by Jadie Jones
He stands and moves to the door. Part of me wants to tell him to stay and spend these last hours with me. The other part of me is searching for something to throw at him. I lean forward and reach for him instead. The instant my fingers touch his arm he turns to face me. His sapphire eyes smolder a darker, deeper blue, almost navy.
“Stay.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Is that what you want?” I counter. “Don’t stay just because you feel bad.”
I drop my hand and cross my arms. Our eyes meet and I stare unwaveringly into his. In a fast, fluid movement Ryan sweeps me from the bed and pulls my body into his. I gasp and wrap my arms around his shoulders, startled by the relief that floods through me. He steps to the cabinets and gently sits me on the counter top, gazing at my face as he brushes my loose hair behind my ear.
“There’s so much I want to tell you,” he murmurs.
“What are you talking about? What’s there to tell?” Does he already have a girlfriend or something? That would explain why he’s been acting so torn about this whole thing.
He opens his mouth to speak, but instead a deep growl rumbles in his throat. I gasp and lean back. His strong arms tighten around my back as he brings his lips to mine. They are full and hot and I can’t get close enough. This is definitely a full body experience. His wide palm glides smoothly over the side of my face and his thumb gently moves between our lips. I open my eyes and study his face.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” he whispers, his eyes still closed.
“Ready for what?” I ask, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
“Ready to know.”
“Yes.” It is the only possible answer.
Ryan opens his eyes, and the black of his pupils bleeds into the irises as two white lines appear across his right cheek. Scars. It can’t be.
“Lucas?” I jerk backward, struggling to create more space between us. “How did you . . . who are you? What is this?”
I want to scream but can only manage a choked whisper. He drops his gaze to the floor without answering. The sadness in his eyes makes me stop fighting.
“How did you do that? I didn’t think you were real. What are you? You were there that night. Why were you there?” I demand.
His strong hand moves slowly to my chest, and presses gently against my mark, which is covered by Dana’s worn sweater. “It wasn’t supposed to happen that way,” he starts. I go completely still under his touch. “I was trying to make sure it never happened at all.”
“What are you talking about? Make sure what never happened?”
“I failed you. They came for you and I failed you.” His face clouds over with rage and grief as his fingers move to the little horseshoe. It’s tiny in his big hand.
“Who came? You aren’t making any sense.”
“It’s not safe for you to know yet. I will tell you as soon as I can. As soon as you can defend yourself. I will come for you.”
“Defend myself? Against what?”
“I will tell you when you are ready. When you are finished. But you aren’t done yet. And I can’t compromise the process now that it has begun.”
“What process? I think maybe you have me confused with someone else, because I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“If I had been successful, you never would’ve known me at all. I would have had to give you up, but you never would’ve had to know any of it.”
“Give me an answer, Ryan, Lucas, whoever you are. One solid answer.”
“What is your deepest concern? What is in your heart?” he asks and his black eyes soften.
My earlier panic is replaced with something deeper, something older. “Whether or not I can trust you,” I whisper.
I don’t even have to think about it. Above all else, that’s what I need to know most.
“I can’t decide for you whether or not you should trust me. But I can tell you that I exist for you. That I belong to you. That I have loved only you for a thousand . . .” He bites back the rest of whatever he was going to say. His face contorts and then relaxes as his eyes wander my face.
I watch, spellbound as he leans forward and whispers in my hot ear. “Be safe for me, Spera. I have waited too long for your return to lose you now.”
“You love me?” I ask cautiously. I know he said more after that word but it’s all I can think about. I didn’t hear a bit of the rest of it.
“Yes.” His answer is beautifully simple and sure. His full lips brush along my jaw as he runs the back of his knuckles along my throat. I close my eyes, hypnotized by his soft touch.
He said something else. Something familiar. Something important. Spera. I’ve heard that before.
“Wait. That name, why did you call me that name? Spera? Someone else called me that too. Someone that looks a lot like you, actually.”
“You will learn in time. You must have patience. I’ve already given you too much information—thrown off the balance.”
“Really? Because I don’t feel like I know any more than I did before.”
“About me. About who I can become. Don’t tell anyone what you know.”
“Lucas, I don’t understand!” Tears spring to my eyes for reasons unknown to me.
“You will.” The blackness lightens in his eyes as the blue seeps back in like an incoming tide. “I am never far from you. This is the way it must be for now.”
I nod, too overwhelmed to argue anymore. And because I trust him. I don’t know why, but I do. “Be seeing you,” I offer, echoing the parting words he used the first time we met.
The words have an obvious, bittersweet impact on his face, which has returned to Ryan’s smooth features. But the haunted look from Lucas’s eyes remains as he stares at me long and hard before silently gliding from the room.
Did that really just happen? I slip off of the counter and step to the little sink. The cold water on my face is a welcome shock to my system. All I want to do is tell Vanessa. She’d know how to make sense of this. But he told me not to, and for some reason what he wants seems to matter. I gaze down at my ring finger, still red with irritation. I guess it’s a good thing I have an excuse not to wear that ring just in case we get good at hearing each other. I don’t think I’ll be thinking about anything other than Lucas. Ryan.
