by Eva Luxe
“It’s time. What does it say?” came Darren’s muffled voice on the other side of the door.
I glanced down at the test.
There it was.
Opening the bathroom door, I went and sat on the toilet, motioning for Darren to look at the test.
He walked over and looked.
“Wow.”
That was all he said. He stepped back and leaned against the wall.
I was pregnant.
But, this was not the way that I’d imagined that it would be when I found out. Neither one of us was happy about this news. We both had a look of death, like we just found out that someone close to us had died, not that we were about to welcome new life into the world. This felt so wrong.
“I’m happy,” I announced. “I just need some time to process things.”
“Me too,” he agreed, looking relieved. “This is what I wanted. What I paid you for. It’s here. And I’m glad. But the timing of things…”
“…could definitely have been better,” I finished the sentence for him.
Shit.
Why had I freaked out about my mom’s feelings? Why couldn’t this moment only fill us with joy rather than uncertainty?
“I think everything will be better in the morning,” he said. “We just need to get some sleep. We’ve had a long day.”
“I agree,” I told him. “If it’s okay with you, I want to just go to sleep and we can work on figuring everything out in the morning. I think we will both be feeling as joyful as we should about this, after a good night’s sleep.”
“Okay,” said Darren. He walked to the doorway but then looked back and nodded at me. “Thank you, Hope.”
“You’re welcome,” I said, meekly.
I didn’t feel I had done much to be thanked for. Yes, I was pregnant. But just a little bit ago I had been saying I was going to leave him. And now I just felt… overwhelmed.
I told myself it was okay to have mixed feelings. This was a big deal. It was to be expected. But I still felt guilty for having any reaction other than pure joy, as part of me felt like that was how it was supposed to feel when one found out one was pregnant.
As Darren disappeared down the corridor, I took a deep breath and let it out.
This was one of the few nights I’d actually be sleeping in the room that I was calling mine and it felt strange. We had spent the last few weeks all over each other, close, affectionate.
Now, it seemed so cold. I wrapped the blankets around me extra tightly that night, in an effort to keep the cold from penetrating my bones.
But, I knew that the cold I was feeling had nothing to do with the weather.
Chapter 33 – Darren
After a good night’s sleep, I woke up and knew exactly what I needed to do. I don’t know why it hadn’t occurred to me to do this before, but I was about to make a trip to Eve’s house and be completely honest with her. She had always been wonderful to me. She at least deserved to hear from me the truth about what was going on.
I didn’t know how I would be received once I got to the house, but I didn’t expect that Eve would be standing outside when I got there. It was early. The sun had barely come up. I guess I assumed that she and everyone else in the house would be sleeping.
She wasn’t. She was out in their small garden in the front yard, pulling weeds. Eve really was a hard worker, I thought.
When she saw me pull up and recognized me, she turned to face me, arms crossed.
“You! What are you doing here?” He words were venomous, like I’d never heard her words come out before.
“Please hear me out,” I said, walking toward her slowly. “I just want a chance to explain what’s going on.”
“Oh? Now, you want to explain? You concoct this whole plan to impregnate my daughter, making her your whore and buying my first grandchild and now you want to come by with an explanation. No need. Please leave.”
She turned and pretended to busy herself in the garden again, ignoring the fact that I was still standing there.
“I have a son. He hasn’t wanted anything to do with me since I came home. The doctors told me that I have a few months left and I will be completely sterile. I won’t ever be able to have more children,” I blurted out.
I didn’t know what had gotten into me, except that I felt that Eve deserved to know the whole story.
“I know, I know,” I added, realizing how bad it sounded. “How selfish of me to use your daughter for my own purposes. I wanted so badly to have children, I guess that I didn’t think of what that might mean on a deeper level for your daughter. I thought that I could get the baby that I wanted and help you and your family out of your financial troubles at the same time. I guess I left it up to Hope to tell you what she wanted you to know, but I see now that that was wrong. I should have been the one to step up and tell you what my intentions were. And for that I am truly sorry.”
Eve didn’t respond at all. She just kept right on working in the garden.
“Can you please talk to me?” I begged.
I didn’t know what I was looking for. For her to accept my apology? Either way, I didn’t want to keep feeling like an idiot talking to her back. I walked around and stood in front of her, begging her again to talk to me.
She sighed dejectedly.
“What do you want me to say, Darren? I forgive you? It’s water under the bridge? It’s not that simple. What you did wasn’t right. You made Hope feel like she had to lie to me. Her own mother. I’m the reason that you even know who she is! And I regret the day I asked her to fill in for me, or else she wouldn’t know you at all.”
“I know! I really know,” I exclaimed, but I was thinking, ouch. Her words were harsh, even though they were deserved. “And you might not believe me, but I really am sorry!”
“Okay, well, I guess I appreciate the after-the-fact apology,” she spat.
She stood up and started walking toward the house.
“I’m in love with her,” I called out after her.
She stopped.
