She opened the door and stepped out into the hall. Lucas gave a long, slow whistle. “Sis, you look spectacular,” he said, pulling her close. “Aidan won’t know what hit him.” He led her to the living room. “Maria, what do you think? Is my sister not the most beautiful sister in the world?” His voice was filled with pride.
Maria strode across the room to hug Grace. “That dress is perfect on you. It brings out your eyes.”
Maria’s job as fashion coordinator for the local department store meant that she always dressed well, another trait Grace admired about her. She had been so kind since Grace had moved into the condo. “If you like it, then I’m good to go,” Grace said.
“The only thing I’d add is a smoky tone to your eye makeup,” Maria said, heading toward the bathroom. Quickly and with complete confidence, she applied the shadow to Grace’s lids. “Aidan is one lucky man. That’s all I can say.”
Maria’s gaze met Grace’s in the mirror. “I think Aidan needs his butt kicked for the way he’s behaved. I mean, he had everything and he tossed it for a hookup. Men. Sometimes I wonder…”
“You’re not wondering about Lucas are you?” Grace asked.
“No! But before Lucas I was involved with someone who didn’t tell me that he’d had an affair on the side. I was so hurt and angry. I had invested my total self in the relationship only to find out that he’d been with someone else.”
Grace touched Maria’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. It was really messy at the time, but when I realized that he was the one who made the mistake, not me, that I was the excuse he used to justify what he did, I got angry. And getting angry saved me from slipping back into those patterns of thought.” She gave her forehead a gentle smack. “Sometimes I wonder what we women use for brains when it comes to men.”
Grace experienced an odd sense of comfort. What had happened to her had happened to someone strong and amazing like Maria. “You’re right. This isn’t my fault at all. I wasn’t the one who broke our marriage vows.”
“That’s the attitude, girl. You just remember that you deserve a man who knows how to treat a woman. Someone like your brother,” she said, winking. “And if Aidan doesn’t come to his senses and behave like a loving husband, he’ll have my man to deal with.” She teased Grace’s bangs a little. “You look like a sexy woman on a mission.”
“How serious are you and Lucas?” Grace asked.
Maria nodded her head slowly, a smile filling her face. “Very serious.”
“Oh! That’s great!” Grace hugged Maria.
“Isn’t it? I’m excited. He’s asked me to go looking for a diamond with him, but I’m a little more traditional. I’d like him to pick something he likes. As for me, it’s not about the diamond. It’s about our future together.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s not about the ring. It’s about the love and the future together. I can’t wait to have you as my sister-in-law.”
“I’m so lucky. We’re both taking it slow, getting used to being with each other, to sharing our lives, our interests.” Maria glanced at her watch. “You’d better get a move on. You’re going to be late picking Aidan up. By the way, I think it’s totally cool that you’re driving—shows him you’re in control.”
“I hope so.” Grace hugged Maria a second time, went to find her evening bag, kissed her brother’s cheek, then headed for the door. “Love you. See you both later.”
“I guess I can’t ruffle your hair the way I did when we were kids,” Lucas said.
“Not a chance. After all the work Maria and I have put into my appearance, you cannot touch my hair.”
“I’ll be waiting up for you, to hear all about your date,” Maria said.
The traffic on the parkway was light and Grace got to the house earlier than she expected. She thought about slipping in the back door, but decided to come to the front instead. Like a real date. A scream of delight greeted Grace as Lisa answered the door. Emma peeked out around Lisa’s leg, her thumb slipping into her mouth, a smile of welcome on her tiny, upturned face. Unable to resist the little girl with the mischievous grin, Grace knelt down. “Hello there, Emma. What’s up?”
Emma pulled her thumb out of her mouth. “I’m playing with my Barbie doll. Do you want to play with me?” she asked, stretching out her hand toward Grace.
“I would like that very much.”
“Aidan’s been on the phone for the past hour,” Lisa said. “He just now headed upstairs to get dressed.”
Emma tugged at Grace’s hand. “Come on. I’ve got lots of dolls,” she said. The soft touch of the little girl’s skin filled Grace with happiness. As they entered the kitchen, she stopped. Everywhere she looked, there were toys. The TV was turned to a Thomas the Tank Engine program. The late-afternoon sun streamed over the counter where a little pink sweater dangled from the corner.
This was exactly how she’d imagined her kitchen would look when she and Aidan had a child of their own. She’d imagined making breakfast while her toddler played, Aidan coming downstairs, scooping up their child and squeezing in between her and the island to kiss the nape of her neck. She’d imagined so many wonderful moments. Moments that had never come true. Struggling to maintain her composure, she swallowed over the lump in her throat.
“I didn’t realize that four-year-olds played with Barbie dolls,” Grace said.
“Her mother bought a lot of toys, from dump trucks to Barbie dolls, and let Emma make the choice of which to play with.”
“Wanna see my dump trucks?” Emma asked still holding Grace’s hand. “Or we can sit at my table and have tea.” Emma pulled Grace to the child-size wooden table and chairs near the window. “Please, Lisa, can we have tea? Just the three of us. And Daddy, too.” She popped her thumb back into her mouth as her gaze moved to the door leading to the hall. Emma had clearly begun to feel at ease around him. The idea warmed Grace.
