I laughed at Kevin as his chest puffed, and he wallowed in his own glory. “That’s a deal Kevin. Some day I’ll do that.”
“Is that a promise?”
“It’s a promise.” He gave me a big smile, but the joy left his face as quickly as it came. He was hiding something from me. I could feel it. “What is it Kevin? What is it you’re not telling me?” I asked.
“I don’t know. What is it I’m not telling you? I think I’ve told you everything,” he said trying to be funny, and then looked away.
I didn’t push him. I thought it could have been about his mother, or something might have happened at the store where he worked. I didn’t want to pry, and it didn’t concern me greatly because I would be leaving in a few hours. Chances were I would never see or speak with him again. I fell asleep to the sounds of Kevin transcribing the journal pages for his Crewbies. I was sure Tim’s plan wouldn’t backfire, Kevin had my back and that I wouldn’t be discovered. I knew the risk was big, but I also knew I had to have more control over my life. It was time for me to make my own choices and not just follow orders, but still I felt the need for someone on my side. Someone not involved with Tim or Marla.
15.
Kevin was sitting with his laptop on the bed next to me. I knew he had moved around during the night because the garbage was full of food wrappers and there were half-eaten snacks sitting on the floor next to him. He was holding a Styrofoam cup of coffee that was steaming.
“Do you have anymore of that?” I asked.
“Here take this one,” he said. “I’m tanked up already.”
“Have you been up all night?”
“I slept for about an hour. I’m good.”
I wasn’t sure how much of my stuff Kevin and Jim had packed. I was sure that only one bag of clothes was coming with me. I would leave the notebook sessions with Kevin to give him what he needed to catch Finneaus Albert. Tim would be furious. I would lie and tell him they burned in the fire.
“Are you ready?” I asked as I zipped the suitcase.
“I got us a late check out. There’s no rush.”
“There’s no sense in prolonging the inevitable. I’m getting on that plane with Tim, and we might as well get to the airport so I can get my boarding pass.”
Kevin looked down at his laptop. “It’s just that…”
“It’s just that what? What is it?” I asked, and again had a strong feeling in my gut that there was something he wasn’t telling me, and now I couldn’t ignore my curiosity.
“There’s so much here that it’s impossible to comprehend it any faster. The Poet goes on and on about the month of thousand deaths and warning that more candles are now burning low. I know it means more deaths are imminent. That’s all I know from The Poet, more deaths. The Singer has been silent, and The Professor gives only lists of numbers that could be anything from GPS coordinates to lottery numbers. The Hippy is all about conspiracy theories, and how to always expect what would never be expected. He talks a little about Tim and Marla, but nothing specific. He refers to them as the guardians of the flower child—that’s you—but doesn’t say anything specific.” He pointed the computer screen my direction. “Do you want to read it? See if it says something to you.”
I pushed the screen back. “No I don’t want to read it.” My refusal to read the sessions did not make him happy, but I didn’t have time to be concerned about Kevin or his happiness. I had to keep my mind sharp. If those agents were in Sunny looking for Tim that meant they were on his tail and could possibly be at the airport. I was certain he had a plan, and I had to be on my toes to follow through.
Kevin parked the car in the short-term lot. I opened the glove box and pulled out an envelope that contained the registration and car title. Tim had instructed me to take out the title and put it someplace safe inside the house, but in that moment I was happy I hadn’t been obedient. I signed the title, and registration and handed them to Kevin.
“The car is yours.”
“No, no, no,” he said. “I can’t take your car. No. This thing cost at least, well I don’t know how much, but I know it cost a lot.”
“What else am I going to do? Leave it here and let the city impound it or worse connect it to Tim, or me? It’s better this way. You can get rid of it, trade it in or sell it. If anyone asks tell them you bought it on craigslist.” He knew I was right and didn’t put up a fight.
“I’ll buy you another car when you come back.”
“I’m not coming back Kevin,” I said and opened the car door. “We both know that.”
