by R. M. Walker
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said desperately. He just kept pushing and pushing her.
“Nate, drop it!” Matt got to his feet. “Not here, not now. For god’s sake, give her time to get used to us first.”
“We don’t have time, Matt!” Nate said sharply. “She’s got just over two weeks to her birthday. You heard Jonas—her powers will kick in then. If she can’t control the leaks she’s getting now, how the fuck is she going to cope then?”
“We know that,” Josh said. “But it was only yesterday! Give her a chance to get used to what we can do first. If we show her what we can do, all the things we can do, it’s going to be easier for her to accept what she is.”
“What you think I am!” Lily stood, spilling her chips all over the floor. Seagulls descended, squawking and diving for the chips at their feet. “You seriously believe what that crazy man said?” she demanded.
“Crazy?” Nate stared at her as if she’d gone mad. “What the fuck do you want from us to prove it to you? You need more proof? You want one of the twins to send the birds away?” He turned to Josh. “Send them away, Josh.”
“We don’t think that’s—”
“Do it!” Nate ordered, looking back at Lily.
Without warning, the seagulls rose from around them and flew away despite the remaining chips on the floor. She knew what a menace seagulls were; that they wouldn’t fly off when food was around. But it was also a pointless exercise.
“I don’t doubt you! I know you can all do weird things; I’ve seen you! I was playing with wild rabbits this morning thanks to them.” She pointed at the twins. “But you’re wrong about me! That’s all I’m saying. You are wrong!”
“You’re in denial,” Nate said, surprise registering in his voice as if it hadn’t occurred to him.
“Well, fuck, Nate,” Matt muttered, shaking his head.
“I am not! There is nothing to deny,” she replied and angrily balled up the empty paper in her hands. “You have it wrong.”
“Fine, if you’re sure we got it wrong, maybe we did. Maybe you aren’t a Seer after all.” Nate shrugged. “I’ve been wrong before. You aren’t what we thought you were and that’s my mistake. You aren’t like us.” He held out his own chips to hers. “Have some of mine, you dropped all yours.”
The sudden change in his attitude threw her off balance, and she frowned at him, shaking her head. She was no longer hungry. Unhappiness settled over her like a shroud. A lump formed in her throat. She sat back down, keeping her eyes on the water washing against the harbour wall. She didn’t know what to make of his reversal in attitude. Matt stuck his chip packet under her nose, but she shook her head, murmuring a ‘no thanks’. The lump in her throat settled in her stomach. None of them said anything else. Even the twins were quiet as they ate their chips standing side by side.
Matt finished first and balled up his own paper, blowing out his breath before standing up. “There’s nothing else we can do now. We may as well just go back.”
They wanted to go home, and it sank in that they saw no reason to spend any longer with her. Why would they now they realised she wasn’t magical? It hurt much more than she was ready for.
She got up, refusing to give into the tears that threatened. She wasn’t sure what she expected, why she thought it would be any different. They hadn’t needed anyone except each other before; they wouldn’t need her as a friend now either. There was nothing about her that would have caught their eye if they hadn’t got her epilepsy wrong. She wondered if they were kicking themselves for revealing what they were. But that was something she would take to the grave.
“I’m going to hang around here for a little bit,” she told them quietly, unable to look at any of them. “I can remember the way back, so you won’t have to walk me home. I’ll see you at college tomorrow.”
She didn’t wait for an answer or to see them walking away from her. She crossed to the bin outside the shop, dropped her litter in, and went inside. Stopping in front of the shelves, she took deep breaths to push the tears down. This was why she didn’t forge deep friendships with people. This was the reason she didn’t cry when she left a place behind. If she didn’t make friends, then it didn’t hurt when it ended. She drew in another deep breath. She wouldn’t give in to the pain edging into her heart. She’d been a fool to expect anything else.
She waited several minutes for them to leave, not wanting to bump into them again outside. She found out from the woman behind the till that there was little difference in distance between taking the road home and taking the cliff path. The road would be better than getting lost in the woods behind her cottage.
