by Xavier Neal
Not even in the mood to make a snarky remark, I gesture my arm for him to lead the way.
Okay, level with me here. Is there something wrong with me? Seriously? Sure, I'm not exactly the damsel in distress or some weakling who can barely carry up her own bag of groceries, but does that mean I don't deserve a chance at love? Or romance? Or...fuck me, anything? Maybe the problem isn't wanting those things, it's with the guy I've chosen to blindly jump off cliffs for because you don't pick who your soul mate is. Even when they are clearly the most obtuse, ornery bastard to have ever existed. God, Grandma Maggie is so wrong. There's no way we're gonna end up together. I should probably just go back to fuck friends with no emotions attached. Seems to be what I'm best at.
Madden
Swiping my key card, I'm granted access to the entrance of the over-sized storage garage I rent out. On the other side of the door I swipe my key card again before a pad for a code is presented to me.
Could you look the other way? There's a reason I've taken this much effort to keep this shit hidden.
The code is accepted, which triggers the door to open. Slipping inside, I turn to the left to enter the actual rented area. I hit the light switch on the wall and let out a deep sigh at the sight.
Aren't they beautiful?
Parked in the garage are the completely restored, polished and now in pristine condition vehicles from those I have buried. My father's black 1970 Challenger is parked in the far corner, a small distance away is Merrick's black Camaro. In the middle Daniel's black MV Agusta F4CC, and on the other side Ben's black Mustang.
Looks like a goddamn museum in here. And it should. I couldn't save them. I didn't shelter them like I swore. The least I can do is take care of what I knew meant something to each one. While Merrick and Daniel's didn't require more than minor tune ups, detailing and a wash, Dad's Challenger and Ben's Mustang both required over hauls. Both were great ways to keep my mind occupied when it needed it. Most of the time my brothers think I'm balls deep in women. The truth is I'm typically covered in grease from these beauties.
On the wall closest to Dad's car is my workbench with an array of tools every mechanic could possibly dream of.
Everything from your basic socket wrench to a fender roller. Always have to be prepared. Boy Scouts stole that from us gear heads. We were around first. We were. Look it up.
Tucked in the corner is a mini fridge decorated to appear as a mini toolkit and black microwave. The wall without the light switch has a case containing the Hot Wheels cars I used to have as a kid as well as the ones I've collected since I've been old enough to buy them all on my own.
Some are classic. Some are vintage. All are miniature masterpieces to me. What's with the smirk? You like 'em too?
Heading past Ben's car, I can practically see his blonde head bobbing around to rap music in it.
He always blared that shit obnoxiously loud.
Passing Triple D's bike, I imagine the two wheel stunt he was most known for performing. A familiar burning sensation spreads through my blood propelling me to move forward. I stroll by Merrick's Camaro hearing his mischievous chuckle so real, that if I didn't know for a fact he was dead, I would suspect he was hiding in the backseat waiting to pop up. When I arrive at Dad's car, I hesitate to get in like I always do.
Yeah. I'm fucking hiding. It's what I do when I fuck up.
I open the door, lean the seat forward, and crawl into the back where I stretch out.
The second my head hits the edge, my eyes fall closed in hopes of disappearing even just momentarily from existence.
“Madden,” my dad says wiping away a sniffle.
“Yeah?”
“You know, you have a very important job now, right?”
“I do.”
“This is much bigger than when we brought home the triplets. This is the last brother you'll ever have.” He turns around from the front seat to face me. “He was the last gift your mother gave us, so make sure you take extra good care of him, alright?”
“Alright.”
“Can you do that for me?” Dad pushes. “Can you protect him? Can you keep him safe especially when I can't?”
Unsure of what else to say, I nod.
“Good. Because you're second in command now and we've got McCoys to raise...”
When he turns back around, he wipes away another tear, and starts the engine. I look over the car seat at my baby brother whose bright blue eyes are open wide. He seems happy. Maybe he'll be easier than the triplets were when they came home. But they had Mom to help them be less fussy. He doesn't. He has me.
“Hey,” I whisper to him.
He wiggles as if letting me know he's listening.
“I'm your big brother Madden. And I'm gonna save you from the whole world because that's what big brothers do. It might be a little hard without Mom at first, but I promise to always try the best I can. You can always count on me. I'll do everything I can to protect you. I promise, Merrick.”
My baby brother wiggles again, but I swear there's a happy look on his face.
I relax against the seat as Dad takes off away from the hospital. With me around, he'll never have to worry about a thing. That's a fact.
My eyes pop open from the feeling of tears threatening to sting the corners.
Fuck. That wasn't a fact. The fact is I'm fucking useless. I can't save anyone. I can't rescue my own fucking blood from being shed. I'm a disappointment and at the center of the reasons we've buried every last one of them.
Folding my arms behind my head, I stare up at the ceiling, the image of Knox so close to me earlier invading my mind in a hostile takeover.
