by R. M. Walker
He wanted to howl in rage. He wanted to burn everything in sight. And he would. Just not yet. He drew a deep breath in through his nose and out of his mouth. He couldn’t lose it now. He was too close to give in without a fight. She was still his. That would never change. He would just need to re-work how he handled it. Re-think how to handle the boys and keep her trust in him. It was a hitch, but he’d get over it.
“We’re in it together”
The moment Lily shut the door and saw them waiting, she was on them.
“Who was fighting? Was that you fighting? I wanted to come out, but the nurse wouldn’t let me. I think China heard Mr O’Connor bellowing. Are you hurt?”
“Jesus, draw a breath.” Josh laughed. “We’re not hurt.”
“But it was you fighting?”
“Just some idiots,” Nate dismissed.
“Idiots? Why?” she demanded.
“It doesn’t matter why or who,” Nate said and took her bag from her.
“Yes, it does!” She tried to reach out to touch him, but he ducked back from her. Her hand fell limply to her side.
“No, Lily, please. Don’t take it the wrong way.” Nate stepped closer. “We just need to be careful.” He looked at the other students walking past them, and she understood he meant being seen. But when had that ever bothered them before?
“Why?” she asked suspiciously. She fell into step with them as they headed towards the canteen and their table.
“Because we’ve been stupid,” Nate said. “We’ve left you open for people to talk about and that’s not fair. So, Matt is going to be your boyfriend officially at school. That means the rest of us can’t walk around holding your—”
She cut him off sharply. “Do I get any say in this?”
“What?” Nate shoved his glasses up his nose. “Well, it can be any of us. This just keeps it straight with who you’re dating at home.”
“And in which particular world do we care what other people think?” She threw Josh’s words back at him as she sat down.
Josh pulled a face at her in exasperation. “Things change. And the world we’re in thinks you’re open season because it thinks we all fuck you!”
“Josh!” Nate snarled at him.
“What?” She frowned at them, and suddenly it all made sense. “That’s why you were fighting? You were defending my honour?”
“Your honour? Bloody hell, this isn’t one of your books.” Nate snorted. “Look, none of that matters. What matters is that we made a mistake. Once we leave here, it doesn’t matter what we do, but for now, it’s best if it looks like you’re only dating Matt and not all of us.”
Lily blew out her breath and nodded. She couldn’t stop the smile that was creeping onto her face. She bit her lip, trying to smother it.
“What’s got you all grinning?” Josh asked, peering at her grumpily.
“You stood up for me,” she said and grinned widely. “I’m sorry if you got hurt, but you stood up for me.”
“Well, of course we stood up for you.” Nate sighed. “You are our girl, even if we can’t let the rest of the morons around here know it.”
“I don’t think I want to know what was said, and I wish you hadn’t got hurt, but thank you for standing up for me.”
“We told you we’ve got your back,” Josh said. “We always will.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she bit her lip at the rush of emotions his words gave her. She saw all of them pull back, the horror on the twins’ faces was matched by Matt and Nate.
“Don’t cry! Bugger it all, please, don’t cry!” Josh pushed his chocolate bar towards her. “Eat this. You’ll feel better.”
She laughed, her hand covering her mouth at the sound. A few tears escaped, running over her fingers.
“I think we broke her,” Jake muttered to Josh, confusion in his eyes.
“I’m not broken. I’m happy.” She wiped the tears away and pushed the chocolate back to Josh. “You eat it, Josh, thank you.”
“Okay.” Josh drew the word out, eyeing her warily. “As long as you’re okay, we’re good, even though we have absolutely no idea what that was all about.”
She smiled at him as she drew out her sandwich.
“So, Lily May, change of subject. What were you feeling when your nose bled?”
“Feeling?” She frowned at him.
“What happened exactly?”
“I’ve no idea,” she replied. “I was fine one moment, heading down to do the equation, and the next minute, I couldn’t tell you what numbers were.” She frowned at her sandwich as she remembered. “It was the weirdest feeling. I could see the numbers, but they had no meaning. I could see four to the power of three, but had no idea what to do with it. Then Mr O’Connor was dragging me to his chair and blood was coming from my nose.”
“What is four to the power of three?” Josh asked her.
“Sixty-four,” she answered instantly. “That’s not all,” she said hesitantly and decided she had to tell them, even if it was nothing.
They all leant towards her, and she moved forwards in response. “I couldn’t tell who you were,” she said to Josh.
“What?” He looked confused.
“Well, I knew you were either Josh or Jake, but I couldn’t tell which. Like I’d just met you again and had no idea. It was like there was a veil between us. I didn’t like it. I don’t have to think about it. I haven’t had to think about who you are since...” She stopped and blew out her breath. “I don’t remember when I first figured it out.”
“After you fitted at the waterwheel,” Jake said. “You’ve never mixed us up since then.”
“I’m going to tell Jonas,” Nate said as he fished his phone out and started tapping on it.
“You think it’s linked to the nosebleed?” she asked.
