CHAPTER TEN
The sound of the shower woke me up. It was still dark out, so we couldn't have slept more than an hour or so. I had never fallen asleep so peacefully in my life. Crow was solid and real. And he reminded me so much of my past. I felt so completely at home in his presence. I felt protected when he was around, and that was what was the oddest thing of it all. I didn't need protecting, I could protect myself very well. It was some vague sense of safety that was missing when I was alone, and when Crow was around, it wasn't missing anymore.
I heard the shower stopping, and smiled to myself at the thought of a very naked Crow standing wet and dripping in my bathroom. Stretching under the covers of my bed, I sighed, hoping he would let me lick the drops of water from his skin when he returned. I knew at some point we would have to get up and actually eat the dinner I had prepared, but none of that seemed important now that we were already in bed.
Softly and quietly, he returned to the bedroom. I felt his presence before I opened my eyes to drink his deadly sexiness. The glint of silver caught my eye and I tried to focus in the dark. Crow was standing at the side of the bed, deliciously naked, with his hair wet and dripping around his shoulders. My eyes blinked as I took in the medallion around his neck.
It was large, silver and very familiar. My police badge.
I jumped up off of the bed and our eyes locked. For the faintest second before his rage set in, his blue eyes flashed with pain. He looked at me questioningly, and as I stood there as naked as he was, I found myself unable to form any words at all.
My heart sank when I realized my fairy tale ending had come and gone.
My shoulders slumped in defeat, and I looked at him sadly.
“I'm so sorry.”
“You're sorry?!” He stormed over to me, and the anger in his eyes shook me to my core.
“You're a cop? Why are you fucking me and cooking me dinner, if you are a mother fucking cop? What the fuck is going on?”
“Crow, wait – just listen. I can help you.” What the hell was I talking about?
“I don't need your help! Cops don't help, they just fuck you over. And lie.” The look of disdain on his face was like a slap to mine. I started to come to my senses a little. How did he find my badge, anyway? I had it tucked away in a suitcase under my bed.
“And trick you into thinking they want other things too, apparently. If you're supposed to be undercover, you've done a really awful job. Sleeping with the suspect? Is that allowed? Are you going to put that in your report, Krys? Oh, wait, I bet Krys isn't even your name, is it? Stupid me. I can't believe I fell for your act.”
The words hurled into my face like a hail storm, and I took each blow like an arrow to the heart. He threw on his clothes quickly, as I stood there watching him helplessly.
“I'm so sorry. Please listen.” I begged, watching him put on his boots and slide his cut back over his shoulders.
“I didn't want to lie to you, Crow. I love -” I stopped abruptly, realizing I was just about to profess my love to a man who was looking at me like he could murder me at any second.
“You what?” His voice was eerily quiet as he leaned into me. “Did you say love? What a joke. This has all been a complete lie. I told you things I wouldn't say to anyone, and you made me believe you actually cared. Fuck you.” He looked deep into my eyes, his rage boiling off of him. “That's definitely not love.”
He threw the badge on my bed and stormed out of my bedroom. As I followed him down the hall, visions of him throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the bedroom flashed in my head, and my heart broke into pieces.
When he reached the door, he turned to me and pinned me against the wall.
“There's three reasons I'm not killing you. One, because I know my MC hasn't done anything illegal. I know you didn't find a fucking thing, whatever it was you were looking for. Next, because you are obviously really awful at your job and I feel bad for you. You almost had me there for a bit, but what kind of undercover cop leaves her badge on top of her towels in the bathroom cabinet? You might want to find another line of work.” He pulled back, looking at my naked body that he had just been tangled up in ecstasy with. “And last, because you were a really good fuck. With a pussy like that, I should have known you were too good to be true.”
He turned on his heel, his footsteps echoing as he walked out of my life.
I locked the door and fell onto the floor into a sobbing puddle of confusion, disappointment, and fear.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“Tommy, listen something isn't right. Someone was in my apartment, and I'm pretty sure it was Pete. I saw him by my door, and he told me he had come to tell me Crow was going to be late. I'm certain he broke into my apartment and moved my badge so Crow would find it.”
I sat in Tommy's rundown office once again, trying to come to some solution to this entire situation. After the horrible scene with Crow, I cried as I threw away the cold steaks, packed up and left the next morning, reluctantly returning to my old apartment and my old life. Whatever that was. I felt so lost and I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Crow and pretend none of this had happened. But since I couldn't do that, and Tommy was determined not to let me fall into some deep depression and hide under the covers for the next few months, I wanted to find a way to help Crow, even if I wasn't on the case anymore.
“Liv, I know you got close to this guy. Too close. I really didn't mean for that to happen. I knew it was a risk, but I was hoping for the best. I'm sorry you got hurt in the process. It all happened very quickly, so hopefully you will get over it just as fast. But we have to be real careful here about who we are accusing of what. The DA isn't going to let any of this go, and whatever we report to him he is going to use against Crow in the worst way possible.”