She left the shop and was confused to see them lounging around the bollards on the edge of the harbour. Josh saw her and nudged Jake with his shoulder. They pushed themselves off the bollard and came towards her. Matt and Nate turned, and seeing her, they came over as well.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Waiting for you,” Jake said as if it was obvious. “We didn’t realise you’d want to look around first, sorry.”
“You don’t need to wait for me. I told you I can find my own way home,” she said, stuffing her hands into her pockets.
“Why wouldn’t we wait for you?” Matt asked.
“Well, you don’t have to,” she said lamely, shrugging. “You don’t need to stay with me now you know you got it wrong.” It went quiet for several seconds, and she could almost see them processing her words.
“You think all we’re interested in is your ability to see?” Matt asked, his eyebrows almost touching as he frowned at her.
“Look, if you’re worried I’ll tell anyone about what you can do, I won’t. I promise.”
“Oh, Lily.” Nate caught her arms in his hands and turned her towards him. “We’d be your friends regardless. We are your friends.”
“You think we’d use you?” Josh demanded, hurt clear in his eyes. “We were working on getting you to be our friend long before your swan dive! We liked you the first time we saw you! Fuck, we altered your map for you. We’ve never done that before for anyone!”
“But I don’t understand—” Lily’s confusion was cut off when Nate reached out and covered her mouth with his fingers.
“You’re stuck with us.” He smiled. “Just roll with it.”
“When I said let’s go, I meant let’s all go back to mine. There’s nothing much we can do down here now the tide is in,” Matt added and placed his hand on her lower back.
The feeling of warmth that their words and his touch gave her was almost overwhelming. She was wrong. They did want to be friends with her, despite being wrong about her seizures.
“You’re insecure,” Nate stated. “That’s to be expected with the life you’ve lived. You’ve never been anywhere long enough to establish a friendship base, and you don’t get how they work or why.”
“I’m not insecure,” she said. “I’ve had friends before. I’m not that stupid.”
Nate dismissed her words with a wave of his hand. “I never said you were! I said you won’t understand this kind of friendship. You don’t get it, because you’ve never been anywhere long enough to build one. People aren’t friends because of what they can get out of each other. Or at least the vast majority of people aren’t. They’re friends because they click. You click with us. We click with you. Don’t we?” He tilted his head to the side, watching her carefully.
She knew what he meant, she’d never had a close friendship like they had. But that wasn’t what she was referring to. “I thought that you probably wouldn’t have bothered if it wasn’t for...” She stopped, the words getting stuck in her throat.
“Don’t worry about it, Lily Flower. You’re stuck with me, abilities or no abilities. They’ve got nothing to do with how I feel about you.” Matt winked at her.
“How we all feel about you,” Nate added quickly, glancing at Matt before looking back at her.
&nb
sp; Josh tickled her side, making her squirm and laugh. “See? Who’s going to find all your ticklish spots if we let you walk away from us now?” he asked.
She’d read them wrong. They did want to be her friend, regardless of everything else. It made her heart feel lighter, as if the sun had come out from behind the clouds.
Nate rubbed at his forehead then tried to push his non-existent glasses up and swore. She chuckled, and he narrowed his eyes at her. “Do you think it’s funny being this blind?”
“You aren’t blind.” Matt sighed, rolling his eyes. “You’ll get them back soon, and then you can shove them up your nose as much as you like. Although, I can think of a few other places you can shove them.”
“See why I need you as my friend?” Nate whined. He took her hand in his and pulled her away from them. “They’re mean to me, but you won’t be mean to me, will you?”
Lily laughed and shook her head. “I like you without glasses. I can see your eyes better.”
“Don’t tell him that!” Josh laughed. “He’s already vain as it is.”
Nate led her away from the others, pulling her hand onto his elbow. “Ignore the rabble, and tell me again about my eyes.”
“What about my eyes, Lily?” Matt appeared in front of them, walking backwards. “Do you like my eyes?”