“Do you?” Matt asked, opening a bag of crisps and offering her one. She refused with a no thanks and watched as he handed it down to the twins.
“I don’t know,” she said watching Josh take a crisp and one for Jake. Nate shook his head without looking up, and Matt took them back.
“When did the number thing pass?” Josh asked.
“I’m not sure.” She shrugged, picking at her bread. “I just knew when I saw you with the nurse that Drew was right.”
Nate’s head snapped up. “What? What was Drew right about?” he asked.
“Josh told him he was Jake. I was scared, and I told him that I didn’t know who you were. He said you were Josh, no matter what you told him.”
“How the fuck does he do that?” Matt demanded.
“He said that little things give you away. And they do, sometimes,” Lily admitted.
“Yeah, we know,” Jake sighed. “Problem of being mirrored.”
“Yeah,” Lily agreed with them. “One thing you want to watch is your arms. You fold them differently.”
“We do?” Josh looked at Jake in surprise. They both instantly folded their arms, frowning at each other. “How?”
“You fold with your right over your left, and he folds with his left over his right,” Nate said, still looking down at his phone.
“You knew? You knew all this time and never said?” Jake demanded.
“A tiny reassuring mark that you aren’t one person, despite what you think,” Nate drawled. “Listen, this is important. Jonas thinks whatever is blocking you made your nose bleed and not be able to tell them apart. He thinks it’s only going to get worse. We’ve got to figure this out.”
She rubbed her fingertips against her temple. She still didn’t know who was right: Jonas or Drew. She was going to see Drew tonight. The only way she could go forwards was to insist he tell her if he had magic or if he was just an interested researcher. She would ask about his ring as well. It suddenly occurred to her that he didn’t wear it when he was teaching. She hadn’t noticed it when he’d held her nose, and it would have been right in front of her.
“Lily, it’
s going to be okay.” Matt reached out and touched her elbow. “We’re going to figure this out.”
She couldn’t make eye contact with any of them. She was keeping too much from them. She would go tonight, find out exactly what he was, and then she’d tell them everything.
“Can I meet you somewhere tonight? The treehouse or the green?” she asked, still not meeting any of their eyes.
“Yeah, of course. We can go to ours, try and figure it out. Come down to our place when you’re ready,” Josh said, and bit into his sandwich.
“There’s something I need to do first, so can I meet you there a bit later, about nine?” she asked. She picked up her sandwich and made herself take a bite, but each mouthful was like cardboard.
“Yes, if you want,” Jake said. “It’ll be all right. We just need to brainstorm this, that’s all.” He reached across to touch her.
Josh caught his wrist, and Jake swore.
She set her sandwich down, sighing heavily. “I wish all this would just go away. I wish I wasn’t this stupid seeing thing. I wish magic was a fairy tale like it’s supposed to be.”
None of them said anything, and she looked up. Josh and Jake were looking at each other. Nate was staring at his own sandwich, and Matt was frowning at his crisps. There wasn’t anything they could say. She packed her lunch back into her bag, no longer hungry.
“Lily May.” Nate’s voice was low, regretful, and it made her look at him. “I can’t make it better for you. I get that you wish none of this was true, that you didn’t have to deal with any of it. But you do.” He gave her a one-shoulder shrug. “Wishing isn’t gonna help. We are who we are. And so are you. It’s worse to think what would have happened if you hadn’t met us.”
She realised how they’d taken her words. “No, no, you don’t understand. I’m glad I met you, I’d take none of that back. None of it. I really like you! I didn’t mean you. I meant me. Just me.”
She heard the twins exhale, and she looked at them. They were still looking at each other.
“That’s good to know,” Nate said, catching her attention. “Because you’re not getting rid of us anyway. You’re stuck with us.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.”
Nate smiled at her, it started on his lips and ended in his eyes, and it made her insides curl up in warmth.
“Whatever happens,” Josh said. “We’re in it together.”
“Aye,” Nate, Jake, and Matt spoke at the same time, and it took her back to the bowling alley.
She was deeply entwined with them, but she was keeping secrets from them. Tonight, she would tell them everything and hide nothing from them ever again.
Truth and Lies
It was just gone seven when she knocked on Drew’s door. A few seconds passed, and then Drew opened the door. He smiled when he saw her and stood back to let her in.
“Go on through. I was making a pot of tea.” He shut the door behind them.
She followed him through the living room into the kitchen at the back. The washing machine was set back in place and working.
“Did you do it, or did you concede defeat?” she asked, sitting in the chair she’d sat in before.
He looked around at her in question, saw where she was looking, and laughed. “I conceded defeat and got someone in. I’m embarrassed to say that it was a fuse in the plug and not the machine.”
“Oops.” She tried to hold back the grin that wanted to escape.
He saw it and shook the teaspoon he was holding at her. “Are you laughing at me?” he teased.
She shook her head but then laughed, unable to keep it in. He laughed with her and brought a brown tea pot over to the table and set it down. He crossed back for some mugs and the sugar bowl.
“How are you feeling now?”
