Now, I have been delaying, I know you asked in your last letter about my disappointment with a man a few years ago. I suppose I must tell all. For though you suffer now and have suffered for five years, I too have been greatly hurt in the past. Do you mind if I do not name him? I think it will help if I do not write his name. . .
Adella gave a long sigh, she took her gaze away from the paper, and for some minutes prepared herself to learn the details of something she feared would be similar to her own sorry tale. She continued reading.
When I was twenty, I received a proposal of marriage from a young man I had known pretty much all my life. We grew up near each other, and he was an apprentice Cooper. I accepted him straight away. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved him very much. But when I told my parents, they were unhappy and would not consent to the match. Though they knew him to be both respectable and trustworthy, they felt that we were both too young, and that he did not have sufficient money to support a family. So, they told me to call off the engagement and, if in a few years' time he was more prosperous, then they would agree. Of course, it was not long before I was 21 and I could choose my own road. But after careful consideration and despite my own disappointment, I agreed to my parents' wishes. I did not want us both to live in poverty and forever to be reliant on our parents.
He was disappointed, but accepted the decision after a short while. Shortly afterwards, he applied for and was taken on at an Engineering company in a nearby town and moved out of the village to be near his new employer. At first, I saw him often ; every two or three weeks on a Sunday afternoon. But gradually, his visits became less frequent and we lost contact for nearly two years.
I did not expect to see him again, and though I knew I still had deep love for him, I resigned myself that I must give him up in my mind. I thought I had.
However, after those two years, I happened upon him when I visited the town where he lived. We were cordial to each other and the chance meeting was not as embarrassing for us as I thought it might be. He inquired after my health and seemed genuinely concerned for me. I felt instantly that the flame of attraction was again ignited for both of us.
That following Sunday, he called on the family again and stayed a few hours. His visit was repeated the next Sunday, and for the first time I began to feel he wished to renew his addresses. He was certainly attentive. He was doing well in the engineering company and was certainly earning enough money to support a family. In short, he was prospering.
However, after about a month of his visits, they abruptly stopped. As the weeks carried on, there was no sign of him, so I wrote to him to inquire if he was well. In truth to try and see if he really did reciprocate the sentiments I still held onto and why he stopped visiting.
I received a reply a few days later. He told me that, though his sentiments were what they were all those years before, he regretted to inform me that he was now engaged and shortly to be married to a woman who was shortly to bear his child.
Adella's hand flew to cover her mouth. She re-read the last paragraph several times, “so, I am not the only woman to have been put upon by a man!” she said out loud. “But poor Flora. What she has had to bear!” Adella read on.
You can imagine the anguish I felt. Not only to learn that my love was returned, but that we could never marry and he behaved in such a way to a woman out of wedlock. It pains me indeed now to think of it. I thought him not the kind of man to lose control of such base urges. But it was so and I have learned to accept it.
I did reply to him, to acknowledge that I received his letter and to wish him well. Though it pained me to be so distant and aloof in the letter, I could not speak of my sentiments. That would have been wrong, he was engaged.
I hear of him from time to time. He has several children now I believe, and is still employed by the same engineering company. He has been promoted several times. But I have not seen him since his last visit that time and it is just as well. I have long given up any feelings for him. I was consumed by shock and malice towards him for many years. I think it would have been better that he had not told me that he loved me. That way I could have borne the separation more.
So, that is my story. I hope you are not too depressed after reading it. I must assure you that though I still look upon what happened with a certain amount of acrimony, I have been looking forwards, not back. My life is so full now, and ever since I arrived in Bath I have not regretted that I am still a spinster (though Helen reminds me of it frequently!).
She still continues to pursue any man who is slightly rich, and I am a little afraid that she may be indiscreet with her affections in the hope that she will trap a man. But I can only hope that my Uncle and Aunt will make her see sense and get her to behave properly.
But for now, I must end my letter, as Helen has just come in to tell me that your brother has an errand for me.
I wish you well.
Yours
Flora Alther
Adella placed the letter back in her pocket, though curiously she couldn't let go of the paper. She felt deeply for Flora, it was a sad tale indeed and her heart went out to her. If only she knew this when they were in Bath together! Both of them suffered and continued to suffer because of a man. Was there a man alive who was not a deceiver? Adella doubted it, until she was reminded of her own father and brother; they at least were honourable. But no, Leonard was not any more.
One thing was certain, Adella was determined to reply to Flora as quickly as possible, so she knew she had a friend who understood her suffering.
She stood up and continued her walk to see Reverend Buyers with hopes that a married clergyman of fifty could improve her opinion of the other sex.