“Your eyes are like mud.” Nate pulled a face at him. “She likes mine.”
“I don’t have mud for eyes, do I?” Matt managed to sound vulnerable, but she could see the humour on his face.
“No, yours are the colour of whiskey. That’s a good thing,” she told him and was rewarded with a blinding smile, seconds before he flipped Nate off with both hands.
“See? Whiskey eyes.”
“That’s because they’re crossed as if you’re drunk,” Nate replied slyly.
“And ours?” Josh shoved Nate away from her, and he and Jake took her hands.
“You have lovely eyes too.” She laughed, shaking her head. What had she started? “You all have lovely eyes.”
“And she wondered why we were friends with her,” Jake declared. “Keep the compliments coming, baby, and we’ll be your friend for life.”
“We just got done telling her we’re not shallow,” Nate said dryly.
“You two may not be, but we are. Carry on, Lily Pad, tell us how amazing we are,” Josh said as he let go of her hand and slung his arm around her shoulder. “We can do a list if it makes it easier for you. Start at how gorgeous our faces are and work from there.”
“She wants to keep down the chips she ate,” Matt sneered and reached forwards to pull her free from them, tucking her under his arm. “Which wasn’t many. As soon as we get to the Manor, we’ll get you something else to eat.”
“I’m not really hungry anymore,” she told him as they reached the path that wound up the side of the cliff.
“We didn’t get any ice cream!” Jake suddenly said. “We promised Lily ice cream.”
“We can come back, can’t we?” She looked back at them.
“You bet we will.” Nate winked at her, taking her hand as he and Matt helped her over the rocky path.
Sleepover
The next couple of days passed quickly, and she fell into an easy routine with them. After college, they would go to their separate homes, finish up any homework, and then after they’d eaten, they would all meet in Lily’s garden. The weather was still dry enough to let them spend their evenings exploring the woods and the beaches that lay beyond. The evenings were getting darker though, and Lily knew that soon it would be too dark to wander through the woods. They didn’t take her back to the circle, and no mention was made of it. Nothing magical was mentioned at all, and most of the time, Lily didn’t even think about the fact she was spending time with four fairies.
When Lily came down from finishing up her homework on Thursday, she found her mother in the kitchen, packing up her paints. Panic rushed through her; her mother only packed up when they were moving. A cold chill crept around her heart as she stood in the doorway.
“What are you doing, Mum?”
“I’ve got to go up to London. The gallery rang this afternoon. I need to sort out the paperwork for my showing on Sunday. I was hoping to get away with not going this time, but there’s some forms I need to sign. I don’t know why I can’t fax it to them.”
Relief made Lily sag against the doorway. “Maybe because we don’t actually have a fax?” She pushed away from the doorjamb and crossed to open the fridge.
“Brat,” she replied affectionately. “Pack enough stuff for the weekend. I’ll ring the school first thing before we leave.”
“Me?” Lily looked up from the fridge in her hunt for food. “Why do I have to go?”
“You know you can’t stay here on your own. It’s only till Sunday. We’ll drive into town and catch the train up.”
“Mum! I’m going out with the boys on Saturday. We’ve arranged it. You know that.”
“Out? Where are you going?”
“We’re going to explore the smugglers caves; the tide is right on Saturday.”
“I can’t leave you here. The tide will be right another day, won’t it?”
She knew that her mother would never leave her here alone, and she knew why, but it didn’t lessen the disappointment at having to cancel the boys.
“I’ll ring Matt,” she said. “Tell him I can’t make it.” She sighed as she shut the fridge.
“I’m sorry, honey. You know if I could, I’d leave you here. It’s just not safe for you.”
“I know.” Lily nodded her head. The sliver of doubt Nate and the others had implanted about her seizures inched into her mind, but she ruthlessly shoved it away. Her mother was right—if she had a seizure on her own, it could be dangerous.
