Mr. Davis leapt from his chair, hurrying over to close the door behind me. Without wasting words, he pulled the cabinet away from the wall, summoning Cora from the hidden cellar. Together, we carried Toby down the steps and onto a mound of blankets.
“I need to return the wheelbarrow,” I whispered, too exhausted to form the words properly.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Cora commanded. “Every time you leave here, you come back dragging in another half-dead patient.”
“And besides, dawn looms near and you need to stay hidden,” Mr. Davis advised. “Forget the wheelbarrow; I’ll hide it and return it later.”
Mr. Davis didn’t wait for an argument. He slipped back up the steps and shoved the cabinet closed, leaving us in the half-gloom and dancing shadows of the lantern.
Cora immediately began inspecting Toby. I watched uneasily for a few moments, and then looked away to check on Robert. He lay as quiet as death except for a steady rise and fall of his chest. However, in just the few hours I’d been gone, he already seemed more alive, with a bit of color and a slightly more peaceful expression on his face. Maybe due to the thorough clean up job, fresh clothes and a bit of food that Cora had managed to accomplish; perhaps it would be enough, for now.
I backed up against the wall, slowly sliding down to collapse on the floor. I fought my eyes from drooping closed, but lost; the tiny room, almost my entire world, slipped away into an exhausted sleep.
I vaguely recollected Cora nudging me awake and urging me into some dry clothes, and then blissful nothing once again. But it didn’t last.
A chilling cold seeped up through the seat of my britches bringing me to a grumpy start which jerked my aching muscles into awareness. A crick in my neck shouted complaints, trying to out compete the grumblings of my belly. I tried to ignore it all and rediscover the oblivion of sleep once again, but Robert’s voice pulled me into consciousness.
“I said, are you planning on sleeping the entire day away?” Robert repeated.
I climbed stiffly to my feet, fighting off the fog. “Well, at least I’m out of bed before you are.” I couldn’t help grinning down at him as I slumped into the chair next to his cot. “How you feeling?”
He sat propped up against the wall, blankets tucked in around his stick-like legs. He tilted his head back and forth. “Fair to middlin’, thanks to you and your friends.” Blue eyes clamped on to my matching ones. “You saved my life.”
I shrugged off his words. “I guess now we’re even.” I thought back to the day so many years ago when Robert freed us from Pa’s angry grasp.
A moan from the other side of the room caught our attention. Toby. We both glanced over at the second cot that had been brought down while I’d slept. A pile of blankets concealed Toby’s form. I clung to my chair, too afraid to approach him.
“So, he’s still alive,” I murmured.
“So far,” Robert agreed. “Cora had a heck of a time removing the bullet.”
“Almost lost him once or twice, too,” Cora announced as she descended the cellar steps. “But some powerful force has him attached to this world, and he wasn’t ready to leave just yet.”
Toby’s last words to me echoed in my head, and I felt the heat in my cheeks sizzle along with some unknown warmth in my chest. I hadn’t had time to dwell over his announcement yet, which probably just spouted due to blood loss or frozen brain matter anyway.
Cora bent over Toby, checking his pulse and the bandages around his thy. Still, I sat glued to my chair.
“How—” I cleared the shakiness out of my throat and tried again. “How’s he doing?”
Cora sighed and turned back to me and Robert. “He lost so much blood, and has suffered a lot of trauma, but so far so good. Right now, he needs rest.” She studied me with her serious green eyes and then said, “You can come over here, you know, talk to him. It might even do both of you some good.”
“Uh, no, maybe later.” I didn’t understand my fear of seeing Toby so pale and helpless. I felt like if I got too close, he’d crumple up and disappear.
Cora poured us all a cup of steaming tea from the kettle she’d brought down, and then wilted into the remaining chair with a groan. I took a closer look at her, noticing the dark circles beneath her eyes, the tight, drawn, pale skin, the crinkle between her brows; Cora could barely keep her head up, so heavy with exhaustion. But I also saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes that hadn’t been there before our prison break.