“Tommy, I know what I saw. Pete had the cocaine in his hand, and he was standing behind the desk. The very desk they supposedly found a brick of cocaine in that the DA is saying belonged to Mr. C. There's a lot more going on behind the scenes there, and I didn't have time to see it, but I have a very strong suspicion that Pete and the DA are behind something really shady here. Do you think Pete could be working for the DA? Is he the other mole? I didn't think so at first, because he used to hang around the Blackhearts, but now I do. I just don't know why he would go to such lengths to expose me to Crow? If he is working for the DA then he must know I'm the other cop.”
“Liv, I'm sorry. I don't have any answers for you. But you're right. There's a lot more going on behind the scenes than either of us has been informed of. It's best you're off the case, and I'm glad that you weren't harmed. It would have killed me if something had happened to you.”
“Whose idea was it for me to be sent there, Tommy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I thought it was you, but now I'm thinking something else. Did the DA ask for me specifically?” “Well, yes, I suppose so. He did press the issue a little. He knew you were graduating and he mentioned in passing a while back that he had something perfect for you.”
“Something isn't right, Tommy.” I repeated. “And I think Pete has a big part in it.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next two weeks were excruciating. My days were spent constantly thinking about Crow and waiting for any word from Tommy, and jogging obsessively to attempt to distract myself, to no avail. Crow was under my skin. After debating back and forth with myself repeatedly, I knew what I had to do.
I couldn't let Ol' Cyclops the DA bring down a club that didn't appear to be doing anything wrong. I had to let Crow know what I thought was going on, and let him deal with the information however he saw fit. I was hoping like hell I could do this without Tommy finding out, but that depended on what Crow decided to do once I told him.
I watched the clubhouse for hours before I finally saw Pete leave alone. When I pulled up on my bike, I instantly knew I wasn't welcome. If the vibe didn't hit me, the death glares from Mr. C and Pockets definitely let
me know how they felt about me. I parked my bike, determined not to let them scare me away before I had a chance to see Crow.
“Crow around?” I asked as they both sauntered up to me, their chins upturned in defiance as they blocked my path to the clubhouse door.
“That depends. Who's asking? A pig or a bitch?”
Pockets laughed at Mr. C's joke.
“I'm not here on business. I just need to talk to Crow. Please let me go in, or tell him I'm here. I see his bike right there.”
“Listen, little lady,” Mr. C leaned in close to me, his whiskey breath stronger than ever. “You might have some nice titties, but it don't matter how pretty they are - there's always another pair that aren't attached to a dirty fucking badge. Crow doesn't want to have anything to do with you. And if I find out it was you that set me up and planted that cocaine,” his voice turned to a snarl and his eyes glinted with rage, “I can guarantee those tits won't be pretty anymore after I get a hold of them.”
“You're lucky that Crow is protecting you now, as a matter of fact. If it weren't for him, bitch, we would have already come to visit you.” Pockets voice was rough and just as angry as his friend's.
So Crow was protecting me? That was a good sign, one that I was extremely thankful for. Things had seemed extremely quiet the last few weeks, and now I knew why.
“Listen, will you just go tell him I'm here, and ask him if he will listen to me for a minute? I have important things I need to explain to him. Trust me, he will want to hear it.” My voice was shaking, and I realized in that moment exactly how much this meant to me, how much he meant to me. I didn't care about my job at all. I knew I should. I had worked so hard to get there, and I wanted to make Tommy proud, but I couldn't do that at Crow's expense. If I let this go, and didn't try to make things right, I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life. I couldn't handle seeing Crow be punished for some asshole's ego trip.
“Stay here.” Mr. C grunted and turned, with Pockets following him, but not without first raking his gaze across my body in disdain. I knew MC members weren't fond of cops, and I could only imagine how much they must hate someone like me who had betrayed them so badly.
When Crow walked out onto the sidewalk, I gasped. He looked gaunt and miserable. His normal enthusiastic gait was replaced by a sluggish walk, his normally flowing free hair was tied back into a tight ponytail, pulling his skin harshly. But it was his eyes that tore right through my heart. The last time I had seen him, he was angry. But now, his anger was gone. His eyes were filled with sadness. He looked broken.
“Crow.”
“You shouldn't be here,” he avoided looking in my eyes, his gaze darting around to the bikes around us.
“I really need to talk to you, Crow. I have a lot to say.” I pleaded.
“Oh, yeah?” he asked. “I see you drove your bike here. I thought that was just part of the act.”
“My bike? No, it's not an act. I ride my bike everywhere.”
“Well, whatever. It's hard to know what was the truth and what was the lie, so I'm just assuming you lied to me about everything you said.”
“Well, that's what I want to talk to you about, Crow. Can we go somewhere private to talk? I have some information I want to share with you. I think I can help you...” My voice trailed off nervously.
“Help me? What a fucking joke? Didn't we have this conversation already? There's nothing you can do for me. You've done quite enough already.” His eyes finally met mine and the sadness there was immeasurable. “And no matter what you said, I wouldn't believe a fucking word of it anyway. How could I ever trust you? How could I ever trust a fucking lying cop like you?”
“Crow, please. I understand. But listen, I will do anything you want to convince you that I want to help. I don't care about my job. All I want is to make sure you know some things that are going on and you can decide what to do with the information.”