I shake my head, nearly dizzy with the vivid memory of the past few minutes. A soft knock on my door brings me out of my head.
“Ms. Hightower, I just wanted to let you know that your paperwork is all set. You’re good to go. Just make sure you sign out at billing before you leave. It’s beside triage,” a short, older woman says to me without stepping all the way into my room.
“Right. I’ll do that.”
“I hope you enjoyed your stay with us,” she drawls.
“Best hospital visit ever,” I try to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“That’s good to hear. Take care, now,” she says and moves back into the hallway.
Billing. And I thought a man who could change into a completely different person was scary. I glance at the plain clock on the wall. Three hours to go. Well, no point in putting it off. I’ll just wait for Vanessa outside when I’m done. I pick up the plastic bag and leave my room without so much as a wave to my temporary home.
As I make my way to the billing desk I can’t help searching for Ryan. Lucas. That’s going to take some getting used to. I can tell he’s not here. I can literally feel it. But I can also feel something else when I think about him. A new kind of connection. Even though he’s not here, he could get here if I needed him. The thought is comforting and unsettling at the same time. Why would I need him like that? I round the last turn by triage and reluctantly walk to the billing office. Unless of course he can save me from this hospital bill.
“Can I help you?” a prim, middle-aged woman asks from a desk.
“I’m here to set up a payment plan for my bill.” The words make my mouth dry.
“Last name?”
“Hightower.”
“That’s me.”
“You’re all set,” she says, looking up. “Just sign right here.” She points at a signature line.
“All set? What does that mean?”
“You don’t need a payment plan. Your balance has already been paid.”
“Did the hospital do all that for free?” I ask as I scrawl my name across the line.
“No.” She laughs like I made a joke. “Someone already came and paid your balance in full. You owe someone a very big thank you,” she says and gazes pointedly at me over the wire rims of her glasses.
“Does it say who did it?”
“No. It was paid with cash this morning right before my shift started. My gracious, I wish I’d been here to see that.”
“Cash?” I nearly choke on the word. This must be some kind of mistake.
“Mmhmm,” she confirms, staring at her screen. “Are you feeling all right, honey? You’re a little pale.”
“No, I’m good. Great,” I insist, backing away. “Thanks.” I have got to get out of here before they realize they credited the wrong patient.
“All right. Take care, now,” she says and turns back to her computer. “Cash. Lord have mercy,” she mumbles to herself under her breath.
I turn on my heel and try to walk as casually as I can manage across the lobby and out of the main doors. Vanessa and I agreed to meet in the courtyard, and I don’t mind the idea of spending a couple of hours in the sunshine. But she’s already waiting for me.
“You’re early,” I greet her.
“It’s probably a southern thing. Daddy always said ‘if you’re on time, you’re late.’ He was a bit old-school that way.” Her face softens as she recalls her father. She talks about him like I think about mine. Like he’s gone.
“When did he die?”
“The car accident I told you about earlier. My parents were in the car with me. I lived. They didn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s something I don’t talk about.” She says, her words neat and well-practiced. “Is there anything I can carry for you?”
“Nope, everything I own fits quite nicely in here.” I raise the plastic bag.
“I had a feeling you were a light packer. I hope you don’t mind but I got you a few things—a few changes of clothes. If they don’t fit I’ll take them back.”
“Please take them back. I wouldn’t feel right accepting anything else. You’re already letting me stay with you. And, I know this sounds crazy, but did you,” I hesitate and train my eyes on her face. “Did you pay my hospital bill?”
“Of course.” She answers so casually that at first I think she’s kidding.
“No, really.”
“Really.” She reaches out to take my plastic bag but I don’t let her.
“But why? How?”
“Please, do you have any idea how much money my husband is going to make off your case? He’s already got a dozen offers to give lectures, and every medical journal wants an article about your recovery. Just don’t tell anyone that I paid for it because it would be a conflict of interest for David,” she says and gives me a mischievous grin.
“You paid cash,” I blurt.
“I know. So that should tell you that it was no problem.” I stare at her, incredulous. “Anyways, I just guessed on your size. We can take back whatever you don’t like,” Vanessa changes the subject as she leads the way to the parking lot.
“You didn’t need to do that. Any of it.”
“Of course I did. I can’t let you run around without clothes on. What would the neighbors think?”
“I’ll pay you back,” I say automatically. I will find a way to pay her back. For everything.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just happy that you’re coming to stay with me,” she says and threads her fingers through mine. “Where’s your ring?”
“In here,” I answer, showing her the plastic bag again. “I put it back in the little pouch and wrapped it in a shirt. It’s totally safe.”
“Why did you take it off?” Vanessa asks, frowning with disappointment. “You don’t like it?”
“Of course I like it. It’s beautiful. I just have really sensitive skin,” I say and show her the red line on my finger. “I think I just need to get used to it. I’ve never worn a ring before.”
“You’ve never worn a ring before?”
“Does that surprise you?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry I got weird about it. I just wanted to practice, you know, with the rings,” she explains tentatively and taps her head.
