from his lap and pushes back from the table.
Calli’s right on his heels. Hawk curses and follows them out. That leaves Brant and I sitting by our lonesome at our end of the table.
“So much for our first evenin’ out.”
Brant flicks his hand at the waiter, and he brings over a tray of champagne. We each grab a couple of flutes and drink deep. “This is going to be one hell of a night.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Kotah
“Kotah, wait up.” I stop outside the ballroom doors and let Calli catch up. Jogging in heels isn’t one of her life skills and I don’t want her to break her neck on the night when all eyes are on us. She takes my hand and steps around to face me and—“Oh, gawd, sweetie. It’s not that bad is it?”
The utter devastation of my world? It is that bad, yes.
She casts a glance around and pulls me into the ladies’ washroom.
“Calli, wait, I can’t…”
“Fancy places like this usually have a separate—yep.” She pulls me into a private lounge area and locks the door.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice thick in my throat. “I know I should’ve said something, but for once… is it wrong to want to keep my private pain private?”
Her breath is warm against my neck as she pulls me against her in a tight hug. A gentle hand strokes down my hair and rests at the small of my back. “If anyone understands wanting to decide what people know about you, it’s me. You wanted us to know you based on your own merits. I completely understand and don’t blame you at all.”
Easing back, I search her expression for any hint that she’s being kind. “Truly? You don’t mind?”
“Mind that you’re a prince or that you’d rather not be? Either way, no, I don’t mind. You’re my guy.” She cups my jaw in her hands and brushes my lips with a kiss. It’s amazing how that brief connection helps restore my sense of equilibrium in this new world of ours.
“Kotah, you supported me, protected me, even got shot for me. You took the time to teach me about this world and myself. And you made my beautiful bracelet… That was all you, not some prince prime heir or whatever.”
Her hand over my heart brings my wolf forward. “You were already my sweet prince. This just makes it official.”
I draw a deep breath and exhale.
“Out with what’s upsetting you, right?”
I am so incredibly grateful to the universe for setting me on this course. “And the student surpasses the teacher.”
The sound of her laughter resonates within me. “Hardly. I have a feeling you’ll be teaching me things for years to come. I’m looking forward to that a great deal.”
So am I. “Though there are quite a few things I’d like you to teach me tonight after this reception. We made a date to explore our physical relationship. I pray my omission doesn’t jeopardize that.”
“Aw, sweet wolf, nothing to worry about there. I still want to rip your clothes off and mount you.”
Thank the Powers.
There’s a knock on the door followed by the click of the lock opening and Hawk, Brant, and Jaxx joining us.
Jaxx looks us over. “Everything all right in here?”
“Yep,” Calli says, checking with me to ensure that’s true.
I turn and lift my hair from the nape of my neck. “Calli, would you remove my pendant and choker, please.”
She releases the clasps and I unhook both. When they pull free from my throat, I drop them into the pocket of my doeskin jacket. When I turn to face them, Calli’s jaw drops. “Um, wow, that’s beautiful.”
Beneath the black leather choker, I hid an intricate tattoo of intertwining vines and detailed fretwork. It’s penned in a deep wine color with blacks, browns, and greens. The ink has magical fae ingredients that glisten like no other tattoos in the realm. And over the center of my throat sits the royal family crest with a wolf’s head tipped back and howling at a full moon.
“Damn, cub,” Hawk says, eyeing the artwork. “That’s fucking spank.”
“Wait a minute,” Brant says, frowning as he takes in the room. “Women have couches in their washroom? Men don’t get couches. That’s hardly fair.”
Calli laughs and hugs me, pressing her breast against my chest. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell us on your terms. That sucks. But it changes nothing. Does it, guys?”
Jaxx and Brant both shake their head but Hawk flashes her a wide-eyed look that implies she’s lost her mind.
“What?”
“It’s nice that you think so, Spitfire, but having the Prime Prince as one of your guardians does change things. It makes some things easier and others much more difficult. There are laws about how he is to be treated, accommodated, where he can reside, who gains access to him. How does he fight at your side when he’s supposed to have guards of his own?”
“I don’t care about any of that,” I say, my heart racing. “I’m one of five. That’s all. Please, let it be as simple as that.”
Hawk frowns and then Calli’s brow furrows as well. “You didn’t rat him out, did you? I know you investigated me, but I will be sooo pissed if this sideswipe drama has your name on it too—”
“Yes, I investigated all of you,” Hawk snaps, showing no remorse as we turn to glare at him. “But I didn’t know about our young prince, and I wasn’t the one who outed him.”
“Then who did?”
“I did.” I follow the female voice to the woman standing in the doorway. Petite and regal, she shares the same chestnut hair and tattoo fretwork as me.
There’s no mistaking who she is.
“Hello, Mother,” I say, forcing down my chaotic feelings, to assume my role as her well-mannered son. I meet her at the doorway and greet her with a kiss to both cheeks. “You are radiant, as always.”
“Prima,” Hawk says, placing his arm across his middle and bowing. “It’s an honor, Your Highness.”
“Prima,” both Jaxx a
nd Brant say, following suit, bowing and dropping their gazes.
Calli looks lost, so I swoop in, shift her to face my mother, and wrap my arms around her from behind. “Calli, this is my mother, Malayna. Mother, this is Calliope Tannis, our phoenix.”
I want to claim her as my mate but bite my tongue. Things are going well between us and I want Calli to be the one to announce her claim on me when she’s ready.
“It’s a pleasure, Highness,” Calli says, her hands trembling under my touch. “Your son is truly an exceptional young man. I would’ve been lost the past days without him.”
I’m not sure if I’m holding Calli up or she’s supporting me, but I’m thankful to have my arms wrapped around her. I kiss the side of her neck and breathe in her scent to settle my nerves. “I’m pleased to see you, Mother, don’t misunderstand, but why have you come?”
She arches a manicured brow, her smile subtle and reserved. “Your time of hiding in the shadows is at its end Nakotah. You are a Guardian of the Phoenix. No one can challenge your worth now.”
Except Father. “Does he know you are here?”
Mother frowns and casts a glance at the others.
“It’s all right, Mother. I have no secrets from Calli and the others. If we are to be the legendary guardians the fae world needs, we must have faith in our trust for one another.”
Mother doesn’t look pleased. “I came to bring you home, Nakotah. Your father’s time as Prime nears its end. You must return with me and ready to assume leadership.”
Hawk
The five of us manage to keep up a social front through dinner but skip the dance and retire early after extending our thanks to the dignitaries for a wonderful welcome. Kotah being the imminent Fae Prime changes things. How do we face the challenges demanded of us if he’s bound to govern from a royal palace? How do I ensure Calli’s safety as our phoenix if I now have to consider enemies out to target Kotah as well?
“Apologies,” Kotah says as we head back to the cabin to pack up. “I had no idea that my familial duties would come to play so soon. Father has always seemed invincible and determined that I never take his place.”