Shadow of Shame: Book 1 of the Shadow series

by Barbara Goss

  “I’m happy about that, but what sort of amusement will there be here for me, Violet and Rose?” Ivy asked.

  “We’ll make our own amusements. Our church will have socials and fairs—we’ll make our own society.”

  “Why do you feel God led you here, to Abilene?” she asked.

  “Abilene was a wild cow town, but the town council recently closed Abilene to Texans coming here with their herds, and now the cattle have been rerouted to Dodge City. The cattle drives brought with them too much violence and degradation to the town each year. Prostitutes and gunslingers seemed to appear from nowhere each summer, and the town wanted them gone. The council wanted Abilene to be a quiet, dignified town that would attract a better class of residents. With that plan in mind, the council encouraged the building of schoolhouses, businesses, and churches, and thus the hiring of yours truly.” Her Father hugged her shoulders.

  Ivy knew she’d miss the friends she’d made at school in Leavenworth, especially Millard Fennimore, the young man she knew had been trying to get up enough courage to court her. She felt heartsick that she’d likely never see those acquaintances again. Although she was only eighteen, she was sure she’d end up a spinster out here. She also worried about Violet who had just turned seventeen and little Rose, who was fifteen. What kind of life was here for them?

  Her father lifted her chin with his index finger, “You’ll be fine, and so will your sisters. There is life here; we just haven’t seen it yet. Wait until church tomorrow. Trust in the Lord, Ivy.”

  As they approached Grace Church for the first time, Ivy’s recently built up hopes slowly died. Her father had convinced her that the church would provide all the social activities they would need. While the church was new, with a fresh coat of white paint, and a shiny steeple with a bell tower, it was small, about half the size of their church in Leavenworth.

  Her mother, Lavinia Jeffries, helped the girls down from the buggy. Their father had gone ahead of them, in preparation for his first Sunday in the pulpit.

  The disappointment Ivy felt must have shown on her face because her mother whispered, “It will be fine, Ivy. You must trust in the Lord.”

  Ivy smiled at her mother. “I’ll try, Mama, but I’d hoped the church would be bigger.”

  “Yes, well, we’ll help it grow. Nearly everything in life begins small—including you girls,” she winked at the three of them. “If you look beyond the church to the left you’ll see the old Grace church. The congregation is already growing to the point where a new building had to be erected. Churches grow.”

  They made their way up the gravel path to the double front doors of the church that were painted bright red. Ivy wondered if the colors were significant—white for the purity of Christ and the red, the blood He shed for our sins.

  Once inside, she could smell the aroma of fresh cut wood. Rows of crude benches had been placed before a wooden pulpit. The altar was made from a combination of wood and stone, and Ivy had to admit it really was quite beautiful.

  Both sides of the church were graced with three small, stained glass windows. Behind the altar, a huge stained glass window depicting Jesus on the cross completely dominated the room. To Ivy, the window was what truly made the building a church, because Jesus was at its center. Seeing that picture, along with the huge cross on the front of the pulpit, Ivy realized that, no matter how small or primitive, it was God’s house, and deserved her respect.

  Once the women had settled onto the first row bench, they folded their hands on their laps, and waited. Ivy wished they were sitting in the back so she could watch as the people came in—she was curious about the new congregation.

  Lavinia had instructed the girls to sit still and not to turn around unless someone spoke to them. She said it would appear rude to stare at the people behind them. Ivy burned with curiosity as she heard people filing into the church and seating themselves. She heard whispers and some small children fussing.

  An elderly man took a seat at the upright piano in front of the church, on the left side of the pulpit. He paged through sheet music, and began to play softly. Soon things became quiet and a man stepped up to the pulpit and introduced Hiram Jeffries, the new minister.

  Hiram came out and shook hands with the man who had introduced him. Then, to Ivy’s mortification, he introduced his family. Her mother tapped each girl’s elbow as a signal to stand and turn to face the congregation.

  The people clapped, and some called out a welcome. Ivy felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment, but she forced a smile. This was her first look at the people who would be her friends and neighbors. She was surprised at how many of them there were, but she felt truly welcomed. Maybe, she thought, Father was right, and this wouldn’t be so terribly bad after all.

