by K. C. Mills
“What the fuck is going on, Keem?”
“I found Tay outside on the side of the building; her dress was torn, she had bruises on her face and around her neck, and she was scared as hell. I need to find out who did that shit to her because they’re as good as dead.”
“Damn man, did she say anything?”
“Nah, she wouldn’t say shit. All she said was that she wanted to leave but she didn’t want to go home or to the hospital, so I brought her here.”
Jodie sat their quiet as hell processing. He knew me and he knew that I was ready to take a life. He also knew that I wasn’t going to rest until I handled whoever did this.
“Take care of Tay; I’ll hit you up in a little while,” Jodie stood up, and I followed.
“Where you heading?” I asked as I followed Jodie to the door.
“To check the security footage. If I find something, I’ll let you know. We’ll get whoever it was, trust. I promise you we’ll get him.”
Jodie looked me right in the eyes in a way that let me know that he was serious as hell. He knew how important this was to me, and since I couldn’t be in the streets right now, then he was going to do it for me.
“I’m out. Call me if you need anything,” Jodie said before he was out the door. I locked it and sat on the sofa again. I let my head fall back, and my eyes closed until I heard Tay’s voice behind me.
“Will you come lay down with me?”
I turned my head and she was standing a few feet behind the sofa, looking like she was about to cry again so I stood up, walked to her and pulled her into my chest, closing my arms around her. I leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head before we both walked back into my room.
Tay climbed into my bed, and I locked my door.
“Let me jump in the shower real quick. You gonna be okay?”
She looked at me and nodded before she pulled my comforter up over her shoulders, so that her head was barely visible. Of all the times I pictured Tay being in my bed, I damn sure never imagined that it would be like this. I felt fire flow through my veins and I clenched my teeth, trying to control my anger.
Once I was in the bathroom with the door shut, I turned on the water and shed my clothes. I stepped in and let the hot water run over my body, but I kept picturing Tay sitting outside in the cold, and my mind kept going over what she went through. The more I thought about it, the more pissed I got until I lost it and punched the wall. I shook my hand as a sharp pain went through it, and I noticed the tile cracked so I just washed up and got out.
When I was back in my room, I shut my light out and climbed into bed with Tay. I wrapped my arms around her, and her body relaxed against mine.
“Are you ready to tell me what happened?”
It took her a minute to answer, but when she did all she said was, “no.”
“Tay, I need to know. Whoever did this is going to be dealt with, so I need to know.”
“I just want to go to sleep. Just lay here with me so that I can go to sleep,” she inched closer to me, so I tightened my hold on her and lowered my chin on top of her head. I tried to relax, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to so I just laid there in the dark listening to her breath. I focused on the rhythm of her heartbeat, and at some point I finally dozed off.
The next morning, the sound of Tay’s muffled voice crying woke me up. My arms were still around her, so I called her name because I could tell that she was still asleep. She was obviously having a nightmare about what happened, and I got heated all over again.
“Tay, wake up.” I placed my hand on the side of her face, which made her jump as her eyes slowly opened.
She turned to face me, but instead of looking at me she pressed her forehead against my chest, so I pulled her closer to me as my hands glided up and down her back.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Tay sat up and backed into the headboard, so I sat up and leaned against it beside her.
“I know you don’t want to tell me what happened Tay, but I have to handle this so at least tell me who.”
“I don’t know who. I’ve never seen him before. He just grabbed me and pulled me out the back entrance. He didn’t say much so I can’t tell you that.”
I glanced at Tay before I let me head fall back and my hand went across it.
“You need to call Brit.” I picked up my phone, and it was just after seven. “Damn it.”
“What’s wrong?” Tay asked, looking concerned.
“Nothing, I had morning practice.” I picked up my phone and stood up so that I could call my coach.
“I can go,” she said standing up, but I shook my head and held my hand up.
“Where are you Hakeem, practice started ten minutes ago.” Coach Teague sounded irritated as hell, but I really didn’t care. He could bench me if he wanted to. I wasn’t leaving Tay.
“I had a family emergency. I won’t be there.”
The phone went silent for a minute. “Alright Hakeem, just make sure you’re there Monday; we’ve got Temple on Wednesday and if you don’t show up, I can’t let you play.”
“I’ll do what I can coach, but I’ve gotta go.” I hung up because at this point, I really didn’t care at this point. Things were changing for me and basketball wasn’t really a priority right now, so it was gonna be what it was gonna be.
“You didn’t have to do that. I can go home,” Tay said, looking at me like she had just complicated my life.
“Nah you’re good,” I said just as Liyah knocked on my door and called my name.
“Keem, you up?”
Tay sat on the foot of my bed as I unlocked my door, and Liyah pushed her way in and stopped dead in her tracks when she realized Tay was with me. She looked her and frowned when she noticed the bruises, but then tried to recover with a forced smile.
“Sorry Tay, I didn’t know you were here. Can I talk to you for a minute?” Liyah turned to me.
“Yeah.” I stepped out of my room and followed Liyah into the hallway.
“What happened to her?”
