by Jenny Lane
She turned blindly out of the study and cannoned straight into Simon Kirkby, who took one look at her white face and marched her straight back into the room again.
"Sit down!" he commanded and poured her a stiff whisky. "Have you had bad news or something? I realised you were on the 'phone again."
"I'm quite all right, thank you," Lindsey lied, fighting to regain composure. "I must see if the children are getting ready for bed," she took a large sip of whisky and choked, as it burned her throat. He handed her a cigarette and lit it for her.
"Can't you tell me what's wrong?" he asked gently.
"Nothing's wrong," she said sharply, but her heart thudded wildly and she longed to lean against his shoulder and be comforted. She rose to her feet unsteadily. "Oh, perhaps you'll let me know what you want for dinner when Miss Vincent comes tomorrow."
He surveyed her pale, strained face and over bright eyes.
"Hang dinner!" he said violently. "Can't you see I'm concerned about your welfare?”
"I've told you, I'm all right thank you. I'm not the kind to let my private affairs interfere with my work; you can be assured of that. Your precious manuscript will be finished on time if it kills me if that's what's bothering you!"
There was an odd expression in his granite eyes as he retorted,
"Oh, don't be so ridiculous…I'm not that inhuman. Doesn't it occur to you that I might be genuinely worried about you?"
Her hand shook so that some of the whisky spilt. Silently he handed her his handkerchief. She dabbed savagely at her dress and then suddenly without a word, left the study.
As she rushed upstairs she thought she heard him calling her, but she didn't stop to find out. Reaching her bedroom she stood there fighting for control; refusing to give way to the emotions that threatened to engulf her. She knew now, without shadow of doubt, why she had refused to marry Gavin and why she had shrugged off Andrew's kisses. She was forced at last to face up to the knowledge that, deep down, she should have realised from the very beginning…She was in love with Simon Kirkby. The revelation took her breath away…And it was all so hopeless when Simon was going to marry Sonia Vincent.
"Merry, can I come in?" called Tommy, "I've got an awfully big splinter in my finger. Can you get it out?"
"Just a moment, Tommy—I'm coming. Go into the bathroom and get the TCP." They needed her, these children. She couldn't abandon them just because she had got herself into this fearful mess. There must be some solution, but for the time being she would just have to face up to the situation, painful as it might be, seeing Simon every day—knowing she loved him and unable to do anything about it. Why he didn't even think of her as a woman. He simply regarded her as a useful piece of machinery, just like her father and Gavin did. She sighed wistfully, and went to attend to Tommy.
Andrew's flat proved to be of the luxury variety, spacious, beautifully decorated, and tastefully furnished. The lounge had magnolia walls, a deep brown carpet, and tangerine velvet curtains and cushions which offset the teak furniture. "It's my mother's really," Andrew said in answer to her enquiring glance. "But she prefers to spend the winters abroad nowadays." He took her coat and gave a boyish wolf-whistle.
"Wow, Lin, you look fabulous!"
Lindsey was wearing an apricot wool dress with a brown and cream silk scarf knotted around her throat. She had swept her ash-blonde hair to the top of her head and had on more make-up than usual. She smiled.
"Thanks. Now come on Andrew, don't keep me in suspense any longer; tell me what's on your mind."
"Okay, sit down and make yourself at home—What'll you drink?”
Lindsey perched on the sofa. "Whisky please, on the rocks—I've a feeling I might need it."
He crossed to the sideboard and began pouring the drinks. "All right, I'll come straight to the point, Lin. Why on earth haven't you mentioned that you live in Africa and that you're only here on holiday—even if it is a working holiday?"
"So that's it…I rather thought it might be. I suppose Susan told you?"
She extracted a bullet-like ruched velvet cushion from behind her back and placed it on the sofa beside her.
He nodded. "Partly. She gave me some garbled story about your coming from Kenya and saving lots of letters from a boyfriend out there. She was obviously trying to warn me off for some reason. I gave her a flea in her ear."
