Jenna backed away slowly.
“Jenna,” he mouthed.
But Jenna just put up her hand and walked away.
Chapter Nine
“Trevor?”
Amanda stood in the doorway of her kitchen, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She yawned as she spoke, glancing at the clock on the kitchen wall. “It’s six in the morning. You must have left at five to get out here to the Island. You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Sure.” Trevor pulled off his skullcap and dark gray parka, hanging them on a chair at the kitchen table. Leaving at five was no big deal, considering he’d been up all night, and had already gone on a five-mile run that morning. “I’m sorry to come by so early.”
Amanda stood on her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She patted his arm, and made her way straight to the coffeepot. She poured ground coffee beans into a filter in the pot, and added water. “You don’t have to be sorry. You’re always welcome; you know that.”
Trevor plopped onto a chair.
Amanda turned from the coffeepot and leaned against the counter, waiting for the coffee to drip. “Are those donuts?” She nodded to the box on the table.
“Yeah.” Trevor smiled. “Don’t be mad. It’s Sunday.”
“He shouldn’t be eating junk, Trevor.”
“Neither should I.” Trevor patted his gut as he spoke.
Amanda chuckled, tossing her head.
She was so beautiful, with long honey brown hair and eyes a similar color to his, but under those eyes were dark circles from many sleepless nights, and worry was permanently etched on her forehead. Yes, she was beautiful, but exhausted. She certainly wasn’t heavy, but she was much sturdier than the female actors he encountered every day. Amanda had to be. She had no option but to be strong.
“I’m sure all those adoring fans you have around the world wouldn’t care if you were carrying a few extra pounds.”
He chuckled, looking around the kitchen. It was a nice house he had bought her, not small, but not huge, just the right size for her to handle, with plenty of room for the two of them. It was in a great suburban neighborhood with kids for Toby to play with when he was feeling well enough to do so. She had added lots of homey touches—decorative kitchen towels, a never-filled cow-shaped cookie jar, soft, flowing curtains on the bay window that overlooked the nicely landscaped backyard.
Smiling, Trevor turned to the fridge. Absolutely his favorite parts of the décor were Toby’s drawings Amanda had taped to the cabinets and sides of the fridge. Trevor nodded to one. “He’s into pirates, now, huh?”
Amanda glanced at the sketch and turned back to the coffeepot. She took two heavy red, oversized mugs from the cabinet and poured coffee. “Oh, yes. Started a few days ago. One of the nurses at his checkup was dressed like one. Complete with a parrot on his shoulder.”
“Huh.” Trevor looked off.
“Trevor.” Amanda placed a mug full of steaming coffee in front of him and sat down across the table from him. “We don’t need a troupe of actors dressed like pirates showing up this afternoon for a play date. I know how you think.” She winked, adding sugar and cream to her coffee.
Trevor smiled.
“What?” She blew on her coffee.
“Nothing. It’s just the cream and sugar.”
“Yeah? I’ve been drinking my coffee like this forever, and you drink yours black. What’s the big deal?”
“It just reminded me of someone.”
“Someone, huh?” Amanda put down her mug and rested her arms on the table. “Trevor. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, why?” He took a sip of the strong coffee. Why was he here, exactly?
“Why? Because you’re out here at six in the morning.”
“I was wondering how Toby was doing. I just wanted to check up on you two.”
She sat back, crossing her arms. “And it couldn’t wait until dinner tonight? You know, through the years, you may have fallen into the role of caretaker in our relationship but you’re still my baby brother, and I know when something is on your mind.” She sat forward. “What is it, Trevor?”
Trevor looked at his sister, wanting to spill his guts—desperate to tell her everything. He wanted to explain he didn’t like being with Maggie anymore and he would love to know what life would be like with Jenna Joyce. He needed to be challenged as an actor again, and he was so damned sick and tired of being Caspian Locke. But how could he tell her all this when Caspian was the reason she could afford medical care for Toby? He lifted his mug to his lips, draining his coffee. The sharp bitter taste was just what he needed to shake him from this freaking ridiculous fantasy world he lived in.
“Trevor?”
