by Eva Luxe
The alternative was that I was always alone, and that sucked, too.
Maya and I walked out of the apartment together and I waited with her until she got a cab. I didn’t want to leave her standing alone on the curb. When the car stopped in front of us, I opened the car door for her. She turned to face me.
“I had a great time,” she said.
“Me too.”
She smiled at me.
“I’d like to do it again, sometime. I mean, I’d like to see you again. I mean, well, whatever it is we end up doing.”
God, I sounded like an idiot. Maya grinned at me.
“I’d like to do it again, too,” she said, with a voice that suggested all sorts of dirty things and I swallowed. She stepped toward me, the car door trapped between us and pressed her lips against mine.
“Have a good day, Kyle,” she said, as if she hadn’t just rocked my world off its axis, as if we had merely shaken hands.
“You too,” I said, when I’d caught my breath again. She ducked into the car and I closed the door behind her, tapping the roof so the driver knew he could go. I watched the car drive away until the taillights disappeared around a turn, then I walked to my own car.
God, what a night. My mind was full of Maya, the way she felt, the way she sounded, the way she smelled. She was my dream girl. She always had been. Somehow, after all these years, I’d found her again. This time, if we became anything serious, I was going to hold onto her. Of course, it still remained to be seen, but I typically didn’t make the same mistake twice, and losing her had been the biggest mistake I’d ever made.
Reaching into my car, I climbed in, turning into traffic. I always had to fight through traffic in the business district this time of morning. Usually, I left for the office much earlier and left the office earlier in the afternoon to miss peak hour traffic. My hours were a little flexible and I preferred to avoid traffic jams. But today, I was willing to brave bumper-to-bumper traffic for the sake of spending more time with Maya. I hadn’t wanted to leave early with her in my bed, her body heat soaking my sheets and the semblance of my happily-ever-after reminding me that life could be just as good as it could be bad.
I caught traffic on the Dolphin Expressway, slowing down to a slow crawl. Usually, it would have drained me of life, and made me feel dull and dreary. Today, I didn’t care that I was stuck in traffic, or that I had to wait for over an hour when I would have normally been at the office in less than twenty minutes. I had a lot on my mind and it was all good. I was in a great mood.
It had been so long since I’d been in a good mood, I had forgotten how amazing it was to be on such a high.
I thought about Maya again, remembering the sheet slipping from her body to show me her nakedness. She was so confident about her body, so self-assured. It was a pleasure to see a woman that didn’t feel self-conscious or insecure about her body. Last night, Maya as I saw her on the bed illuminated by moonlight that had fallen through the undrawn curtains, she had been a vision of confidence. She had been happy and in a good mood, the way I remembered her.
She’d been happy most of the time, except when Sara had asked where she was. I saw her face in my mind’s eye again, crumbling a little as if she had hoped she wouldn’t be asked, and wouldn’t be found.
Which, in retrospect, didn’t make sense. Why would she react that way if her best friend asked her where she was? I knew Sara. Maya and Sara had been joined at the hip as long as I could remember, and I understood the dynamic between them. They had never felt like they needed to answer to each other, to explain themselves, or prove themselves somehow. I used to joke with her that her friendship with Sara was the same as my friendship with Liam. Or at least, what it used to be.
So, Maya’s reaction hadn’t made sense. Why had she looked like she’d dreaded the message she’d gotten if it was from Sara? Unless it wasn’t from Sara. Which suggested there was something she was keeping from me.
But I had no right to know everything that went on in her life. I had lost that right when I’d told her it was over between us. When I had thrown away a perfectly good relationship. Of course, there would be things I didn’t know about her. She had built a life without me.
The only thing I could do was to see her again, to spend more time with her, so bit by bit I could find out who she was now and get to know here again.
Chapter 8
Maya
Training with the squad was hard today. I felt a little stiff after the wine I’d had last night, not to mention the sex, and I was distracted. I couldn’t get my mind off Kyle.
But I worked hard, pushing myself to my limits. I wanted to do the team proud, I wanted to prove that it was worth it to have me around.
“Are you okay?” Samantha asked, when we took a water break and I lay down on the grass, breathing hard.
“Fine,” I said. “I’m just having a low energy day.”
“Did you drink?” she asked. Dammit, she knew how it worked.
“Three glasses,” I admitted.
She chuckled. “It’s not a crime, but it’s easier on you physically if you don’t go there,” she said. I was starting to see that. She walked away, her ponytail swinging back and forth. I hoisted myself up from the grass and threw myself into training, determined to work past the alcohol in my system, and push aside the distracting images of Kyle, naked and beneath me on the bed.
When training was over, I took out my phone. I had five messages. I frowned—five was a lot of messages all at once. I unlocked my phone. They were all from Tyler. My heart sank.
Why did you change your number again? That’s got be a lot of work for you.
Changing your number isn’t going to help, I can find it again.
Come on, Maya. Throw me a bone, I just want to talk, catch up. It’s not that bad, is it? I’m not that bad.