It kills me how right that shit felt. Problem is she's like a jean wearing Angel with a foul mouth and a broken halo. She deserves someone that can help hoist her back to the heavens, not drag her down to the pits. Knox has been the only steady element in my life besides death, forgive me for not wanting to fuck it up. I can't beat this feeling that the second something changes between us she goes from being something I've done a damn good job keeping safe to something I'm fighting to save. She was the first person who knew about my working for The Devil because she's the only person I trust to watch out over my brothers if something ever happened to me. That girl really is my other half. I know this. It's fucking indisputable. But just because you want something doesn't mean you should have it. Hell it damn sure doesn't mean you deserve it. No. What I deserve is another sleepless night alone in the back seat of the very place my broken promises began. Nothing more. Never, anything more.
Knoxie
What an asshole! Who has a semi-intimate moment with a girl then goes and fucks another one! Of course he was out fucking another one! I should've called Ax last night! I should've fought fire with fire. What? What do you mean how do I know that's where he went? Where else would be have spent the entire night? Whittling a goddamn chair? No. He was out with his big dick of death trying to suffocate some poor girl! Huh? I don't actually know the size of his cock, but if last night was not a full-fledged hard on, yeah, dude's packing. Ugh. Shut up.
“You know, I always worry when you scowl like that,” Melody's voice pulls me out of my glass of orange juice.
Pushing my hair behind my ear, I shrug. “You shouldn't. I'm always scowling.”
“Oh I know,” she says back. “But it's when you scowl like that I worry.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes, typically when Madden's spent the night out, you have this extra painful expression on your face. Almost like you're suffering from reoccurring heartbreak. No one should have to go through that.”
In a mumble, I reply, “Agreed.”
Drew comes around the corner and snakes his arms around his girlfriend's baggy black hoodie covered body. “You ready to grab second breakfast?”
“Second breakfast?” I question in confusion. The second he cocks a smile I toss my hands up in surrender. “Never fucking mind. Just...go.”
Melody blushes a
s she elbows him. “We're gonna be a while, but do you need us to bring you anything back?”
“Yeah.” Drew grabs his keys and her hand. “Like a battle ax or a gauntlet to bitch slap my brother with.”
Fighting a smile I shake my head. “I'm fine. I'm actually gonna go to the gym. Practice kicking him in the nuts on a punching bag.”
“That poor bag,” Drew sighs at the same time the door opens.
Madden walks in and immediately lowers his eyebrows. “Where the fuck are you going?”
“Oh they have to get their permission slips signed to leave the apartment while we're on code red alert, but you can just not fucking come home without so much as giving anyone a courtesy text message?” I snip.
Drew looks like he wants to agree with me, but instead answers. “It's that time of the week. Come on, Mel.”
They have scheduled meetings with The Commissioner so Melody can provide testimony and information on The Devil's past operations. Whatever she's given him has helped significantly alongside the information Destin has left like trails of bread crumbs for them to find thanks to his computer genius ways. Issues with The Devil are coming down to their final moments and part of me is more than fucking relieved while the other part is scared once he's gone, once our common threat is dead, there will be nothing left to tie us together. Whatever. I shouldn't even fucking care. He obviously doesn't.
Once the door shuts behind them, Madden sighs, “I'm gonna shower.”
“Need to wash the stank of skank away?” I sarcastically snap as I stand up to put my empty glass in the sink.
To my surprise Madden stops beside the sink, his solid frame blocking the easiest path to the front door. “Too fucking early, Knox.”
“It's always too fucking early for something with you!” I shout, the glass clanking against other dishes. “Do you know how fucking annoying it is that you get to dictate every little goddamn thing like we're in some third world nation!”
You know, the plan was to keep my cool. How am I doing so far?
He doesn't reply.
On a huff I complain, “You're in my way.”
“Where are you going?”
“None of your fucking business.”
“It is my business.”
Feeling rage surge up my throat I scream, “It is not your fucking business! And you made it very clear last night that it never will be!”
A look of confusion flashes across his face.
“That's what happens when you leave the chance at fucking me to fuck some random McCoy groupie who, probably like all the others, faked it in the bedroom with you!”
Crashing and burning here.
Madden's shoulders tense up as his folded arms tighten.
Even more furious he's not fighting back I take a step closer. “And for the record, I can hear that shit. I know they're faking it. What's pathetic is the fact that you don't! Those moans and cries you think are in a fit of passion are clearly nothing more than a miserable attempt to cover up the laughs of embarrassment that they could've went home with someone who was actually worth fucking but ended up with you instead!”
In one swift motion, my hair is wrapped around Madden's hand, and my mouth is yanked to his just as my back hits the counter. Without invitation his tongue invades my open mouth demanding an apology for all the hatefulness it just spewed. Putting up a fight, I push mine roughly back, our teeth bumping in the process, my pussy drenching as a result.
