by Thirteen
“Who was that who drove you here?” she asked not-so-indifferently.
He shrugged. “A fuck buddy.”
“Roy!” she gasped in a way that was curiously satisfying.
“Did you expect me to stay true to you?” He slumped in his chair, arms crossed. It was a defensive posture, he knew, but he felt wary—mostly because his body was reacting to her. The smell of her perfume, the rise and fall of her displayed cleavage and her cupid’s bow lips, wet with gloss, were stirring up old responses. He knew he was in danger of letting her completely off the hook.
“No,” she said, glancing down and then back up. Moisture glimmered in her pretty, blue eyes. “I don’t blame you, Roy. Leaving you was one of the worst mistakes of my life!”
“Was it?”
“Oh, yes! I’m sorrier than you can imagine for what I did!” The tears fell.
It ought to have been gratifying, Roy thought, to hear her say that, to see her crying about it, but he couldn’t help remembering what he’d told Janet: how sexy tears were if a woman was admitting to a mistake. Lila, he reflected, was very appealing at that moment: cheeks damp, lower lip quivering with remorse. Roy idly wondered if she knew how arousing her repentance was. Stupid question, he decided. Of course she knew.
“I’m not expecting you to take me back right away,” she went on earnestly, “but please tell me you’ll consider it. I couldn’t bear to think we were completely and totally done—forever.”
Completely, totally and forever? Roy almost laughed, then frowned as it dawned on him that Lila had said such silly things to him before and he’d gobbled them up like candy. Why was he feeling the opposite now? Repelled by her hyperbole rather than attracted?
He frowned, then blinked as it came to him. Oh. Because he’d spent the night with a woman who hadn’t tried to be what he wanted her to be. Janet had been only herself with him and he’d been only himself with her. And as short as their time together had been, it had given him a taste for candor and killed any patience he might have for lies. Even lies he wanted to hear.
Still, a part of him ached for Lila. She was lying to him, playing with him, but he yearned to have her back. He wondered, though, if he’d still feel that way if he could get her to be as honest with him as Janet had been. Did he have the courage to find out?
“I need to ask you some questions first,” he ventured, leaning across the table.
More tears. “Must you?” her voice had a heart-rending tremor to it. “I’ve already hurt you so much. I know you want to punish me, but my answers will probably hurt you, too, and I don’t want that.”
Damn. Roy did laugh this time, though silently. What a clever evasion. He’d forgotten how clever Lila could be. “I’ll survive,” he said dryly. “All I want from you is full disclosure. No evasions.”
Her pretty eyes dropped demurely. “I’ll try.”
“Why did you leave him? He’s better looking than me and he makes more money.”
“I didn’t love him!” she said, touching on Roy’s hand, caressing it. “I thought I did, but I don’t. I love you.” She was close enough to kiss, but he resisted.
“That’s not true, Lila.”
“Of course it is!”
He pulled back his hand. “If you’re going to lie, you can leave.”
“Roy!”
“Why?” he slammed his hand down on the table, making her jump.
She gaped at him, but her expression changed. It held less remorse and more consideration. She licked her lips. “He...wasn’t a gentleman. He expected me to wait on him hand and foot.”
This time, Roy chuckled aloud. “He made you fetch him a soda while watching the football game, huh?”
She glanced away. “Not exactly.” Her tone was petulant.
“Next question—”
“Roy, what’s the point of this interrogation?”
“Did you suck his cock?”
“I knew it!” Lila threw up her hands. “I knew you were going to go for the sordid details—”
“No. I just want to know this one thing. Did you?”
She shifted uncomfortably. “Yes. Every time we did it, if you must know. Are you happy?”
He felt his stomach turn. Suddenly, she was no longer desirable. It was like a light switch going off. Amazing what honesty could do. “Why would you do that for him if you didn’t love him?”
That gave her pause. It clearly was not the way she’d expected this interview to go. “I...don’t—”
“Why?”
She pursed her lips and crossed her arms. Ah. There was the stubborn Lila he knew so well. In the past, he’d just about gone to his knees to coax her out of this mood. This time he just waited.
“I wanted to please him,” she finally admitted.
“I see.” Why didn’t you ever want to please me? he almost asked, but the answer was self-evident. In their relationship it had always been his job to please her, not vice versa. “Last question—”
“Thank God!”
“How long were you planning on staying with me this time? Do you already have another rich, sexy guy lined up, or are you going to need a few months to search for one?”
She was so flabbergasted that she couldn’t even utter his name. Her expression, however, spoke volumes.
“Looks like I hit the nail squarely on the head,” Roy smiled bitterly. “Thanks for the offer, Lila, but I’m not interested in being a placeholder. The sex wasn’t that good.”
“You—you asshole!” She shot to her feet. “I thought you were a gentleman, but you’re just an angry little man.”