“I just had a craving for donuts.”
She sighed, twirling her coffee mug in her hands. “Cravings can be really powerful things. All I hope, Trevor, is that you explore this craving you’re having and don’t miss out on life because of fear and obligation.” She raised her eyebrows.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. Until you take a leap, you’ll never know what else there is for you.” She smiled. “Who is she?”
Trevor’s gaze dashed up to his sister’s. “No one. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Amanda cocked her head and repeated her question.
“My Ophelia.” Trevor dropped his head into his hand. He raised it again. “Her name’s Jenna. Jenna Joyce. She’s a fucking incredible actor.”
Amanda’s eyes flickered with understanding.
“She’s young.”
“How young?”
“Twenty-two.” He shook his head. “And she’s impossible and petulant sometimes but she’s smart, and deep, and thoughtful. She dragged me to this decrepit theatre to rehearse the show, and I…I fucking love it. She reminds me of what real life is like—that it’s not all a shiny soap opera.”
“Trevor.” Amanda reached out and took his hand, giving it a small squeeze. “You, of all people, know life is not a shiny soap opera.” She let go of his hand, wrapping hers around her mug.
He nodded. “We got into a huge fight last night, and I was this mega jerk—an overpowering bully.”
“So apologize.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Of course it is.” Amanda sighed. “She look like Maggie?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Nothing like her. She’s dark and exotic looking—black hair, mesmerizing light hazel eyes, skinny.”
“Let me guess, nose ring?”
“Yeah.” Trevor’s mouth turned up into a lopsided grin.
“Trevor.” Amanda dropped the tone of her voice. “You need to figure out what’s right for you here. Not what’s right for us, or Maggie. Just you.”
“But it’s not realistic.”
“The best things usually aren’t.” She stood up and took her coffee mug to the sink. “So go talk to her. Get lost. I’ll tell Toby you’ll be back for dinner?”
“Yeah.” Trevor stood, pulling on his coat and hat, an uncontrolled grin spreading across his face. Yes, it was true Amanda didn’t understand all the gory details—that leaving Maggie could potentially mean being fired as Caspian—but her encouragement made him feel better than he had in weeks. No, he would never do anything with Jenna, but he also didn’t have to leave it the awkward way it was now.
Trevor’s hands and arms tingled as he thought about getting to Jenna. His gaze fell to the chairs around the kitchen table—four. Four chairs. There were just enough for Amanda and Toby and he and Jenna. His heart raced as he considered bringing her back with him to have dinner with his sister and his nephew—something he never did with Maggie. Maggie had met them once at a daytime drama picnic he was hosting but she had no interest in pursuing a relationship beyond that one encounter.
“Good.” Amanda smiled. “We’re making healthy baked ziti.” She glanced at the clock. “You’ve got twelve hours. Go.”
She laughed, grabbing his empty mug from the table as Trev
or sprinted out of the house.
****
Jenna woke to pounding on her door. “Trevor?” She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, got up and peered through the peephole. Her heart fell when she saw Luis standing there, dancing back and forth to his own beat.
“Yo, Jen.” Luis pounded again. “Jenna.”
Jenna yanked open the door. “Shh, I gave you a key so you wouldn’t wake up my neighbors.”
“Correction, you gave us keys so Loretta and I could check up on you from time to time to make sure you’re not dead. I didn’t want to barge in, you know, in case you weren’t a-lone.” Luis peered around Jenna and into the apartment.
“Slim chance of that.” Jenna scratched her elbow.
“Girl, you look like hell.”
“Thanks.” Jenna stepped aside. “You coming in?”
“Just for a second.”
As Luis stepped past her, Jenna glanced at his long navy dress coat over a deep blue suit with a white shirt, unbuttoned at the collar. “Wow. You look great. Nice suit.”
“Thanks. Loretta just got it for me, says blue’s my color.”
“I would say.”
“So you’d better get some clothes on and wash that pretty face of yours so you can try to keep up with me.” Luis grinned.
“Oh Luis, I’m not in the mood to go anywhere.”
“Too bad for you because this has nothing to do with you.”
“What?”
