Denial

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Denial Page 10

by R. M. Walker


  “No.” She cut him off quickly. “I couldn’t choose between you. But dating you all?” She couldn’t see how that would work. Normal people didn’t do that. In fact, she’d never heard of anyone doing it. But it had to be a recognised thing for it to have a name. Hope started to edge in over the shock.

  “We’ve been sharing since we were in the womb; sharing you isn’t a problem. These idiots are our family too. We can share with them if we have to,” Josh said.

  Could she do this? Could she date all four of them and make it work? Was it fair on them? She’d have them all, but they’d have to share her time. And if it worked and they ended up dating seriously, how on earth would that work out? It was selfish for her to expect them to share her with each other.

  “What are you thinking?” Matt asked. His fingers tapped against his thigh.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. “How can it possibly work?”

  “We’d have to make it work, I guess,” Matt said. “Like anything.”

  “Do you want to date us all? Be our girlfriend?” Jake asked around the side of his thumb.

  “That’s the thing; I do. But to expect you to share me? I can’t see it working. It feels selfish,” she said. “It’s not fair on you. How can you possibly be okay with it?”

  “We’ve discussed it. We’re okay with it,” Nate said.

  “Why don’t we take this one step at a time? We’re not pushing you for anything physical at all,” Jake said, nibbling on the side of his thumb again.

  “We’ll want to kiss you, hold your hand and stuff, but y’know what we mean,” Josh amended.

  “Shut up, Josh!” Nate shook his head. “We go at Lily’s pace for that.”

  “We know!” Jake snapped. “We just got done saying that! Clean your fucking ears out!”

  “Getting on point,” Matt spoke up. “If we’re going to make this work, you can’t date anyone else but us, and we won’t date anyone but you.”

  The thought of dating anyone else left her cold. The thought of dating all of them, of not having to choose? It made her feel slightly giddy and overwhelmed.

  “Before I came here,” she spoke slowly, “I’d only dated seriously once. We dated for a few months, and he took me to the end of year dance. When I told him we were moving to Portsmouth, he wasn’t greatly upset and neither was I. We called it quits and stayed friends. We moved the week after, and I haven’t missed him. He never made me feel like I do with you.” She kept her gaze on Matt’s knees in front of her.

  “How do you feel with us?” Nate prompted her quietly.

  “I feel as if I’m home when I’m with you all,” she said, waiting for the laughter or the silence, because they thought she was being over dramatic.

  “Good,” Matt said. “Because you are home with us, Lily.”

  Nate slipped onto the sofa beside her and touched her arm gently. “This is going to work, because we’re going to make it work,” he said. He put his arm around her and pulled her in tight to him. Matt moved up on her other side and slid his hand onto her back. The twins shuffled forwards and placed their hands on her knees.

  She wanted to jump for joy and, at the same time, run and hide. Things like this didn’t happen in real life, or not that she’d ever heard of. But this was going to be her life. She was now officially in a relationship, with four boys at the same time.

  There were so many questions. How would this work? Would she date them all separately? Would she date them as a group? Would they have some sort of schedule?

  A schedule.

  It wouldn’t feel right if they drew up a schedule where on a Monday she was with Matt, but Tuesday she was with Nate. Not to even think about what would happen if it worked long enough that things got physical. She’d never contemplated a sexual relationship with anyone. She hadn’t been ready. She didn’t want to grow old, have nine cats, numerous potted plants, and no one to share it with. But neither did she imagine sleeping with someone she didn’t love and who didn’t love her in return.

  She was probably overthinking the whole thing. They were dating her, not asking her to marry them. She was nearly eighteen, far too young to think about settling down with one person, or four as the case may be. She didn’t love them; she’d only known them for about a month. She was comfortable with them, and enjoyed being with them. If she moved away, it would leave a hole that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to fill. But that wasn’t love. She’d never believed in love at first sight, and she wasn’t about to start now. It was just an incredibly strong like, a sense that she was where she should be.

