“He’s not awake.” The doctor smiled. “He won’t even see—”
“Trevor!” Amanda rushed to Trevor, throwing herself into his arms.
He held on tightly as she sobbed against him. The doctor excused himself, disappearing through the doorway. They stood there for whole minutes until she pulled away.
“Damn you, Trevor Hughes. Not one single tear. I did not cry one single tear until I saw you and then—” The tears came harder again as she buried her face in his shirt, drenching it. She pulled back, wiping her eyes in the sleeve of her zip front sweatshirt. When she focused, her gaze went to Jenna, and Amanda started. “Hello.” She wiped her hands in her jeans, reaching out for Jenna then shaking her hand. “I’m Amanda, Trevor’s sister. You must be Jenna.” She gently clamped her hands on Jenna’s shoulders. “I’m glad to meet you, and really glad you’re here—”
Sobs came again and Trevor pulled Amanda to him.
“Let it out, Amanda.”
Amanda nodded, crying harder. “His leg, Trevor. All this time I have been so worried about his heart and now I’ve got to worry about fucking circulation on a goddamned leg. I mean, who would have thought? Fuck, fuck, fuck.” She pounded her fist against his chest as she swore then turned to Jenna and sniffled. “I’m sorry about the cursing.”
Jenna chuckled. “Oh, please. I curse more than that when I burn my toast in the morning. Curse away.”
Amanda smiled. “It’s just…I have to keep it together. Always. So when the relief comes, I just let go.” She patted Trevor’s chest. “Thank God he’s there to catch me.”
Jenna nodded, smiling. “Oh.” She grabbed the tray of coffee. “Coffee?”
Amanda smiled. “I would love coffee. Thank you.”
Jenna looked over the tray. “I have black or light with a hell of a lot of sugar.”
Amanda clapped her hands. “Finally, someone who knows how to drink coffee. Light with a hell of a lot of sugar, please.”
Smiling, Jenna handed her the coffee and Amanda slugged back a giant gulp.
“This is heaven, thank you.” She chugged the rest of it and looked at the bottom of her empty cup. “Jesus, that was yours, wasn’t it.”
Jenna waved it off. “Oh, no worries. Really. I can drink black just fine. Do it all the time.” She took a large sip of the black coffee and fought a grimace. “Well, maybe not all the time.”
Trevor chuckled.
“Here. This is yours…” Jenna cleared her throat as she handed Trevor the other black coffee.
“You sure you don’t want it?”
She glared at him and he beamed at her. Damn, she was spectacular.
“Tell you what.” Amanda let out a giant sigh. “I need a walk and another one of those, so why don’t Jenna and I go grab a few more coffees and you can go in to see Toby?”
Trevor nodded as Amanda put her arm around Jenna’s shoulder, chatting as she led her off. Jenna peeked over her shoulder, smiling at Trevor, and in that instant, he knew.
Chapter Fourteen
As soon as he pushed open the doors leading to the hallway in ICU where she waited, energy and excitement shot through Jenna’s body. He appeared relaxed and happy, and it was such a relief to see him this way. She smiled but he just nodded, as if he had made a decision—the decision—for the both of them. Longing brewed from deep in her core, traveling outward in heavy, molten bolts of energy making her growl with every breath. Warmth and pressure formed between her legs, and she squeezed them together, involuntarily. He lazily blinked his eyes. And the way he fixed his stare on her…she exhaled, her lips pursing, wanting him more than she ever thought possible. He gave her his hand, gently pulling her to her feet then leaned down so very close…his presence overpowering her.
“Baby…” He whispered into her ear.
Jenna closed her eyes, and for the moment, anyway, gave herself over.
****
“Penny for your thoughts.”
They sat in the back of his car on the long drive back to the city. Jenna stared out the window, watching the Island race by. She was still in her costume, still covered in white makeup but when the lights of passing cars reflected off her skin, she was breathtaking. She looked at him and his breath hitched.
“You are so beautiful.” Trevor whispered.
She smiled, but it was obvious her thoughts were millions of miles away.
“Do you think he saw us perform?”
“Don?”
She nodded.
“I think they all watched, Jen. All three of them.”
Trevor squeezed her hand then took her by the shoulder, turning her slightly to face him. He reached up and stroked her hair.
“Mmm,” she moaned, moving with his hand, closing her eyes. “That feels so good.”
Too good, actually. Trevor pushed his breath out through clenched teeth. He pulled his hand away from her face, not sure if he could contain himself much longer.
She reached out and took his hand, placing it back on the side of her face. “Trevor.” Her voice was soft. “Remember the night you asked me if I’ve ever done anything I shouldn’t?”
“Yes.” Trevor kept his hand on her, his breath quickening.
“Have you ever done something you knew was wrong but you did it anyway?”
“Of course. I’m sorry to say about a million times.” His thumb caressed her cheek.
She looked up at him with that incredibly hungry look in her eyes. “How about something that might hurt someone you care about…very, very much?”
“I guess that would depend on what it was, and who it was. I can’t think of anything I would ever want to do if it meant hurting you.”
Jenna leaned forward, resting her hands on the tan leather seat between them. She was so close, his skin tingled from her warm breath.
“We’re actors, Trevor.”
