by Jenny Lane
"Yes, I'm all right," breathed Lindsey. "Quite all right."
Lindsey thought she would never sleep. He must care a little. That kiss was not like Andrew's or even Gavin's. It awakened every fibre in her body, and left her feeling light-headed and rather as if she had just been on the big dipper. Not only that, but it also left her feeling even more mixed up than before.
When Lindsey got up the next morning, it was to discover that Simon had already taken Susan out to buy Sonia a birthday present. Lindsey's head felt tender, and on examination, she discovered a large bruise where she had knocked it. Mrs. Parker insisted on cooking lunch, and made Lindsey stay in the sitting room by the fire. She was halfway through a game of Ludo with Tommy, when Polly informed her that Rob was on the 'phone.
"Lin, there's been another cable—not from Gavin this time—Listen to this . . . `Tell L not to worry, I'm here now. Mary.'
"Mary!" Lindsey exclaimed in disbelief. "What's Mary doing in Kenya?"
"Search me, but that should stop you worrying…Perhaps she's finished her work and has decided to have a holiday before returning to England. Anyway isn't it good news?"
"Oh, Yes! You can say that again. I am relieved."
Bemused, Lindsey returned to Tommy. They had just reached an exciting part in their game of Ludo when Polly reappeared with a tray of coffee and, in her wake, Simon and Susan.
"I've bought a lovely brooch for Aunty Sonia—much better than the cake," announced Susan.
Simon had a strange expression on his face. "I've just been talking to a mutual acquaintance of ours in Cambrook , Lindsey—Colin Marks…I was interested to learn that you're only over here on a working holiday from Kenya!"
Lindsey sprang to her feet in confusion, catching the Ludo board with her skirt and scattering the counters all over the carpet.
"Sue always does that when she's losing, too," remarked Tommy, and Susan gave him a withering look.
"Sorry, Tommy." Lindsey rescued a red counter from the coal scuttle. "It's a long story, and I really am going to find it rather difficult to explain so perhaps we ought to have coffee first…I'm sorry if I've deceived you." She busied herself pouring the coffee, relieved that the pretence was over at last. It had been so silly really to keep it up.
Simon fastened his granite gaze on her. "And I was going to suggest that you drove over to see how your father's progressing this afternoon—but I guess Nairobi's a bit far."
Tommy was the only one who laughed. "I knew all the time, didn't I, Merry!" he cried jubilantly.
"Only because Susan read my letters."
Simon shot his daughter a severe look, and she turned a dull red and looked uncomfortable. He sat down heavily and took out his pipe. "Well, life is full of surprises…I suppose you're going to tell me next, young lady, that Colin Marks is your mysterious fiance."
Lindsey had to laugh at this in spite of herself. "We haven't seen each other for eight years."
"Your boyfriend lives in Kenya too, doesn't he, Merry?" Susan said slyly. "He's called Gavin."
There was an awkward silence. Everything was suddenly out in the open, except for the real reason for Lindsey being at Balliam Point. Well, she thought miserably, it had had to come out sooner or later. Her head was throbbing badly and she longed to escape to her room.
Later, Simon asked her to come to his study, as she had known he would.
"I want to talk to you Lindsey—Just why did you deceive me about the fact that you live in Kenya?"
Lindsey told him briefly the same as she had told Andrew, finishing,
"I thought if you'd found out I'd really come over here on holiday you might ask questions as to…" She stopped and turned away, unable to meet that steady gaze.
"Go on…"
"Well, I wasn't sure in the beginning just how long I was going to stay. There were things I had to sort out in my own mind and, anyway, I'd not done this type of work exactly before—I didn't know if I'd like it."
"I see. Well, what are you planning to do now, Lindsey Meredith?—You're not going to walk out on us, are you?"
"I don't know," she said miserably. "It's not just a question of returning to Africa, in any case."
"Oh, there's more to it is there? The things you came to sort out?"
She nodded her head. "It's rather a complicated situation and everything depends on—Oh, all sorts of things."
"Things that you are obviously totally unprepared to discuss with me?"