She drew her phone out of her pocket and rang Matt. Her mother left the kitchen, shutting the door behind her. Lily crossed to admire the canvas on the easel, waiting for Matt to pick up. Pride filled her at the beautiful work of art taking shape.
“Lily Flower, hello.” Matt’s cheerful voice in her ear made her smile despite herself. “Still okay to meet up after tea?”
“Hey, Matt,” she said, her fingers going to the jar of brushes. “I can meet you after tea, but I can’t make Saturday. Mum’s had a call from her gallery, and we’ve got to go up to London tomorrow. I won’t be back till Sunday night.”
“You’re needed there as well?” he asked, confusion in his voice.
“No, but she can’t leave me here alone. In case I have a seizure coming down the stairs,” she explained. It went silent on the other end of the line, and she thought he’d hung up on her. “Matt?”
“Okay, don’t worry. I’ll sort it for you.”
That was not what she’d been expecting to hear. “What do you mean?”
“Is your mum there now?” he asked. She heard a rustling noise on the line; he was moving around.
“Yes, why?”
“Pack a bag, enough to last you to Sunday. Talk to you later,” he said and rang off. She frowned at the phone in her hand. That was weird, even by the standards of weird she’d encountered since moving here. She put her phone away and went into the living room to find her mother.
“I’ve told him.”
“I’m sorry. The risk is not worth it.” Her mother’s voice was regretful, but Lily knew she was right.
The landline began to ring, and her mother answered it.
“Oh, hello, June. How are you?”
Lily couldn’t hear whatever June replied, but it made her mother frown.
“Oh, but we really couldn’t... But if she...”
Lily was getting more and more confused as she listened to the disjointed conversation her mother was having.
“Well, if you’re sure. It would make life much easier, and I won’t have to worry. Okay, well, thank you very much... Of course. Yes, thank you. Goodbye.” She put the phone down and stared at it for a few momen
ts.
“What’s going on?” Lily asked. Her phone vibrated, and she drew it out. She had a group text from Matt.
Inform the mothers: everyone sleeping at mine till Monday. Lily Flower is crashing here while her mum goes to London. Bring snacks, torches, and hiking boots. Lily, you can borrow my mum’s if you don’t have any. M
“That was June,” her mother said, making Lily look up from her phone. “She says you can stay with them this weekend instead of missing school tomorrow.” She drew in a breath then sighed. “Lily, I need you to promise me you’ll make him wear a condom. I’m too young to be a grandmother.”
“Mum!”
“I’m only saying, that’s all,” she said. “These things happen. You’re almost eighteen—I know what it’s like at that age, and it’s your first love. Just be careful.”
“I’ve had a text from Matt. He’s getting the others to sleep up there as well. I don’t think he’d invite them if he was banking on getting me on my back, do you?”
“Don’t be crass, Lilith! What’s the matter with the boy? Why is he inviting them as well?”
“I think you’re seeing things that aren’t there. We’re friends, that’s all.”
“Well, go and get yourself ready. June said he’d pick you up tonight so I can make an early start.”
Lily stepped forwards and kissed her mother’s cheek. “If it turns into an orgy, I’ll make them all wear condoms. Don’t worry.”
“Lilith!”
But Lily was already climbing up the spiral staircase, laughing.
“It’s not funny, Lilith!” her mother called after her, but she heard the humour in her voice. “Go and pack before I change my mind.”
Lily hurriedly packed a bag with enough clothes to last her till Sunday, and then she put her college uniform in for the following day. But there was one thing she didn’t know what to do about.
She crossed to her bed where the crystal lay under her mattress. As her fingers closed over it, tingles shot up her arm. The desire to take it with her was strong, but it was so small that losing it was a possibility. Crossing to her jewellery box, she lifted the lid, took out her jewellery, and removed the velvet base from the bottom. She held the crystal in her fingertips, sending a prism of blue rainbows around the room, but there was no sun coming through her window—no light for it to refract. She shivered and put it in the box, covering it over. The desire to take it with her was overruled by her fear. And not just fear of losing it but the fear of what it was.