“Are you fucking serious? Are you crazy? You're an undercover cop working to bring down my MC who may or may not have planted illegal drugs in my clubhouse, and you expect me to believe you want to help me now? Fuck that.”
“Crow, seriously, I'll do anything you ask. You don't believe me? Give me something I can do to prove it to you.”
“Prove it to me? Are you kidding? How would you ever prove it to me after all of this shit you've already done?”
“I don't care. I'll do anything.”
He shook his head, leaned against the brick wall behind him, and slowly lit up a cigarette. I wasn't sure if there really was anything I could do to convince him I was on his side, but if there was anything that would actually work, I was willing to try it.
“You'll do anything, huh?” He asked, his voice low, almost a whisper in the shadow of the building.
“Yes.” I said quietly as I stood before him.
A long moment passed as he watched me silently. Shaking and nervous, it took all my strength not to walk to him, to embrace him. His sadness broke my heart, and the fact that I caused it only made me feel worse. I sighed as he inhaled deeply before slowly exhaling the smoke from his full lips. I felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him deeply.
“Come on.” He threw the cigarette on the ground, stamping it out with his leather boot and walking away from me.
Startled, I followed him into the clubhouse. My eyes took a few minutes to adjust to the dim lights of the bar, and the smell of weed, cigarettes and beer filled my nostrils. As soon as they saw me, all conversation ceased in the room. Every eye in the room followed me as I followed Crow. He stopped at the bar and turned to the room full of men. I stood beside him, waiting to see what he was up to and scanned the room quickly. Mr. C was behind the bar, and Pockets and Rat Boy were playing pool in the corner. Three other MC members were sitting at a dark table in the back.
“Boys, this woman here has something to prove to me. I need you guys to do me a favor and see just how trustworthy she really is. If she makes it through this, then maybe I will believe that she's telling me the truth.”
“What!” I exclaimed, “Crow, what the fuck?”
He looked over at me, his eyes cold and unwavering.
“You said anything. Show me what you're made of,” he whispered.
“She's all yours boys,” he muttered before walking down the hallway to his office.
Every inch of my body began shaking as every man in the room stopped what he was doing and began walking towards me. This was not what I expected at all, and yet I had told Crow I would do anything. I just never expected him to give me away to his club members. My heart and mind began racing as I tried desperately to come up with a way to get out of this situation. How could Crow do this to me? I thought he cared about me, I thought the sadness in his eyes was because he had lost me, but apparently I was wrong. He didn't care about me at all if he could do something like this.
It was true, though. I had said I would do anything, whether I expected something this extreme or not. And what was the alternative? I had to make Crow realize I was telling the truth. So would this work? I didn't have much time to decide as I felt rough hands leading me over to the pool table in the corner. I seemed to move in a trance as I heard excited murmuring around me, but I couldn't make out any words they were saying. Was this really happening?
I was picked up effortlessly and placed on the pool table, the sounds of the balls left on the table being pushed into the pockets around me clicked loudly in my head.
Quickly, someone pulled off my boots and threw them across the room, inciting a chorus of laughter from the men.
Hands were coming at me from every direction, groping my tits and pulling my hair roughly. I cried out as I felt someone working at the buttons of my pants, pulling them over my thighs and off me in one fell swoop, exposing my pink panties. I was cold and shaking and I realized by the wetness pouring down my cheeks that I was also crying. But I wasn't resisting. If this was what was going to get Crow to believe me, then I would just endure it. Maybe they wouldn't
be too rough, that was the best I could hope for. I didn't think I had any chance of stopping them now anyway.
Cold hands pulled at the bottom of my black tank top, pulling it over my head. I lay in front of them, splayed out in nothing but my bra and panties. I had never been in a situation like this, despite my years with the Blackhearts and I found myself frozen with fear.
The jeering men were encouraging each other, the energy between them building to a frightening frenzy and I began for the first time to worry about my safety after all.
“That's enough!” Crow's voice bellowed from the doorway. “Get away from her. Let her go!”
I sobbed loudly as they removed their hands from my shaking body and one by one, walked away from me, leaving me naked, crying, and spread out on the green felt of the pool table.
“Everyone go into the conference room and wait for me. We have some club business to talk about. I'll be there in five minutes.”
The men trailed down the hallway, leaving Crow and I alone as he stood over me and I looked up at him angrily, feeling completely helpless.
“Get dressed. Get out.”
He turned on his heel, leaving me alone in the cavernous clubhouse bar.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
After returning to the sanctuary of my apartment, I drowned my sorrows in drunken isolation and retreated from everything and everyone. Lying sad and alone, I looked around at the few possessions I had, and nothing really meant anything to me at all. I had a few pictures of my parents scattered in frames around my house, but looking at them now only made me feel even more nostalgic for the MC life.
So many years had flown by since I felt that kind of community. That kind of family. I missed it. And I had felt it for just a brief moment when I was with Crow. Going over it again and again in my head, I spent hours torturing myself with thoughts of how I could have done things differently, and what I could do now to make things right.
RECKLESS AND WILD: MOTORCYCLE CLUB ROMANCE BOX SET Page 15