  After the sermon, everyone was invited to stay for lunch. The men in the congregation cleared the benches, and replaced them with tables, and then placed the benches along the side walls. Women placed so much food on the tables, Ivy wondered who would eat it all. She saw every type of food imaginable: several pots of beef stew, a few roasted chickens, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, and every vegetable conceivable, including several salads. At the far end of the room stood a tableful of desserts.

  The informal gathering allowed the congregation to become acquainted with the Jeffries family. So many people approached them with well wishes that Ivy felt a warm glow, and her hope returned, especially when she saw several young people about her own age.

  After almost everyone had eaten and sat conversing, one young woman came over to where Ivy sat and introduced herself. “Hello. Welcome. My name is Margaret, but my friends call me Peggy.” She gave Ivy a bright smile. “You can call me Peggy.”

  Ivy greeted her warmly in return, and Peggy suggested they take a walk outside. After Ivy got a nod of approval from her mother, the girls walked outside.

  Peggy led Ivy to a farm wagon, and she perched herself up on it and patted the seat beside her. “This is my family’s wagon. Have a seat.”

  Ivy hopped up beside her. As Peggy chattered about everything, Ivy studied her. Her shiny, straight, auburn hair was tied back with a ribbon. Her freckles and big, expressive, brown eyes radiated sincerity. Ivy thought her extremely friendly and attractive. She smoothed her own unruly blonde curls. Ivy had tied her own hair back with a ribbon too, but it never stayed there for long. Her curls seemed to have a life of their own and tended to pop out wherever and whenever they chose.

  Ivy no longer felt that life in Abilene would be disappointing, and she already had her first friend to prove it.

  Some of the others had begun to wander outdoors also, to enjoy the lovely, early fall day. Ivy noticed that Rose and Violet had also found a few friends.

  Peggy’s chattering suddenly caught Ivy’s serious attention. “Did you say straw ride?” Ivy asked.

  “Oh, yes,” Peggy said with excitement. “Next Friday night. We have barn dances once a month during the summer, and oh, Ivy, you must come to the fall barn dance in a few weeks.”

  “Straw ride?” Ivy wasn’t even sure what that was.

  “It’s a wagon full of straw, and couples ride on it and get acquainted. Last year…” Peggy rattled on and on but Ivy’s attention focused on how wrong she’d been, and how lovely this place now seemed. She silently thanked God, and then listened more attentively to Peggy’s prattling.

  Ivy encountered many fine residents of Abilene, and they all seemed so friendly. She had met so many of them that first Sunday, and she knew she’d not remember half their names. One lady mentioned that there was a social club that met at the Merchant’s Hotel each month.

  It seemed that the council in Abilene had already put into place what was needed to make Abilene respectable, and able to draw in more reputable families.

  Midweek she was invited to the Iverson’s for dinner, where she met Peggy’s parents. Peggy had three sisters and a brother, but they were all older, and no longer lived at home. Mr. and Mrs. Iverson didn’t seem much diffe
rent from her own parents—they were kind, somewhat strict, but loving.

  She was relieved to see that there was a social life in Abilene. According to Peggy, there were a few handsome, single men in the area, too. That meant it wasn’t a foregone conclusion she’d be a spinster. It was possible she'd actually meet someone here. Her greatest desire was to be married to a wonderful and kind man and have children of her own someday. Her nineteenth birthday was coming soon, and she constantly worried about becoming a spinster, especially since they’d moved to Abilene. In some places, the girls married as early as sixteen, and were considered old maids or spinsters by the time they'd reached nineteen. Her mother laughed at her, and told her she was too irresistible to ever be left on the shelf, no matter where they lived.

  Chapter 2

  Ivy and Peggy jumped down from Mr. Iverson’s buggy and waved to him as he rode off. They walked up the worn, dirt path that led to the Armstrong’s barn where they greeted several other young people from the church.

  Peggy introduced Ivy to the others she had either met briefly, or not at all.

