by Kaci Rose
“Tell me, angel.” I encourage her to talk, but I don’t want to push her. When we talked last night on the phone, I hadn’t meant to call her angel. In my head, I’ve been thinking of her as my angel, but I hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Now that I have, I don’t think I can stop.
I firmly believe that when Whitney walked out, if Lexi hadn’t been there and given me something to fight for, I wouldn’t be here today. Lexi is my angel.
“So, the other day, when we were in here laughing about Becky and Johnny being pregnant and all?” She says.
I smile at the memory of her laughing. “Yeah?”
“I don’t remember being that happy in a really long time, and I realized…” She pauses, unsure of continuing.
I want to hear it all. I want her to trust me.
“No secrets,” I say to her.
She sighs, “No secrets.” She agrees.
“I realized watching you laugh like that how much… how much I was falling for you. Then, I was immediately racked with guilt.”
I stiffen not sure which way this is going to go. She was feeling guilty, and then, I kissed her. What’s she feeling now?
She rubs my chest, “I promise, I’m good now. Just listen, okay?”
“All right,” I say, tucking her head under my chin and holding her a bit tighter, as much to offer her support, as to reassure myself she’s still here.
“So, I made a split second decision to go up to Arlington National Cemetery and see Tyler. I didn’t know then what I needed, but I just knew I needed to be there. Then, I called Becky and asked her and Johnny to come to sit with you, but she knows me too well. She asked if I wanted company, and I knew I didn’t want to be alone, so I said yes, and she was at my house thirty minutes later.”
She pauses, almost lost in thought, before continuing. “We drove until we had to stop that night, and then finished the drive the next day. Got a hotel room, dropped off our bags, and then we went straight to Arlington Cemetery, to the Changing of the Guard. I always go to that first.”
I rub her back, letting her know I’m here for her, but also because I don’t want to stop touching her.
“I don’t remember walking to his grave, but there I was and instantly remembered the last time I saw him. Unfortunately, I didn’t know there was a funeral there that day, and when the 21-Gun Salute went off, I lost it. It’s my trigger.” She whispers the last part.
I hold her tight and close my eyes. The last thing she needs to see are the tears in my eyes because I can only imagine what she has been through. What I was so close to putting my family through if it wasn’t for Lexi.
“After crying for I don’t know how long, Becky just sat there with me. Finally, I laid down next to him, and I told him about you. I shared everything.”
I’m sure she can hear my heart racing in my chest, and she confirms it when she turns her head and places a kiss right there. Suddenly, I wish the shirt wasn’t in the way.
“I told him everything. Every little detail, down to seeing you laugh and falling for you. Then, I cried some more, because I felt so guilty. He was listening to every word; I know it because a woman sat down on the other side of me. She said she had been in my shoes. Her now husband stood there with her, as she told me she hadn’t planned to come that day, but had this overwhelming need, too. When she told me her story, I could relate, because it was so close to mine. Then, she asked if the situation was reversed would I feel like he was cheating on me. I couldn’t answer her, as I had never thought of it that way.”
When she starts lightly tracing the design on my shirt, the sensation is too much. I reach over with my scarred hand and hold her hand. She doesn’t flinch or pull away, but tightly holds my hand, like she’s afraid I’ll pull away.
“The woman said she was told by another girl at the cemetery that when you start to fall in love again, it’s your spouse sending you to the one he wants to take care of you. After that, we exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch, and Becky left to go call Johnny. I sat there thinking. What if it was me in the ground? I know I’d want him to be happy, to live life, find love again, and be loved. Then, out of nowhere, a memory came to me of a night before Tyler’s first deployment. One I had forgotten about.”
She snuggles up to me getting even closer, before continuing, “We were lying in bed, much like this, and just talking about anything and everything. Neither of us knew what to expect other than what Johnny and Becky had been through. They had one deployment under their belt, and this was our first. That night he said if anything happened to him, he wanted me to be happy. I told him to stop talking like that, and I can see his face as clearly as if he were sitting here today. His face was stone cold serious. He was insistent that I find someone to love again. To allow it, so I didn’t go through the rest of my life alone. He said he wanted to make my dreams come true, the house, kids, grandkids, photography, all of it. Then, he made me promise, and I did because I never thought I’d have to keep it. Again, on the last night before he left, he made me vow that I’d keep my promise.”
My mind is racing. What does this mean? I have so many questions I want to ask, but I’m too scared and worried she’ll run.
“So, that night, Becky and I got some pizza in the hotel room, and we sat and talked. We laughed, and it was just like old times before she was with my brother. Before the military, and it was just two best friends, giggling about boys and school. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so much. Then, I called you, and the guilt was gone. We went and saw Tyler again this morning before we left. I thanked him for bringing you into my life. You think you needed me that day, but I needed you just as bad. Then, I promised him I’d bring you next time, which is in five months for his birthday.”
I smile, five months is a good goal, because I’d love nothing more than to go with her.
“I don’t want to replace him.”
