by Lydia Dare
“She didn’t eat a thing. She got sick as soon as I uncovered the food!” he cried out, then rested his chin on the heel of his hand in disgust. “And she cries at the smallest things.”
“You made her cry?” the major asked, frowning.
“I didn’t mean to,” Ben defended himself. “But it didn’t seem to matter what I said. I’ve never seen her so emotional, not even when her grandfather died, and she was plenty upset then.”
Recognition dawned in the major’s eyes. “I’m a fool not to have seen it earlier.”
“Seen what?”
With a toothy grin, the major slid his whisky toward Ben. “Congratulations, pup.”
“For turning my wife’s stomach?” Ben grumbled and looked down at the amber liquid in front of him.
“I believe you may have made me a grandfather!” The major rose from his seat and cackled all the way out the door.
Ben’s mouth fell open. Then he picked up the whisky in front of him and downed it in one gulp.
A child? Dear God! He replayed his last conversation with Elspeth over in his mind, under that context, and winced. If she was with child, it was no wonder she was furious with him.
He was going to be a father! Ben signaled the bar maid that he didn’t need the next glass of whisky. If he was going to work this out, he needed a clear head. He would find a way to make it work.
Elspeth enchanted a spoon to stir some porridge and then collapsed into a seat at her table and laid her head across her folded arms. She’d slept restlessly all night and this morning wasn’t feeling her best.
Her father emerged from his room, whistling an old Scottish lullaby. When he spotted her, he grinned widely. “Morning, lass.”
“Ye seem awfully cheerful today,” she grumbled.
“Many things to be cheerful about,” he replied and dropped into a seat across from her. “How was your dinner with Benjamin?”
Elspeth shook her head, then realized her eyes were watering again. She brushed her tears away with the back of her hand. “It could have gone better.”
“I gathered that when I saw him last night. Poor fellow looked as if he’d lost his best friend.”
“Ye saw him?” Her gaze shot to her father’s.
“Hmm. The taproom at the inn. He seemed intent on getting deep in his cups.”
Elspeth snorted and rose from her seat to check on her porridge. Of course he was intent on getting drunk. He didn’t love her and felt stuck because of the bairn. She peered down into the pot, but it was too soupy.
She didn’t feel like eating anyway. She leaned heavily against the far wall and rubbed her face with both hands. How had she gotten herself into this situation?
“Elspeth,” her father’s voice caused her to jump and drop her hands.
“Yes?”
“You need to sit down and have a conversation with the lad.”
“I wouldna even ken what ta say.” She stepped forward and slumped back down in her seat at the table.
His warm brown eyes seemed to twinkle. “I’m sure something will come to mind, dear. You can’t go on like this. Both of you are completely miserable.”
“Aye,” she admitted, but for different reasons. There was no solution that would make them both happy.
A knock sounded at the door, and the major crossed the room to open it. “Benjamin,” he said in greeting.
Elspeth couldn’t keep her gaze from shooting across the cottage to her husband. His hair seemed to sparkle where the morning sunlight hit him. And he was more handsome than ever, though at the moment his hazel eyes looked angry, as did the stubborn tilt of his jaw.
“Major,” he replied tightly. “I’d like a word with my wife.”
“Ben,” her father began with a placating tone.
But he paid no attention to the major and pushed past him into the cottage. “Ellie, this has gone on quite long enough. At first I let you have space, because I thought you needed it and I felt awful for hurting you. And I am sorry for that.”
He continued into the room until he stood before her. “But you’re my wife and I’ve put up with all of this that I intend to. I stayed up all night thinking everything through, and I cannot believe that you thought to keep this from me. Living separately, keeping secrets—it’s over. All of it. Do you hear me?”