As he was taller than her, he got what the “little” was about.
“I can be,” he admitted. “A misogynistic son-of-a-bitch, ugly, hurtful and, as you say, small. But I don’t like that guy, and I don’t want to be him—not ever again. Lucky for me, I don’t have to be him. I know that now. Which is why I’m not going to take your duplicity personally. Putting a twist on it, Lila, it’s not me, it’s you.”
“Bastard!” She was almost speechless with rage now, her face as red as a child about to throw a tantrum. “I don’t know why I even bothered to come back!”
“Because you can’t stand to be without a man,” Roy sighed. “It damages your self-esteem if you don’t have one of us dancing to your tune.”
“Which you were happy enough to do,” she pointed out. “Because you knew how damn lucky you were to get a girl like me. You blew it, Roy. From now on, you’re going to be stuck with skanks like that fuck buddy of yours.”
“Instead of sluts like you?”
She snatched up her purse and made for the exit. “I saw her. She’s a frump and you deserve her.” She slammed the door behind her.
Roy, still sitting at the table, gazed at his untouched coffee. “She’s honest,” he amended, “and I don’t deserve her.”
CHAPTER FIVE
There was no angry barfly this time around to get under Janet’s skin. In fact, Bud’s Basement was so quiet it could have used a tirade or two. Sipping at her margarita, she wondered why she’d returned to this dive. She had, in fact, deliberately stayed away for a couple of weeks, afraid of she might feel hurt or regret. The flashbacks, however, had haunted her into returning: Roy lifting his chilidog in salute to her, clipping his toenails in his underwear, helping her on with her coat. Memories of those sizzling, loving licks he’d given her. Those were the most vivid, making her throat tighten and her pulse race. In the dark of her bedroom, her fingers would wander down to her pussy, rubbing at her clit in a vain attempt to relive those exquisite sensations.
Shifting on the barstool she felt a wetness in her panties and found herself squirming with desire. Shit! She’d been having reactions like that for two weeks. And that was why she’d finally come back to Bud’s. She figured she might as well indulge herself with remembering Roy rather than trying to forget him. Besides, she had him to thank for finally putting an end to her rollercoaster ride of furious ups and weepy downs over
Billy. Ever since that night she’d been free of all cravings for her ex’s lean body and bad boy smiles. Instead, she dreamed of Roy’s love handles and his broad hands. His abashed grin and brave honesty; she even missed the bitter guy she’d initially met, raging against women and lies. She hadn’t known it then, but that silly rant had been a hint of how intensely passionate he could be as a lover.
What was most telling about her reflections on Roy, however, was that they left her with a deep, steady warmth. Even when she remembered that he was now with Lila, she felt no anger. Just the hope that he was happy combined with a small pang of sadness.
“Buy you a drink?”
Janet blinked up, and she couldn’t help herself. She grinned with delight.
The smile took Roy completely by surprise. He’d been hoping to find Janet at the bar, but when he’d seen her, he’d held back for a few minutes, not only to assess his feelings, but also because he feared she might not want to see him. At the very least, he’d expected her to be wary or distant. The delight on her face, however, took him totally aback. He couldn’t believe the pure joy in her eyes; why would any woman be that excited to see him?
“Roy! Hello.” She grabbed his hands. “Gosh, it’s good to see you.”
“‘Um, it’s good to see you, too.”
“How are things? Did you ever get that overseas call?”
Overseas? Roy blanked for a moment, then he remembered. “Oh, oh, yeah, I did. The transfer went fine.”
“Glad to hear it. How are you?”
“I-I’m all right.” His heart was racing. He couldn’t seem to stop scanning her features. Those beautiful dark eyes, the high cheekbones. Had she always been so radiant? “How about you?”
“Pretty much the same.”
“Are you with anyone?” he asked, glancing from one side of the bar to the other. There was no one sitting on either side of her, and the bar was almost empty, but he still tensed asking it. She might be waiting for someone, after all.
“Nope,” she sighed, but her smile never dimmed. “My cottage cheese thighs are keeping the men at bay. What about you? Can you sit down and talk for a moment? Or are you on your way to meet Lila?”
That struck him. She’d been that thrilled to see him, was still elated, and yet she thought he was with Lila? Oh, fuck me, he thought. Why did I ever part from this woman?
“I’m not with her,” he confessed. “It didn’t work out between us.”
“Seriously?” Her eyes filled with concern. “Oh, Roy, I’m so sorry. What happened?”
He lowered his voice. “You happened, or we happened. That night of full disclosure—”
“Jesus.” She gripped his hands harder. “Tell me.”