“Are you serious?” she asked carefully, turning to face me.
“Yes,” I admitted. “I went into this arrangement thinking that it would just be a transaction. Now that I’ve had time to get to know her, I have fallen in love with her. Now, I want her for more than just having my baby. I want to be with her forever.”
She smiled so brightly and even from the distance that I stood, it looked like tears were beginning to well up in her eyes.
“You really mean it?”
“I really mean it,” I said.
She ran down from the porch and threw the full weight of her body into me. I laughed as I stumbled backward to catch her.
“Well, now that makes me happy,” she said, choking back tears. “I thought this was all just some monetary transaction. But if you two actually love each other… well, it’s an unorthodox way for a baby to come into this world, but, it’s not the worst way. At least it will have parents who are in love and who will hopefully be able to provide it a lot of love.”
“Yes,” I told her. “Exactly. The baby will have two parents— and an older brother— who will love her, or him, very much.”
I didn’t know why, but I wanted it to be a girl. Perhaps because I already had a boy. Or perhaps because I felt that it would be so adorable if Hope and I could have a little girl.
I felt like I was floating on the drive back home. I kicked myself for not talking to Eve in the first place. But, it probably happened right on time because the feelings that I now had for Hope were not ones that I felt when we first entered into the agreement. They were feelings that had developed over the past couple of weeks.
I decided I would leave it up to Hope to let her mom know of any further news. Before getting out of the car, I decided to make a phone call.
“Hello, old friend!” came the happy voice on the other side of the phone. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”
“Hey, Harlow! I just wanted to tell y
ou the good news. I am going to have a baby.”
“Wow! Congratulations!”
“Thanks! Also, I have a son too. His name is Bryant.”
“Wow, wow, wow,” Harlow declared. “All this news at once.”
“I know,” I admitted. “I’ve never been the most… open… of people, especially after the helicopter crash and everything, but not even before that.”
“I can relate,” he said. “And it’s fine. Really. I’m glad you’re telling me. Congrats, man. Our kids will all have to get together and play.”
“Yes, that’s part of why I’m calling,” I told him, before taking a big breath and deciding to plunge into unfamiliar waters. “Hey listen, I’m not sure what your plans are for Christmas, and I know it’s rather far away, but I would love it if you and your families came by for a party at my house.”
“Yes, sure! That sounds wonderful,” Harlow answered, causing me to breathe a big sigh of relief.
He had said he wanted to see me, but it was a different thing altogether to get confirmation. I couldn’t believe that not only did I have Hope, plus a baby on the way, plus a son already, but now I had friends, too. Life was only getting better from here on out, I could just tell.
“I’ll have Whitney put it on our calendar now since holiday plans fill up quickly with such a big extended family like ours,” Harlow continued. It would be lovely to see friends who also had kids. I was certainly feeling more and more like a normal person these days. “Shoot me over the details and I’ll make sure that we are all there. I can’t wait to meet your kid, and see you again too.”
“Will do. I’ll be in touch,” I said, hanging up the phone.
I was grateful to Harlow for continuing to reach out to me, despite my initial hesitancy and even mistreatment of him. It wasn’t every day a guy had a good friend like that. But, not every guy was lucky enough to be a fucking SEAL, like me.
This was going to be a first for all of us. I had never had anyone at the house other than Eve, Hope, my mother, and my son Bryant. This made me remember what my life used to be like before the accident, when I was still in the land of the living.
This made me excited for the future.
I was in the land of the living once again.
Chapter 34 – Hope
I had such terrible dreams that I was being chased in the woods. I was so scared and, even though I kept waking up, I would eventually fall back asleep, only to find myself right back in the dream.
When I woke up in the room that I had been using basically to store my things, I was almost confused as to where I was. When I looked around the room and found my things scattered everywhere, it all came crashing back into my memory.
I was pregnant. I was at Darren’s. I had said I was leaving. But then I had stayed. And things were still clear as mud between us. I had to fix that. Pronto.
Before I had a chance to get out of bed, though, I heard a knock at the door. It didn’t sound strong and steady like Darren’s knock would have— had he even bothered to knock at all. Instead, it sounded more hesitant and weak.
“Come in,” I said, to whoever was on the other side.
The door creeped open and my mother’s head poked around the doorway.
“Hey, Hope,” said my mother, timidly.
“Mom! What are you doing here?”
She walked all the way in the room, looking around at the mess of things scattered all over the bed, floor, and dresser.
“What are you doing in here?” she repeated my question back to me.
“I was packing so that I could come home,” I said. “I was thinking you were right, mom. I was stupid to have agreed to this. I don’t know what I was thinking. I thought I had come to my senses and I actually told Darren that I was going home.”
“You can’t do that,” said my mom.
“What?” I asked, incredulously. “I didn’t even get to the part where I changed my mind back, yet again. I thought you’d be mad about that part.”
