by Diana Palmer
“Go back to Georgiana,” Nettie told him, taking his hand for a moment. He relaxed at her touch. She could feel it. “I’m fine. I just want to rest awhile.” Rest and try not to think, an impossible task.
Chase nodded. “I’ll get rid of Georgiana as soon as I can.”
It was on the tip of Nettie’s tongue to promise she’d turn in a better acting job next time, but it wouldn’t be true. She couldn’t sit calmly with Georgiana and tell glib lies about motherhood.
Sadly, worried about Chase and Colin and deeply concerned about the part she could play in separating them, Nettie withdrew her hand. “Don’t rush her out. Please. Not for me.”
Bending forward, he kissed the tip of her nose. “I think we’ve all had enough for one evening.”
When Chase left the room, closing the door behind him, Nettie felt a tiredness so profound, she thought she could sleep for days. She couldn’t let herself rest, though. She had to figure out a way to extricate herself from any more of Georigiana’s crossexaminations without endangering Chase’s case.
A splatter of water hit the exterior wall of the bedroom. Nettie scooted off the bed and went to the window. Pushing aside the curtain, she saw Colin holding the garden hose and turning in circles, spraying everything he could and wrapping himself in a coil of rubber. Give a little boy a chore, and he turned it into an adventure.
She smiled. How could Chase ever let you go?
The thought came unbidden and with it, a tide of emotion that swelled too quickly for her to stem. She had to make sure Colin and Chase stayed together. She had to. She could tolerate goodbye…she would tolerate goodbye as long as she knew that Chase didn’t have to. She had to be able to picture him with his son after they left North Dakota. She could stand being alone again if she knew that Chase wasn’t.
“He deserves that,” she said, gazing out the window. “He’s a good man.” She thought of that first night in the jail. And their first kiss when she’d helped him unsaddle King. She remembered how nervous and happy and vulnerable he’d seemed when he told her he had a son.
“Please don’t let him be hurt,” Nettie whispered to the God she hadn’t spoken to much the past few years. She wasn’t sure she believed, anymore, in prayers being answered or in a Power that protected…In heaven above. It had hurt to believe almost more than it hurt not to.
She watched Colin. Wound in the hose, he began to struggle with it as if fighting some enemy force. In his imagination, he would always win. But he lived in a world that often changed the rules of the game just when you finally thought you knew how to play.
“Don’t get hurt,” she whispered. “Don’t get hurt.” She put a hand on the window, overwhelmed by an urge to call him inside.
He wasn’t hers to coddle, and that was a good thing because her fears had made her overly protective. Still, for this brief span of time, there was something she could do.
Quickly, before she wasted any more time, Nettie ran from the bedroom. She smoothed her skirt as she returned to where Georgiana and Chase were still convened, Chase talking and Georgiana still scribbling.
They looked up as she entered. “I’m sorry I rushed out like that,” she apologized breathlessly to Georgiana, anxiety unnoticed as she concentrated on winning the other woman over. “A little too much pasta, I think.” Smiling as if her illness were already a thing of the past, she patted her belly.
“You certainly look better.” Georgiana considered her.
“I am.” Nettie ignored Chase’s concern as she moved to stand by his chair. “I thought about my answer to your last question, and I’m afraid I may have given the wrong impression.”
Georgiana raised a brow, and Nettie knew that nothing but utter sincerity would move the other woman. “I have no immediate desire to have more children,” she admitted, and the honesty bolstered her, “precisely because nothing is more sacred to me than motherhood. I know it’s the most challenging, most important occupation a woman can undertake. In becoming Colin’s mother,” she hesitated only briefly, “my focus would be on Colin. He lost his mother. I lost mine, too, when I was still a child. It’s inappropriate to discuss more children right now. The one we’ve got deserves our full attention.”
From the corner of her eye, she caught Chase’s upturned gaze, though she couldn’t see his expression. Georgiana appeared pleased by Nettie’s words, but Nettie wasn’t through yet. “I also think it’s inappropriate to threaten a man with a custody suit when you haven’t even met him. Julia’s parents are more than welcome to visit—they should visit—but not in a spirit of judgment. Chase and Colin are a brand-new family. They need support, not threats. And they don’t need to be put under a microscope. If a few magazine articles are bothering everyone, I can tell you right now that Chase’s womanizing days are over. He adores his son. If he didn’t…I couldn’t adore him.”