“Loretta and I are getting hitched. Today. Now.” Luis looked at his watch. “Well, in forty-five minutes, so move.”
“She finally said yes?”
“She didn’t have a choice.”
Jenna dropped her chin, trying to understand. “Luis, are you going to be a father?”
“Good Lord, no. I just mean she got so sick of me begging and whining for her to marry me, she finally said yes. Last night.”
Jenna jumped up and down, clapping. She hugged Luis tightly.
“All right, all right.” Luis untangled Jenna’s arms from around his neck. “So get your skinny ass moving so you can be my best person. And Loretta’s bridesmaid and all that shit.”
“Yes.” Jenna ran for the bathroom. On the way she grabbed her one dress. She held it for a moment. The last time she wore this dress was when she met Trevor. One look at the dress made her angry and sad and melancholic…why was she having these complicated feelings?
Luis narrowed his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re getting all girly on me?”
“What? No.” Jenna squashed her thoughts and entered the bathroom. She splashed water on her face, threw on some lip gloss, and yanked a brush through her hair. She tugged on her dress, and was done in seconds flat.
“Wow.” Luis whistled when she emerged from the bathroom.
Jenna took a small bow. “Thank you, but where’s Loretta?”
“With her sister, in the car.”
“Bebe? Cool. Haven’t seen her in awhile. Where are we going?” Jenna stuffed things into her bag, trying to hurry. “City Hall at this hour?” Jenna looked at her watch.
“Nope. Bebe’s now an online ordained minister.”
“Really? Will the marriage be legal?”
“Legal enough.”
“Well, all right then.” Jenna grabbed her coat and stuffed her horribly uncomfortable flats into her bag. She laced her boots and threw on her hat and mittens.
“Girl, no one can kill an outfit faster than you.”
Jenna grinned at Luis and he held the door for her. They bounded down the stairs and onto the street.
Jenna peered in the window of Luis’s black classic GT Fastback. With her hair pinned up, a beautifully dressed Loretta, wearing a simple fitted white lace dress, huddled next to Bebe, who was wearing a long black robe. Both had dress coats bunched on their laps. Jenna waved at them.
“Isn’t Loretta sitting up front?” Jenna asked.
“Don’t want to risk seeing the bride.”
“Got it.”
Luis opened the door for Jenna and in her peripheral vision, she spotted… “Trevor?” She turned to him.
“Jenna.” His voice was low and strong as he approached Luis’s car.
Jenna’s breath began to race and she stood there, paralyzed.
“Heading somewhere?”
“It’s my wedding, man.” Luis walked over to Trevor and clasped his hand. “I’m Luis. You must be Trevor.”
“Yes, I am. Congratulations.” Trevor smiled at Luis.
“Thanks.”
“And nice car.”
“Thank you very much. This is my baby.”
Loretta glared at Luis from the backseat.
“Woman hears everything.” Luis shook his head. “It’s eerie.” Luis looked back and forth from Jenna to Trevor and back again.
Trevor pulled his gaze off Jenna for a moment to speak to Luis. “I know you from somewhere…”
“Yeah? See a lot of Shakespeare? I play Othello…constantly.”
“Yes, but not that.” Trevor snapped his fingers, remembering something. “Downtown. You were in that amazing Brecht retrospective.”
“You saw that?” Luis’s eyes widened.
Jenna rolled hers. “Guys, it’s cold.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Luis waved her off as he stared at Trevor. “I can’t believe you saw that. It wasn’t exactly a commercial success. Hence the reason I’m back working at the diner.”
“That’s a shame. I would have loved to produce that. Or something like it. Who knows? Maybe someday.” Trevor glanced past Luis with a faraway look in his eyes.
“That’s awesome, man.” Luis shook Trevor’s hand, again.
Trevor turned to Jenna. “Did you hear that, Jenna?” Trevor had a huge grin plastered on his face. “He said it was, ‘awesome.’ ”
Jenna rolled her eyes again and clicked her tongue.
“Hey, man, want to come to a wedding?”
“Luis…” Jenna shook her head.
“Don’t be silly, Jen. It’s a wedding. A time to celebrate love.”