Anger and hurt coursed through her, and Elspeth raised herself up to her full height. Still, she only reached his shoulders. “Ye willna dictate ta me, Benjamin Westfield. I was runnin’ my own life before ye came along, and—”
He hauled her into his arms and kissed her. He pulled her flush against him and took her breath away. She’d nearly forgotten how wonderful it felt to be wrapped in his strength. When she sighed against his mouth, Ben’s tongue slipped inside hers, tangling with her own.
His hold on her softened, and his hands caressed her back and stroked her arms. Elspeth pressed herself against him and intertwined her fingers in his hair. Time and place lost all meaning, and only the sound of Ben’s breathing echoed in her ears… until her father, clearing his throat, broke through to her senses.
Elspeth pulled back away from Ben and gaped at him. He seemed as affected by the kiss as she had been. “Why did ye do that?” she asked, trying to catch her breath.
“I intend to do it again,” he warned her. “Every time you even think of disagreeing with me.”
“Then ye’ll be doin’ it a lot,” she mumbled under her breath.
He raised his eyebrows meaningfully. “It’s been far too long since I kissed you, Ellie. Don’t tempt me.” He looked over his shoulder at her father and nodded. “Major, a moment, if you don’t mind.”
He winked at Ben. “Good luck, my boy.”
As soon as the major retired to his room, Elspeth glared at her husband. “Why did ye come here, Ben?”
“Because I love you, and if you don’t believe it, I’ll say it over and over until you do.”
“This is about the bairn,” she said as she stepped out of his reach and made her way to her old settee.
“This is about us. You. Me. Our family,” he called after her. “I was a fool, Elspeth. Do you want me to yell it through the streets of Edinburgh? If it will make you believe me, I’ll do so.” He followed her to the other side of the room and dropped into a chair across from her.
“Ben, ye doona have ta do all this.”
His jaw stiffened. “I’m doing this because I love you. I’ve never met a more stubborn woman, lass. Maybe I’m going about this the wrong way.” He leaned forward in his seat, so close his knees were almost touching hers. “Do you still love me, Ellie? Or have I destroyed that, too?”
It hurt to look at him, the emotion on his face, so Elspeth stared at her own hands. “Benjamin, I’ll never stop lovin’ ye. No matter where ye go or who ye’re with.”
“There’s only you.”
She lifted her gaze to him. He seemed so sincere, so concerned. Yet she hated to get her hopes up. Her heart couldn’t take being broken again. “What changed?”
“Nothing,” he said quietly. “I always loved you, Ellie. I just didn’t want to. I didn’t want to admit it.”
“Why?”
He leaned back in his seat and raked a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t trust myself not to do so. I cannot control the beast within me. Not when it’s close to the full moon. I thought if I kept a bit of distance between us, I could keep you safe.”
His anguish was apparent and Elspeth’s heart ached for him. She could never watch anyone in pain without feeling it herself, but that was especially true with Ben. “I’m safe with ye.”
He scoffed and raised his eyes heavenward. “I don’t know if you are or not, Ellie. I hurt you once, and I hurt the girl in Brighton. But I can’t live without you, I’ve learned that much. So I’ll just have to be diligent. More careful.”
Elspeth swiped at the tears that began to trail down her cheeks. “You willna hurt me.”
When he heard
her voice tremble, Ben lowered his head to look at her. Then he reached his hand out to her. Elspeth moved to his side and he pulled her to his lap. “Oh, love. I’ve needed you.”
“I need ye, too.” She allowed herself to nuzzle against him, feeling the first bit of contentment she’d felt in weeks. He still didn’t trust himself, but it was a start.
Ben traced a circle on her belly. “You were going to tell me, weren’t you?”
“Of course. But I could kill Cait for tellin’ ye first.”
Ben shook his head, his hazel eyes boring into her. “She didn’t tell me anything, Ellie. The major figured it out last night in the taproom.”
Elspeth blinked at him. She’d been certain he knew. “Oh. Well, what do ye think about it?” she asked, afraid of his answer.