If you keep changing your number I’m going to have to start looking for other ways to remind you that I care about you.
You’re probably busy with cheerleading practice, so you’re not replying. Just remember you’re on my mind.
My stomach turned to stone. They were all creepy, but some of them were more threatening than others. The last two bothered me. He knew I was training tonight. What else did he know? Where I lived? Where I trained? And what other ways to show me that he cares about me?
I was suddenly angry. Our date had been almost two years ago. It hadn’t been spectacular as far as dates go. I hadn’t been rude to him, I’d been polite about not wanting to see him again. How the hell had it come to this? I was sick and tired of this son of a bitch making life hard for me.
I didn’t engage in locker room small talk. Instead, I got in my car as quickly as I could and headed home. Traffic was a nightmare which only escalated my bad mood. When I finally got home, my mood was blacker than black.
“What’s up with you?” Sara asked, when I blew into the house like a storm.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Tyler got your number,” she said, sitting up on the couch where she had been watching TV. Sara knew me better than anyone.
“How the hell does he do it every time? And so fast. It’s not like I post it on social media or anything. I’m so over this shit.”
I plopped down on the couch next to Sara, my arms folded. I was pouting like a child. I was allowed to. This was getting old.
“So, tell him you’re not available anymore,” Sara said.
“What do you mean?”
“Tell him you’re with someone. That you’re engaged, then its forever and he can’t get around that.”
“But I’d be lying.”
Sara rolled her eyes. “So? He’s making a nuisance of himself. I’m sick of him, too. Tell him you’re engaged so he’ll leave you alone once and for all.”
I thought about it. It sounded like a solution that might work. I had to do something. Going to see the police hadn’t helped, and he wasn’t stopping no matter what I did.
“You know
, I think that might just work,” I said. “I’ll do it. Right now.”
“Right now?”
I showed Sara the messages. She pulled up her eyebrows, making the judgmental face she was so good at.
“Right now sounds perfect,” she said.
I took a deep breath and dialed Tyler’s number. I hadn’t spoken to him in over a year. I’d received messages from him, voicemails from him, but we hadn’t had a conversation since a few months after our first date.
“I was hoping you would call,” Tyler said when he answered his phone. Creepy much?
“Tyler, this has to stop,” I said. “You’re taking this way too far.” Maybe if I reasoned with him he would let it go.
“Don’t be like this. You know I’m not going to give up on you.”
I sighed. This was what it had come to, that I had to lie to him to get him to stay away from me.
“Well, you don’t have a choice anymore.”
“What do you mean?” he asked with a chuckle, as if I was telling a joke.
“I’m engaged, Tyler. To be married.”
He hesitated. The silence was heavy. I had no idea what reaction to expect.
“Are you serious?” he asked after a moment of silence.
“Dead serious. So I’m asking you to respect my relationship and leave me alone.”
He was quiet again for a moment, so long that I considered hanging up.
“You’re lying,” he finally said. My stomach twisted.
“Who are you to tell me I’m lying?”
“Because you have put anything about this so-called relationship on any social media. You forget that I know you, Maya.”
I shook my head. I was getting angry again.
“First of all, you don’t know shit about me. And I’m not lying. I’m stopped posting anything that matters in my life so you can’t invade my privacy.”
“That hurts,” Tyler said.
“Good,” I said without thinking about it. “I need to you to snap out of this stupid crush. I’m never going to be with you. I’m happy. So drop this, okay?”
“I’m going to show you what happens when you lie to me,” Tyler said and his voice was low and slow. Creepy as fuck. I hung up. I didn’t want to hear any more of it. He was scaring me.
“Nicely done,” Sara said, who’d heard the whole conversation. “Hashtag girl power.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know if it worked. He threatened me again. He said he’ll show me what happens when I lie to him.”
Sara shook her head. “He’s psychotic. Ignore him. You’re happy now, right?”
I sat down on the couch again with a sigh. “Not really. It was just a lie, remember?”
Sara grinned. “Oh, I know you lied to Tyler. But I also know you’re happy. You wouldn’t have spent the night at Kyle’s house if you didn’t like him.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Thinking about him made everything better and I felt my bad mood dissipate.
“He really is a great guy,” I said. “I’ve missed him. I didn’t realize how much until last night.”
Sara nodded. “See? Happiness. Time to spill the details. Tell me about him, about what happened, and why you’re on cloud nine.”
I couldn’t help it. Once Sara got me going there was no stopping me. I told her everything, from what he’d said his life was like now, to what the restaurant looked like, the meal we had and how it was at his apartment afterward.
“It was like no time had passed at all. We fell right back into how it used to be.”
“I’m really happy for you,” Sara said, and I knew she meant it. She’d known how serious I had been about him when we’d dated, how it had ripped me apart when we’d broken up. She had been there, helping me pick up the pieces.
“You’re sure he’s not going to hurt you again?” Sara asked when I finished.
I hesitated. I wasn’t sure of that at all. I wanted to trust Kyle. I wanted to believe that he had changed. When he had broken up with me, he’d said he needed to find himself. I wanted to believe he had done that.