I was sure that she would be happy to hear the part where I had honestly thought I was coming home. Now I was thrown for a loop. What could have caused her change of heart?
“Darren stopped by and we had a talk,” my mom said. “He told me about everything that you two have been planning. That whole silly contract you guys signed. I was still mad, that’s for sure. I still think it’s all a terrible idea. But, then he told me something else.”
She was silent, searching my eyes up and down.
“What else did he tell you?”
I prodded, intrigued, thinking he must have told her I was pregnant. Although I wished I could have been the one to tell her that, I was grateful for whatever he had said to make her change her mind and accept our decisions. I would have to thank him for that later. With a blow job.
I tried not to think of that, since my mother was right here in front of me and it was hardly appropriate. But I missed Darren’s touch. I loved that he had gone and talked to my mother. I wanted to thank him in a proper way, and I wanted us to celebrate a lot of things. But first, I needed to finish this conversation with my mother, now that I was glad to know things had turned back around.
“Nothing,” she answered. “I think it’s something he wants to tell you on his own.”
“Umm, okay,” I told her, more confused than ever.
I was sure Darren would fill me in later, though. When we were alone and could have pillow talk after some hot sex.
“Anyway, I wanted to come here to tell you that you two have my blessing,” my mother said. “But, that’s only if you admit that you did it out of love, not for money.”
“Well, I did,” I said. “I love my family so much that I was willing to do what it took to make sure that we would all be okay. And Darren expressed to me why he wanted a baby and I was convinced that the baby would be taken care of and loved, too. That was important to me. So, I felt that it was a good sacrifice to make that would work well for my family, Darren, and the baby.”
“I know, honey. And I’m sorry if I made you feel bad. I know that you’re not a whore and I’m sorry that that dirty word ever left my lips. I was just speaking out of anger. And I hope that you actually have feelings for Darren, so that it’s not just about the money.”
“I know, mama,” I said. She definitely could be insistent when she wanted to be.
We hugged each other, tears streaming down both of our cheeks. I held my mother tight and she held me just as tightly right back. It felt like we were both literally healing from our pain right in that moment.
“I love him, mom,” I told her. “I don’t ever want to leave him.”
“Oh good, baby,” said my mother calmly. “And you will still always be my baby, even when you have one of your own. But I’m glad to hear that you love him. It will make things much easier when that day comes.”
“About that, Mom…” I said. “I have something to tell you.”
“You do?” she asked, her eyes bright with hope. “Is it what I think it is?”
“Probably,” I told her, laughing.
“Am I going to be a grandmother?”
She hopped up and down around the room, as if dying of excitement.
“Yes, you are,” I told her, and then we hugged again, but this time, we both jumped up and down.
“Now stop that, or you’ll hurt the baby,” she said.
“Oh please,” I told her. “It’s not even the size of a peanut right now. I’m sure it’s nice and snug in there.”
“Well, it’s the cutest peanut there ever was,” she said. “And I’m so happy that I’m going to be a grandmother.”
I smiled, and she let some tears fall from her eyes, but they were tears of happiness, so it was okay. I was glad I was giving her something good to cry tears of joy over, for once, rather than all the sad tears I had caused her to cry.
“I never thought that I would be okay with you going to live with someone, especially a man. And especially a much older and rather crotchety man
, at that,” she said, causing me to laugh.
He wasn’t so crotchety anymore. But she was going to have to find that out for herself, which, I thought she was already starting to do.
“You’re my first baby and I’ve always wanted the very best for you,” she continued. “I never in a million years would have guessed this would be it. But, now, after seeing how deeply you two feel about each other, I feel comfortable knowing that you will take good care of each other. I think this opens up a world of opportunity for you.”
“And for you too, Mom,” I told her. “I’m getting more money after the baby is born, and…”
I faltered, realizing that the agreement still said that I had to give him the baby after I had it, and leave him forever. I knew I couldn’t do that anymore. I hoped there was some way to change that clause.
I didn’t want to ruin her happiness, or my own, so I picked up where I had left off, without skipping a beat.
“…then I’ll have money I’m sharing of Darren’s, too, of course,” I continued. “So we won’t have to worry about your doctor visits anymore, and hopefully we can find you a permanent cure. Maybe all the best medical specialists in the world will be able to put their heads together and come up with something. Plus, the boys will be set for college.”
“That’s great, Hope,” my mom said, winking at me. “It’s nice that you’ve thought of everyone else and you’re able to provide for everyone. But, it’s okay to think of yourself and be happy for yourself for once, too. I am happy that you were able to find love, Hope. Take care of it.”
“I learned from the best, Mom,” I told her. “You always cared about and provided for us. So now you have to take your own advice and thinking about yourself sometimes too.”
“Okay,” she agreed, smiling. “But only if you take my advice too, and be happy for yourself now. And really go after what you want.”
“I will, Mom” I said, and meant it. It was time to have a talk with Darren and make sure we were on the same page. “I definitely will.”
Chapter 35 – Hope