His smile warmed her from the inside out. “I do wish the little fellow had waited a bit. I’d like to have you all to myself for a while, but I couldn’t be happier, Ellie. And I want this one to be the first of many. I want us to build that sprawling house and fill every room with children.”
Elspeth rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. “I suppose ye’ll make me hire maids and footmen and a cook and—”
“You can do whatever you want, love. Whatever will make you happy.”
“Ye make me happy.” She slid her hand inside his waistcoat.
Ben groaned as though in agony. “Unfortunately, the full moon is approaching. It’s only a few days away. So I can’t be close with you right now.” He cupped her chin in his hands and kissed her softly. “Though I want nothing more than to be with you in every way possible.”
Elspeth shifted in his lap and felt him hard against her thigh.
“Don’t look at me like that, Ellie,” he growled as he set her away from him. “I am not sure I can trust myself.”
“I’m no’ made of glass, Ben. I willna break,” she reminded him.
“I won’t take that chance, love.” He lifted her off his lap and to her feet, where he drew her close to him as his hands skimmed over her body. Finally he groaned and gently pushed away from her. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Must we wait that long? Will we have ta separate when the moon is full for the rest of our lives?”
“If that’s what it takes to keep you safe, then that’s what we’ll do.” He kissed her once more, his lips touching her cheeks, her eyelids, and finally her forehead, where he lingered. Then he turned and walked out the door.
Ben had been craving Elspeth for days. Forcing himself to separate from her was the hardest thing he’d ever done. But he’d gladly die a thousand deaths before he allowed himself to hurt her again.
Typically, at this time of the month he would be craving a woman to the point of distraction. Any woman would do, anyone who would stroke the beast within him. But he found himself disinterested in other women. The only woman on his mind was Elspeth. She was the only one he wanted to stroke. To hold. To love. To take. To… claim. He wanted her desperately.
Avoiding Elspeth was like avoiding a piece of himself. He knew now he could not live without her. How he’d been such a fool before, he wasn’t sure. But he would spend every day making it up to her.
A voice broke him from his reverie. “I received word from Simon today.” Will walked from the forest into view.
“Just how is our big brother doing?” Ben asked as he put down the ax he was using to clear his land and wiped his brow with his forearm. Nothing better than manual labor to take one’s mind off a woman.
“He says life with Lily is wonderful. And that he’s extremely happy.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Duke of Blackmoor.” His brother Simon didn’t have a romantic notion in his body.
“All right.” Will shrugged. “It’s Mother’s translation. But she assures me it’s the way Simon feels when he’s with Lily.”
“I’m sure they’re blissfully happy, aside from those few days a month when he has to leave her side and hide out in exile, like a dog that’s too dangerous to tether near home.” The ax arched through the air and straight through a log, with much more force than was necessary.
“Mother says that he took Lily to the forest with him last month.”
Ben’s ax struck sideways when he lost his concentration. The mistake trembled up his arm until he dropped the quivering handle. “You’re such a poor liar, Will.”
“I’m not lying.”
“And just how would Mother know this?”
“She’s staying with them for a time. And Mother knows everything.” Will spoke the truth. Their mother did know everything. And what she didn’t know, she found out.
Ben met Will’s eyes. “Would you put Prisca at risk like that?”
“My relationship with Prisca is not what we’re discussing,” Will hedged.
“Would you?” Ben said. Will glanced away. “That’s what I thought.” Will could never lie about Prisca.
Suddenly Will reached over and clutched Ben’s shirt in his hands, raising him onto his tiptoes. He pushed and clawed to get free, but then Ben saw the desperation in Will’s eyes and stilled. “If Prisca loved me the way Elspeth loves you, I would let nothing stand in my way. So quit being a goddamn fool.”
Will released him and stepped away, then walked back into the forest with nothing more than a shake of his head.
Ben took a deep breath and raised his ax again. But before he could mangle the tree trunk before him, another masculine voice called out.
“I see you’ve done a lot of work here,” Major Forster called as he approached.
