by Lexi Blake
If he had, would Faith have looked at him one last time? Would she have held his hand and cried? Would he have gone out feeling something more than bitterness and regret? Yes, that would have been a better outcome.
The door opened and she walked in wearing the T-shirt he’d left for her. It hung down to her knees. He hated the fact that she was wearing Nick’s shirt. Something primal inside him wanted her wearing his, but he didn’t even have that to give her. He was going to have to wear the scrubs or borrow something from Theo.
Fuck.
“You shouldn’t sleep on that thing. It’s too small for you.” She had a towel wrapped around her head, showing off the graceful line of her neck. She looked so small in Nick’s shirt. Small and fragile.
It didn’t take very much imagination to replace the image of Theo with hers. Faith, silent and dead, all her goodness nothing but garbage in his wake.
“I’ll survive.” He wouldn’t sleep anyway.
“All right.” She turned to go back into the bathroom but before she made it to the door she whirled around, a stubborn look on her face. “No. No, it’s not all right. Take off your shirt, Tennessee. Don’t even try to argue with me. I’m the top in this particular situation and I won’t let you order me around.”
“This situation?”
“Yes, the situation where I’m the doctor and you’re the patient,” she explained. “You’ve just spent days being tortured. I’m going to take a look at you whether you like it or not.”
Somehow the thought of her putting impersonal hands on him seemed cruel. “I’m fine. I don’t need attention, Faith. I want you to save your energy for someone who needs it.”
“Needs it? Or deserves it? I’m starting to figure out a few things about you. This whole tough guy thing isn’t about you looking macho.”
He felt his eyes widen in surprise. “I don’t know what movie you’re watching, darlin’, but I got my ass handed to me. No. I am not trying to look macho or preserve my masculine mystique so you won’t think less of me. I’m not going to give you a rundown of all the ways your father cut me down to size. You’ve been through enough.”
She got down on her knees in front of him. “And so have you. I wasn’t accusing you of being arrogant. The opposite. You won’t accept care from me because you don’t think you deserve it. Guess what? That means nothing to me. I’m the doctor and everyone gets my care. I swore an oath a long time ago and I take it seriously. So take off your shirt and pants. I want to see everything.”
“Faith,” he began.
She frowned at him. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. Well, I mean not in a sexual way.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t know how I feel. It means everything is twisted up and the world kind of sucks and I know our time is almost up. It means let me take care of you. Not because you think you deserve it but because I need to do something. Please.”
How was he supposed to argue with that? With aching arms, he pulled the shirt over his head and let her see the damage.
* * * *
Faith had to take a deep breath. Ten’s body had been covered in scars before, but he had some new ones. Little circles of burned flesh surrounded by raised welts. He had to be in pain, but she was starting to think Ten was the masochist in their relationship.
She forced that thought aside. They didn’t have a relationship. At least not one that would ever last. She couldn’t be that girl, couldn’t be the sad pathetic thing who ran into the arms of the man who had lied to her, used her.
It was easier to focus on the burns. “Someone cleaned these.”
He nodded. “Your sister. She’s quite the doc herself. I didn’t understand why at the time. I kind of thought they were going to kill me so cleaning me up and making sure the wounds didn’t get infected seemed counterproductive. Now I know they were saving me for MSS.”
Despite her sister’s efforts, all the physical activity of the evening had caused a few of the welts to open. She reached into the small first aid kit they’d brought along and took out the antiseptic. It would hurt, but any man who’d taken this and not gone insane could take the sting she was about to give him. Besides, if she was right, Tennessee likely welcomed the pain.
He didn’t think he was worth saving, and now he was in a deep dive over Theo’s death. She’d felt it herself, but it wasn’t until she’d really listened to the man that she realized Ten’s grief was actually guilt.
He hadn’t expected them to come for him. He’d expected to die.
Despite all the pain he’d caused her, she had to acknowledge that he’d given her joy, too. Nothing had felt as real as making love with this man.
Why hadn’t he fought the night her father had taken him? There had been a balcony to his left. It was entirely possible he could have made it. He was smart and strong. He was quick and beyond capable. This was a man who had been in tight spots before and fought his way out.
Yet when her father had come for him, he hadn’t fought at all. In fact, he’d been polite to the man who had killed his brother.
Somehow, it didn’t jibe with the reports she’d read on him.
He winced a little, but otherwise made no sound as she cleaned his wounds. Like Nick, who had been far too traumatized by seeing his lover killed to care about his pain.
How much trauma could a soul take before it shut down? Before it gave over and began to think the trauma was normal? The body often adapted in a search for survival. The soul did the same. Ten had come to accept pain was a way of life and that he deserved it.
The day had been so long. She wasn’t certain of anything except that she couldn’t let him sleep on this tiny couch. And she couldn’t sleep without knowing why he hadn’t fought.
“Your sister gave me some kind of drug,” he said quietly. “You talked about your patients at the clinic. You know, the ones who received the vaccine. They had memory issues, right?”