“I talked with Uncle. He’s been keeping an eye peeled at the window, and even walked over to the store, hoping to pick up on some news. He found out that the search has shifted from town to downriver, and the townsfolk are most definitely relieved. The Rebels didn’t gain any approval by bursting into people’s homes in the middle of the night with their search party.”
“So,” Robert asked, “what’s the plan?”
Cora jumped in with her answer. “For now we stay hidden. My patients need to rest and heal before we even think of anything else. Nurse’s orders!”
“And then what?” Robert shifted his gaze back and forth between me and Cora.
It felt strange and unsettling to have him asking me what to do, as it had always been me looking to him for leadership. I pushed the feeling aside; he had been through a lot, and probably still felt a bit vulnerable. “As for me, I have a job to finish—”
“You are not thinking of going back to the battlefields!” Cora demanded with her stern nurse’s glare.
“Yes,” and I held up a hand to silence her, “only to report back to Captain Truckey and to resign my post. I’m done with this war, and after confessing my gender to the captain, I’m sure the Union army will be done with me as well. After that, we can go home.”
Cora sat back in her chair, looking relieved. “And since both of my patients are finished fighting as well, we can all go home.”
“Funny,” Robert mused, scratching his head, “Marquette doesn’t really feel like home anymore.”
“Maybe just because you’ve been gone so long,” I assured him. “Soon as you get back and see Gran and Robby, you’ll feel better about it.
Robert shrugged. “I’m not so sure.”
Later, I discovered that not everything had changed in the universe. I sat across from Robert, loosing to him at poker.
“Full house,” he announced, and grinned as he swept in the pile of stones we’d been using for bets.
I glared as he sorted through the last of my stones, and then tossed my cards at him.
“I see you’re still a sore looser,” he teased.
“And you’re still an obnoxious loon!” But I grinned, and couldn’t be happier losing to my big brother. I started gathering the scattered cards. “You want to play another hand?”
“I’ll pass for now, if you don’t mind. I’m really exhausted.” He nudged me off the end of his cot with his foot and then scooted stiffly down to stretch out flat. “Cora told me to rest, but I’m embarrassed to admit just how much I’m sleeping. However, Cora says not to worry about it, that my body needs time to heal. She’s something special, isn’t she.”
I dropped into the empty chair, shuffling the cards in my hands. “Most definitely.”
We fell into an easy silence and my thoughts drifted drowsily. My mind caught up on all the people I’d met over the past year: Woody, Kenny, Preacher, Jimmy, Captain Truckey, Cora, Toby…Some I had trusted with my life, others I wouldn’t trust with a broken shoelace. Then I paused mid-shuffle. Could I have been basing all of my relationships on the one I’d had with Pa, distrusting any soul coming within two feet of my heart? I knew now that basing anything on that man would only lead to loneliness and heartache.
“Robert?”
“Hmm?” He had closed his eyes, but hadn’t yet drifted completely off to sleep.
“Did you know Pa was at Belle Isle?”
Robert opened his eyes and studied me, fully awake. He shook his head. “I had no idea he still drew breath, let alone on the same
patch of dirt as me. Why do you ask?”
I shrugged, feeling a bit awkward.
Robert didn’t push me with words, but his eyes locked onto mine and didn’t let go.
“It’s just that, well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve always had trouble trusting anyone but you, Robby and Gran.”
“I know exactly what you mean.”
“But then I met Emma and her little brother, and for once, my gut told me I could trust someone else. But for the most part, every single person who steps into my life, crashes into this barrier I’ve built around myself.”
Robert waited for me to continue.
“And then, when I found out you came up missing, and I set off on my quest, I’ve met about a million different people.” I paused, trying to find the right words. “I’ve found that most people can’t be forced into the single category of enemy. In fact, a very small number have even proven themselves my friends.”
“And it makes you feel vulnerable,” Robert supplied.
I nodded, relieved he understood. “Very much so.”