"Well, I thought it was easier to say nothing. You see I came to England to sort myself out really….I told you I was having a trial separation from my boyfriend, didn't I? Well, I knew that if I decided not to marry Gavin, I wouldn't be able to return to Kenya without a lot of embarrassment on both sides, because he manages my father's ranch and it would mean seeing each other every day.
"I couldn't make a decision like that in five minutes, Andrew. Not something that was going to affect my whole life and that of my family. I needed to be completely detached for a time to think things out...Do you understand?" Andrew nodded. "And, you see, I didn't feel I could think straight if I were continually being bombarded with questions about Kenya—At least that was one reason for my deception."
Andrew handed her, her drink and lit a cigarette for her.
"All right—fair enough, we'll come back to the other reason in a minute shall we? What I can't understand is why ever didn't you tell us you were Mary Meredith’s niece, and that you used to live in Cambrook, instead of pretending that you didn't even know the area."
Lindsey looked at him in amazement. She hadn't expected this. So Susan hadn't been his sole informant after all. "Who told you all this?" she demanded.
"Oh, that's easy. I ran into Colin Marks and the poor fellow obviously had no idea he was spilling the beans. He told me about your family home burning down, and leaving you with nowhere to stay—Rough luck."
"Yes," she said sadly. "White Chestnuts meant rather a lot to me, and it was a terrible shock to learn it was gone. At first I just couldn't believe it, but I saw for myself that afternoon you took me out, and somehow I just couldn't talk about it. When I had the chance of the post at Balliam Point, I jumped at it, because it gave me the opportunity of finding out just what had happened to White Chestnuts, and to be near enough to visit the Marks when they returned, but I thought Mr. Kirkby mightn't like it if he thought I had an ulterior motive for taking the job, and so I didn't say anything. As for Aunt Mary, well, how was I to know you knew her for goodness sake! Any more than I realised you knew Colin Marks."
"True…but there is something much more to the point than all this, isn't there? If you're only here on holiday, just how much longer do you propose to stay in England?"
Lindsey coloured, caught unawares by Andrew's astuteness.
"If you must know that was the real reason why I didn't say anything about Kenya in the first place. After all, I'm a British citizen and I'm entitled to get a job here, but I thought that if Mr. Kirkby discovered I was only in England for a few months he might not want to employ me on a short-term basis, and you see Rob and I really do need the money."
Andrew scratched his chin thoughtfully. "You can't evade the issue any longer, Lin—Have you reached any decisions yet about what you intend to do?"
She smiled ruefully. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I 'phoned Gavin last night in Nairobi. I've decided not to marry him and I'm staying on in England, at least for the time being, but I'm rather upset about it all and don't really want to discuss it at present. It's caused a lot of heartache all round."
He slipped a casual arm around her shoulder. "Then we'll drop the subject in just a moment." He snapped his fingers suddenly.
"The light dawns! I shouldn't really tell you this, I suppose, but Simon 'phoned earlier knowing you were visiting me tonight. He was concerned because you were upset about something, and asked if I knew anything about it, implying that it might be something to do with me."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry—I've told him I'm all right, but he won't believe me." She was touched at Simon's concern for her, and ashamed at her outburst the previous
evening.
"What are your plans then, Lin? Are you going to stay on at the Point?"
"Oh, I don't know at the moment, Andrew. I've still got to sort myself out."
"You know, my cousin will have a fit of apoplexy if you walk out on him overnight. He's beginning to depend on you far too much from what I can see of things."
She was startled. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Exactly what I say. He never kept a housekeeper before you came—spoke of them as an alien race, as if they'd got the plague or something, but he entrusts you with his manuscript—you dine with him."
Her heart beat furiously. "Didn't the others?"
He laughed. "You didn't see the others! You bet your sweet life they didn't. You know, Lin, your living in Africa explains a lot that was puzzling me. Do you like Kenya?"
"It grows on you, Andrew, but it's so vast. You won't mention what we've been talking about to anyone else will you? At least not yet," she asked in sudden alarm.
"What do you take me for? An informer like young Sue?"