  Ivy had never been on a straw ride before, so she felt a bit nervous and excited. She tried to count the people awaiting the straw wagon's arrival. Other than herself, there were ten girls and nine boys waiting.

  It was a crisp September evening, and Ivy had worn a red cape, but she still felt a bit of a chill in the light breeze. It was starting to get dark already, and Ivy hoped the cape would be warm enough once the sun went down.

  When the straw wagon finally pulled up in front of them, she was amazed to see a flatbed wagon pulled by two huge oxen, the bed of which was filled almost to the brim with straw. The wagon had wooden slats around its perimeter, possibly to keep the straw and people inside. A tall, sturdy-looking man with gray hair sat above the team holding a whip. He jumped down and started to help the women onto the wagon, when another younger, handsome man stepped up and took his place “I didn’t think you were going to show up,” the older man said.

  “I told you I’d be here,” the younger one answered.

  “I appreciate it son,” the older man slapped the other man on the back. “Remember the rules?”

  The beautiful man nodded, and the older man handed him the whip and walked toward the house.

  Ivy had a hard time keeping her eyes off the younger man who was tall, with a muscular build, and dark brown hair that he wore to just below his ears. She thought if he smiled he might be even more fetching. His dark hair shined in the moonlight. When he took her hand to help her onto the wagon, his hand felt warm, and her whole arm began to tingle. She couldn’t imagine ever being touched by a man so mature and good-looking, and the thought of it was enough to make anyone’s arm tingle.

  Ivy and Peggy looked around the wagon for a good place to sit, Ivy pulled her toward the front, nearer to where the man who would lead the oxen would sit—she wanted to get a better look at him. She tried not to be obvious, but Peggy noticed her interest.

  “That’s Jonas Armstrong,” she said.

  “Really? He’s very good-looking.”

  “Don’t get any ideas, Ivy, he’s much too old for you. He’s already been married.”

  “Married?” Ivy’s face fell.

  “Well, he isn’t anymore.” Peggy pulled her coat closer around her. “I’m not sure what happened. There’s always been some talk about him and the marriage, but the adults would never say much in front of me, if you know what I mean.”

  “Why was there talk? You mean like gossip?”

  “I don’t know. Whenever the subject of Jonas was brought up, I was shooed away. No one mentions him much anymore, though. I just assumed his wife and baby died, like during childbirth or something, because he’s been alone for quite a few years now. He keeps to himself, pretty much, and hardly ever goes out anymore.”

  What a waste! Ivy thought, but then she asked, “How old is he? He looks young.”

  “My brother, Quinn, is his best friend, so I’m sure he’s about twenty-three or four, like Quinn.”

  “I’m almost nineteen! He’s only four or five years older than I am,” Ivy said.

  “When will you be nineteen?” Peggy asked.

  “February.”

  Peggy laughed. “That’s not almost nineteen. That’s months away.”

  Ivy frowned. “Well, how old are you?”

  “I just turned eighteen in July.”

  “Well, I still think Jonas is fine-looking.”

  “He has a brother, Caleb, who looks a lot like him. I think Quinn said he was eighteen months younger than Jonas, but I don’t recall. He was in some sort of accident and walks with a limp. He’s still single,” Peggy said. “Oh! Wait until you meet Quinn. Maybe you and he could marry, and we’d be sisters!”

  Ivy laughed. “If Jonas is too old for me, like you just said, wouldn’t Quinn also be?”

  Jonas Armstrong jumped up onto the small wooden seat near them, whipped up the oxen, and with a jerk the wagon began to move.

  Ivy watched the others in the wagon. A few couples had scrunched down under some straw and were kissing. The rest of them seemed to be getting acquainted and enjoying the ride, as Ivy was doing. The ride was bumpy, but being out under the moon and stars, sitting on the straw with a handsome driver—Ivy thought it just couldn’t get much better.

  “I just saw Adam put his arm around Ruth,” Peggy said. “Imagine that. Do you suppose we should have seated ourselves closer to the boys?”

  “I’m not really interested in those immature boys, are you?” Ivy asked.

  “Well, I’ve always had a crush on Edward,” Peggy said. “And look, Hetty’s eyeing him.”