The words were out. There for everyone to hear, and to remember. Well, it was the truth. Nettie lifted her chin. She’d said what she needed to, and she was glad. Glad and, frankly, proud of herself.
She waited for Georgiana’s response. The woman regarded her steadily and with some surprise. Finally she made her copious scribbles.
Nettie glanced at Chase, but met only the top of his head as he watched Georgiana write.
Stabbing a period on the end of a sentence, Georgiana stuffed the yellow legal pad into her oversized handbag and stood. “Thank you. You’ve both given me a great deal to think about.” Chase stood as well. “I’m not supposed to say anything one way or the other regarding a custody case, Mr. Reynolds. However, I’m going to break that rule, because,” she shrugged, “because I feel like it. I believe that you are sincere in your intent to be a good father. Your son’s grandparents, the Foster-Smiths, are equally sincere in their concern and in their desire to insure the well-being of their grandson. This case will go to court if there’s a T left uncrossed.”
“And you’ve found a T?” Chase asked.
Georgiana frowned, musing. “I’m not sure.” She included Nettie, too, in her gaze. “Your willingness to marry for Colin’s sake—and I do think that’s what’s going on here—is admirable. But how much it secures his future happiness, I don’t know. And whether it’ll persuade the Foster-Smiths to drop the case, I rather doubt. There’s still the issue of your moving about so much, who will be at home with this child, where will his home be, etcetera. You have your work cut out for you.” She smiled the brusque no-nonsense smile that seemed typical of her.
Chase shook her hand. “I appreciate your candor.”
“And wish you could tell me to take a flying leap!” Georgiana’s laugh boomed heartily. “Unfortunately, you’ll probably be seeing me again.” She extended her hand to Nettie for a firm shake and then walked out to her car with Chase.
When he returned, Georgiana’s car was already kicking dust down the dirt path. Chase headed for the kitchen. “You want wine?”
“No.” Nettie followed him. From the refrigerator, he pulled a bottle of the cabernet that they’d opened at dinner and poured what was left of it into a goblet. “Is Colin still watering?”
“He’s winding the hose.” Chase took a swallow of wine. “I told him he could play outside until it’s dark.”
He wasn’t looking at her. Like his responses, his movements were spare.
“You’re really worried now, aren’t you?”
“Shouldn’t I be?”
“I think Georgiana likes you. Respects you.” Nettie approached the center island, where he stood. “I know it didn’t go as well as we’d hoped, but as she said, you’ll be seeing her again.”
“You think that will help?”
“Don’t you?”
“Who knows?” He took another long swallow of wine and set the glass on the counter. A self-mocking curve shaped his lips. “I tend to think I’m pretty clever. I usually get what I want. But this time…” He shook his head. From his contemplation of the Italian tiles, he looked up. His expression was sober, his gaze as focused
as a laser. “Why, Nettie?”
She shook her head, unsure of what he was asking.
“When Georgiana wondered if you wanted children of your own—it occurs to me that was a yes or no question. But it wasn’t that simple for you.”
“I explained when I came back into the room—”
Chase shook his head, his narrowed eyes and uncompromising countenance as effective an interruption as if he had spoken. “Not good enough. You knew what was at stake the first time. Even if you’d said no—cleanly—it might have seemed like a normal response.” He crossed halfway toward her. “It was your hesitation, your confusion that made her doubt us.”
“I realize that.” Frustrated, Nettie spread her hands. “I made a mistake. I also fixed it.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean? Chase, I know you’re worried and upset, and, yes, you have a right to be. I didn’t play my part the way I should have. But I did try to correct it, and if you ask me, I did a pretty good job.”
“Played your part,” he muttered, jaw hardening. He nodded. “Yes, a ‘good job’ is exactly how I’d put it.”