  “What are you thinking?” Matt asked her, his whiskey coloured eyes watching her carefully.

  “I don’t see how it can work.” She shook her head. “What will everyone say?”

  “No one needs to know,” Nate said. “It’s no one’s business but ours.”

  “But what about your families? My mum?”

  “Like Jake said, for the time being, they can think you’re Matt’s girlfriend. There’s no point rocking the boat yet if it’s not going to work out,” Nate replied.

  “It will work out.” Josh frowned at him. “We know it will for us at least.”

  “Yes, but we’re only just turning eighteen,” Lily said. “Who knows where we’ll be in a year's time. You may meet someone else. I may even have moved to the other side of the country, knowing my mum.” The thought made her heart ache, but it was a reality they had to face.

  Josh frowned, and he looked at his twin. Jake slid his arm around his neck, and she saw him squeeze his arm gently.

  Nate caught her attention. “We don’t know what will happen. Not relationship-wise, but I do know we’re linked with you in a way that will never change. I feel at home with you too,” he admitted. “We were meant to meet, meant to be family. Whether that means we end up in a relationship or we remain friends for life, I don’t know. I hope for the first, to be honest, because I really like you.”

  “I like you, too, Nate. I like you all, but it seems so one sided.”

  “It’s not,” Matt said, his fingers back to tapping on his thigh. “I didn’t get it at first, but I want you to be my girlfriend, they want you to be their girlfriend. You like us all equally and can’t choose. This way you don’t have to.”

  “You make it sound simple.”

  “Look, why don’t we take each day as it comes and enjoy ourselves. No need to worry about anything until it happens,” Josh added.

  “It’s just... overwhelming.”

  “One day at a time.” Matt put his hand on her back.

  “Look, it’s been pretty heavy going so far this morning. Let’s relax and have some fun for now,” Nate said. “Let’s get something to eat and head into the woods.”

  She smiled as the twins perked up at the mention of food. She didn’t know where this would lead her or them, or whether it would even work out. It wasn’t going to be as easy as they seemed to think it would be, but if they were willing to give it a go, so was she. It felt odd thinking she had not one, but four boyfriends. It was almost as unreal as knowing they were fairies. Maybe Trenance wasn’t a village but a rabbit hole, and she’d fallen in.

  Magic

  “No one’s home. They’re working,” Josh said, opening the gate that led to the back garden of a cottage similar to her own. It was the end cottage, and at some point in the past, they had extended it sideways to give them extra room upstairs and down. She followed Josh around the corner of the extension and into the most beautiful garden she’d ever seen. She stopped in delighted awe, causing Jake to smack into her back. But she was too busy looking around to do anything except apologise vaguely.

  “Like it?” Josh asked.

  It was full of late summer flowers blooming in planters, borders, and old chimney pots. The lawn was a tiny circle of green amid a wash of colour.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said.

  Pottery animals and gnomes decorated the bor
ders. An old bath had been turned into a pond full of water lilies and other aquatic plants she didn’t have names for. A frog sat on one of the lilies, and Lily laughed when she realised it wasn’t real.

  “Mum will be pleased to hear that,” Jake said. “She wants to meet you; Aunt June has already networked about you. She loves your name; lilies are her favourite plant.”

  “Are there fish in there?” she asked, moving across to peer in. Tiny golden and yellow bodies darted around through the dark water, and she pointed in delight.

  “Yeah, there’s the odd crocodile in there as well.” Nate laughed, coming up to her with a pot in his hand.

  Lily looked at him sideways, remembering the quarry.

  “Want to feed them?” he asked, holding out the pot.

  “Feed the crocodiles?” she asked. “Do I throw you in or chop you up first?”

  He pulled her into a sideways hug and dropped a kiss on her head. “I thought you liked me. How can you be so heartless?”

  “Easily.” She took the pot and opened it. “Just shake it over?”

  “Yeah, only a few flakes. Mum’s probably fed them already,” Josh answered.