  “You can move closer to him, I don’t mind. I just want to sit and enjoy the ride,” Ivy said.

  “Are you sure? Because you’re my best friend, and I don’t want you to be angry with me.”

  “Of course, I’m sure.” Ivy laughed. “You’ll only be a few feet from me.”

  Peggy inched toward Edward, and Ivy stretched out and rested her head on a mound of straw. She gazed up at the stars and watched them twinkle.

  After a few minutes, Jonas turned her way and said, “Aren’t you interested in the boys back there?”

  Ivy gazed to her left where several boys and girls had paired off. She shook her head. “No, not at all. I’m just enjoying the beautiful ride.”

  “All by yourself?”

  “Yes. This is my first straw ride. The slow, bumpy motion, and crisp air, not to mention the clear sky filled with stars that seem to be winking at me—it’s all so heavenly.”

  “I should write that down. It would make a good advertisement for the straw ride,” he said.

  “Do you live here with your father?” she asked, keeping in mind what Peggy had told her about him possibly being a widower.

  “Not for the past five years. I built a home a few miles from here,” he said.

  Ivy wanted to keep the conversation going, but was at a loss as to what to say next.

  Then she felt a tap on her shoulder, and she turned her head to see Henry slide down beside her.

  “Hi, Ivy,” he said.

  “Hello,” she replied, still fixated on the stars.

  He reached over and put his arm around her, and she jumped up and yelled, “Hey! Stop that!”

  “I’m sorry, but this is a romantic straw ride and I thought—”

  “You thought wrong!” Ivy had been standing, and nearly tumbled due to the bumpy ride.

  “Sit down,” Henry said, “Before you fall down.”

  Jonas stopped the wagon, turned and looked at them. “What’s going on, Henry?”

  “I’m just trying to get to know Ivy better, is all.”

  “Well, seems like she isn’t interested. Find someone who is.” He turned to Ivy. “You really need to sit down, miss. I’d hate for you to topple over the side.”

  Ivy sat, but inched away from Henry.

  Henry stood, glanced at Jonas who was turning back to the
oxen, and looked back at Ivy. “I won’t bother you. I apologize, but you can’t blame a fellow for trying.” He walked back, sat down next to Hattie, and put his arm around her. Ivy noticed that Hattie seemed delighted.

  The straw ride was soon over, and Jonas helped the girls down from the wagon. For some reason, Ivy wanted to be the last to disembark.

  “I hope you enjoyed your first straw ride,” he said.

  “Oh, I did. Thank you,” Ivy said, loving the sound of his voice.

  His hand lingered on hers for a bit longer than necessary, and he seemed to look at her moments longer than he had anyone else. He gave her hand a squeeze. “Nice to meet you, Ivy. I’m glad you enjoyed the ride.” He turned then, and led the wagon to the barn, without so much as a backward glance.

  Ivy watched him walk away and wondered how he knew her name. Then, she remembered that Henry had mentioned it. It just sounded so much better in Jonas’s voice.

  She wondered what his story was, and she’d try to find out, because this was one man she’d love to get to know better.

  .

  Her name was Ivy—what a lovely name. He loved how the moonlight illuminated her golden hair, making it glow like an angel’s halo. Her voice was soft, and sounded like the breeze as it blew through the willow trees in the summer. She spoke softly, and she seemed so serene and—oh, it didn’t matter—she was out of bounds, for him, anyway. He sighed, and made his way to the barn.

  Jonas unhitched the oxen, and tried to shake off the feeling of doom. His life had been ruined long ago, and he’d been determined to live alone and put his full interest into his horse breeding business. Already, he was known as having the best horseflesh in Kansas, but tonight, he’d met a young woman who, in his former life, would have been a girl to seriously court. She was lovely. This was far from the first time he’d regretted his past, but now it was for a different reason. He didn’t miss the saloons, which he no longer frequented, and he hadn’t touched a woman since the day he'd married, including Minnie. He went to Trinity Church on the north side of Abilene, where his reputation hadn’t spread. He’d dedicated his life to Christ after Minnie had died during childbirth, and served God through his musical talent.