She bit the insides of her cheeks to keep herself from rambling on any more, but after a good minute passed when all they’d done was stare at each other, and he was still rooted to the spot, she finally broke the silence.
“Are you going to come in or are you just going to stare at me from across the room?”
Ethan cleared his throat, then flattened his mouth into a tight line before he finally said, “Why don’t we go for a walk?”
She didn’t have any appointments until this afternoon. “Sure, that sounds great.”
Actually, it sounded pretty serious, like she was being summoned to the principal’s office. She knew him well enough to know he wasn’t going to get into anything heavy in her office, where people could walk in right in the middle of everything. Hence, the walk.
Even if she hadn’t admitted it to herself before now, on a deeper level she’d known they were due for this talk. Last night, Ethan had remained silent as he’d eaten his dessert. Of course, Chelsea had chatted enough for both of them, asking about due dates—Lucy’s obstetrician had said the middle of next March—and about whether or not they were going to find out the baby’s sex before the birth. Zane had said yes at the same time that Lucy said no. She’d explained that it was like opening a Christmas gift before Christmas. That had inspired a discussion about what color to paint the nursery—gender-neutral sunny yellow, of course.
All the while, Ethan had sat there silently eating his Black Forest cake. And when he was finished, he’d carried his plate to the kitchen and proclaimed it was time to leave, that he had to do his morning rounds of the ranch early and then he had an early meeting. It was the most he’d said since the toast.
It was a good thing that they were getting this talk over with now rather than letting the awkwardness stretch on. Her gratitude that he’d made the first move toward that end overrode her nervousness at his disapproval.
She locked up her office and the barn’s front door. This was something new that she’d been forced to start doing since the feature in Southern Living magazine. Even though tours were supposed to be by appointment only, several times a week she entertained people who dropped in. One time she’d gone out for lunch and came back only to discover a large wedding party camped out in her office. They hadn’t caused any harm, but it was alarming to find them packed into the room. Her office door had been shut, but not locked, and they’d let themselves in and made themselves at home. That was when it dawned on her that she had the petty-cash box, the business’s checkbook and other financial information in her unlocked bottom desk drawer. Anyone could let themselves in and help themselves. It felt like the moment Dorothy discovered she wasn’t in Kansas anymore. Since the Campbell Wedding Barn had been lifted up and whirled around by the Southern Living twister—not that she was complaining—Lucy had decided it was better to be safe than sorry.
Outside, it was a beautiful summer day. It was a rare mildly warm day with a clear robin’s-egg-blue sky and a gentle breeze that ruffled the live oaks and tousled Lucy’s hair. Luckily, she had slipped an elastic band onto her wrist that morning, because it had been one of the rare instances that her hair was behaving. But as unpredictable as the weather had been lately, if the day decided to take a turn toward hot and humid, she wanted to be prepared to pull her hair back so that it wasn’t on her neck. Maybe it was just her imagination, but since discovering she was pregnant, her body temperature was already running warmer than usual.
Since Ethan had been so good to initiate this talk, Lucy decided she would be the one to get the ball rolling by easing into the inevitable conversation.
“How was your meeting this morning?”
It wasn’t what he’d come to talk about, she knew that, but at least it would get the ball rolling.
“Fine. A guy from over at McKinney wanted to talk about breeding his mare. We’ll see where it goes.”
They walked in silence for a few minutes, until they reached the white post-and-rail fence that ran between the gravel road that snaked through the Campbell property and the pastures where Lucy’s land ended and Ethan’s began. It wasn’t so much that they needed to define whose land was whose, as much as it was that Ethan’s business dealt with horses and Lucy’s dealt solely with people. It was the best way to keep the two separate.
Suddenly, Ethan stopped and turned toward his sister, which forced him to squint into the sun. “Do I need to get the shotgun and make an honest man out of Zane?”
Lucy’s eyes grew wide. She shook her head vigorously. “No, Ethan. No shotgun needed.” She knew he was speaking figuratively. She hoped. Of course he was.
“Zane asked me to marry him.”
A look of relief passed over Ethan’s face. “Why didn’t you say so? When’s the wedding?”
“The only wedding on the books is yours and Chelsea’s. Zane and I are not getting married.”
“Why not? He proposed and all.”
“I said no because I don’t want to get married.”
Ethan’s face screwed up like he didn’t understand a word she was saying. “But you’re pregnant. Why don’t you want to get married? Don’t you think you should?”
“When did you become so old-fashioned, Ethan? No, I don’t think we should get married. Zane proposed—if you can even call it that. It really wasn’t a proposal as much as a very unromantic declaration that he had decided we should get married. I told him I had decided we would do no such thing. It’s not what I want.”
Ethan put his hands on his hips. “Lucy, you are going to have a baby. You and Zane are going to be parents. When you got pregnant, you forfeited your right to fanciful notions about princes and princesses and saying no to a marriage proposal because the proposal wasn’t romantic enough. You need to grow up.”
“I said no because Zane doesn’t love me. Okay? Are you happy now?”
“Lucy, what the hell are you doing messing around with a guy who doesn’t love you? You should have more self-respect than that.”