"For the time being, yes . . . I'm sorry, but they're rather personal." She felt her colour rising.
"I see," he said, the frown reappearing on his forehead. "You disappoint me, Lindsey. I was beginning to think we were friends." And then abruptly, he turned and disappeared into his study. Lindsey stared after him her eyes full of tears. How could she tell him the truth that she was in love with him and that that was what was making her decisions so difficult to make?
Lindsey did feel like Cinderella that evening, as she sat alone correcting Simon's manuscript. She had offered to collect the children from Sonia's party, but Simon had told her to rest, and had said that he would be bringing them back himself, around ten o'clock.
When she finally heard the crunch of car tyres on the gravel, she started to her feet. It wasn't Simon who had returned with the children, however, but Andrew.
"Hello, and how's the invalid? Simon had me worried when he told me that you'd fainted yesterday, and so I thought I'd drop by to see how you were…Simon's obviously been driving you far too hard, my girl."
"Oh now, you're quite wrong, Andrew. It was truly nothing."
"Super party, Merry," said Susan from the doorway.
"You two get ready for bed, I want to talk to Lindsey."
Tommy yawned sleepily. "Super party," he echoed.
"Good, I'll bring you a hot drink when you're in bed."
"Can we have something to eat, Merry? We're starving."
"Yes," agreed Tommy, "It was all little things—I'd much rather have beans on toast."
Susan giggled. "Imagine all those people eating beans on toast—Really Tommy, they'd need a mighty big tin." And everyone laughed.
Andrew followed Lindsey to the kitchen and watched idly, as she opened a can of beans, and made the coffee.
"I'm sorry your father's ill, Lin…Simon told me." He said in answer to her enquiring glance. "He was extremely put out that you hadn't mentioned Kenya to him before, as I thought he would be. He also seemed to have the impression that you were planning to return to Africa after all—Have you changed your mind about marrying Gavin, Lindsey?"
Lindsey explained to him how she felt responsible for her father's illness and then went on to tell him about Gavin. "You see Gavin and I grew up together. His father was manager of the ranch before him, and his grandfather before that. Father would be over the moon if I married Gavin—it's what he's always hoped for." She filled in the details and Andrew listened intently.
He scratched his chin characteristically when she had finished.
"Hmm well—Lindsey, whatever you do don't have a marriage of convenience. It wouldn't work, honey. It would be very foolish to rush into something you'd later regret, just to please your father…better stick to your guns and stay here. Your father will soon get used to the idea. It's not the Victorian age you know…If he wants that ranch badly enough then he'll buy it regardless of your decision, and get another manager to run it if need be until Rob's free…I mean, as I've said before, it's your life. If you don't love Gavin, and you prefer England to Africa then it's surely up to you if you want to stay here. You've no cause to feel responsible so far as I can see. Perhaps you could have used a little more diplomacy in your approach—broken the news a bit more gently—I don't know. Anyway there's one thing to be thankful for—at least you know your father's in safe hands now that Mary's out there."
The whole thing seemed so cut and dried from Andrew's point of view, but then of course he knew nothing of Lindsey's feelings for Simon.
; "Andrew, if I stay here what will I do? I mean Rob will return to Kenya, as soon as he's finished his training and when Simon marries Sonia Vincent, I'll no longer be needed at the Point."
A strange look crossed Andrew's face.
"Simon could have married Sonia years back, but he chose Lucy instead…At any rate, old mother Vincent will be pleased if this match eventually comes off. She's itching for Sonia to marry Simon, so that she can get her hands on the house and his money. Old Emily has Sonia completely and utterly under her thumb —life for Sonia isn't all honey, believe you me."
Lindsey didn't believe it. She thought Sonia Vincent was the most self-indulged, spoiled woman she had ever encountered but, knowing Andrew's infatuation for her, she refrained from making any comment and busied herself putting the toast in the toaster. Now was the time to ask if ever.
"Andrew, Simon did divorce his wife, didn't he?"