She studied the veins of his legs. In extreme cases, electrical torture could cause vascular spasms and disrupt blood flow, but it looked like her father had been leaving that for the Chinese. “Yes. They thought more time had passed than actually had. After the episode, their perceptions of time went back to normal. Did she tell you what she was giving you?”
He shook his head. “No, but I know I got more than one dose, and apparently at some point I blacked out completely because I don’t remember putting on these clothes. I vaguely remember being someplace white. There was a bright light and she was standing over me with a clipboard. She was talking about how well my system handled the drug.”
Bitch. She had a clinic down there for her experiments, but she hadn’t helped Theo and Des. She hated her sister in that moment, but she needed to know more. “How long do you think you were there?”
“I know it wasn’t more than a two full days, but Faith, I swear it was forever. I’ve been in this position before. I was trained to be able to take this kind of torture, but when I was on that drug, I had no control and it dragged on and on. I couldn’t meditate, couldn’t force my mind to go anywhere else.”
She sat back, her stomach clenching. “She couldn’t. It’s not real.”
“What’s not real?”
“What you’re talking about.” What had her sister done? “It’s called time dilation. It’s a future tech thing, a theory. They talk about it in science fiction. I know I’ve heard some people are making strides in memory manipulation, but we’re supposed to be years away from something like this.”
“Wait. I’ve heard of it. The Agency sent out some information on potentially dangerous technology being developed. One was a time dilation drug.” He shook his head with a rueful grimace. “It’s supposed to trick the brain into thinking more time has passed than actually has. I can now say that it’s a very effective torture technique. Quite frankly, I’m surprised I’m not more seriously injured.”
“You wouldn’t have to be physically. Your brain gave you the
pain. I can’t believe she’s doing this. She tested her drug on my patients.”
“It doesn’t shock me at all. I suspect your sister is doing what her company wants her to do. Kronberg is suspected of being in a group called The Collective. It’s a loose association of some of the world’s richest men. Think of it as a cartel, but they’re aiding each other in business interests. They’re a ‘by any means necessary’ kind of group.”
“The Collective? I’ve heard that word before.”
Ten sat forward. “Your father has mentioned The Collective? To you?”
She searched her memory. That word had caught. It was something she’d heard her father say a few times before. He wasn’t as careful as he thought he was or he’d trusted that she would never understand what he meant.
“He kept a log. He called it his collection. Maybe it isn’t the same thing. He would joke that he had a collection. It was names in a notebook. I was a kid. He didn’t care that I was in the room. Hope and I would play in his office all the time when we were out of school, and I remember him telling me it was important to keep lists.” She couldn’t get the idea out of her head. Her father always had backups. He always had a way out.
She needed to find that way out and block it.
Otherwise, Tennessee Smith would have one more thing to hate himself over. He would kill her father and it would hurt him, like another wound on his soul.
She might not be able to be with him, but she could give him respite this once.
“Don’t worry about it anymore.” Ten brushed back her hair.
“Why did you come here?”
“Like I said, don’t worry about it.” He sat back.
“I want to know what you were really looking for.” After everything she’d been through tonight, she felt like she deserved a debrief.
“I think your father’s documentation is on a computer in the compound I was held in. I think I’ll find all the evidence I need to take both your father and a good portion of The Collective down.”
He was wrong. “He wouldn’t put it on a computer. Never. Don’t get me wrong. There might be something there, but it’s going to be in code and he won’t keep that on a computer. He would use offshore accounts and write them down. In longhand.”
Ten’s eyes closed briefly. “It no longer matters. I don’t want you to worry about it. It’s something I’ll take care of.”
She was sure he would. He would do whatever was necessary. She finished cleaning the last blister and sat back. “I’m so sorry about Theo. I know you cared about him.”
Erin would be devastated. For all her words about breaking up with him, Faith knew Erin loved the man. They’d been happy together and now Erin was alone.
She knew the feeling. It was how she’d felt after she’d learned Ten had lied to her, except there was no recourse. Theo was gone. Erin couldn’t yell at him. She couldn’t scream and vow revenge for her broken heart. All Erin had now was sorrow.
There was no comfort for her friend. Erin hadn’t even looked at her earlier. She’d stared through Faith like she was seeing something else.
Suddenly the lies didn’t seem so big anymore. The betrayal a bit more insignificant. It wouldn’t work in the long run, but for now they both needed comfort. The storm was raging outside. There was nothing more to do for tonight.
“You won’t be comfortable on the couch. Please sleep on the bed.”
His lips turned down. “I’ll be all right.”
“I won’t. Look, Ten. Once we get back to reality, I know we’re going to go our separate ways, but I do understand what you were trying to do. I wish you hadn’t taken it to a physical level.”
“I needed to be able to protect you.”
She didn’t buy that line for a minute. “Don’t bullshit me.”
“Fine, I thought getting into bed with you was the fastest way to get on this island.”
Honesty hurt, but she’d asked for it. “If you had sat me down and laid out the evidence the way Hutch did, I would have helped you.”