She remembered this morning and shrugged. “I felt fine about five minutes after it stopped bleeding.”
He put the milk on the table then sat opposite her. He was casually dressed in a red jumper and a pair of black jeans. His hair was pulled back from his face and tied at the neck. Several strands had loosened to fall around his ears.
Lily drew in a breath as she watched him lift the lid and stir the pot. She had to start somewhere.
“I need to...”
“I have those...”
They both spoke at the same time, and she laughed, shaking her head.
“You go on,” he told her.
“No, honestly, you go first.” She watched as he poured the tea into the mugs.
“Okay, well, I was going to say that I have those books for you. There’s something else I wanted to give you as well. Wait here a moment, and I’ll get them.” He got up and left the room.
She heard him going up the spiral staircase, so she took the time to look around. He’d made a few additions to the room. Herbs and an iron horseshoe sat on the windowsill. A dream catcher hung from the top of the window. She heard his footsteps on the stairs as she was adding some milk to her mug. He came in with a stack of books in his hands that made her raise her eyebrows.
“Wow, just a few then,” she said with a laugh.
He set them down, shrugging ruefully. “Medieval history interests me. I completed my doctorate on it.”
“You’re Dr Wenlock?” She was surprised that he didn’t insist on being given his proper title.
“Er, well, yes, actually.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I don’t like my last name, so I drop the whole thing, and much prefer Drew.”
“It’s not that bad,” she said with a smile.
“I’m glad you don’t think so,” he said, grinning at her. He sat back down and sorted through the books until he found whatever he was looking for. “Right, this is what I wanted to give you.” He pushed a book across the table to her. The cover was beautiful, an iridescent colour with gold inlaid Celtic knot patterns. She couldn’t help but reach out and touch it gently.
“It’s beautiful.”
“It’s yours.”
She looked up. “Mine?”
“I’m giving it to you,” he said. He took a sip from his mug, winced, and added more milk.
“I can’t take this...” She faded out, her fingers were already opening the cover. Each page was blank, and she knew immediately why he was giving it to her. “This is too...”
“You don’t need to call it anything except a plant journal. I want you to have it.”
“I... I couldn’t. It’s far too expensive. It wouldn’t be right for me to—”
He cut her off with a snort and a wave of his hand. “Don’t, Lily. It wasn’t expensive, believe me, and there’s no harm in it. That brings me to what else I wanted to talk to you about. How well do you know those boys?”
She looked up, surprised at his turn of conversation. She kept her fingers on the book, sad that she’d have to give it back.
“The boys?” She lifted her mug with her other hand and took a sip to buy time.
“Yes, Nate, and his cousins.” He got up and brought the biscuit tin over.
“Fairly well.” She wasn’t going to give anything away.
“Look, I’m going to be honest with you, because you deserve it. No matter what they say or think, I have no romantic interest in you, Lily.”
She blushed deeply, shaking her head quickly. “I know that! I never thought it. They get...” She shrugged.
“Possessive. Yes, I can see that,” he said dryly. “They’re rather caveman around you. That can be a good thing, or it can be a bad thing. Don’t let them push you around.”
“Oh, I don’t, don’t worry.”
“Good, because it can be a slippery slope. It can start off protective and turn into something darker, more abusive.”
“They would never abuse me!” Anger stirred up inside her.
“I’m not saying they are or that they will. Just be aware. Don’t let them tell you what to do.” He opened the tin and put it between t
hem. “Right, what did you want to talk to me about?”
She bit her lip, looked down at the book and wondered how she was going to start.
“Oh, is it that bad?” He sat back and crossed his legs. “Do I need to take cover?”
“I don’t know how to—”
“Just spit it out, I won’t bite.”
“Can you do magic?” It was out, and there was no taking it back.
“Can I...” He stopped and pulled a face. “I didn’t expect that. I was expecting something along the lines of the boys don’t want you coming to see me anymore, because it’s not ‘appropriate’.” He made air quotes then laughed, taking a biscuit and biting into it.
“Well, there was that suggested but...” She shrugged. “I need to know. Please.”
“Yes, you do, don’t you?” His dark eyes held her as he chewed the last part of his biscuit. He was silent for so long she didn’t think he was going to answer.
“Hold out your hand, palm up.” He finally spoke.
She did as he asked. Her hand shook, but he made no comment.
He took another biscuit from the tin and placed it on her palm. “You ask the wrong questions.”
“I ask—” She stopped, not understanding what he was doing.
“Eat your biscuit, Lily. Think of the correct question then ask me.”
It sank in, and she blew out her breath. She’d had enough of all the games, all the mystery, all the doubts and confusion.
“No.” She put the biscuit down and sat up straight. “I am asking the right question. Can you do magic?”
He sighed heavily and rested his elbows on the table. She had the distinct impression he was disappointed in her. His next words compounded it. “Wrong question. Think about it!”
Frustration turned to sharp anger. “Look, I just want to know. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what’s worrying you.”
“You really need me to take out a coin again?” he asked dryly.