Andrew looked at her keenly. "Lin, Simon was like a dog in a manger over Lucy. I sometimes wonder if he ever loved her you know. If he did the flame soon died out, and yet when she went to Australia he wouldn't divorce her . . . That's why I say to you, Lindsey Meredith—don't go throwing yourself at this Gavin Evans just because he represents security …Try weighing security against true love and happiness and you'll find it doesn't balance…Hey don't look so down, honey, things will sort themselves out you'll see."
But Andrew could not know what a shock he had given Lindsey. So it was true, she thought numbly. Simon was still married to Lucy. The only cold comfort she could gain was that Sonia couldn't marry him either until he did divorce Lucy…Wasn't there something about waiting five years nowadays? Just how long had they been separated. Lindsey's head was in a whirl.
"It all seems such a waste," she murmured sadly.
Andrew seemed to understand what she meant…"Oh, I'm sure, at the time, they imagined themselves wildly in love, but it was just an infatuation that burnt itself out. Lucy got tired first. You see Lin, everyone has always fallen in love with old Simon—There's something about him, goodness knows what. He's no Casanova, but, ever since I can remember, the pretty girls have always been head over heels in love with him…Watch out, the beans are burning!" Andrew suddenly shouted and she hastily removed the pan from the stove.
Long after Andrew had gone and the children were in bed, Lindsey sat in the sitting room thinking.
"All the girls have always been head over heels in love with him," the words echoed through her brain. She too had succumbed and fallen under the spell. What a fool she was and how helpless she felt. All this time, she had imagined Simon to be a free agent, divorced from Lucy, only to discover now that he wasn't at all.
She was suddenly bitterly angry. How could Simon behave as if he were free? Didn't he care anything for his children? Surely he must realise they had feelings and yet, he continued to have an affair with Sonia. Her cheeks burned hotly, as she recalled his kiss of the previous evening. It was bad enough to know that Simon was in love with Sonia but for her, Lindsey, to fall so blatantly in love with a married man was inexcusable.
Lindsey sighed and tried to concentrate on the pile of mending before her. In Simon's arms she had felt secure. His kiss had filled her with ecstasy, but the dream world was completely shattered now, and she was left with harsh reality. Soon she must tell Simon of her decision to return to Africa. She would marry Gavin, if he would still have her. She might not love him, but she would make him a dutiful wife, and surely that was what counted? She threaded a needle and picked up a sock to darn…It was Simon's sock and suddenly the foolish tears fell. She loved him so very, very much.
"Lindy—Lindy guess what! Daddy says he's having tea with us!" shouted Tommy, a few days later. Susan looked up from her homework.
"Oh, family tea—how super! It's ages since Daddy had tea with us."
Lindsey wasn't so sure she wanted to face him. The past days had been so busy; finishing and checking through the manuscript, that there had been no opportunity to speak with him about other matters. Simon was charm itself during tea. He bit into a macaroon thoughtfully.
"Well, Miss Meredith and I have worked mighty hard to finish these articles and deserve a break; coupled with the fact that a little bird tells me it's your half term at the end of this week and, of course, Miss Meredith herself is really over here on holiday. Funny sort of holiday looking after us lot, but still… Anyway, all in all, I think I might deliver my manuscript personally; do a little business as well, and that means we can all go to London on Friday for a day or two."
The children greeted this news enthusiastically. Simon looked at Lindsey gravely. "Doesn't it meet with your approval, Miss Meredith? You haven't said anything."
"I—I can't think of anything to say I'm so pleased."
"Well, why don't you kiss daddy then, like Sonia does when she's pleased about something?" asked Tommy, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
"Yes, why don't you?" asked Simon. "I'd like that very much."
Lindsey looked embarrassed and muttered something about pouring more tea, and Susan laughed. Lindsey suddenly felt humiliated.
"Are you sure you want me to come, Mr. Kirkby? I mean, I can easily stay here or with the Marks."
"Oh no, Lindy! I'm not going if you don't," cried Tommy.
"Why don't you take Sonia, instead?" asked Susan.
It was Simon's turn to look uncomfortable. "For one thing, Miss Meredith is coming to look after us all and because she deserves a holiday, and for another, Aunty Sonia is already in London."