  She sprinkled a few flakes and grinned as they all rushed up to feed. Their mouths opened and shut in round gobbles. They pushed against each other to get the food.

  “They’re really sweet,” she said, handing the pot back to Jake. “Have you named them?”

  “Of course. Fred and Ginger, Tolstoy, Frodo, and Binky,” Jake said. “Can’t have pets and not name them. Pyewacket, our cat, is around here somewhere. She usually heads out when we feed them—tries to catch them.”

  “Pyewacket?” She laughed. “That’s an odd name.”

  “And calling a fish Tolstoy isn’t?” Matt shook his head and laughed.

  “Don’t you know who Pyewacket was?” Nate asked, pushing his glasses up his nose.

  She saw the gleam of excitement in his eyes. This was a story he was dying to tell her.

  “What, Nate. It would be a what, not who,” Matt said. “Come on, let’s get settled and we can tell Lily the story.”

  “Settled?” she asked him.

  He grinned and held out his hand to her. She took it, and he led her towards a hedge of laurel bushes that edged the bottom of the garden. They went through the back gate and out into a gravel carpark that had garages on one edge and parking spaces on the other. Behind the garages lay the woods that were never far away from anywhere in Trenance.

  It was one of the last decent days in summer before autumn took hold; the sun was shining, and the air was still warm enough for light jackets. Birds sang in the trees, and the wind rustled the leaves. Of all the areas she’d seen, these woods were her favourite place to be. There was a calmness about them that settled over her like a warm cloak. She would be content to walk through them all day, enjoying the serenity they offered. But eventually, they came to a stop by the largest oak tree she’d ever seen. It was so tall she couldn’t see the top, and judging by the girth, it had to be at least two, maybe even three hundred years old.

  “Ready to go tree climbing?” Matt asked, and she saw the light of expectation in his eyes.

  “There are no branches to hold on to,” she said, looking up. The first branch was about eight feet from the ground. She’d not reach that without help, and a lot of luck.

  “You don’t see it,” Nate said, his disappointment clear.

  “Come on, Nate, not even Jonas can,” Jake said.

  “Look again, Lily Pad,” Josh said from behind her, his hand on her shoulder.

  She looked back at the tree and did a double take. Whereas before, the trunk had been bare until the first branch, now there were wooden steps that wound around, leading into the branches above. Her eyes followed it upwards until she saw the base of a platform. It was incredible, amazing.

  “We hide it,” Jake said. “Keeps the local kids out.” He grabbed her hand and led her towards the tree.

  They kept it hidden through magic, and it blew her away. What else were they capable of? It made her head swim. She touched the tree trunk, and her smile grew. The bark was warm beneath her palm. The breeze ruffled through the leaves, and it was a hundred ancient voices whispering to each other. She wondered what secrets these trees would tell if they could talk. She placed her other hand on the trunk and gazed up at the branches high above her head. The whispering grew stronger, changing until it was a song that filled her mind. She could feel the life beneath her hands, feel the connection between the trees. These woods were old, older than time, and filled with a magic that curled around her. She could feel it in her fingertips, slowly sweeping through every vein in her body. It was beautiful, it was right, it was what she’d been waiting for.

  The singing changed subtly; a cadence entered that was darker. It rippled outwards, like a stone thrown into still waters, until an overwhelming sense of dread filled her. She could taste death in her mouth, feel it under her fingertips. The tree was dying! No, that wasn’t right. It was alive under her hands, she could feel it in her heart. It was a warning; the trees were warning her. Something was terribly wrong, and they were spelling out doom to her. Danger. Terrible danger, and it was right behind her.

  She whirled around, searching. But all she could see were the boys, staring at her as if they’d never seen her before. Was it them? Were they the threat? No, it wasn’t them she had to fear. It was something else, something unknown.

  “What did you see?” Nate stepped forward. His hands were palm up as if he was approaching a skittish animal. And skittish was how she was feeling; she had the urge to run, to get far away. She just wasn’t certain what she would be running from or where she would run to.