“I don’t really know, she won't tell me but I think she was raped.
“Are you serious, by who?”
“I don’t know but trust me, I’m going to find out.”
“She okay?”
“She says she is but I don’t think so, but let me go deal with her and I’ll catch up with you later.” I grabbed Tay’s bag off the couch and walked back in my room.
“Here.”
Tay looked at me kind of strange.
“Lisa packed it for you and Jodie brought it here last night.”
“Do they know?”
“Jodie does, I didn’t tell Lisa anything, but you need to call her.”
“I will. I think I’m gonna go home. I know my parents are wondering where I am.”
“You don’t have to leave, Tay.”
“I know, but I just think I need to go home.”
I stood there looking at her for a minute before I walked into my closet and grabbed a Nike sweat suit and a pair of Jordans.
“Get dressed and then I’ll take you.” I walked out the room and shut the door, leaving her there. I didn’t want her to leave, but I knew that I couldn't make her stay.
Tasia
Three months had passed since I was raped, and everything about my life had changed. I basically spent all my time in my room. I barely talked to anyone and I didn’t really want to. Hakeem came by all the time and we would chill in my room watching movies or just talking, but never once did we have a conversation about that night. He tried a few times and when I forced him to let it go, he eventually did but I knew that it was always on his mind.
I would catch him staring at me sometimes and I could see it in his eyes. He wanted revenge even if I didn’t. He wanted someone to pay, but all I wanted was to forget. I would wake up at night crying with memories of him touching me, his lips on my body, the taste of liquor on his breath as he forced his tongue in my mouth. It was like I could still feel
him forcing his way inside me as I tried my best to fight him off. Those memories would be with me forever, no matter how hard I tried to let them go.
“Why you looking like that?” Keem asked, standing in my door with his arms folded across his chest. The look on his face let me know that he was worried about me. I knew that look by heart, because lately it was the only one he had when he was around me. He tried his best to hide it, but it was almost impossible.
“Nothing, just thinking.” I forced a smile, but Hakeem knew better. Over the past three months, he learned me well and my words could say whatever they wanted, but my body always told him the truth.
“Take a ride with me, Tay.” Hakeem walked in my room and sat down next to me on my bed.
“I don’t really feel like it,” I said before I leaned back, pulling my pillow under my head. Hakeem followed my lead and leaned back also, but he folded his arms under his head and turned slightly so that he was looking at me.
“Tay, you can’t stay in this room forever. That shit is getting old.”
“I know that Hakeem, and it’s not like I don’t go anywhere. I do. I just don’t feel like going out right now.”
He inhaled deeply, and I watched as his chest rose and fell. I knew that he was trying to control his mood before he spoke again, because just like he learned me over the past three months, I also learned him. I knew his behavior and right now, he was irritated and trying to stay calm.
“Look Tay, I know you’re not in a good place and you own the right to feel some type of way about what happened, but this shit is pissing me off. You basically put your whole life on hold because of him. You go to school and you come home, and since your classes ended I don’t think you’ve even left the house in two weeks. That shit has gotta change, Tay.”
Hakeem sat up again, leaning forward. His arms were propped up on his knees just before he lowered his head into his hands.
“It’s just hard,” I said.
Hakeem lifted his head and looked back over his shoulder at me before he lowered his head into his hands again.
“I know, but you’re giving him too much control Tay. You are basically hiding. You’re letting him control how you live and I can’t stand that shit. I wished that things were different and that it never happened. I would give anything, and I mean anything, if I could have stopped that shit, but Tay I miss you. I miss who you used to be. This is not you.”
We were both quiet; me because I knew that he was right, but I just couldn’t figure out how to get my life back, and Hakeem because he needed me to be okay and didn’t know how to make that happen.
“Where we going?” I finally said after I couldn’t stand the silence anymore. I sat up just as Hakeem lifted his head, and I’ll be damned if his ass didn’t finally smile at me. Those huge craters in his cheeks emerged, and I couldn’t help but to smile back.
“The hell you grinning at.”
I just laughed, “You, captain dimples.”
“Chill with that shit, man. See, that’s why I don’t smile,” Hakeem said before he snatched the pillow that was behind him and hit me with it.
“Keep that up and I’m not going anywhere,” I said before I stood and walked into my closet.
I grabbed a pair of jeans, and then stuck my head out the door. “Where are we going anyway?”
“Anywhere you want, as long as you your funky ass bathes,” Hakeem said, mugging me.
“Shut up stupid. Just because I haven’t been going anywhere doesn’t mean I don’t bathe. I stay fresh and clean.”
“Shit, I don’t know what your hermit ass has been doing up in here. I'm just making sure,” and once again, Hakeem looked at me with those dimples present and accounted for.
After I was dressed and ready to go, we walked through my house and found my mom in the kitchen washing dishes, so I stopped in the doorway to let her know I was leaving. She had been worried about me; hell, my whole family was. Hakeem was the only one who officially knew what happened that night, but I knew that they all had their ideas. They asked a few times, but I just couldn’t find the words to explain what happened to me that night, so it was something that only Hakeem and I shared.