She was suddenly overwhelmed with caring and concern for this little girl who had been through so much and still faced the loss of her nanny when Lisa went back to Spartanburg. How would Emma cope with her dad at work and Lisa gone? Grace couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be so young and face so many changes in her life.
“I would love tea,” Grace said, kneeling next to Emma’s table, patting her narrow shoulders as Emma moved the dishes around in a businesslike fashion.
“We have to get tea for Sam and Pedro, Barbie, Ken and Tammy,” Emma said, going to the dolls propped up on miniature furniture by the fridge.
“Is everyone having tea?” Grace asked, loving this moment of make-believe with Emma.
“Oh,” Emma said, her lips rounded and her eyes bright with anticipation. “Do you want to make a peanut butter sandwich? Like we did the last time? All my dolls like peanut butter.”
“That sounds like fun.” The way Emma’s eyes widened when she was excited about something was cute.
Lisa wiped her hands on a towel, folding it neatly. “Emma, honey, you’ve already had your dinner. We need to get you ready for bed. Besides, Grace is here to pick up your daddy.”
Emma’s lower lip trembled. “Are you taking my daddy away?”
How difficult it must be for Emma to understand what is happening in her life. To think that she would fear someone taking her daddy away broke Grace’s heart. She hugged Emma, smoothing the curls from her face and looking into her anxious eyes. “No. Never. No one is going to take your daddy from you. I’m going out to dinner with him so we can talk.”
“About me?” Emma asked, leaning closer to Grace as she played with the gold necklace she was wearing.
“Probably some,” she answered honestly. She saw the downcast look in Emma’s eyes, and wanted to hold on to her forever. “Do you mind?”
Emma snuggled closer to Grace. “Has my mommy really gone to be with the angels?”
“Ye
s. Your mommy is in heaven with the angels.”
“How do you know?” Emma asked, her dark eyes wide in question.
“I just know. Someone who loved you so much would definitely be in heaven,” Grace said. What if she’d said the wrong thing? What if Lisa or Aidan had given Emma a different explanation? She glanced hurriedly at Lisa, to see her nodding slowly.
Grace clung to the little girl, feeling connected to her, imagining what it would have been like to hold her own baby. What would it have been like to give birth to a wonderful little girl just like Emma?
No! She couldn’t think those thoughts anymore. She would never have a baby of her own, and she had to stop wishing she could. With Aidan able to have a child, and despite the gynecologist saying they could find no reason she couldn’t conceive, the fault for not having children had to be hers.
She sensed someone standing behind her. Glancing up she saw Aidan, an expression of wonder on his face.
“Emma needed a little comforting,” she offered, the air seeming to be suspended between them. She searched for words to express her feelings, the changes this child had wrought. Changes that went so deep they rocked Grace’s belief in herself.
He knelt beside her. “You are so good with Emma,” he said, his eyes dark with awareness as his hand touched her shoulder.
For the longest minute, she wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her breathless, show her how much he cared by making love to her. It took all her willpower not to act on her feelings. But if everything went well in the next few weeks, she might not have to resist her feelings.
“I think it’s time we got to the restaurant,” she said, holding back the loving, bittersweet emotions his touch sparked.
“Whatever you say,” he offered, taking Emma in his arms and brushing the curls off her face. “Emma, Daddy is going out with Grace, but I’ll be back.” He kissed her round cheeks, making her laugh, a beautiful sound that tugged hard on Grace’s heart. She needed to leave before she lost her determination to stay removed from this scene.
Still in her father’s arms, Emma reached for Grace. “Hug. I want a hug.”
Stepping closer to Aidan, Grace kissed Emma’s cheek and, in doing so, breathed in the cologne she’d given Aidan for Christmas. She felt light-headed at the nearness of him, the possibilities of the evening ahead. “Good night, Emma.”
“Good night,” Emma said, giving Grace a big, noisy kiss and a smile as she waved.
It took every bit of energy to move away out of Aidan’s reach. Grace wanted to touch him, to feel his skin, soak in his scent, but it was too dangerous. She had to keep her head clear, focus on working out the issues between them.
Tonight was the beginning of the changes needed to make her feel included, be part of Emma’s life and to find a way to resolve her feelings of betrayal. If they were to have a life together, it had to be on equal terms. Even the thought of what would happen if it all went wrong again made her frightened, her courage deserting her.
Lisa’s voice was gentle as she said, “Emma, it’s time for bed. Say good-night to your daddy.”
“Night, princess,” Aidan said, kissing Emma before handing her to Lisa. “I’ll be back real soon.”
“And in the meantime, Emma will have her bath and I’ll read her a story,” Lisa said.
What would it be like to put Emma to bed, read to her, then kiss her good-night before seeking Aidan to enjoy the rest of the evening? Feelings of remorse flowed through her at the memory of the words they’d said to each other, their inability to find a way to be a family.
She wanted to be part of Aidan’s life and Emma’s. Everything she’d ever wanted and everything she stood to lose was in this house. Quietly, she went to the door. He must not see her tears. He would want an explanation and she couldn’t give him one without admitting how much she loved him.