I left Kevin in the car and started walking to the front of the small airport. The outgoing upper floor was empty and the ticket area had one flight attendant monitoring it. I showed her my confirmation and she in turn asked for my passport and license, which I handed to her while making pleasant eye contact. Tim had told me that nervous behavior was as contagious as a yawn, and if I acted nervous the person I was interacting with would follow suit. The flight attendant stamped my passport and handed me a boarding pass. I took my suitcase and sat in the back of the secured waiting area against a wall.
Abilene Regional Airport is a two-room two-story building. Departures were up stairs, arrivals down. I could see both the entrance and the entire secured area from where I sat. There was the usual TSA guard and Abilene Police presence at the gates and exits, but nothing out of the ordinary. I had an increasing uneasiness while I waited for Tim. In the past I had always thought of myself as someone who could think in a quick efficient manner during whatever dilemma I might find myself in. I had planned my escape from this very type of situation thousands of times, and not one moment of the event happened as I’d thought it would.
The relief I’d felt when I saw Tim walk through the entrance was quickly overturned. He made it as far as the ticket counter before being surrounded by a dozen local police. The government men wearing dark suits and sunglasses were close behind waiting for Tim to be cuffed. I didn’t see him enter the building, but there was no missing Fat Boy as he walked at a rapid pace straight to me. He took me by the hand then wrapped one of his huge arms around my neck and all but carried me to the door. We’d almost made it out when I heard Tim yell my name. I turned my head and our eyes locked for an instant. Tim began to scream in a high-pitched scratchy voice.
“There she is! Shanna! You idiots you’re letting her get away!” Tim continued to yell and tried with all his might to point at me with his cuffed hands. Kevin pulled me out the door, down the ramp and into the parking lot. We were on the highway within a matter of minutes.
My entire body went limp with despair. I couldn’t register a thought. I could only hear Tim’s words, there she is you’re letting her get away. He’d turned on me. It was never his intention to protect me. He’d lured me into a trap in hopes that Marla would be released; this was the only explanation I had. Words he said to me ran through my head. Tim said they had planned on running to Mexico and Marla would know where to meet us. What he didn’t tell me was that the plan took affect after I was in custody. There were too many questions and not a single answer.
“Holy shit Kevin, they know who I am.”
“Yes, I thought of that,” Kevin said.
I remember very little after that exchange. When the crew came forward I could not abide it. I threw my head into the dash as hard as I could until I felt warm blood running down my face. Kevin pulled the seatbelt tight around my chest forcing me to stop. The air between my sanity and insanity became thin. I went away and allowed the crew to take over. I was done.
I felt Kevin lift me out of the car and lay me down. I opened my eyes and could see I was in a bedroom. I saw Kevin standing next to a woman almost as big as he was. They were talking, but I couldn’t hear them above my own voice muttering the gibberish of the crew. I sang, recited poetry, gave lengthy lectures and repeated numbers for hours on end. When the crew was finished with me, I slept. Day turned to night and night to day. I had no awareness of time or space, and
no need for normal bodily functions. I felt like a delicate vase floating in the air above a vast ocean, blue above and blue below. I could feel huge cracks forming inside my glass heart. When I dreamt it was always the same. Jim was in the water urging me to join him, but I couldn’t allow myself to jump. I was afraid I would shatter and kill him with my shards.
When the sessions would begin Kevin tried to put notebooks and pens in my hands but I refused them, pushing—sometimes throwing—them aside. I spoke the crew’s words for hours causing my throat to become sore and my voice weak. Exhaustion overcame me when they’d finish. At times when the crew was quiet, I heard Kevin talking with the woman. She asked him what the plan was if I didn’t snap out of it. Kevin never answered her. Those hours and days were filled with an agony that is not easy to relive. It was the worst kind of pain I’ve known. I prayed for death, an end to it all. I envied Momma—she was the lucky one—the one blessed with death. I should have died with her.
