by Jadie Jones
“It’s about time,” she says as she makes two quick swipes across my lips with the deep red lipstick. “See what a difference a little color makes.” She takes me by the shoulders and turns me to face the mirror. Coal black hair cascades to my elbows, framing in my hazel eyes, which burn amber in response to the gold top. Red lips pout back at me, daring anyone who’s looking to make them change their shape. This girl’s been in there the whole time? I wish I’d met her sooner.
“Met who? Me, or that woman in the mirror?” Vanessa responds.
“Hey! You’re tuned in, or whatever,” I say, flashing the ring on my hand. She grins and lifts hers, too.
“It’s getting easier,” she says happily. “So you didn’t answer my question about who you wish you’d met sooner.” She pulls my hair back behind my shoulders as she locks eyes with my reflection.
“I hadn’t thought about it like that. Both.”
“Better late than never. Are you ready to take her for a spin?”
Vanessa doesn’t have to ask me to crank the music as we peel out of the parking lot. We roll the windows down despite the cold night. The air that rushes through her speeding car whips our hair in every direction. I’ve never felt more alive.
She pulls to a smooth stop under the club’s valet tent and glides from the driver’s seat in one fluid motion. The valet’s mouth drops open, words completely failing him. Vanessa pats him on the shoulder as she slinks around the front of the car and takes me by the elbow. The doorman lets out a low whistle as we approach. He waves us over and without a word lets us in ahead of a line of roped off people. I expect someone in the line to protest us cutting in front, but not a single complaint is made.
“Told you,” Vanessa says. Every eye turns to watch us as we move through the groups of people to a booth in the back corner. “Do you feel that?” she whispers.
“Feel what?”
“Their desire. And the power it gives you.” Even though the word “desire” makes my cheeks hot, I can’t help but notice that she’s right. The air is thick with it. Vanessa orders us a round of drinks. We silently watch the thriving crowd, trading opinions without ever opening our mouths.
We’re getting really good at this, she marvels silently.
I know. I still can’t believe these rings actually work. I wonder if it will come and go like it did before.
I hope not. Out of habit, we stop our silent conversation as the waitress approaches with our drinks. Vanessa quickly dismisses her with a little wave.
“Cheers,” she purrs and clinks her glass to mine.
“What is it?” I ask, inspecting the drink.
“It’s good. That’s all you need to know,” she teases and takes a sip. I quickly follow suit. It is good. Even though there’s ice in it, the liquid feels warm as it slides down my throat and leaves a numb trail. I take another sip. My cheeks begin to tingle.
By the time we move to the throbbing dance floor, I feel a new confidence making itself at home inside my skin. The pounding bass pulses through every fiber in my body. I am practically dizzy with wild energy and whatever drinks Vanessa ordered another round of. She walks ahead of me. People part like wind-whipped grass as she strides ahead. She pauses and motions me beside her.
“Do you mind if I put you through a little test?”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to see how you are progressing. You know,” she says and points at her colorless palm.
“Okay.” Nervous heat crawls up the sides of my neck. What if I fail?
“Take a good look around. What do you see?”
“People?” I say, confused. “What am I supposed to see?”
“Let your mind go blank and tell me what you see.”
I start to ask for clarification, but something inside of me seems to instinctively know what she’s asking me to do. I let it take over, slowing my breath and quieting my focus. My heart slows down, but the pulse is louder, pounding in my ears above the music and noise of the crowd. My mind begins to systematically analyze the building.
Four ways in and out. Nine places to watch from unseen. I hadn’t counted, hadn’t known what I was supposed to see. It just happened. A chill of surprise flutters across my shoulders. But Vanessa doesn’t seem the least bit startled. Instead, a satisfied grin spreads across her face.
“Very good.” She knew I’d be able to do that? What else does she know? What else can she do? I press my lips into a hard line, wondering if she heard those thoughts. But her expression doesn’t change as she stares out across the dance floor.