Her mouth fell open and she saw red. “That is none of your business, Ethan. I’m sure you slept with plenty of women you didn’t love after you and Molly broke up and before you met Chelsea. And I’m sure you wouldn’t be having this conversation with Jude. I really thought you were more evolved than to perpetuate double standards. But the bottom line is, you are not my father and you have no business imposing your hang-ups on me.”
“And what do you think our father would be saying to you if he was here right now?”
Lucy’s mouth fell open. Tears stung her eyes. That was a low blow.
“That’s not fair, Ethan. Daddy isn’t here anymore and it’s hurtful for you to throw that at me right now.” She turned to walk back to her office, because right now she needed to be as far away from her brother as she could get.
“Lucy, stop. Come back. Please.”
She stopped and whirled around to face him. “I appreciate your concern, but I am a grown woman with a thriving business that allows me to support myself. I’m not marrying Zane and I am not asking for your blessing. So, you can just get over it.”
As her tears started to fall, she turned around and started toward the barn, keeping a brisk pace and not looking back. When she was safe inside, she latched the door, went into her office, buried her head in her hands and sobbed.
Having a baby on her own should mean that she was strong and self-sufficient, but it broke her heart that Ethan seemed to be looking at her as his flaky little sister, the one who always managed to mess things up. For a split second she worried that maybe he was right, that maybe she was getting in over her head. After all, this decision wasn’t just about her. It involved a tiny little life that hadn’t asked to be brought into this situation. This baby wasn’t something she could try out and quit like she had so many times in the past when she got bored or dreamed up something shiny and new.
> She lifted her head to pull a tissue from her desk drawer, and she caught a glimpse of the sunshine that was streaming in through the skylights along the barn’s rooftop. Turning this old ramshackle barn into a place that had become one of the South’s premier wedding venues had taken every ounce of everything that she possessed—money, energy, blood, sweat and more than a few tears. It had been her baby, and she hadn’t quit on it. Not even when times had gotten tough. She didn’t intend to quit on it anytime soon, either.
Even if her brother thought she was a flake, she knew she wasn’t. She was having this baby and she didn’t need to tie herself to a man who didn’t love her in order to make it work, in order to be a good mother. Of course, it would be so much easier if she had her family’s support, but if she didn’t...
The sound of somebody unlocking the front door had her scrambling to wipe away her tears. She needed to pull herself together. She needed to remember that this was her decision, and if Ethan was going to judge her for it, it was his problem, not hers. But a moment later, her brother was standing in the doorway to her office just as he had when he’d first arrived, before their walk.
“Ethan, we’re not having this discussion here. This is my place of business and—No, you know what? For that matter, were not having this discussion anywhere. The discussion’s over. You can go back to the stables.”
“I’m sorry,” he said. That was when she noticed that her big, strong oldest brother actually had tears glistening in his own eyes. “You are absolutely right. That was a sexist, chauvinistic thing for me to say and I’m sorry. Lucy, I only want the best for you. And I guess in some ways I do feel like more of a father to you than a big brother.”
In many ways, that was true. After their parents died, Ethan had come back to Celebration, uprooting him and his ex-wife, Molly, from Chicago to come home and care for her. She’d been only fourteen years old. Their father died the night of the accident. Their mother, who had been left a paraplegic, died a few months later. Rather than relocate her to Chicago, Ethan had moved back so that she could finish high school in Celebration. In the end, his own marriage broke up over the move back to their small hometown. Never once did he blame her or make her feel as if it was her fault.
Maybe she needed to cut him some slack. She wasn’t changing her position, but she didn’t have to excommunicate him.
“Ethan, I appreciate you saying that.” She drew in a deep breath, trying to buy herself some time so she could weigh her words. “It’s so important to me to have you on my side because you’re important to me.”
He shook his head. “You need to know that I am on your side, Lucy. I only want what’s best for you. I want you to be happy. I don’t want life to be any harder on you than it has to be.”
“Then please understand that’s exactly why I’m choosing not to marry Zane. We are going to coparent, and we’re going to be great at it. He even seems pretty psyched about it. That will work, but tying myself to someone who doesn’t love me, to someone who didn’t choose to be with me out of love, won’t make me happy. In fact, in the end, it will make both of us pretty darn miserable.”
She remembered the feeling of Zane’s lips on hers last night, she remembered the way their bodies had felt together—how they’d worked so well together. A profound sadness washed over her and she shuddered. She was damned if she did, damned if she didn’t. But the most damning part of it would be if she roped Zane into a marriage he didn’t really want and the two of them ended up being a new-millennium replay of his parents.
The person who would suffer the most would be their sweet child. Zane, of all people, should understand that after what he’d gone through growing up.
* * *
After work, Zane dropped by the hardware store and purchased two gallons of yellow paint called soft banana. He’d spent some time on the internet researching the best shade of yellow for a baby’s room and had learned that a yellow that was too bright could make the baby agitated, while a soft, pastel shade had warm, calming effects. When he’d looked through the various color chips in the paint section, soft banana seemed to fit the bill.