“I know you don’t. That’s part of the guilt I had that it was me replacing him by loving someone again, but it isn’t replacing him. It’s carrying on his memory.” We are both quiet for a bit before she speaks again.
“He will always be a part of my life and out in the open. I won’t hide him away and pack up his photos. You okay with that?” She asks.
I kiss the top of her head, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Chapter 16
Noah
“Now, your turn, why do you look so tired? Are you not sleeping?” She asks.
I really didn’t want to get into this, but it’s like she can tell I’m trying to find a way to avoid the topic.
“No secrets, Noah.”
“No secrets.” I agree.
“I stopped with the sleeping medication, but now, I’m not in that deep medicated sleep, and it has brought back nightmares from the explosion,” I tell her.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I know I will have to talk to my therapist about it before I’m discharged, but I know if we are going to have a fighting chance, I’ll have to talk to Lexi, too.
“Not right now, but soon,” I say because I’m not ready to open that can of worms just yet.
“Okay. Noah?” She says.
“Hmm?”
“I don’t think I ever thanked you.”
“For what, angel?”
“For saving my brother.”
It feels like I was just punched in the gut, and if I had been standing up, I know I’d have crumpled to the ground. My eyes water and I clamp them shut to prevent myself from crying. I look up at the ceiling and get my emotions under control before I speak.
“I did what anyone would have done,” I tell her.
“But it wasn’t anyone, it was you.”
My throat burns, as I continue to fight off the tears.
“I’d do it all over again, because it brought you to me, and I can never be sorry for that.” Needing to change the subject, I tell her what else I was doing.
“So, I met another patient, while you were
gone,” I tell her.
“Yeah?”
“Brooke came in and said it would do me some good to get out of my room, so she got me a wheelchair, and we went for a walk in the halls. While she was talking to another nurse, I saw him sitting in his room, facing the window. His name is Easton, and he won’t let anyone in his room.” I tell her.
“Why not?”
“He didn’t say, but I found out that he was kept as a prisoner of war for a year. Though, all his physical wounds are healed, mentally, he’s still not okay. So, they won’t release him. But he did let me sit at the doorway and talk to him. Although, he didn’t talk much, I told him about you and about your brother. He said a few words, and I promised I’d come back to see him again.”
“I’d like to meet him.” She says right before she yawns.
I hold her a bit tighter, thankful that she’s my reason to fight. A few minutes later she’s asleep. She has had a long few days, so I refuse to wake her up. I love that she feels safe enough with me to fall asleep, and I adore having her in my arms like this, too.
She deserves so much more than this hospital room. I wish I could take her out on a real date, and wine and dine her like she deserves. I should be taking care of her, but instead, she’s here every day taking care of me. But I heard her when she said she needed me, too.
After we got off the phone last night, I fell hard for this beautiful angel in my arms. I’m already in love with her. I’d do anything for her, including bust my ass to get better, so I can take her on a proper date and to take care of her if she will let me. Though, I still have to talk to her about what the doctor said about me and sex and having kids, but for now, I’ll be content to sit here and watch over her, while she sleeps. How can I not enjoy her body pressed against mine?
There’s a soft knock on the door before the nighttime nurse pokes her head in. She sees Lexi and smiles.
“I don’t see anything. Just let me get your vitals, and then you should get some sleep. I’m willing to bet she’s the one keeping your nightmares away.” The nurse says.
“What do you mean?”
“I see it all the time. The one you trust most is the one you feel safest with, and that’s who is the one who keeps the nightmares away.” She writes a few things down on her tablet, and then pats my arm and walks out.
I hope she’s right. I rest my head on top of Lexi’s and close my eyes.
The next thing I know, Lexi is shifting around.
“Angel, sit still,” I mumble without even opening my eyes.
“Noah, what time is it?” She asks a bit groggy.
I look over at the clock on my nightstand.
“8:24 a.m.” I tell her.
She sits straight up in bed. “Why didn’t the nurse wake me?” She says, combing her fingers through her hair.
I chuckle, “She came in and took my vitals and told me to go to sleep and enjoy it. Angel, come back here.” I hold my hand back out to her.
She takes it and lies back down with me.
“I need you to know how amazing you are,” I tell her, kissing the top of her head.
“Noah…” She starts, but I keep talking.
“I slept through the night. No nightmares with you in my arms.”
“Good. Now, I’m going to go home and shower and change, unpack and eat breakfast. I’ll be back in two hours tops.”
“Wear something comfy. I want to snuggle some more,” I tell her.
She smiles and nods, as I watch her walk out of the door. Brooke comes in right behind her.
“How did you sleep?” She asks.
“Like a baby.”
Brooke laughs, “We all thought you would. Just don’t tell anyone we let her stay, okay?”
“Not a word.”
“How long have you two been together?” She asks as she starts looking over my vitals.
“I don’t think we’re actually together,” I say and cringe at how it sounds.
Brooke looks over at me with wide eyes.