I heard the crew using my voice to call my name. I didn’t respond. My mind was no longer big enough for the eight of us. Something had to give, and I felt my choices diminishing. There was no sadness, anger, happiness or hope. Emotion did not exist. I felt nothing but pain tearing through my bones and twisting my heart. My only prayer was that death would come quickly.
Kevin and the woman took turns trying to feed me and make me drink. I refused. The woman said if I didn’t eat or drink I’d die. Hearing her words fed my determination. The sessions became shorter as my body weakened. The final session lasted a mere five minutes, and then everything was silent. I didn’t hear the slightest distant mumble only silence. I heard nothing but the slow beat of my own heart.
I slept deeply and dream free before I began to hear the woman talking to me. Her voice was faint at first, but soon I heard a rocking chair, and then her words in rhythm with the creak of the floor as the chair rocked back and forth. “You had better not be thinking you’re going to die in my guest room. It is simply not going to happen. I see your eyes open and I see your face understanding me. Sit yourself up there, get that protein drink off the nightstand and drink every drop. Drink it slow and don’t stop until you’ve finished it. Don’t you worry about me I’ll do the talking and you do the drinking. Otherwise we’re packing you in that car of yours and dropping you at the hospital, but you’re not dying in my guest room.”
I tried to pull my body up to a sitting position. The little strength I had would only allow me to lean up on my elbow. I felt a sudden dizziness overcome me and the room was spinning. I steadied myself with the help of the nightstand. When I felt stable, I took the glass and balanced it on the bed with my hand and drank through the straw. It was cold, milky and strawberry flavored. My throat stung as the nourishment made it’s way down. After a few sips I could feel my strength returning.
“Don’t drink it too fast now you’ve not had a bite to eat or drop to drink going on five days,” she said. I sipped the drink slowly and sat up a little more in bed to test my stability. “Easy does it, don’t go too fast. You’re a strong little thing and I have no doubt you’ll be fine just take it slow. In the mean time I’ll tell you about my boy Kevin. You may think you know that boy of mine. I’m here to tell you no one not even Kevin knows that boy like I know him. Kevin is as big as a house with the strength of a hundred men. He’s also gentle as a kitten with a very fragile heart. He’s a sucker for a pretty girl especially one in need.”
“It’s not like that with us. We’re not like that,” I said. I could hear my voice with lucid clarity. “We met at the computer store, and since then he’s helped me more than you could imagine. I know how kind he is, but we’re not doing anything other than being friends.”
“I believe you,” she said, and seemed more than a little relieved. “You don’t have enough strength to conjure a lie and besides all that your stories match.”
“Is he ok?”
“He’s fine. “He’s worried sick over you, but fine just the same. He’s at the office. He doesn’t want to be AWOL for too long or they’ll send the cops for him,” she laughed.
“The office?”
She looked puzzled. I could see the light bulb moment in her head as she tried to cover her comment. “I meant to say the store. A momma can dream a little. I like to tell myself he’s a business man in a bank building downtown not just a store clerk.” She let out a nervous laugh, and her rocking motion became erratic. She was lying.
“Will he be home soon?”
“I’m going to call him when we’ve finished our conversation. We’ll let him know you’ve decided to dwell amongst the living once again,” she said. “Keep on drinking every drop. Like I was saying, Kevin might look tough and most white people around here cross the street when they see him coming down the walk, but he’s had a rough life not unlike you I suppose. He lost his father in a violent manner when he was just a child. Darrell, his father, was the only love I’ve ever known. We grew up together, lost our virginity in each other’s arms and had fantastic dreams of dying together. Dreams don’t always come true. I suppose you could argue that we did die together. Part of my soul has never been the same, and deep inside I can smell the decay of its death. Oh I’ve had my chances at other men, but I made a promise to Darrell and that’s all I need. That promise keeps me on track. I have a purpose in this world—in this life—and I intend to fulfill it. Kevin has a purpose and from what I understand he made a promise to you, and intends to keep it.” I closed my eyes and listened to the sweet soft southern flow in her voice. “My child has made precious few promises in his life, and just as he helps me keep mine I will help him in every way I can to keep his. Open your eyes and look at me.” The rhythmic rocking stopped and she locked her eyes on mine. “Now I’m going to make you a promise. I will never forgive you. I’ll make sure you’re put away for life if you let my boy get himself killed while protecting you. Promises are the most important contracts you’ll make. You should never make one without the resolve to follow it through. I know I don’t.”