Even Brit had been calm lately. She would check on me all the time, and even occasionally slept in my room some nights watching movies and sharing late night conversation. Oddly enough, she was staying away from Nell as far as I could tell, but all in all she was trying her best to be a good sister.
“Hey ma, I’m heading out for a little while,” I said when she turned to look at me.
I could see her face light up. “Where are you heading?” she asked as her eyes fell on Hakeem, and then back to me. She knew that he was the only reason why I was actually leaving the house. Hakeem looked at me, waiting for me to answer since apparently I was doing the navigation for our outing.
“Not sure yet, but I’ll text you and let you know.”
My mother smiled at both of us, “Well have fun, and I’m glad you’re getting out. Take care of my baby, Hakeem.”
“Aw Mrs. Clark, you know you don’t have to worry about that.” Hakeem stepped around me and then kissed my mother on the check before the two of us headed for the door. Once we were in his truck, he started it and looked at me.
“Well?” he asked
I thought about it for a minute before I finally made up my mind.
“Can we go to the boardwalk?” I asked with a big grin. He said anywhere I wanted to go, and I just really wanted to get a way for a minute.
“Damn Tay, you want to drive two hours to Atlantic City,” Hakeem said with a smirk. “I knew I shouldn’t have let your ass decided.”
“You said anywhere I wanted.” I made a point of reminding him that this was his idea
“You’re right, but I didn’t know you were going to make me drive two fucking hours,” Hakeem said playfully. “I need to check on a few things before we head out. You cool with that?”
I thought about the fact that Hakeem and Jodie had taking over for Simuel. I didn’t have to be in the streets to know what was going on in them. Simuel had stepped down right after Jodie’s party and put Hakeem and Jodie in charge of everything. That one decision created a lot of bad blood, because there were too many people already in the organization that were expecting to sit on the throne, but so far there hadn’t been any major issues–or at least any that I knew about. Hakeem had always been in the streets, mostly just to take care of him and his sister, but taking over for Simuel was a whole new world for Hakeem.
“Yeah that’s cool.”
After Hakeem called Jodie to let him know that he was going to be gone most of the day, he drove through the block to talk to Talen and Dee before we hit the road.
“You’re foul, you know that right?” I opened my eyes when I heard Hakeem’s deep voice vibrating through his truck.
I sat up and stretched before I turned to look at him. “Why did you say that?” I asked when my eyes met Hakeem’s.
“Come on Tay, made me drive two hours and you slept the whole way,” he said, looking at me with no expression, but I could tell he was playing.
“My bad. You should have woke me up. That’s your fault,” I said with a grin before I looked around. The second I saw the ocean, it was like my whole body relaxed; I instantly felt free.
He chuckled a little and then opened his door. “Nah you good. Let’s go eat; a brother is about to starve.” I opened the door and stepped out, and the smell of saltwater hung in the air. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my family used to come here.
We made our way to the boardwalk, and Hakeem grabbed my hand as we walked. I looked up at him and smiled. He made me feel safe, which was a feeling that I had been missing for a long time now.
The entire time we were eating, I could feel Hakeem watching me. He did that a lot when we were together, but today it was different. Lately when he looked at me, his eyes were filled with concern but today, I saw something different in his eyes when they connected t
o mine.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.
“Like what?” Hakeem asked
“I don’t know, like something’s wrong.”
He laughed before he spoked. “You seem happy today. It’s been a minute since I’ve seen that.”
“Well thank you.”
“For what?”
“For this.”
“I told you I always got you, Tay.”
After we ate we walked on the boardwalk for a while, and when the sun went down the chill filled the air, so we found a spot and sat down. Hakeem pulled me close to his side and wrapped his arms around me as we sat in silence.
“Are you still leaving?” Hakeem asked randomly.
“What?”
“New York?”
Honestly, I hadn’t really thought much about. I was less than a month away from graduation, and New York was the farthest thing on my mind.
“I hadn’t really thought about it,” I said.
“It’s what you want, right?” It was dark, but I could feel Hakeem’s eyes on me.
I inhaled and let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“Come on Tay, don’t do that.”
“Do what Hakeem?”
“Nothing. It’s late, we better head back.” Hakeem stood up and I followed. I knew that he wanted to say more, but he also didn’t want to push the issue so he let it go. He grabbed my hand and we walked in silence back to his truck, and before long we were heading back to Newark.
It had been a perfect day, one the best I had in a long time, so I closed my eyes and went to sleep, praying that I could finally get some rest without those memories creeping into my head.
Hakeem
“What up Keem, you made it back yet?”
“Bout to be, what’s up?” I looked over at Tay, who of course was once again knocked out. It seemed like the second we hit the highway, she KO’d on me but it was cool though. She seemed to be at peace and that was something I hadn’t seem in a while. There were many nights that Tay would fall asleep while we were chilling at her house, and she would have nightmares about what happened. I’d hold onto her long enough for it to pass, and she would wake up like it never happened; or at least it seemed like it. She would never mention it or talk about it, but I knew.