I need my body to be on my side for fucks sake!
Unexpectedly he pulls back, forces me to turn around, and shoves my torso onto the counter. The throbbing between my legs increases. His large hands barbarically jerk my baggy gym shorts down moments before his thick cock conquers the territory that's dripping in surrender. A sharp gasp causes my body to attempt to arch upward, which is when Madden's hand pushes me back down proving he's not going to give up until he establishes how wrong I am. His free hand lands on my brass knuckle tat while his dick relentlessly knocks against my g-spot forcing my knees to buckle. Madden grips me tighter, his thrusting never faltering. Bouncing effortlessly against his cock, I bite down on my bottom lip as my pussy clamps around the euphoric sensation catapulting itself into every cell in my body. The pressure on my back increases. I force myself to stifle another moan. It doesn't matter. The way my body is trembling screams louder than I'm sure my voice ever could. His hand slides up my back until it's wound my hair back around it. He gives it a good tug pulling my pussy further down his shaft. I fight the urge to cry out. Roughly, my head is pulled backwards. The orgasm that's begging me to let it go seems to be winning by the way my muscles are gripping him in a declaration of our failure. With my eyes shut tight, I let the primal grunts and breaths escaping Madden, release my craving to come. Unable to keep quiet any longer, I let a shriek escape. It reverberates through my body as I start falling apart, my pussy anxiously attempting to crush his cock's ability not to follow suit. The thrumming of my muscles doesn't seem to be able to stop, which causes Madden to pull my body all the way up, while his dick continues piercing my pussy, the orgasm that hasn't seemed to stop, exploding again. He buries his face in the crook of my neck while he uses his other to clutch me tighter to him. At that moment a warm rush floods my body, his orgasm overshadowing the end of my mine. Now, both breathless, it seems like we've broken any ability to move.
Well....that was not how I pictured our first time being, but damn I wouldn't change a thing.
Finally Madden lets go of my hair. I use the action as a good time to open my eyes. In a playful tone I sigh, “That all you got?”
He grunts, “Not even fucking close.”
The sound of a key in the door has the two of us scrambling to cover our bottom halves. Destin strolls through the door with a white fast food bag in his hand seconds after our clothes are back in place.
A cocky smirk appears on his face. “Everything okay?”
How loud was I? Why are you smiling like he is?
“Yup.” Madden clears his throat. “I'm gonna shower.”
“Are ya?” Destin teases a little until Madden gives him a pointed look that washes the expression away. “Right. Yup. Shower. I'm...I'm just gonna go have these with Azura.”
Pulling my hair to one side of my face in an attempt to hide the flush color, I question, “You bought food to have with her via Skype?”
“Yeah. We try to do normal couple things when we can,” he smiles sweetly.
“That's normal?” Madden sneers.
“Having a meal with the woman you love is normal,” Destin bites back. “Try it sometime.”
Madden mumbles something and storms off towards his bedroom. After he slams the door, I turn my face to Destin who mimics his brother's action, taking off for his own room.
In disbelief of what just happened, I drop my hands onto the very counter, I was just using as a sexual crutch, the sound of Destin's door shutting barely registering.
I know we need to talk, but can I just have a minor moment to recover? I'm not certain I'll ever walk right again...Hell, I'm lucky my brain didn't suffer damage from lack of oxygen there towards the end. Oh yeah, we're gonna do that again. Huh? Right. After we talk. Talk first...
Madden
I fucked up. I know. You don't have to say it.
Turning the water even hotter I lean my forehead against the tile.
That wasn't all my fault. She...she just...Her and that goddamn mouth. Fuck me! She knows all the right shit to say to rip out any self-control I have. She's always known. Since we were fucking five years old and she knew if she fucked with my hot wheels I'd lose my shit.
A low groan comes from me as the heat rinses away more than just the beer and cold pizza stench. Annoyed that I have to rid my skin of the proof that for just a moment I felt like I wasn't such a damn disaster makes me clench my fist. With a couple hard bangs on the tile, I soak in the scorching heat.
It was wrong to fuck her like that. She deserves flowers and whatever els
e it is chicks are supposed to have. I haven’t been the guy who can give her all that bullshit. No. What I have to offer is a good fucking round in the sack and a lifetime of more misery if she never moves on to something better. I don't think I can live with the idea of Knox moving on. Fuck, I hate the idea of her with anyone, ever, that isn't me. Selfish bastard. I know. A fucked up selfish bastard.
Abruptly I cut the shower off. I grab my towel, wipe the water off my face, and wrap it around my waist.
I know I need to apologize and tell her that shit will never happen again. Can I at least put fucking pants on?
Tossing open the door to my bedroom, I'm stunned at the sight of Knox leaned back on her palms, legs slightly parted, a stern expression plastered on her beautiful face.