"No, of course not…Thank you for being so understanding, Andrew. Bless you," Lindsey said and kissed him on the cheek.
"Lin, you're a nice girl, and I reckon we're two of a kind, doormats for others to wipe their feet on."
"Really Andrew, the things you say. That wasn't exactly flattering, you know!" She disengaged herself gently from his arm. "And now I really must get back to Balliam Point."
"Okay, off you go then and drive carefully, there's a bit of ice about tonight . . . I suppose what you've told me about you and Gavin splitting up doesn't put a different complexion on our relationship, does it?"
She laughed. "You don't give up easily do you? No, Andrew, I'm afraid not, but thanks anyway."
He really was sweet, she reflected, as she left the flat, but it would not do to let herself become too involved, even though she was a free agent once again. Although she was relieved that everything was at last out in the open; she was aware of a strange emptiness. Oh why did she have to fall so hopelessly in love with the wrong person?
Sonia Vincent arrived for dinner on Wednesday evening looking more exotic than ever. She was wearing a lime-green gown with a plunge neckline; her hair was done in a Grecian style and long dangling jet earrings and necklace completed the effect. Beside her Lindsey felt plain and uninteresting, like a sparrow beside a peacock.
Sonia asked if she could powder her nose, and Lindsey led her upstairs to one of the guest rooms. Susan came flying in.
"Aunty Sonia, you've arrived…I didn't hear the doorbell. Oh what a gorgeous dress…! Is that the necklace daddy gave you?"
"Oh hallo, Susan…Yes, this is the necklace your father gave me for Christmas…It is a beautiful gown, isn't it, darling? I modelled a similar creation for Vogue, as a matter of fact. There are some sweets for you and Tommy in my bag, darling, if you look. No, on second thoughts you'd better not, in case you break my perfume."
"Oh, I'll be very careful, I promise—Can I have a little? Is it very expensive?"
"Yes, darling, very…Just a teeny weeny spray then—there."
"Oh, thank you," Susan went to kiss her, but Sonia backed away.
"Do be careful, Susan you'll ruin my make-up." Susan coloured. "Oh, there now, you've made me spill powder on my skirt…You are a clumsy girl!"
Susan's eyes filled with tears, and Lindsey felt a sharp stab of anger against this thoughtless woman.
"Tommy, why are you lurking by the door?" Sonia demanded, suddenly catching sight of him.
"I don't go into ladies' bedrooms," Tommy remarked, and then curiosity overcame him. "I say, aren't you cold like that?"
"Tommy!" Lindsey rebuked sharply. "Run along now, and you, Sue. I'll see you both presently."
They both went with a bad grace, and Sonia reached for her mink stole. It was a cold house, as Andrew had commented on Lindsey's arrival.
"Those children are quite impossible. Why Simon doesn't send them away to boarding school, I really can't imagine." Sonia applied fresh lipstick and even more of the heady perfume. Just what she was trying to do to Simon, Lindsey really could not imagine. She wondered what Simon's reaction would be if she turned up dressed like Sonia. Not that she possessed such a stunning gown of course. He probably wouldn't even notice her, she realised sadly.
"Just do my hook up, will you?—I've been meaning to ask you, Miss Meredith —How long do you intend to remain here?"
The question took Lindsey completely by surprise. "Why, I hadn't really thought about it. After all it's really a question of how long Mr. Kirkby needs me, but the appointment is permanent, you know."
Sonia's eyes narrowed. "Indeed. Of course, if you considered your reputation, you wouldn't be here at all."
Lindsey felt the colour rise to her cheeks. "Just what are you implying?"
Sonia shrugged her beautiful shoulders. "Oh nothing, nothing at all, but I shouldn't play too much on Simon's good nature if I were you. Nor for that matter on Andrew's. You may or may not know that they have both proposed to me on more than one occasion."
The situation was too ludicrous for words. Lindsey laughed dryly.
"Well, you can only marry one of them —unless of course you're contemplating bigamy."
Sonia's amber eyes flashed. "I'd remember who you're talking to, if I were you. I shall speak to Simon about this."
