‘And what about your husband, Od?’ said Woden coldly. ‘And your daughter Hnoss?’
Freyja rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, them. I’ll drop by Asgard from time to time, don’t you worry, see how you’re all getting on, pick up one of Idunn’s apples …’ And off she clattered on her high-heeled, crystal encrusted shoes, barking into her diamond-covered mobile and swinging her enormous Gucci leather handbag.
‘Let her go,’ said Woden. ‘She’ll come to her senses. Soon she will be old news, and other goddesses will replace her. As one day, we will be replaced. I know that now.’
‘All the more reason to live for today,’ said Loki, tottering over to them, as old and decrepit as ever. ‘Give me the apple I have earned.’
Woden nodded, and Idunn handed a golden apple to the Trickster. He gnawed at it frantically with his few remaining teeth. Freya turned away. She didn’t want to be near him when he regained his youth and strength.
‘I’m going home,’ she said. She felt in her pocket for her falcon feather. One last flight, she thought. One last flight.
The Gods and Goddesses, watching Loki intently, ignored her.
Roskva and Alfi were busy with Thor’s chariot, making it ready.
‘Till next time,’ said Alfi. ‘When it is so fated we meet again.’
‘There’s bound to be a next time,’ said Roskva. ‘Unfortunately.’
Alfi scooped up a jagged piece of steel grey rock and gave it to her.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘A remembrance of a great battle you alone in Midgard witnessed.’
Freya shook her head, shuddering. A piece of a giant’s body? No thanks.
‘Maybe you could come for a visit one day?’ she said. ‘And we could just do some normal stuff – hang out, see a movie, go shopping …’ Her voice trailed off.
‘Be lucky,’ said Alfi.
‘Be fortunate,’ said Roskva.
‘Be blessed,’ said Freya.
The brother and sister linked arms as they walked back to Thor.
Woden’s voice drifted through her head as she shook out the falcon skin.
‘Mortal,’ he said. ‘May you enjoy a longer destiny. Act in a way which will be long remembered when life is over.’
Do the Gods Exist?
BBC Breaking News
The age old question: do the Gods exist? has just been answered – maybe.
It’s been announced today that the Gods have been hiding here in plain sight. After being absent for millennia, Woden, Thor and Freyja have revealed themselves in hurricane-shattered London. Yes, that’s Woden, the former FAME: Make Me a Star winner, Thor the celebrated footballer, and supermodel Freyja. They were joined at a sparsely attended news conference by other Gods, including Njord, Frey, Tyr, Sif, Hermod, Frigg, Idunn, Loki and Heimdall.
When asked why they were revealing themselves now, Woden the All-Father gave a cryptic reply: ‘We have saved you from the melting ice. But next time bad luck may be on your side. Let those who can, achieve glory before the ending of life in this world.’
Then, in an attempt to allay doubts, the All-Father, Lord of the Slain, led a select group of journalists to Highgate Cemetery, where he used charms to raise the dead from their grave mounds. One bearded spectre rose from Karl Marx’s mound and asked: ‘Is capitalism dead yet?’ before sinking back into the ground. The miracle has been posted on YouTube and has already had 17 million views, though others have been quick to condemn what TV magician Knut Brown called ‘a cheap stunt’.
Their spokeswoman Veronica Horsley said: ‘The great, almighty and immortal Gods have decided that the time was once again right for their worshippers to see them briefly face to face before they return to their heavenly home in Asgard. All-night vigils are being held at Fanes throughout the world to celebrate.’
Not everyone has reacted with favour.
The Archpriest of York issued a statement: ‘I look forward to having an audience with the Gods and confirming they are indeed who they say they are.’ The Lord High Priestess in Copenhagen has declined to comment.
London Priestess Clare Raven has been besieged by reporters since it was discovered that the Gods lived with her for a few days when they arrived incognito.
‘I’m afraid I didn’t recognise them at first but they were very well disguised,’ said the Priestess. ‘However, I was humbled to be their first port of call and glad to show them what hospitality I could.’
When asked what it was like having the Gods in her home, the Priestess said she would not be adding to her statement and invited the journalists to join her for evening worship.
Richard Dawkins writes: ‘I don’t believe it,’ see page 7
Three Months Later
Freya was on the 259 bus to school. Everywhere she looked there were cranes and skips and yellow-hatted workmen repairing shattered buildings and clearing the last of the storm damage.
She leaned over her friend Emily’s shoulder as Emily goggled at the cover of ICE magazine.
FREYJA WHY PLUMP IS THE NEW THIN
Big girls rule now that fashion goddess Freyja leads the pack! Model agencies have dumped all skinny girls who refuse to gain two stone, in an effort to copy the new beauty standard pioneered by Nordic goddess Freyja. With fashion designers now only hiring girls sized 16 and over, the catwalk revolution in female beauty shows no sign of stopping.
Well, that’s something at least, thought Freya, flipping to a double-page spread: MEET THE NEW MODELS JOSTLING FOR FREYJA’S CROWN
Her phone vibrated. Veronica. What did she want? Since the Gods had returned to Asgard, Veronica had vanished from her life.
‘Ah Freya, I have the most thrilling news,’ said Veronica, as if they had just spoken yesterday. ‘Just what you’ve always wanted.’ Freya could picture Veronica at her desk, checking emails and flicking through newspapers while she talked. ‘I’ve had a call from the producers of FAME: Make Me a Star and they want YOU on next year’s programme. Yes, you. Isn’t that exciting? You’re sure to be a huge favourite with the public, and that will vastly increase the money we can get when we sell your story. You’ll be famous, honey. Famous. Famous. Famous. What a back story you have: everyone will vote for you. Freya? Are you there, Freya?’
Freya was silent.
‘I’m not surprised you’re speechless, darling. Do you need a moment to think?’ said Veronica. ‘Don’t take too long – an offer like this comes—’
‘No,’ said Freya. ‘I’ve thought. I don’t need worshippers. I don’t want anyone’s vote. I’m fine as I am.’
Acknowledgements
All writers get stuck, and all writers need good advisers. I’m particularly fortunate in having so many great ones. I’d like to thank my lovely writer friends Joanna Briscoe, Steven Butler, Cressida Cowell, Joanne Harris, Meg Rosoff and Owen Sheers for their generous encouragement, support, and emergency consultations. I’d especially like to thank Steven for his gleeful help with the battle scenes.
I’d also like to thank Dr Emily Lethbridge for taking time out from poring over Norse manuscripts and hurtling down Icelandic crevasses for our many breakfast meetings. And no book ever happens without my agent, Rosemary Sandberg, and the home team, Joshua Stamp-Simon, Martin Stamp, and Shanti.
The amazing people at Profile and Faber – Andrew Franklin, Niamh Murray, Cecily Gayford, Stephen Page, Catherine Daly, Donna Payne, Lucie Ewin (who let me choose the typeface!), Laura Smythe, Leah Thaxton, Rebecca Lee, Rachel Alexander, Susan Holmes and Diana Broccardo make writing a joy, as does working with my brilliant illustrator, Adam Stower.
Three books I found particularly helpful while writing The Lost Gods were H.R. Ellis Davidson’s Gods and Myths of Northern Europe; Andy Orchard’s Dictionary of Norse Myth and Legend; and Gavin Esler’s Lessons From the Top.
It’s always more wonderful to have written than to write, but I’d like to thank Sally Gardner for reminding me about the value of the journey, whatever the outcome.
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Francesca Simon, The Lost Gods
The Lost Gods Page 18