Nettie put her clenched hands on her hips. “Why are you dissecting my words? Chase, you’re nitpicking, and it’s not fair. I did my best. She caught me off guard.”
“We’re all caught off guard.” Continuing around the center island, he closed the gap between them. “It occurs to me that we’ve talked plenty about my inability to commit.” His voice was soft, deceptively so. “But what about yours? Why do words like temporary and brief keep coming up, Nettie?”
Calm demeanor or no, Nettie sensed the anger and frustration within him. Surprisingly, it chased away her guilt, leaving her frustrated and angry in turn. There was an implied judgment in this cross-examination, and she didn’t like it. He had no idea how much courage it had taken to help him with this custody case to begin with.
“We never discussed permanent,” she reminded him. “Right from the start we said there would be an end to this.”
“You said—”
“No.” She shook her head emphatically. “If you recall, you warned me that you weren’t a stick-around kind of guy.”
“And you said that was all right with you.”
“It is.”
“Why?” Holding her shoulders, seemingly unaware that he was even doing so, Chase searched her face. “Why is it all right for a man to walk in and out of your life? It’s obvious that family means everything to you. I’ve read your books. I’ve watched you with Colin. You love kids. You were born to have a family of your own. Colin loves—”
“Stop. Will you please stop!” She tossed up her hands and shook her head. “No, look, you’ve been “committed” all of what, two weeks? All of a sudden you think that makes you the world authority on family dynamics? Or on what other people need?” Nettie watched her verbal attack fall on Chase like a series of blows, but she felt desperate, desperate to stop him before he finished his sentence, and desperate to end this conversation before he somehow convinced her he was right. It wasn’t only her heart at stake, it was her sanity. “I will not let you make me feel guilty for turning out to be exactly who I said I was. I told you I don’t want a long-term relationship. I told you I can’t give it.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You don’t know me!”
“Then tell me.” Chase’s grasp tightened on her shoulders. “Dammit! Tell me why I can make you laugh, and I can make you smile. And I can make your eyes flash when we make love, but I can’t make you want forever.”
A volcano was ready to erupt in Nettie’s chest. “Is that what’s bothering you? You can’t understand how a woman can say no now that you’ve decided to play family man?” She shook her head. “Well, maybe the idea of family is all novel and appealing to you, but I have been there, and I’ve done that, and I don’t ever, ever, ever want to do it again!”
Stunned momentarily, Chase shook his head as if to clear it. “What do you mean, you—”
“No!” Nettie twisted away from him. Eyes filling with tears she refused to let fall, she held his gaze. “You were fun…we were fun together. But that’s all. Leave it at that.” Her voice fell to a whisper as harsh as a desert wind. “I wanted to help you with Colin. Don’t try to turn this into anything else. Please. I can’t…I don’t love you.”
The moment, the very instant the words fell from her lips, Nettie realized the lie she had just told. Like a bolt of lightning, truth shot through her chest—hot and sharp and unmistakable: She loved Chase Reynolds, she loved his son. Once more life was offering her the chance to need two people fully and completely, with so much of her heart that to lose them would be to lose the part of her that pumped blood, the part that enabled her to breathe.
She hoped God would forgive her for returning the gift, but it didn’t fit. Not anymore. There simply wasn’t enough of her heart left to break off another piece.
Chase watched her for a long, silent moment. He dug in his pocket, pulled out a small silver box and set it on the counter beside them. “I don’t love you, either.” He opened the box. Nestled inside the silver cardboard was another box, this one velvet black. “I didn’t buy this for you.” Without ever taking his eyes off her, he flipped up the lid. A round diamond set in platinum almost as white as the stone and flanked by two trillioncut sapphires sparkled at Nettie as if it were trying to speak. “I haven’t felt like a kid at Christmas every time I imagined you opening this box, and I’m not angry as hell right now that something—or someone—in your past means more to you than I ever could.” A smile so grim and utterly devoid of humor that it was chilling twisted Chase’s lips. “There. We’re even now. We’ve both lied.”
Leaving the ring where it was, tucked in a box rather than on the finger for which it had originally been intended, Chase walked from the room, the air of finality as clear as the diamond he had purchased for his intended.