He was going to surprise Lucy with it. If she hated it, they could go together and choose another color, but for now, he wasn’t sure how many clues she wanted to drop around town—even though shopping for yellow paint together didn’t exactly scream “we’re having a baby!” it might raise a few eyebrows.
Now that they’d shared the news with Ethan and Chelsea, there was no reason they couldn’t get a jump on converting Lucy’s spare room into the nursery. Last night when she’d said she wanted to paint the walls yellow, he’d decided to go for it. Get the paint and get to work. Actually, he hoped his proactive approach would prove to Lucy how much he cared about his child—their child. And he hoped Ethan would consider it a sign of his commitment, that he wasn’t going to flake out on Lucy and their child. Ethan had been pretty stoic last night after they’d shared the news. Chelsea, God love her, had enough enthusiasm for everyone, but Zane knew that he and Ethan were due a heart-to-heart before too long.
First, he and Lucy needed to figure out what they were going to do. He wasn’t pushing her, but he still hadn’t given up on the possibility of convincing her to marry him.
He might not believe in love the way she wanted him to, but frankly, he believed some things were more important than a nebulous, fleeting, highly overrated emotion.
He hoped she realized actions spoke louder than words. In this case, he hoped his gesture spoke volumes, filling in the spaces where he simply didn’t have the words.
Next, he went to the Campbell property and found Ethan at the Triple C offices.
“Got a minute?” he asked.
It was almost imperceptible, but Zane saw Ethan stiffen when he looked up from the paperwork on his desk and saw Zane standing there.
They needed to talk this out. Based on what Lucy had told him about Ethan’s suggestion of a shotgun wedding, he was taking the news of his sister’s pregnancy about the way Zane thought he would.
“Sure. Come in. Shut the door.”
The office was small and rustic. Zane sat in one of the empty chairs in front of Ethan’s desk.
“Thanks for letting me take my time clearing my mom’s stuff out of the bungalow,” he said. “I am going to wrap things up this evening. I’ve dragged it out long enough. It’s time.”
“We don’t have any plans for the house yet. There’s no hurry if you need more time.”
Ethan was making all the right noises, but Zane could tell that he wasn’t himself.
“Thanks, I appreciate that. But that’s not the reason I came by.”
Ethan nodded, but he didn’t say anything. He was staring at a spot over Zane’s left shoulder.
“If you want to punch me, go ahead,” Zane said.
He was serious.
Unsmiling, Ethan locked gazes with him.
“Yeah, I thought about doing that more than a couple of times.”
He was serious, too.
“Okay, how do you want to handle it? Do you want to set up a time, like a duel? Or do you just want to take me out right now?”
Ethan still didn’t smile.
“Are you making a joke out of this?”
Zane raked a hand through his hair and then composed his most serious face.
“This isn’t a joke to me. It’s one of the most serious things that’s ever happened to me and that’s exactly how I’m treating it. But that’s between Lucy and me. I came by as a courtesy to you to let you know that I intend to stand by your sister. I would marry her if she would have me, but that’s something she’s not so sure about.”
Ethan was doodling on the yellow legal pad on his desktop.
“Are you in love with my sister, Zane?”
He had known this was coming. It was a p
erfectly logical question that a big brother would ask the guy who’d gotten his little sister pregnant.
“With all due respect, that’s between Lucy and me.”
Ethan let the pen fall from his hand and his gaze nailed Zane to his chair.
“Since you can’t give me a straight answer, I’ll take that as a no.”
Zane should have been prepared for that, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t that cut-and-dried. He couldn’t say he didn’t love her. He cared about her—
Ethan smirked. “We could fall down a big black hole talking about all the reasons you shouldn’t have slept with Lucy if you don’t love her. But I know my sister. I know how she feels about you, and I know, deep down, you are a decent guy. Don’t hurt her, Zane.” He spat the word don’t through gritted teeth. “And don’t expect her to tie herself to a guy who doesn’t return her feelings.”
“I’m not going to hurt her. At least not on purpose.”
“Yeah. That’s what I’m afraid of,” Ethan said. “It usually happens when we don’t intend it.”
They sat quietly for a few beats as the truth of Ethan’s words swirled around them.
Finally, Ethan said, “Thanks for coming to clear the air. I was wondering how long it would take for you to slink in here.”
That was better. He sounded more like himself again.
“I don’t slink,” Zane said. “The only one who’s going to slink anywhere is you when I beat your sorry ass at bowling. Only you would have your bachelor party at the bowling alley.”
They talked for a while, about horses and houses, and about how one of the guests at Ethan and Chelsea’s wedding was her brother, who would most likely be the next prime minister of the United Kingdom. The security was crazy, but that would be their new normal when it came to Chelsea’s family.
Zane was happy things were back to normal with Ethan, but he had to get a move on. The final boxes weren’t going to move themselves. He drove his truck away from the offices to the gravel frontage road that led to the bungalow. He hadn’t realized it until he was parked in the driveway in front of the house, but by delaying the move out, it had been easier to ignore the fact that his mom was gone. But she was. Putting it off wasn’t going to bring her back. So tonight he would wrap it up.
A Bride, a Barn, and a Baby Page 9