  A crack echoed through the trees making her jump then turn sharply. The whispering voices faded from her mind, taking the fear with it.

  If it had ever been there in the first place.

  She shook her head violently. It was nothing, just a figment of her imagination. She hadn’t seen anything, hadn’t experienced anything except the bark beneath her fingers. She wasn’t connected to a bunch of trees. That was pure insanity and would get her locked up for sure. Only nutters and tree-huggers imagined they could commune with nature. She wasn’t a tree-hugger, and she wasn’t a nutter. And she was determined that she wasn’t about to become one either.

  A wash of disappointment rushed through her, and for a split second she knew it came from the trees around her. Doubts rushed in, raging through her. What if they were right? What if she was what they said she was?

  She shook her head, angry with herself. She was letting Nate and their magic get to her again. It was a magic tree. The appearance of the steps and the treehouse above were proof, she couldn’t deny that. Maybe she’d picked up residual magic, but that’s all it was. There was nothing else except her own awe over their ability. There was no other explanation—there couldn’t be.

  “Lily May?” Nate was right in front of her now, and she knew the next words from his mouth.

  She pre-empted him by going on her tiptoes and kissing his cheek before turning to go up the steps. “This is brilliant. When did you build this?” she asked brightly. “Can I go right up?”

  “Lilith!”

  Her name was an exclamation of pure frustration. She ignored him and concentrated on working her way up the steps, determined not to think about it again.

  ~*~*~*~

  They’d built the treehouse amongst the spreading branches of the oak. There were three levels, each platform getting smaller as it went higher up the tree. The biggest room was spread out over the largest of the branches. Open windows in the plank walls let in a little light, but the main light came from a lantern hanging from the ceiling that Nate had lit with a click of his fingers.

  A rug lay spread out over the floor with several pillows scattered around. There was an old wooden seafaring chest and a few hand-drawn maps of the forest paths tacked to the walls. Old comi
cs lay stacked in the corner; a couple of pretend pistols and a cowboy hat sat on top. Tin soldiers, frozen forever in mortal combat, lay in a heap beside the comics. Marbles, a punctured football, and a couple of cricket bats lay in one corner.

  A sharp feeling of melancholy swept over her. They didn’t come here often anymore. Everything lay forgotten, covered by a layer of time and dust. The treehouse was glad to have them back again—she could feel it—but it was tinged with sadness.

  She snorted at her own foolishness, watching as Jake took out the sandwiches they had made at her place.

  Nate was watching her. He was almost choking in his need to question her. She assumed the others had told him to drop it, and she was grateful for that.

  “How old were you when you built this?” she asked, taking a sandwich.

  “We were eight when we started it. Jonas helped a lot,” Matt said and picked up a pack of cards. “About ten when we finished it?” He looked at Nate for confirmation.

  She looked at Nate and did a double take. His sandwich was floating in mid-air in front of him as he twisted around, searching through the chest behind him.

  “Yeah, about then. So, do you still want to know who Pyewacket was, Lily May?” Nate asked, sitting around with an old cube puzzle in his hand. He plucked his sandwich from thin air and started to eat it, watching her.

  “What, it was a what,” Matt said.

  Nate ignored him as he turned the cube’s sections. He used the thin air to hold his sandwich between mouthfuls the way other people used plates.

  “Who, or what, was Pyewacket?” she asked, watching his sandwich. She’d never get used to their casual use of magic. She shook her head no when Josh offered her a bag of crisps. He shrugged and started to eat them.

  “1644.” Nate set the cube on the floor between them and rested his hands on his knees. “A man called Matthew Hopkins lived in Manningtree, Essex. He was the Witchfinder General, and it was his job to seek out witches and have them hanged. He travelled from village to village and was well paid for his services. He claimed to have spied on some witches at a meeting close to his house, and overheard the name of a local witch. She was arrested under his orders and deprived of sleep. In the end, she confessed and called out the names of her familiars: Pyewacket was one of them.”

 

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