Chapter Eighteen
Two days later, Chase was in New York, involved in what promised to be all-day meetings. Both he and the director of his TV station hoped the caucuses would result in a new career direction, one that would keep him at the station and in the states, or more accurately, in one state—New York. Chase hoped, also, to locate a more kid-friendly apartment. Lilah had agreed to watch Colin while he was away.
Aware of the turbulent and apparently permanent parting between her sister and Chase, Lilah had mercifully chosen to stay at the cottage rather than bring the little boy to the house, but on the afternoon of the second day, she got a call from her agent, alerting her to a plum movie audition back in Los Angeles.
“I booked a plane ticket for the day after next,” she told Nettie in a rapid spate of enthusiasm. “I need a manicure and a pedicure before I leave, because there won’t be time after I get home. And where am I going to find a decent hairdresser around here who can take me on short notice? I have got to do something about this.” She pointed to the top of her head, the bright light in Nettie’s second-floor studio illuminating traitorous ash-brown roots that had to be eliminated.
Drying a paintbrush on a rag, Nettie tried to dredge up some empathy for her sister’s plight. “Are you going to leave before Chase gets back?”
“Not if he flies in tomorrow night, like he said he would. But if he’s delayed…” She shrugged. “Look, I know you’re uncomfortable with this, but Colin really enjoys himself over here, and I can’t miss this audition, Nettie. I’ve had a little dry spell, lately. I need the work.”
“I know. I don’t mind watching him.” But Chase had asked Lilah, not her. He was still furious with her. And he had good reason.
It was dead-on accurate to say that fear was the devil that made her want to end their relationship. But Nettie figured that was her business and her right. What depressed her was that she’d promised to help him with his custody case, and she’d blown it. Fear again. It had made her drop the ball after she’d given her word to help.
“Look,” Lilah
said, misinterpreting the troubled look on her sister’s face. “Let’s just deal with today…and my dark roots. I’ll be home in a few hours, and I’m sure Chase’ll be back before I have to fly out of here, so you won’t even have to see him if that’s what you want. Although I still—”
“It’s what he wants, too, Lilah.” Chase had made it clear that even the engagement of convenience was over. Georgiana had not been overly impressed by it, anyway.
“—think that you’re nuts.” Lilah spoke over her sister’s comment and then narrowed her eyes. “Fine, so you’re both nuts. A perfect match.” Scooping her oversized purse up off the floor where she’d dropped it, she flung the bag over her shoulder. “Did Nadine Ritchie ever open a beauty salon in Anamoose, like she kept saying she would?”
“Yes. It’s on Main Street. You can’t miss it.”
“Good. I hope she’s not still p.o.’d about my going to the junior prom with Denny Kelter.”
“She is.”
Lilah rolled her eyes. “Still a twit, but she knows hair. As long as she doesn’t deliberately dye me purple I should be okay.” She blew Nettie a quick kiss. “I’ll see you in a while. I brought Colin’s bike over. He wanted to ride it. I told him he could go as far as the Seaforths’ place and back.” Heading down the upstairs hallway, she spoke while walking backwards. “I think he’s hoping you’ll read him one of your stories later.” She smiled. “He thinks they’re about him, you know.” Fluttering her fingers, she headed down the stairs.
Lilah disappeared and Nettie sighed. Nice parting shot, sis.
Dropping the brush into a can of other clean brushes, she looked at the lone picture left on her bookshelf. Tucker grinned back at her. Wiping her hands and tossing the rag onto her desk, she moved to stand before the photo, running a fingertip along the pewter frame.
“Happy birthday, my big little boy.” Softly she tapped the train engineer’s hat they’d given Tuck for his birthday. Even at three he’d been thrilled with the striped cap that looked just like the one in his favorite storybook. Along with the hat, Nettie had found a beautiful miniature train, the first of what she had expected to be a growing collection for her locomotive-loving son. Tucker had played with the toy every day, rarely allowing it out of his sight and showing it to anyone who had the patience to affect an interest. He’d had it with him in the car that awful iceladen day.