The tempo changes to a harder, faster rhythm. The crowd responds to it like gasoline to a match. Vanessa’s body is set loose, free from its proper boundaries. The air crackles around her, torn apart by the energy that radiates from her gleaming skin. The sensation beats under my ribs like caged wings and I finally give in to it. Our movement flows, practically synchronized as the music consumes our deepest, darkest places.
A pair of eyes burn holes in my bare back. It feels like some kind of challenge. A tall, clean-cut man leans against a long, steel bar. We lock eyes. He turns to the man standing next to him and points in our direction.
You have an admirer, Vanessa’s voice enters my mind. “They could be fun,” she whispers in my ear.
“Not my type,” I answer back without taking my eyes off him. The way he stares at me fills me with an instinct that I don’t understand, but I’m having a very hard time staying still.
“Not because of Ryan, I hope.”
“No. Well, maybe.” My fingers wander over the bare space where the necklace should be.
“You kissed. Once.”
“Twice.” I cross my arms and wrap my fingers around my side, protecting the warmth that spreads across my skin from the memories.
“Whatever. You’re not married. You’re not even dating. He’s half a world away,” she scoffs.
I look down, immediately feeling young and out of place.
“All I’m saying is that he’d be none the wiser,” Vanessa says, softening her voice. “It’s time that you started looking out for you. Letting yourself do what you want without worrying so much about consequences. You’ve spent your whole life trying to make everyone else happy. That’s a job, not a life. Live, Tanzy.”
Without another word, she raises her hand at the two admirers and waves them over. They respond instantly, which makes the muscles in my arms feel jumpy. I shove my hands in my back pockets to keep them from trembling with the sudden flood of adrenaline. The tangy scent of whatever cologne they’re wearing grows stronger as they close the distance. I can’t read their minds, but what they’re thinking is painted all over their faces.
Never gonna happen. Vanessa giggles at my thought.
“Have fun,” she says loud enough for all of us to hear. My admirer gives her a smirk and steps in front of me. His friend slides a hand around Vanessa’s waist. She moves her arm across his and pulls it tighter.
You already have two to keep up with and you want another one? The thought crosses my mind before I can stop it.
Mind your own good-looking business. That tall drink of water would eat out of your hand if you asked him to, her voice echoes a response in my mind. I swallow a gasp and glance at her over my shoulder. She directs a hard stare my way and then turns her attention back to the man who has already pulled her body so close to his that they touch.
“What’s your name?” my admirer asks as he takes my fingers in his. I hide the cringe that shudders down my spine and resist the urge to yank my hand away.
“Do you really care?”
“Sure,” he says and steps closer. It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to shove him back.
“What’s your name?” I counter.
“John,” he says after a pause. On a hunch I glance down at his left hand. A band of lighter skin is visible on his ring finger where a wedding ring usually sits.
“That’s the second lie you’ve told me tonight.”
/>
“I like you. You’re feisty.” He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me so close to him that I can feel the sweaty dampness of his shirt on my bare midriff.
“Hey, stop.” I take a firm step back and push a resisting hand at his chest.
“Stop? That’s not what you really want. Not dressed like that,” he growls as he lowers his face to mine. The sudden need to get away from him is so over-powering that I can hardly breathe. In one quick motion I rip myself out of his grip and spin away from him, blending quickly into the crush of people.
Vanessa, can you hear me? Nothing sounds back in my racing mind. This guy is no good, I try to call out to her again. Suddenly, his unmistakable scent floods my nose. Get out, my brain commands. Currents of air I hadn’t noticed before move past my hot face, guiding me like an invisible map for the nearest open door.
I slip outside and work to slow down my breathing. Even though a thousand sounds bleed from the open door, I can pick out his footsteps as he approaches the exit I took. The only thing I can think about is getting away.