“Would you?” His eyes narrowed as he eased back into his shirt. “Let’s say I show up one day out of the blue and lay out evidence against your father and sister. You’re telling me you would have chosen to help me without ever talking to them? That’s what I needed. I needed to blindside your dad. He couldn’t see me coming, though of course he did in the end. You wouldn’t have given them a call to ask ‘hey Pops, you been selling troop information for cash? You working with corporations to protect their interests at the cost of indigenous people?’ You take one look at that evidence and sell them both out without a single qualm?”
What would she have done if he’d walked in cold and laid out a case against her family? He wouldn’t have had the information about the vaccines. She hadn’t even known about those at the time. She wouldn’t have watched her father cart her lover off to torture him. All of those things had led her to believe the evidence. If he’d walked in off the streets, she very likely would have told him to blow it out his ass. “All right. I would have called them. But you didn’t need to sleep with me. You could have sent Erin in. She could have come down to Houston with me and I would have invited her and Theo down here. I would have believed her in the end.”
“I doubt that, Doc.” He sounded so tired. His head fell back as though he couldn’t stand to hold it up a second longer. “And Erin couldn’t be with you to protect you, though that wasn’t my primary mission in the beginning. You take a lover once a year. From what I can tell, you don’t have a truly emotional relationship with the man. Was I supposed to bring another civilian into this situation? It’s a good plan, by the way. Taking the lover. The way you work, you don’t have time for commitments. I get that. We’re more alike than you think.”
She liked sex. She wasn’t going to apologize for it. Ten was right. It was easier to find a Dom to spend time with than it was to become attached when she knew she was going back out in the field. Some people in society might call her names for it, but they could bite her ass for all she cared. She’d learned a long time ago that what society thought didn’t mean shit.
So why was she worried about what people would think of her? It had gone through her head that she couldn’t be with this man again because everyone would think she was pathetic.
Who cared what everyone thought? Since when did outside voices get to dictate her life?
“I got emotional with you,” she admitted.
His eyes opened, the hard line of his jaw softening. “Like I said, we’re very alike, Faith. When I started this mission, I only cared about one thing. I wanted revenge. I intended to sleep with you as a way to get to your father. In the beginning, I didn’t care what happened to you. You were a means to an end and getting into your bed was the quickest and easiest way to get what I wanted. If I could have gotten access to your father’s compound some other way, I would have. Right up until those three weeks.”
“When I was in Germany?”
He nodded slowly, as though the motion was difficult for him. “Maybe everything would have been different if we’d met and fallen into bed together. Maybe if that had happened I would have kept it purely physical, but I had to talk to you for three weeks without touching you. For the first time in my life, I had to…be intimate with a woman. Not in bed, but in other ways.”
She could imagine a man as lovely as Ten could pretty much sleep with anyone he wanted to. He wouldn’t have to charm women. They would fall into his arms, but she would bet they wouldn’t touch him emotionally. With her other lovers, she generally chose them because they had a lot in common. They were almost always in the medical profession and when they weren’t playing, they were talking business.
She’d been forced to talk to Ten about other things, to push past her own surface and reach deeper, give him more, find the things they had in common. “Those three weeks meant a lot to me, too. How many lies did you tell? We talked about the things we like. Did you make that up, too?”
She wanted to know the real man. She needed to know what had been false. It was a burning need.
“No. I really do love to read mysteries and I have a weird affection for movies with dinosaurs in them. I like to cook. It calms me. I like you. That’s pretty much a list of all the things I like in this world. Like I said, if I’d had an easier path, I would have taken it right up to those three weeks, and then it didn’t matter anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
His gaze caught hers. “I was going to have you, Faith. I’d never wanted a woman the way I wanted you.”
When he looked at her like that, she couldn’t think straight. “I don’t know that I believe you.”
“Why would I lie to you now? I promised never to lie to you again and I won’t. It’s why I told you, well, that stuff I told you when your father came for me. I don’t want to lie again. I want you out of this mess. When you’re safe, I’ll be able to breathe again.”
That stuff he’d told her had been him saying I love you. She wanted to believe him so badly. Even when her heart had been battered, she’d wanted something between them. “Why didn’t you fight when my father came for you?”
Ten sighed and sat up. “Because he killed your mother and if he had to, I think he would kill you. He’ll do what it takes to protect his secrets, and you need to remember that. Until he’s dead or behind bars, he’s dangerous to you.”
“You could have tried to get away.”
He brought his hand up to brush against her cheek. “He’s a smart man, darlin’. He would have known how to bring me back. All he would have to do is threaten you and I would have been back, so I was just being lazy in the end. I cut out all that useless running since I couldn’t leave you like that.”
Tears threatened because his words were so sweet. “I don’t understand, Ten.”
“I know,” he replied, a sadness inflecting his tone. “Which is why I want you out. I want you to go back to Dallas and let McKay-Taggart protect you until this business is done. Then you get your life back. You can go back to your clinic.”