When they got to the restaurant Grace was feeling a little more in control. Aidan, true to his word, had kept the conversation light and fun as she drove. They listened as the maître d’ told them a humorous story about his eight-year-old son learning to play the violin, then ordered their favorite food.
When the meal arrived, they talked and ate as if nothing was wrong between them. “Do you remember the first time we went to the movies together?” Aidan asked.
“Ah… Miss Congeniality. Benjamin Bratt and Sandra Bullock. We laughed all the way through it.”
“And how many times have you watched since?”
“Probably three or four times,” she said, savoring the taste of Alfredo sauce.
“I’ve never known anyone who enjoys watching reruns of movies like you do.” He picked up his wineglass. The old connection, so strong between them even after all these years, came alive. It was as if they’d never been apart, as if none of the events of the past weeks had happened.
Nervously, she smoothed her hair, her fingers touching the necklace at her throat. “How is work going?” she asked to keep the conversation on a safe topic.
“Busy.” Aidan sighed, putting his wineglass down. “In fact, we are going to exceed our profit projections for this year based on the first six months.”
He continued to talk, giving Grace a glimpse into the business that excited him. She’d always loved his passion for his work, even though she didn’t understand most of what he did. Yet his enthusiasm triggered a sense of loss. A few weeks ago sharing their day over dinner had been normal—something they’d taken for granted and maybe not appreciated. But because of the past weeks, it had completely and utterly changed.
The man sitting across from her had kept a part of his life a secret from her, had let her believe that he’d been faithful to her. And all the while, his infidelity, his thoughtlessness had threatened everything.
A chill settled in the pit of her stomach. Their life would never be the same again, no matter how much either of them tried to put it back together. They could never go back to how their life had been, to that time of innocence and total trust. Deidre MacPherson—a woman Grace had no real knowledge of and one her husband claimed to not really know or care about—would always overshadow their lives.
But the worst of all was that Aidan could have had a casual relationship with a woman he claimed no real connection to. That he could be so cavalier about something she considered sacred. And now there was a child who would forever represent that fundamental difference in their values. How could he be so careless about sharing his body with another person? What sort of person could have sex with no emotional involvement with someone he’d had no contact with after?
“Sorry. I tend to talk too much about business.” He leaned back in his chair, glancing around for a waiter. “What would you like for dessert?”
“Not tonight,” she said.
He waited while the waiter took their plates. He looked into her eyes, stirring her affection despite her train of thought. There had never been anyone else for her but Aidan.
“Are you sure? What about lemon gelato? It’s your favorite.”
He can remember my favorite dessert but not understand how I feel about his infidelity.
Did he have any idea how much he’d hurt her? He was sorry, and repentant, but was that all? Would he have felt as she did if the situation had been reversed, if she’d been unfaithful?
There was an awkward moment after he convinced her to order dessert. Even though there was a lot going on inside her, she couldn’t seem to think of anything to say. At least, anything that wouldn’t lead to what was really uppermost in her mind.
They were supposed to be on a date, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt more like being suspended in a bad dream, unable to wake up. Every time she tried to rein in her thoughts, her mind circled the pain of the past few weeks.
Aidan watched her, a pleading look in his eyes. “Grace, I would give everything I have if you would come home with me this even
ing. I love you, and I miss you in a way I’ve never missed anyone in my life.” He smoothed his hand over his hair, a sign he was nervous. “I’m well aware that we have issues to work out, but it’s lonely without you. I miss our early morning talks. It’s hard to get up and head out to work without saying one word to you.” He blinked rapidly. “Do you suppose we could go for a walk, somewhere more private so we can talk?”
She wanted that more than anything. “It’s impossible the way it is,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“We can’t ignore or gloss over what’s going on between us.”
“Let’s drive out to Foley Beach and watch the waves. We always loved doing that,” he said.
His suggestion called to mind the days when they had no money and went to the ice cream shop near the pier. More bittersweet memories. Still, a walk on the beach would be pleasant and distracting. “Why not?”
“Will you let me drive?” he asked.
“Why would you want to drive my car? Aren’t you the one who claims that it drives like a grocery cart?” she asked, slipping easily into their teasing banter.
“I’m doing my good deed for the day by saving all the oncoming traffic from my wife, the centerline hugger.”
“While Mario Andretti, here, thinks that the speed limit is for turtles,” she said, laughing for the first time this evening. It freed her.
He shifted in his chair, his smile warm, his gaze intense. “You look gorgeous,” he said. “I love the sound of your laughter…the way your nose crinkles when you grin.”
I love you was on her lips, but she held back. Her laughter was one of the first things he’d complimented her on when they’d started dating, and something he never failed to remark on. Funny, how he’d always been able to make her laugh. And she’d always said she loved him when he did; a habit honed from years of loving the same man.
They arranged to take their desserts and coffee with them, then headed out onto the highway to the beach, the windows down, the air ripe with scents of tidal water and muddy inlets. The street leading to the beach was lined with shops selling trinkets, and restaurants with patrons spilling onto the sidewalk.
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