“I’m taking it slow,” I said to Sarah.
Sarah nodded slowly. “I’m not so sure you’re able to take it slow. I know you still care for the guy, you were madly in love with him. Just be sure he’s not going to trample your heart again.”
Of course, my friend had a point. She knew me very well and had been there to see the damage Kyle had done. She was being caring, and realistic. But I wanted this to be my happily ever after, the one that had been taken away from me.
“I’m not that crazy about him,” I said. “It will take a lot more for him to hurt me.”
Sarah laughed. “Oh, Maya, you are so sweet, and so naïve. Maybe you should take a shower. The cold shower will snap you back to reality. Besides, you smell like sweat.”
I shook my head and playfully shoved my friend. I knew she was trying to look out for me, but I was sure I had this under control, I was taking it one date at a time. That we had slept together after the first date was beside the point. After all, is it really a first date when we had a two-year relationship behind us? I didn’t think that counted.
After taking a shower, I sat on my bed and brushed my wet hair. My phone rang and I eyed it wearily. I was terrified Tyler would be phoning me back. I wasn’t sure what scared me more about our phone call; the words he had spoken or how calm he had been. When I noticed Kyle’s number on the caller ID, I smiled and answered.
“I’m so glad it’s you,” I said.
“Well, what a way to be greeted. I’m glad I could make you that happy.”
“You have no idea how horrible the alternative would have been. I don’t even want to talk about it.”
Kyle chuckled, “Alright, let me distract you. Come out with me on Friday. I want to see you again.”
I smiled and nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “I’d love to,” I said.
“Awesome, I’ll let you know where and what time. I can’t wait to see you.”
“Me too,” I said. When we ended the call, I fell back onto my bed and sighed like a love-struck teenager. I had told Sarah I was taking it slow and by God, I was going to try. But I couldn’t help the emotions flooding back to me, the memories of the time we had together. Seeing Kyle again, going on a date, and sleeping together had brought back everything I felt for him, feelings I’d thought were long gone. It was wonderful to know that he still felt the same about me, too. I assumed he did anyway, since he wanted to see me again as much as I wanted to see him.
But I would control myself. This time, I wouldn’t sleep with him. I would hold out and see where it went. Sarah was right about one thing—if anyone could hurt me, it was Kyle Turner. I had loved him once, and he had hurt me badly, but I was hoping this time would be different. And I was willing to take the risk to find out.
Chapter 9
Kyle
I was counting the days until I could see Maya again, much like the way I used to feel in high school when I’d finally worked up the courage to talk to my crush and it had gone well. But this wasn’t just any old flame. This was Maya, the one girl I had really loved, the one girl I shouldn’t have lost. Maybe now I would have the chance to make it right.
When I came home from work on Thursday, my phone rang. I fished for the cordless receiver between the couch pillows and picked up the call just before the machine kicked in.
“Yeah?”
“Kyle, your home,” Kina said, sounding surprised. “I’m so glad I caught you.”
I couldn’t say the same. If I hadn’t known it was Kina, I would have let the machine take the call and then erased her message. But I was talking to her now and I couldn’t be rude and hang up.
“I just got in,” I said. “What’s up?”
“I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight,” she said.
“Will Liam be there?”
Kina sighed. “Liam is my husband, Kyle. Of course, he’s going to be here. But you can’t use that as an ex
cuse not to come.”
I sat down heavily on the couch. “I’m not so sure, sis. I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
“Please, Kyle. I really want you to come. I barely get to see you anymore, you’re always running from us. Just one dinner, please. You didn’t even speak to Liam after training the other day.”
She was right and I felt bad about it. After I had a run into Maya I had spent another ten minutes watching the men train before I hadn’t been able to take any more. I hadn’t been able to stand there, watching them do the one thing I loved and wasn’t able to do. I left before the end of training, without saying goodbye.
“I’m making sticky chicken wings, the way Mom used to. If you’re going to say no to me, then come for the food, at least. You know you want to.”
I sighed. She was really twisting my arm. The sticky chicken wings were something my mom used to make whenever Kina and I had achieved anything in our lives. She had attached good memories to the food, turning it into soul food. Kina had practiced making the sticky chicken wings until she had gotten it right.
“Fine,” I said. “But if anything goes wrong, if I feel like I’m out of place, I’m going to leave.”
“I don’t think that will happen. You’re my brother, and Liam is your best friend.”
“Was,” I corrected.
“Whatever, Kyle. I know you have a hang-up about what happened, but Liam really wants to see you, and so do I. Please, join us.” I couldn’t argue with that. Kina was my sister, after all.
“What time do you want me to come?” I asked.
“Be here at seven,” she said. And you don’t have to bring anything. Just your sunny personality.”
I wasn’t sure if the last part of her sentence was a sarcastic quip, but she ended the call before I could respond. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was one night, I told myself. I could grit my teeth and smile through it, right? I had done it for a couple of months before they had gotten engaged, after all. I just had to do that again for a short while.