I scan the street for a place to duck into. The alley between the nightclub and the next brick building is just twenty feet away. I hurry the short distance and round the corner. I know he saw me. I can feel it. But cloaking myself in the shadows of the dark alley feels like the right thing to do. The only thing. I draw in a deep breath and wait.
14 Nothing can be the same after this
“There you are,” he glowers as he steps in front of me. I don’t move a muscle. “How did you know I like it when girls play hard to get?” He gives me an awful grin and reaches for my neck.
Without a single hesitation my body flies into action. My hands shoot forward and twist his arm so hard and fast that his shoulder joint explodes with a sickening crack. A punch rockets from my fist and smashes his teeth into the back of his mouth before he can utter a first scream of pain. A second swell of strength drives my left hand through his jaw, splitting it in half. The force of the blow sends him clear across the alley. He crashes against the brick wall and slumps in a heap on the pavement.
I stand stone still, panting and dizzy as I stare at his limp form. What just happened? How did I do that? Did I . . . is he dead?
“Tanzy.” Vanessa’s voice is low behind me. A jolt of heat zips through my body, followed by an icy wave of dread that wraps around me like a wet blanket and starts to squeeze. I can hear myself gasping, but my lungs don’t recognize the oxygen each time it rushes in and out. I’m suffocating on air. I wait for her to gasp or yell, but she is silent. She walks over to “John,” in a plain, unhurried stride and then toes at him with her silver shoe. He lets out a low moan.
“We need to call an ambulance,” I stammer, wrapping my sweaty arms around my trembling frame.
“The hell we do. He’ll be fine,” she says and glares down at him.
“I think I really hurt him.”
“I saw what he was trying to do. That’s no way to treat a lady,” she scolds. He tries to yell but it comes out as a gurgle. “See, he’s fine,” she says as she kneels beside him and fishes his wallet out of his back pocket.
“What are you doing?” The whispered words claw their way up my throat.
“What do you know? His name really is John,” she says as she tucks his cash into the neckline of her dress and drops his credit cards and driver’s license down the storm drain. I hear her toss his wallet into a stack of cardboard boxes piled against the brick wall, but I can’t tear my eyes away from John’s face, which is such a bloody mess that I can’t remember what he looks like underneath.
“Come on, let’s go,” Vanessa says and puts a hand on my back.
“We’re just going to leave him here?”
“Of course we are.”
I stare at her, incredulous.
“This is his fault. If he hadn’t tried to do God knows what to you out here, then none of this would’ve happened,” she says. “Someone will find him, don’t worry. I’ll make sure of it, if it makes you feel better.”
I nod, too overwhelmed to say anything. She takes me by the elbow and guides me back toward the main street. I cast one last glance at John over my shoulder. He isn’t moving. I let out a jagged breath and lean against Vanessa as we make our way to the front of the nightclub.
“One too many,” she winks at the valet as she helps me to the passenger side of her Maserati. I have to brace myself on the open door frame to keep from falling down in the street. She distracts him with a generous tip and then closes my door. “Did you hear that?” I hear her say to the valet.
“Hear what?”
“I thought I heard someone yell in that alley. Never mind, it’s probably nothing.”
“I’ll check it out just in case,” he says. A wave of nausea burns the back of my tongue as I watch him start down the sidewalk.
“Are you okay?” Vanessa asks me as she slides into the driver’s seat.
“You didn’t freak out. Why didn’t you freak out?” I ask, ignoring her question.
“What’s there to freak out about?” She sounds genuinely confused.
“Did you see what I just did?”
“I know. I’m pretty jealous.”
“Are you serious right now?” I shriek.
“You should be proud of yourself. You showed incredible self-control,” she says as she puts the car in drive and merges onto the street. Her placid composure makes me feel all the more reckless by comparison.
“That was self-control?” I cover my eyes with my palms, unable to stop reliving the last ten minutes of my life.
“He’s alive. That’s self-control. You could’ve killed him at any point.”