“I met her when I was in the hospital in Germany. Her brother is my team leader. Was my team leader. He was injured too, and his bed was next to mine. She hasn’t left my side since.”
“That’s so sweet. Your kids and grandkids will sit starry eyed and listen to how you two fell in love.” Brooke smiles.
“I don’t know if she’s there yet,” I say honestly.
“But you are,” Brooke says, and it’s not a question.
“Yeah, one hundred percent I’m there.”
“She’s there, I can see it, but she might not realize it.”
“I think she may not be willing to let herself admit it yet, and I understand why, too.”
“Just give her time. She wouldn’t be here every day like this if she didn’t feel something.”
“I have nothing but time,” I say.
I’ll wait her out. I’m good at waiting.
Chapter 17
Lexi
I can’t believe I fell asleep and slept the whole night in a hospital bed, and it was the best sleep I’ve had in years. I can’t stop myself from smiling all the way home. Once I’m home, I make a quick breakfast, shower, and change.
Just as I’m about to walk back out the door, I have a thought. I promised Noah home cooked food. He’s been eating solid food and doesn’t have many restrictions anymore.
So, I head into my kitchen and make him a bacon and cheese omelet with some breakfast potatoes. After placing them in a Tupperware container, I put it in my tote bag I’ve been bringing each day. I also grab a Gatorade for him, it’s somewhat healthy, but it has a flavor, and he’s only been drinking water.
When I get to Noah’s room, I still have to pause and enjoy the sight of him. The normal clothes still throw me. Even though it’s just a t-shirt and sweats, he’s still hot as hell. Add in his face lighting up, when he sees me, and it’s almost too much for my heart to take. I close the door behind me and smile.
“Everything okay?” He asks, a bit concerned.
“Well, I’m on a secret mission and don’t want to get caught.” I wink at him.
With a twinkle in his eyes, he smiles, “Oh, yeah?”
I pull his rolling table over to him, open my bag, and take out the breakfast I made him, along with a fork and the Gatorade. When he sees the food, his whole face lights up again.
“I smuggled in food for you and a drink with some taste to it.”
“Lexi.” He says, choked up. “Come here.” He holds out his hand.
I take it, and he pulls me in for a quick kiss.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” He asks.
I wink at him. “Eat up, before we get caught.”
He laughs and digs into the food.
“Oh, my God, bacon. I’ve missed bacon.”
“I don’t know what you like in your omelet, but I figured bacon was a safe bet.”
“This is the best omelet I’ve ever had.”
I wave my hand at him. “It could be the worst omelet, and you’d still say that because it’s real eggs and not hospital food.”
“No, I mean it, Lexi.” He levels me with a serious stare.
I watch him eat it all, and it feels great to have someone other than my family to cook for again. When he’s done, I clean up the evidence, and then he pats the bed next to him, so I go snuggle up with him. We put on some TV, and about an hour later, there’s a knock on the door, and Becky peeks her head in.
“Can I borrow Lexi for lunch?”
“Everything okay?” I ask, instantly worried.
“Yes, I just want to talk to you.” She says with a real smile, not a forced one, so I know it can’t be too bad.
“Of course,” I lean over to give Noah a kiss.
“Eat all your lunch, and I’ll smuggle you something back,” I tell him.
“Deal.” He kisses me again, “Go have some girl talk.”
I walk with Becky to the cafeteria, and we get our food. I pick out a loaded baked potato soup and some bre
ad.
“This soup is surprisingly good,” I say after my first bite. “But that’s enough stalling, what’s up?”
“Well, two things. First, I got the info for Noah’s stuff and have help lined up for tomorrow.” She sends me a text with the details, while she talks. “The guys will meet us there tomorrow morning at eight. They have trucks, and plus, with my car and your car, we should be able to do it in one trip.” She says.
“You aren’t lifting anything,” I tell her.
“Johnny said the same thing, and I promised him, and I promise you, no lifting. I’m just offering up my SUV.”
“Okay, I think I’m going to put his stuff in the empty bedroom in the basement. No one uses it, so it will be out of the way, but easy for him to assess if he needs anything.”
“I agree.”
“Okay, next on your agenda,” I joke.
“So, one of the other wives put me in touch with a charity who helps bring families out to visit service members who are injured in action. It’s through the USO. They cover the flights and hotel costs. I talked to them, and they’re going to write a check for accommodations, even though they’re staying with you. It’s like they’re renting rooms at an Airbnb.” She says.
“I don’t want the money.”
“I figured, but the money for the flights and this check, plus the money we already raised, it’s enough for them to come out here for a week. More than enough, but add this money, and they’ll have a buffer.”
It’s a relief to know we did it. We’re able to bring his family out here.
“So, I thought you’d like to do the honors and call them with the news since they will be your future in-laws and all.” She says with a smile.
I gasp. “Becky, please don’t.”
She shrugs, “Okay, but we know where this is going, even if you don’t.”
“Not a word of this to Noah. I want to surprise him,” I tell her.
“All right.” She agrees.
I grab another meal of soup and bread to go and hide it in my bag.