So that was it! Lindsey might have known there would be a catch in it somewhere. Perhaps it would be better to return to Africa whilst the children were away for these few days, so that Tommy at least, wouldn't miss her so much. But the chance of a few more days in London surely wasn't to be overlooked—A final memory of her beloved England to lock away in her heart, during those long hot days on the ranch. No, she would leave it until Tuesday now, before telling Simon of her decision to return to Africa. She was saved the trouble, however, because at dinner that evening, Simon broached the subject of her future himself.
"You came to England for three months initially, didn't you Lindsey? You arrived just before Christmas and so that time must be practically up."
"Yes, it is," Lindsey said in a small voice. "On Thursday, as a matter of fact."
"I see…Well listen to me, Lindsey Jane Meredith. I shall want to know whether I've got to contact that confounded agency again, and so you'd better make up your mind between now and the end of the holiday, and let me know your plans before we leave London, so that I can visit that wretched Porlock woman again if necessary." Lindsey wouldn't have minded if he had said one word about caring whether she stayed or not, but he was so matter of fact, so completely detached that she felt like going upstairs that very minute, packing her case and leaving there and then. She rose to her feet and said a little unsteadily, "I quite understand, Mr. Kirkby, and I'll let you know in a day or two… " And she almost ran from the room.
He looked after her, a bewildered expression on his face. He half started to his feet, but changed his mind and poured himself some more coffee instead, cursing under his breath. If she wanted to go, he was going to have to let her without any argument, whatever he might feel about it. After all she had a fiance waiting for her back in Kenya. Suddenly, he realised he would miss her. She had such a strange effect on him, like a breath of fresh mountain air.
Lindsey leant miserably against the banisters. Oh why couldn't she bring herself to tell Simon outright that she had made up her mind to marry Gavin and to return to Africa as soon as possible? Was it because even now, deep in her heart, she just wasn't sure . . . and she had to be?
"Merry, are you coming? I can't find my pyjamas anywhere," shouted Tommy.
"All right Tommy, I'm coming." She could almost hear her father saying, "Chin up girl, things are never so bad as they seem."
Friday dawned bright and dry. It was a beautiful drive through Kent, in spit
e of the time of the year. They arrived at their Kensington hotel before lunch, and went for a stroll in the gardens. To Lindsey it was pure heaven. They went down to the Peter Pan statue and watched an artist at work and then they wandered for a while along the river bank. All too soon, however, Simon had to leave for his publishers, leaving Lindsey to take the children to Regent's Park.
Susan was inclined to be sulky. "I knew it would be like this, daddy's always bombing off to see someone or the other just as we arrive. Anyway who wants to go to the stinky old zoo?"
"I do," said Tommy. They had quite an enjoyable time, and met up with Simon again outside the Palladium, where he had managed to get tickets for that evening's performance.
At any other time, Lindsey would have been thrilled, but somehow she could not seem to keep her mind on the show. She kept glancing at Simon, who was obviously miles away, and wondering whether he had in fact been to see Sonia.
Later, back at the hotel; having settled the children, Lindsey encountered Simon in the passageway. He persuaded her to have a drink. It should have been a wonderful time, just the two of them together, but somehow there was a barrier lying between them…Sonia Vincent? Lindsey wondered bitterly.
"Tomorrow we'll get the children some new clothes. I've got some business to attend to in the afternoon but, apart from that, I'm free. Do you want to ring that brother of yours?"
"He'll be out with Valerie Marks tomorrow, I expect. I thought perhaps Sunday, if that's all right with you, Mr. Kirkby?"
"Oh, call me Simon!"
"Simon," she said and suddenly wished with all her heart that these few days could last for ever…This precious time together had to last her for a life time.
"You know Sue's going to be thrilled, Lindsey, when I tell her Sonia's got some complimentary tickets for us to attend her fashion show on Monday morning."
"Did you er—did you manage to see her today?" Lindsey forced herself to ask him.
"Yes, as a matter of fact we lunched together—If you can call a lettuce leaf and cheese and biscuits lunch . . . You don't approve of Sonia, do you, Lindsey?"