“I know,” I whisper. How is that possible? My hands shake harder against my face. I drop them to my lap and squeeze them together.
“He had it coming,” Vanessa insists.
I need to go turn myself in or something. He’s married. What if he has kids? What if he dies?
“Don’t feel bad,” she says, reading my mind. “You probably saved a lot of girls from him in the future, from whatever he was going to do to you. And you didn’t kill him.”
I didn’t kill him. Repeating it to myself makes me feel a little calmer. “I don’t understand how I did that. He flew, Vanessa. His bones broke. I felt them.”
“I think it’s all part of those circles. I’m sure it’s connected. And it’s fantastic,” she says with a grin.
“Are you kidding?” I cry out, near tears. “I almost killed someone. And he might still die.”
“And the world would be a better place without him.”
“I feel like I don’t even know you right now,” I whisper.
“Think of what you could do, who you could help,” she says. Her words make my spinning thoughts slow down. I hadn’t considered that part of it. “I’m positive you aren’t the first girl he tried to force. This has to be a gift, Tanzy.”
“What do you mean?” I stare down at my hands, suddenly torn.
“I think something bigger is at work, something we don’t understand yet. But I feel sure that you have a higher purpose, and that this super-human strength is just the beginning,” she says.
I mull over Vanessa’s theory as I stare through the windshield. He was easily twice my size. There’s no way I should’ve been able to hurt him like that.
“We’re just about there,” Vanessa says gently, breaking through my heavy thoughts. “Sorry I kept you out so late. For everything, really.”
I nod a response and slip the ring off.
“Your thoughts about tonight are that bad, huh?”
“It’s not that, I promise. I just need to turn everything off for a minute.” I can’t remember being this exhausted in all my life.
“Totally understandable. Are you sure you’re okay?” she asks as we start across the parking lot.
“Yeah. I just want to go to bed.” But I doubt I’ll sleep. Every time I close my eyes I relive what happened in the alley.
/> I have to hold onto the railing as we climb the front stairs. Concern lines the night-watchman’s face as we pass through the open door. Vanessa silently hands him a fifty dollar bill. She’s so fast and smooth that I barely see it happen. He tucks it into his pocket without looking at it and straightens at his post. At least she’ll be able to bail me out of jail. The thought makes me feel sick.
“Well, do you want to meet for coffee in the morning?” Vanessa asks as we begin the long climb to our floor.
“Sure,” I answer without really hearing her question.
“They’ll have a big continental breakfast buffet in the main lobby. It’s always delicious.” The mention of food makes my stomach rumble. But I refuse to acknowledge the sudden pangs. Who could eat after what I’d just done?
“Are you hungry? We never had dinner. Can I have them send you something up to your room?”
“No, thanks. I just want to go to sleep. The faster this day ends the better.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself.”
I give her a shrug and stare down at the carpet.
“We’re still on for coffee in the morning, right?” she asks again once we reach the top.
How can she talk about tomorrow like everything is still the same? Nothing is the same. Nothing can ever be the same. I manage a feeble smile in response, too spent to argue.
“Our first appointment is at ten. How about if we meet at eight o’clock? That way we can take our time,” she says.
I nod, barely hearing her.
“I’ll see you in the morning. And Tanzy, none of that was your fault.”
“Right. See you in the morning,” I mumble. I can feel her watch me walk the whole way to my door.
My clothes smell like stale sweat and smoke. I peel them off and hang them over the towel bar and then turn on the shower as hot as it will go. The scalding water makes me cry out as I step underneath the hard spray, but the pain feels good. I stand under the pounding water until the heat makes me so dizzy that the memories from the alley spin into a dark oblivion.
Sleep still feels impossible. I ease under the comforter and stare out of the window. The night is clear and the moon is bright. I wish I had the necklace Lucas gave me. I would hold it as tight as I could and maybe he would know I’m thinking about him. Maybe he’d even show up here. Would you really want him to after what you’ve done tonight?