We both fell silent, Toby’s gentle snores spilling from the corner.
“Do you blame Pa for everything?” I finally asked, avoiding Robert’s eyes.
“I used to,” Robert admitted. “I did for the longest time. But not anymore.”
“Me neither. Ever since Belle Isle, when Pa threw himself at us, pleading to take him along, I’ve found my anger with him has dissipated, almost disappeared, leaving only…a sad kind of pity. Not that what he did to Ma is okay; that will never be okay. But I finally realized the destructiveness of dragging around these feelings of guilt and hate, that it’s not my responsibility to shoulder Pa’s personal war with the world and himself. A person needs to stand on her own two feet in the full sun, not in another person’s shadow.”
“Brilliantly stated, little sister.”
We fell silent again, Robert closing his eyes. I’d begun to think he’d fallen asleep, when he spoke again.
“So what’s the story with your southern Yankee?”
I glanced over at Toby, trying to organize the jumbled thoughts and feelings racing around inside of me. “His name is Toby Dove, and he was born and raised in Texas on a ranch with slaves. He never did develop a taste for that kind of lifestyle, and when sides began forming, he felt honor-bound to fight for the slaves’ freedom. His family disowned him, of course.”
“That must have taken a lot of courage to turn his back on his entire life.”
I nodded. “Yeah, Toby has a good heart.”
“Don’t believe a single word she says about me,” croaked a response from the corner. “I’m trouble deep down, all the way to my rotten core. By the way, is there anything to eat around here? I’m so ravenous, there must be a hole in my leg where all the food fell out.”
“Hate to tell you this, fellow,” Robert quipped, “but you do have a hole in your leg.”
“By golly, I do. Looky there,” Toby replied, his accent exaggerated.
“Toby?” I whispered. Then, “Cora!” I yelled up the steps. “He’s awake, and he’s hungry!”
Neither Toby nor Robert stayed awake long, both falling into a deep sleep after eating the thick broth Cora brought down to the cellar. Cora’s smile and nod of approval sent my insides soaring. No signs of fever in either patient, and both with an appetite. It wouldn’t be much longer before we could leave our temporary den. But first, I had to finish something.
The next time Toby woke, I sat down with him to discuss our observations of Belle Isle. Organizing our mental notes and committing everything to memory proved the easy part. The hard part? Leaving.
I waited until dark to set out back towards Petersburg. Having had enough interactions with all soldiers, both Union and Confederate, I traveled mostly though the cover of darkness. The Rebels had confiscated our horses during their thorough search of the city, so I hoofed it back south on my own feet. After spending every minute of the past couple days in a tiny, underground hole, it felt amazingly refreshing to be back outside, so I didn’t mind the long walk. Besides, I had a lot on my mind. However before long, I found myself back with the army.
Even after just a few days away, it felt strange to slip back into the confines of a Yankee camp. I proceeded directly to Captain Truckey, ready to get this part of my life behind me.
After saluting the captain, he invited me to sit and offered a cup of tea. I accepted, only to keep my hands occupied. My skin itched and dripped with sweat. Will he throw me in jail after he learns of my lie?
I took a deep breath and then belayed our findings of the Rebel prison, purposefully leaving out any mention of Robert.
Captain Truckey took notes, but didn’t interrupt once, not even to ask about Toby’s whereabouts. I guess he figured I’d get to that part eventually. And I did.
“…so Toby, I mean, Corporal Dove, is out of commission for awhile and won’t be returning. He wanted to report back himself, but is in no condition to walk that far. Oh, and sorry again about losing the horses.”
“It is an unfortunate fact of war. We’ve certainly confiscated many of the Rebel horses and supplies as well. So, if that’s all, I’ll get this report ready for the general. You may return to the trenches. Dismissed.”
“Um, sir? There is one other small thing.”
“Hmm?” He had already sunk into his report.
I waited until he looked up at me and I had his full attention. “Sir, I’m a girl.”