"Do so by all means," Lindsey said sweetly. "I'm sure he would be most interested to know what you've just told me."
Sonia swept out of the room, leaving Lindsey to stare after her. Why did some people have everything their way, and others nothing, she wondered wretchedly.
Fortunately, Mrs. Parker was staying late to help out, and so Lindsey let her serve the meal, merely staying in the kitchen to supervise things. She wasn't accustomed to being jealous, but she was tonight, and it made her feel thoroughly miserable. She was only thankful that Simon had not invited her to join them for coffee again, for she couldn't bear to see Sonia flirting with him.
Lindsey escaped upstairs at the earliest opportunity, feeling more unhappy than she ever remembered. She would have to take another job. She could not go on in this way, loving and being unloved, but wouldn't it be worse not to see Simon at all?
"Merry, why can't you watch television with us? You're always typing nowadays," complained Tommy, when she brought him his hot drink.
"Because I've got to get this work done for your father."
"Merry, why did Uncle Andrew come to see you at Sue's school yesterday?" So Susan had seen him. Lindsey sighed inwardly.
"He had something to tell me, that's all. Now hurry up with that milk—Sue's finished her bath, and you're still up."
Tommy pretended not to hear. "Sue's mad because she thinks Uncle Andrew's nuts about you."
Lindsey was amused. "That’s not true, Tommy."
" At first she thought Uncle Rob was your boyfriend in England, but then when she found out he was your brother she was sure it must be Uncle Andrew, 'cos he's always coming to see you. She thinks you tricked her on purpose."
"Uncle Andrew and I are only friends you know." She dropped a kiss on his forehead. Tommy chewed a sweet thoughtfully.
"Merry, is it true that you used to live in Africa?"
"I suppose Susan told you that as well I guess she's been reading my letters, hasn't she?"
He nodded. "She says you've got an African boyfriend who writes to you a lot…Merry are you going back there?"
"No, Tommy, not for quite some time, anyway--And now you really must go to bed. Just look at the time!"
"I'm glad you're not going back to Africa…Hey, wasn't that Sonia's dress disgusting? You could see her chest!"
"Tommy, it's meant to be like that, and it really is a very lovely dress—quite respectable."
"Well, I don't like that Sonia. Heck d'you suppose Daddy is really going to marry her?"
"I honestly wouldn't know, Tommy, and anyway, even if he was, he wouldn't tell me, and now hurry up and
clean your teeth."
"Okay, I'm going—Have a liquorice torpedo." He offered her a crumpled bag.
When Tommy and Sue had finally gone to bed, Lindsey went back into the sitting room to type. Tommy had given her a great deal to think about. Now that she wasn't returning to Africa, she had to consider her future very carefully. She had banked on staying here for some time, but if Simon married Sonia…
"No," she said aloud to the typewriter. He couldn't marry Sonia—He just couldn't. She pounded the typewriter keys viciously. Simon was too good for Sonia and, anyway, she didn't care about the children.
Lindsey suddenly realised just what Balliam Point and the children had come to mean to her, quite apart from Simon. There was a physical pain in her heart, as she thought of her love for Simon, though he did not give her the slightest encouragement. She meant nothing to him at all. No more than a piece of furniture. Oh, what a hopeless situation it was.
She heard laughter from downstairs and muted voices. What must it be like to be Sonia? Vivacious and beautiful, with two men in love with her. Which one would win her?—Please not Simon. Lindsey sighed deeply, and went on typing, no longer registering what she was copying out.
Chapter Seven
When Lindsey returned from taking the children to school the following morning, Simon called her into the breakfast room.
"Tommy came in specially before he left to say you hadn't had any breakfast, so come and have some now with me. Mrs. Parker's cooked a double portion, on my orders, and it's piping hot…Look at the sky—There's snow in the air."
Lindsey sat down thankfully and began to pour the coffee. "I had to mend Sue's skirt because I forgot last night."
"Oh, so that's what all the kerfuffle was about earlier on."
Lindsey nodded wearily, recalling the petulant scene when Susan had discovered her skirt had not been mended.