He shifted and swallowed past a knot in his throat. “Lila returned to me because Mr. Moneybags was too demanding. But after what you and I had that night...it was like I’d been given x-ray vision. I was still attracted to her, but I could see everything underneath. I knew, no matter what she said, that she really didn’t want to come back. All she wanted was a stand-in. Her new shoes had hurt her feet and she had no option but to wear her old, comfortable pair till she found others.”
“Fuck. That’s terrible.”
“It was pretty scary,” he agreed. “I saw this future with Lila: her leaving and coming back to me whenever she needed a stopgap. And I could see myself playing that role, worn down a little more each time till there was nothing left.” He caught his breath. “And do you know, even being completely aware of all that...I still almost said yes?”
Janet felt her gut tighten, especially when Roy’s gaze fell, and he turned his head away in shame. His honesty with her, his full disclosure, both moved and humbled her.
“Come on.” She slid off the stool and, glancing about to make sure no one was watching, drew him to the bathroom. She slipped them in and locked the door.
“Um,” Roy said, “I really don’t think—”
“No sex,” she smiled, and put her arms around him. “Scout’s honor. I just want to hold you and tell you it’s all right. You’ve nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Yes, I do,” he said, gripping her back. He’d been so afraid she wouldn’t want to talk to him again, let alone touch him. Relief nearly made him cry. “In one night you made me feel more like a man than Lila ever did. You were completely open and honest; Lila never was. Yet the second she showed up, I was running to her. I know I’m a shit. I just didn’t think I was that much of a shit.”
“If wanting to go back to an ex makes you a shit, then I’m one, too. I’d probably have done the same if Billy had shown up.”
“Well, he’d better not show up now,” Roy said fiercely, “Because I swear, if he does, I’ll beat the crap out of him. First, for treating you so bad, and second because I’ve no intention of giving you up. I’ve been coming here every night hoping to find you.”
“What?”
He shrugged ruefully. “I didn’t know where you lived, and you didn’t give me your number. Or your last name. Oh, Janet, you don’t know how glad I am to see you! Here. Sit down.” Roy lowered the toilet lid. When she’d settled, he knelt down before her. “I’ve a new proposal: I want to disclose even more of myself to you. Show you my tax returns, dental records, internet porn sites, anything you want to know. Just go out with me again and let me get to know you better.”
They were holding hands. Roy saw Janet concentrating on his fleshy palms, running her long fingers over them. She looked up and he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes. She wiped at them as if refusing to cry.
“I—” she began, even as a pounding on the door interrupted them.
“Hey! Hurry it up in there!”
“Shit!” Roy stood up.
“Come on,” Janet said, rising to unlock the door, and he noticed that she was trembling. “Let’s get out of here.”
The man waiting for the bathroom scowled at them. “Get a fuckin’ room why don’t ya?”
“What a good idea,” Janet laughed and wiped at her eyes again. Roy noted, however, that she kept smiling even as she blinked back the tears. It was very sexy.
They put on their coats, and Roy held the door for her. It was another cool, windy night, but unlike the last time, the shakiness Janet felt had nothing to do with nervousness. In fact, she couldn’t remember ever being so happy. Or stunned. Roy must have felt the like, because he just stood gazing at her, like he couldn’t believe how lucky he was.
“You, um, never answered,” he finally ventured. “About my proposal. Do you...want to do it?”
“Do I want to do it?” Janet echoed. Then she leaned in and kissed him, long and slow. When she finally swayed back, he was breathing hard.
“Why the hell not?” she said. “What do you say to cheap tacos, lots of hot sauce? And maybe afterwards, a shared bath at my place? I’ve a tub big enough for two. You can complain about my girly soaps and the fact that you have to shave with pink razors.”
“And you can complain about my smelly socks and how loud I snore.”
“I snore too,” Janet said, as they strolled away from the bar. “And hog the blankets.”
“Of course you do.” Roy’s eyes were bright. “I am, however, going to make one obnoxious demand of you. Whatever else we do tonight, we keep our exes out of it. Not one mention of either of them. From now on, it’s just us. Me and you.”
“Mmmm. Sounds very therapeutic. I agree to your obnoxious demand, on the condition that you meet my, one, annoying requirement.”
“Which is?”
“Leave your cell phone off.”
Roy grinned and possessively slipped his arm about her waist. “Yes ma’am.”
THIRTEEN
THIRTEEN
In the Fall of 2005, Thirteen felt a desire to read some romantic erotica and went to an online website to indulge. Halfway through this indulgence, it occurred to her that she had a few erotic and romantic stories she wanted to tell. Six years, four awards—including one from a French website—
and twenty-two stories later, she's still writing erotic romances. Who knew such large rewards would come from such a small indulgence? Thirteen lives in a seaside town with a cat, a strange but sexy man who says he's her husband, and a very romantic imagination.
Table of Contents
Title page
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
THIRTEEN