Jenna forced a smile, refusing to ruin Luis’s moment.
“Should I follow you?” Trevor stepped closer to Jenna as he spoke.
“Sure.”
“How about Jenna rides with me?” Trevor’s voice was deep and in control. “We have some things to talk—”
“No we don’t,” Jenna interrupted. “And I have a better idea. How about the girls and I take the warm, swanky car, and you guys ride in this ‘awesome’ automobile we just don’t seem to appreciate.”
“Done!” Every single person spoke in unison.
As Loretta and Bebe climbed out of the backseat and onto the cold street, they noticed Trevor. “Good Lord.” Bebe slapped her knee. “Aren’t you Caspian Locke?”
“Yes, I am.” Trevor smiled. Standing there in an unzipped dark gray parka over his fitted black sweater and dark jeans, he looked every bit the soap opera star.
“I’m Bebe, sister of the bride and completely unattached, unless you count my husband, Sam, whom I don’t.” She held out her hand, delicately.
“Sam is a very lucky man,” Trevor added, bending down and kissing Bebe’s hand.
Despite the swirling anger in her core, Jenna smirked at Trevor’s actions. She looked away, immediately. She would never forgive him for the horrid things he said last night, no matter how sweet his actions, or how incredibly masculine he looked in his coat and jeans.
“Ooo-wee, Caspian Locke just kissed me.” Bebe fanned herself despite the cold.
“His name is Trevor,” Loretta corrected.
“Not to me, it’s not.”
Jenna stole a glance at Trevor who set his jaw, forcing a smile. Until this moment, she never considered how hard it must be to be loved as someone you’re not. He glanced at her and Jenna looked away.
“Come on, Bebe.” Loretta yanked her sister toward Trevor’s car. “You can’t have him, but you can have his car.”
“I guess that’s something,” Bebe mumbled,
following after her sister.
Jenna stared at Trevor before getting into his car.
****
As she stood near Trevor on the rooftop of a brownstone on the Lower East Side, Jenna shuddered. Yes, she understood the romance of it all, but it was still freaking cooooold to get married in the early morning on a rooftop, in Manhattan in January. Despite the frigid temperatures and the fact that Trevor was there and Jenna was still angry and embarrassed about yesterday, she giggled, giddy with happiness for her friends. Only Luis and Loretta would do something this impulsive and this beautiful. The bride and groom faced one another and Loretta held a tiny bouquet of bodega red roses with a long white ribbon. With the icy morning dawning behind them, they looked like they were caught in a photograph. Jenna shoved her mitten-covered hands into her coat pockets, wishing, maybe for the first time ever, she had a cell phone to snap a picture for her friends.
Bebe led them through a short, nontraditional service, filled with personal stories and lots of laughter and then Luis and Loretta recited the vows they had written. The groom’s eyes lit up as he proclaimed his love for his bride, and Jenna’s eyes welled as Loretta shed a single tear that Luis reached out to wipe away. It had been a long, long time for them; thank heavens they had made it. Who knows, maybe once in awhile, love really does win.
Jenna peeked at Trevor out of the corner of her eye. He turned to her; his expression sad and serious, but sweet and tender all at once. It sent a shiver up her spine and down her fingers. She hugged herself, trying to stay warm in her coat, bouncing on her toes as Bebe spoke.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife!” Bebe squealed as she applauded.
Jenna and Trevor clapped along as Luis and Loretta shared their first kiss as a married couple.
Loretta pointed at Jenna, waving her bouquet. “You going to take this, or are you going to make me throw it at you?”
Jenna’s gut ached as she forced a laugh. Catching the bouquet wasn’t just a waste; it was a reminder of all those things she could never and would never have.
“No, no…” Jenna waved the bouquet away. “You keep it, for memories.”
Luis took the bouquet from Loretta’s hand and marched up to Jenna. He placed it in her hands, gently pushing it against her. He raised his eyebrows, nodding. “You deserve happiness too, Jen.” He turned and ran back to Loretta, lifting her into the air, spinning her around.
To Be or Not To Be: The Actors Page 10