When Adella arrived home, she let herself in and busied herself in the kitchen after checking on her mother. After tea she sat quietly reading and was roused from her book by the sound of a carriage pulling up outside the house. She peeked through the curtains and saw a fine set of livery. The carriage door opened and a gentleman stepped out. He looked up at the house, then at the door.
Adella's heart almost stopped.
It was Joel.
Hadn't she told him not to contact her until his mourning period was over?
She moved away from the window and in a moment of panic almost ran out of the back of the house. But no. She couldn't do that. His arrival was unexpected, but she had to face him.
What would her parents say to him?
Her mother was in bed resting, but her father was next door. How would they react to him after everything? Half of her wanted them to meet him, but the other half wanted to keep his visit a secret.
She was completely unprepared to see him. Her mind raced as to why he had come. Several possibilities presented themselves in her mind.
One thing was certain, she never thought he would see her childhood home, especially these last five years. She looked about the small sitting room, the walls and the furniture almost closing in on her. How strange it will be to have him inside; this was her sanctuary where she had wept in the arms of her mother when he abandoned her.
She waited in the doorway until she heard the knock at the door. Slowly she made her way, knowing she was lingering.
Calmly she opened it.
“Hello Adella,” Joel said.
He looked anxious. Serious. Uneasy.
She felt herself flush. He was smartly dressed in a dark suit. Cleanly shaven and with a clear complexion, he was so different now to when she last saw him. Then he had been tired and worn. She wondered whether his new vibrancy was the result of his widower hood. He was still so very handsome.
He looked down momentarily then met her glance, “I had to see you. You left Bath so suddenly that I could not leave it six full months. Can I come in?”
She nodded, then turned slowly and let him follow her through to the sitting room closing the door behind him.
She stood in the centre of the room, he was still near the door, just a few steps away. Neither spoke f
or a few moments.
“I have left Bath for good,” he said staring at her. He was still holding his hat, and in his nervousness, he brushed the rim.
“Have you?”
“Yes. I am going to Scotland with Frederick for a few weeks.”
“You have not come to only tell me that?”
“No.” He smiled and gave a nervous laugh. “I – I have come to – Adella, I was hoping you would come with us. We could be married in a few days.”
She drew a deep breath. But before she could continue, he spoke again.
“Before you chastise me; I remember what you said to me the other week, but I have to ask again. I have this strange notion that you may have changed your mind. Besides, I wanted you to know that it was cruel of you to leave so suddenly. But I suppose after what I did to you, it would be a thoughtless thing to say.”
The irony only struck when he pointed it out.
“My mother was ill. That is why I left so suddenly.”
“Is she better?”
“Yes.”
“Then will you come with me?”
His eyes were wide with expectation and hope.
“I can't,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on his face. Though a part of her wanted to say yes. It was on the tip of her tongue. It would have been easy to speak the words in a confused rush.
He took a step closer to her, and again, until he was in front of her.
“Are you sure?” he asked taking her hand and keeping it in a tender grasp.
“I can't leave my mother. She is better than before but is still unwell, and my father is busy with work. There is no one else to nurse her or run the house.” She glanced quickly into his eyes as she spoke.
“I see.” He said, in a low deep tone. 'Is there anything I can say to persuade you to come?”
She shook her head. “I don't think so.”
“You don't think so,” he repeated with a quick smile. “Then there is the smallest chance. . .”
“No. I will not give you false promises. I am not unfeeling or indifferent to you, but I need more time.”
His expression was pained. He dropped her hand, turned away and walked to the other side of the room. He silently looked out the window. She wanted to speak to him, reassure him. Why? When had she suddenly started to care how he felt or that she was causing him pain? Someone she hated for so long. It was difficult for her to remember that she didn't despise him any more. It was flattering indeed to be asked such a thing. But it was nonsense. To run away and marry him in such a hurry was not right.
After a few minutes he turned around and with a taut expression said, “I am going to confront my father soon, whether you come with me or not. But I would sooner you would. During those bleak years when I was first married to Cynthia, I dreamt I would be free again to marry you. Now I am here in front of you, you cannot blame me for asking again.”
The lost look in his eyes almost undid her. She stepped forward, wanting to be closer to him.
“I too never thought for a moment that your reason for abandoning me would be so – understandable. But there are so many reasons to resist at the moment. I must stand by my decision. For both our sakes. You see that can't you?”
“I refuse to see it.”
She continued unperturbed by his word. “If you are going to confront your father, what of your brother and daughter?”
“They will be safely hidden.”
“You are not expecting your father to take to your disobedience?”
“No. He will cut me off and I am glad of it.”
“How can you be? You have more money anyone could dream of, yet you wish to rid yourself of it.”
“If you think wealth and happiness are the same, you are mistaken. Indeed, I am surprised at you. You never used to put monetary value above anything else.” His words were harsh, but he spoke in a tender tone.