The mind reading. Something about the whole idea doesn’t sit right with me but I try not to let it show.
“You, Vanessa, are never, ever going to believe what happened today,” I tease her with a sly grin in an attempt to change the subject.
“Does it have to do with Ryan?” she asks, her face piquing with interest.
I don’t say anything, but I’m sure the redness creeping across my cheeks at the sound of his name is a dead giveaway.
“It does! What happened? Did you kiss him again?”
“Understatement.”
“Tell me everything,” she says in a rush.
I do. Almost. Reliving my last encounter with Ryan makes me shiver as I talk about it. By the time I’m through telling her, my lips feel hot against my tongue again. I do not tell her about his eyes . . . about his secret.
“I am glad you two, eh hem, talked it out,” Vanessa chides as she moves toward a black sports car parked alone in the back corner of the lot.
“That’s yours?”
“It’s a Maserati,” she says proudly. My mouth falls open. I’d never seen one in person before. “Hey, I like to go fast.”
A daring glint makes her green eyes a shade darker. I shake my head in disbelief. The better I think I know her, the more I have to learn.
“Anyways, aren’t goodbye kisses the best?” she says, changing the subject back to Ryan.
“Not goodbye,” I correct, my voice more defensive than I mean it to be. “He gave me his number. And he might call me at your house. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it is,” she says and unlocks her car. “I’ll be glad when they get home safely.”
Home safely? The surprise on my face must be obvious.
“He didn’t tell you?” she asks as we climb into the sleek coup.
“Tell me what?”
“About the trip. It was a last minute thing. He probably forgot all about it once you guys started . . . talking.”
“Where is he going?” I absently clutch the little horseshoe in my hand.
“The hospital is sending a medical team to Puerto Rico for a ten day free surgical clinic. Someone dropped out and my husband recommended Ryan to take his place,” she explains. Vanessa zips the car out of the parking spot and accelerates to sixty miles an hour before we make the quick turn on to the main road.
“It’s such a good opportunity for him. Medical schools love stuff like that,” she continues, and I forget all about her wild driving.
Puerto Rico? Why didn’t he say anything? My hand tightens its grip on the charm and instantly Ryan feels closer. “That’s really good for him, then. I wonder why he didn’t tell me.”
“Like I said, it was really last minute. He’d only just found out about it when I ran into him in the lobby about twenty minutes ago. He may not have even known yet when you saw him.”
“Do you know when they’re leaving?”
“Tonight. They’re taking the red-eye. My husband is going too, so we will have the house all to ourselves,” she says with a grin.
“Are there beautiful women where he’s going?” I try to joke, making every effort to cover up the sudden paranoia from creeping into my voice.
“Uh oh.” Vanessa smiles at me over her shoulder. “I know that look.”
“What?”
“You
are head over heels,” she says with mock disapproval. I don’t answer. “You are, aren’t you?” She smiles. “Now Tanzy, when Ryan comes over I’ll expect you to leave your bedroom door open.”
“Vanessa. You have got to be kidding me,” I gasp.
She laughs so hard that she closes her eyes. We’re pushing ninety miles an hour on this two lane road and she’s closing her eyes.
“Sorry. I’m sorry.” She tries to compose herself. But with one sideways glance at me she bows her head with another round of giggles. “I really do feel bad now,” she says as she catches her breath and rights herself in her seat just in time to make a hairpin left turn.
“You should.” I grin, relieved that she must somehow still be paying attention to the road. And the teasing is actually kind of nice. Kind of like family. “Where do you live?”
“Don’t worry. I think you’ll like it. We live in Keswick, about twenty minutes north of the hospital. Smack in the middle of horse country.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ride.” The words slip from my brain before I can stop them.
“Are you afraid?”
“No. The accident wasn’t the horse’s fault. It’s just my mother. I mean, I did promise her, and—”
“She’s not your mother,” Vanessa snaps. My eyes go wide as my lips clamp shut. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. But what she did makes me so angry.” She plucks a pair of sunglasses from overhead and drops them in place. “Tanzy. You should do absolutely everything that you want to do, whether that means riding all day every day or never seeing a horse again. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently, either.”
“You’re a really great friend,” I say, watching her stony profile. “Thank you, for everything. This all feels too good to be true, honestly.”
“You’re adding to my life too, you know.”
“You’ll have to explain that to me one day.”
“I will. But I don’t think I’ll have to.”
I can’t imagine how that could be true.
“We’re right up here,” she says a second later and points at the only green grass I’ve seen on the whole drive.
The unblemished land is neatly dotted with hardwoods and rolls on as far as I can see. No house is visible from the road. She slows the car down and whips expertly into a cobblestone driveway, which is guarded on each side by a stone pillar. Mature trees line the cobblestone drive in perfectly spaced, checkered rows. Their trunks are so wide that I can’t see what’s past them. The driveway curves to the right and then back to the left, cutting a gentle switchback climb across the steep terrain. As it straightens out again, the neat forest curves symmetrically away from the cobblestone.