“I promise you that if he is killed it will only be because I died first.” I looked down at Jima’s ring. My strength was returning, and with it bodily urges. I put a hand on my stomach and instantly knew it was time to run not walk.
“That’s a good sign,” she said aware of my distress. “It’s the first door on the left.”
Every sound I heard was clear and distinct. I had become accustomed to the muffled mumbles and didn’t remember how wonderful sounds could be. I could hear my breath go in and out of my nose in rhythm with my heart, and the sound of pee splashing the toilet water. I even heard the sound of the rocking chair on the floor in the guest room next door. My stomach was a bit more settled and I didn’t want Kevin’s momma to come looking for me. I was still a little shaky on my feet and famished. My head was wonderfully quiet allowing me to hear Kevin’s mother whispering on the phone as I re-entered the guest room.
“She’ll be fine. We need to get some food in her.” She saw me standing in the doorway, and abruptly ended the conversation.
“Was that Kevin?” I asked.
“He’s on his way home and wants you to rest up until he gets here. It shouldn’t take him more than five minutes or so.” I sat on the bed. A sandwich with chips and a glass of milk was on the nightstand. “You eat that and you’ll feel good. I can hear your tummy growling from over here.”
“Thank you Mrs. Stewart.”
“I would tell you to call me Momma Jade since that’s what most of Kevin’s friends call me. I don’t see you as being a particularly warm woman so you can call me Jade.”
“Thank you Jade. My name is Shanna Green. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Your son is an honorable and honest man. He has been very respectful of me, and my…my…situation.”
“I think your crew as you call it are a bit more than a situation. It appears to consume you. I believe they do this because you let them. Perhaps you could, and should have more control over them. Stop letting
the tail wag the dog as it were. We all have a purpose, and we should live our lives accordingly. With that said—we can’t let our purpose rule our lives or us—we are the masters. You need to lay down the law with them. Let them know who owns that body.”
I laughed at her vernacular. “I don’t talk to them.”
“Well there you go. I can’t help you if you want to pretend reality doesn’t exist.”
“I didn’t say they don’t exist. I know they exist.”
“You think if you ignore them long enough they’ll go away?” she asked.
“I think about them as little as possible.”
“You could be right they might go away. The irony will be that as soon as they’re gone you’ll wish you had them back.”
“I couldn’t disagree with you more.”
“I pray you’re right. Life is not for the weak of spirit or body. Life’s hard whether or not you have voices. Sometimes the gifts we return are the ones we end up needing the most.” Her eyes wondered off, and she started to hum. I finished the sandwich and drank the milk. I heard a car pull into the driveway outside. I heard the door open and shut. Jade looked out the window and smiled. “There’s my boy.”
A few moments later Kevin walked through the bedroom door, took one look at me and lifted me up out of the bed. He hugged me as if we had not seen each other for years. His whole body jiggled as he laughed. “You’re back,” he said and set me down. I smiled for him, and then pushed him away. “You’re back all right.”
He talked like Kevin and had Kevin’s smile, but he didn’t look like the Kevin I’d met. This Kevin was wearing a suit and tie, clean-shaven and had a gun holstered around his shoulder. I sat up on the edge of the bed and began to search for two things, my shoes and an exit. Jade stood up from her rocker and carried it to the door, put it down and sat in it.
Patient: Crew (The Crew Book 1) Page 19