“You do not know me then. Have you forgotten the reason why I became a governess in the first place?”
“I remember and I do know you, but not as well as I would like.”
There was a long silence between them. Neither seemed willing to break the reverie. Adella wondered whether she should sit down, or offer him a seat but it seemed so awkward and instead she clasped the top of the settee with her hands.
Eventually Joel spoke, “I was determined to take you with me, but now I am here, I cannot force you to do anything against your will. I will not treat you the same way I am treated by my father. I look forward to coming back when you will allow me to court you properly. Just as you wish and deserve.”
“You must do as you will. But I cannot go.” Then after a moment added, “However much my heart is telling me to.”
He stared at her. “You would come if I could have longer to persuade you? Tell me, how many minutes or hours will it take to change your mind? Though I feel your mind has decided.”
Adella was about to reply, but she was prevented from speaking by the door opening.
An awkward fear washed through her.
It was what she dreaded; it would most likely be her father.
How would he react?
Adella felt herself redden as the door widened further and her father came in the room. She took a guilty step away from Joel.
“There is a carriage outside, I wondered who might be -” he stopped and stared at Joel, then his daughter.
“Adella, won't you introduce us?”
Joel was by now stood straight and to attention.
“Father, this is –” she paused, then swallowed, and in a quick voice said, “This is Mr Joel Polwarth.”
At the start of her words, her father had stretched out his hand for Joel to shake it. But as the name sank in, his arm faltered and he pulled it back to his side.
“Joel Polwarth?” he muttered.
Adella watched as her father's soft expression turned into a frown.
“If you are Joel Polwarth, then I should like you to leave,” he said with a defiant tilt of his chin.
“No father,” Adella said. “You must not force him to go. If I can forgive him, then so must you.”
“You forgive me?” Joel's face softened.
“Yes. Of course.” Adella said to him. Then she turned to her father. “Joel is here to – well to speak to me about something, and it is difficult for you to allow him in our house. But please, do not force him to go. It is my decision is it not? You trust me don't you?”
He replied in a low tone, “Adella, after all he has done, how can you say such a thing? You need protection from him. I will not have him in my house.”
“Father, please. I am old and wise enough to deal with him myself, indeed, our conversation was nearly over and he was about to go.”
She looked to Joel, the surprise on his face told her he wasn't considering leaving yet.
Joel broke the tense silence, “Mr Maxwell, though I realise my presence here is not welcome by you, let me assure you that I am not here to cause mischief. I have acted badly in the past towards Adella, I know it and have felt it. But I have the highest regard for her, indeed I always have.”
Her father stood staring at Joel for a moment. Adella put her hand on his arm and said, “Please father, let us finish our conversation and then he will be gone.”
He faltered for a moment, then with a resigned sigh said, “I do not like it, but I do trust you Adella. I will be next door if you need me.”
She nodded and he left, leaving the door open a small crack.
Adella stood looking at the door for a moment. The embarrassment of the last few minutes washed over her and she forced calm on herself.
Only the sound of Joel's voice broke through her thoughts. “He is angry, and if it were my daughter I would feel exactly the same. But tell me, you really do not want to come with me?”
“I have given you my answer.”
“Then I will return in due course.”
She nodded and for a moment her mind wandered to what it would be like to
be pursued in such a way.
“I really hoped I could persuade you to come with me. At least I can see you are well looked after and comfortable here.” He looked about the room as though seeing it for the first time.
“I am, though I miss my friends in Bath.”
“I saw your brother a few days ago and he is well. I think he would be glad to have you back. Though I mean to have you for myself so perhaps it is good practice for him. He should find himself a wife, then he will not need you.”
A few minutes later she followed him out to the carriage, and though the sight of them together would give the neighbours gossip, she allowed him to kissed her hand before he stepped in.
Once the carriage was out of sight, her father wasted no time in joining her outside.
“What did he want?” he asked in a gruff tone.
“He wanted to marry me.”
“What!”
“I told him no,” she said and linked her arm through her fathers and led him inside.
“Good. I hope you told him never to come back.”
“I told him I would not marry him at the moment, but he seems determined to win me. He has promised to return in a few months. Then I will see if he truly still wants me. Remember his reasons for abandoning me father? You must not forget what he was forced to do.”
“Still, it is an affront to come here like that. You will take care?”
“I will father, I will.”
***
It was a few weeks later, and Joel was being driven up to his family home in Frederick's carriage. The intervening time had been spent in a house rented by Frederick in Edinburgh. They used their days planning in detail how Michael and Sarah would be hidden. Joel's emotions quickly changed from fear and anguish, to a cool determination to never allow his father to control his life again.
Frederick, ever eager to help and listen was the best of friends during this time, helping plan where the best place to hide them was, and what to say to his father when he told him what he had done.
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