I’m not sure what I expected, maybe a shout of surprise, a cry of rage, anything except the blank stare. Maybe he hadn’t heard, or didn’t understand.
“Captain, I’m a girl, dressed in men’s clothes. I hope you believe me when I say I did this not to hurt anyone, but to do my share for our country. Well, that and to find my brother. The reason I’m telling you this now is that I feel my part in this war is finished; I have no more to offer. I only hope you aren’t too angry with my deception, because I have only the greatest respect for you.”
Captain Truckey slowly put down his pen. “I see.”
The seconds ticked off into eternity as I waited for a reaction. A sick feeling in my gut urged me to escape while I still had the chance. I grasped the chair arms, ready to push off and run. No way would I ever allow anyone to stick me in a place like Belle Isle!
“I must say it has been a pleasure working with you, Corporal Rivers. You make one hell of a soldier.”
That’s it? I relaxed slightly as I searched his face for a clue of what he really thought. Did anger course through his veins? Had he suspected all along? Yet his face remained unreadable.
He stood and offered me his hand. I rose slowly, hesitantly taking his firm grip.
“I will write up an honorable discharge for you. We’ll just keep the specifics between us, shall we?”
I nodded, slightly stunned.
Captain Truckey offered me some rations for my journey, but I politely refused. I’d seen enough hard tack to last one hundred lifetimes. I turned to go, but paused in the doorway.
“By the way, Captain, I meant to tell you, we stumbled across my brother, the one missing after Gettysburg. He’s going to be okay.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Bobbi.”
I saluted one last time, and then turned and walked away from that chapter of my life. Time to go home.
I leaned my forehead against the cool, grimy glass, staring blankly at the scarred countryside rushing past. It seemed no part of the country remained untouched by war, at least on this side of the Mississippi. And who knew how long it would take to heal, if ever. I knew I would always and forever be changed by the past year.
We’d pooled our resources together and managed to come up with enough money to buy four train tickets to Marquette, Michigan. Cora felt determined to remain with her patients until they recovered one hundred percent, or at least recovered as well as they could. Personally, I didn’t think she felt a big hurry to return to Boston.
As for Toby, according to him no one would welcome him back in Texas, so he might as well get as far from the south as possible and start a fresh life. The Upper Peninsula of Michigan lay about as far from Texas as one could get. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about life after the war, at least about saying goodbye to Toby. For now I wouldn’t have to think about it, and I tried to ignore the overwhelming relief washing over me. I just hoped he could stand up to the challenge of a U.P. winter. His thin southern skin might soon regret his decision.
At the start of our journey north, my three companions had tried to draw me into their conversations and card games, but I just had too much on my mind to be much good for either. I kept thinking about the war, kept seeing the faces of the men I’d shot, the ones I’d held in my arms as the life slipped away from their bodies. I kept feeling the whoosh of the musket balls whizzing past my skin and the ground shaking cannons exploding across the hillside. I kept smelling the burning gunpowder, the blood, the death. I kept hearing those words that Toby had uttered in the James River.
“Bobbi?”
I jerked away from the window and turned to look at Cora. “Hmm?”
“We were just about to get a bite to eat. Do you want anything?”
I shook my head. “No thanks. I’m not hungry.”
She offered an understanding smile and then left me alone. I turned back to the window and the passing scenery that had begun to look familiar.
Marquette. Home. It feels like forever since I left. At times, I thought I may never return.
The train pulled into the Marquette station with an impatient hiss of air and a heavy sigh of steam. I hobbled down the steps as quickly as I could on my stiff, travel-cramped legs, and then just stood there on the platform, absorbing. A beautifully clear fall day greeted me with a sky so deep blue it seemed to reach out and envelop me in a welcome home embrace. Familiar buildings winked hello with their shades pulled halfway down against the bright sun’s glare. Crowded in close around the town, trees and trees and more trees waved their greetings, swaying their bright autumn golds and reds in the soft cedar-scented breezes.
Echoes of Dark and Light Page 33