“I had a great opportunity to work on the land. Since I’m not fit company for anyone else at this time.” Ben pointed to the sky, where the sun was just about to drop below the horizon.
“You look like great company to me,” the major said as he sat down on a log.
“That’s because you grow hairy and drool at the sight of the moon, the same way I do. To everyone else, I’m dishonorable and untrustworthy. And I bite.”
The major picked at a string on the leg of his trousers. “Did Elspeth tell you that?”
The ax struck wood. “No.”
“But that’s what you believe?”
“It’s what I know.” He slung the ax again.
“I’m not going to talk to you about my daughter.”
Ben moved to interrupt. He really didn’t want to discuss Elspeth at that moment anyway. But the major held up two hands to stop him. “So I want to tell you about the love of my life. If you’re of a mind to listen, that is.”
Ben sighed and tried not to grumble as he laid the ax on the ground.
“Thank you.”
“It’s getting dark.” Maybe he’d leave if he realized night was approaching.
The major just smiled. “I can run into the forest as quickly as you can.”
“At your age?”
The major chuckled. “At least you still have your sense of humor.”
“I have a lot of things. Just not my wife. You said you had a story?”
“Aye. You know I’ve only had one love in my life. Rosewyth. Elspeth’s mother. She was my one and only.”
“And why does this involve me?”
The major frowned at him. And Ben felt as though he’d been picked up by the scruff of his neck and shaken, like any bad dog should.
“I’m sorry. Continue. Please.” Ben took a seat across from him.
“I just need to tell you that when it’s right, it’s really right.”
Ben just stared at him. That was his story? Forster could use a little practice in telling a decent tale.
“A Lycan has one true mate. If you’re with that person, even under the light of a full moon, it can be beautiful.”
“But not safe.”
“Do you doubt Elspeth is the other half that can make you whole?”
“It’s not that,” Ben started.
But the major raised a hand and stopped him again.
“It is that.”
&
nbsp; Ben nearly hung his head in defeat.
“I have regrets, Ben. And I don’t want you, when you’re old and grey, to wish you had done things differently.”
Forty-nine
ELSPETH WALKED SLOWLY THROUGH THE WOODS ON the well-worn trail away from Caitrin’s house. She had never been as lonesome as she’d been the last few days without Ben. She’d spent plenty of time alone before, but never had she ached for someone. Not just someone—her someone.
Caitrin had been quiet the whole day. She had avoided having any conversation at all. She usually avoided talking with people if she’d had visions about them. She preferred to let people live their own lives and have their own surprises. The things she did reveal were for fun. Or to help someone through a bad time.
Blaire had offered to enchant Ben with a potion so that he wouldn’t be able to resist the love Elspeth had for him. But Elspeth preferred Ben coming to her on his own.
Rhiannon and Sorcha wanted to tie him up with vines again and make him listen to reason. She smiled at the thought.
As Elspeth topped the hill, she heard a low growl from within the bushes. She stilled completely. That wasn’t Ben. It was too menacing and too scary. She froze. After a few minutes, the bushes rustled and a dark animal skittered from them and down the hill. Elspeth took two tentative steps forward.
From her vantage point she could see her way to the bottom of the hill. A solitary wolf stood there, as though standing sentinel over its pups. The growl sounded again from close by. This wolf was slightly larger than the one at the bottom of the hill. The smaller was probably the female, and Elspeth imagined that she was guarding her den. And the male kept a watchful eye on Elspeth.
A cloud moved across the sky and finally uncovered the full moon. The male wolf looked up at it in a pose very similar to the one on her combs. He raised his snout to the air and howled.
“I’ll no’ hurt yer pups,” she whispered.
The male wolf still stood, his body rigid and ready to move if Elspeth took even one hesitant step toward his family. But then the mother wolf ran to him, licked his face, and nipped his ear. The male turned to her. She licked the ear she’d just nipped, as though to soothe him. He growled and playfully nipped her back.