“Yes.” He cocked his head.
“We’re both really good at playing pretend.”
“I’m confused.”
“Can we just go pretend for a while?”
“What do you want to pretend?”
“That our lives are our own.”
“They are, Jenna.”
She shook her head. “Mine isn’t.”
“What are you trying to tell me?”
“I want to spend the night with you.”
“Jenna.” His voice deepened. “Are you asking me to spend another night on your floor?”
“No floor…” Jenna’s gaze dropped to the seat. “I—I want to be with you.”
Trevor grabbed Jenna’s hands so quickly her eyes widened.
“Jenna…”
She looked away.
“Jenna, look at me.” He waited until her gaze drifted back to his. “Of course, yes—yes in every way I want this to happen. Yes, yes, yes. But I want you to be sure. You keep telling me there’s some reason we can’t be together.”
“There is a reason, so if we do this, you have to understand it’s only for tonight.”
“Jen, I can’t make that promise.”
“You have to.” Her voice was soft. “If we can’t pretend to be in different circumstances, just for tonight, I can’t do this.”
“We can say and do anything you want, baby.” Trevor placed his hand back on her cheek. “But it doesn’t change what’s real. That’s why we’re good actors. Because we know fiction from reality.”
“But we can slide back and forth in and out of each.”
He inhaled, deeply. “Look, Jenna.” He took her by both hands again and tightly held them. “I want this more than I have ever wanted anything. But I want you. I don’t want to play some theatre game; I don’t want to pretend to be anyone else.”
Her head dropped forward. “Me either.” Her voice was weak. “But I don’t want to think about tomorrow. Or a week from now. I only want to live for tonight. To live in the moment—just like we do onstage.”
Trevor nodded. If he wasn’t so sure, he would stop this. But he knew no mat
ter what her reasons were for keeping her distance, they could work them out. This one night she planned was just the beginning of forever for him.
“So it’s us, then?” She looked up at him, her lip trembling.
“It’s us, Jenna.”
“And no talk of tomorrows?”
He inhaled sharply. If denying tomorrow was what it took to begin his life with Jenna, then that would be what he would do.
“No talk of tomorrows. As long as you understand this will never be a one-night stand for me. I am invested here, Jenna. And I am certain no matter what, if you let me, I will be here for all of my tomorrows.”
Jenna sighed and he gently placed his hand back on her cheek.
****
After stopping at her apartment so she could shower and change her clothes, it was dawn when they arrived at his penthouse. Heat and energy vibrated out of her fingers as he kept his wrapped tightly around hers. He let go only to open the door to his apartment, a feeling of contentment washing over him. They stepped into his living room as the sun just broke over Manhattan, softly filtering into his apartment like it was designed by Blanche DuBois herself for a scene from A Streetcar Named Desire.
Jenna moved to the windows, staring out, mesmerized. “I guess Valentine’s Day is over.”
He walked to her and turned her toward him. “It doesn’t have to be.”
She looked up at him and her expression very nearly broke his heart.
“Jenna.” He stepped back from her. “We’re not doing anything unless you want to.”
“I do, Trevor. I really, really do. If you knew how excited I am, I’m just…nervous.”
Her admission made his heart swell. All he wanted was for her to be happy and feel good. She had no reason to be nervous.
“Why?”
“Really?” She looked up at him. “I mean, look at you…and look at me. You’re used to women who look like Maggie. Who, by the way…it’s, uh, really over between you two?”
“Yes. Really.”
“And she’s not angry?”
“If anything she’s relieved. Seems she was only staying with me to keep her father happy.”
“Oh, Trevor. I’m sorry.”
He chuckled. “It’s fine. I promise. Honestly, that means nothing to me. You, on the other hand…” He slipped his arm around her waist and held her tightly. He leaned down close to her as he spoke. “And as far as what you said before, about being used to women who look like Maggie…Jenna, I don’t think you have any idea how beautiful you are.” He leaned back, smiling. “Especially right now—in your old faded jeans, with your face scrubbed clean…besides, this is not a performance. I just want to be with you. However it happens, it happens.”
Her body relaxed, and he pulled her closer, wanting…everything with her. One night would never be enough for what he was planning. He pulled her even closer, inhaling the magical scent of her shampoo, excited and ready for her. But he had no intention of rushing this. This was finally his night with Jenna and he was intending to use it, fully. What the hell was this hold she had on him? He couldn’t explain it. He had known hundreds of beautiful women in his life. And he had slept with many of them. But there was something about her. She looked up at him and he saw the answer in her eyes, so smart and intense. “The first day I saw you I felt like a raven had swooped in watching everything, seeing everything, understanding way more than I ever could.”
“Trevor…”
“Shh.” He placed one hand under her chin and tilted her head upward. He gazed at her mouth; he had fantasized about those pouty lips for what seemed like an endless amount of time. He had never before waited so long for any woman. But he didn’t mind if he had to wait forever, as long as he could finally be with her.
Easing his hands to her face, he held her, softly. Having her there, it was everything he could do to move slowly. He tilted her head back as he leaned down and kissed Jenna softly on the lips. Her kiss…her lips were soft, and her mouth, warm. She tasted like cinnamon. He gazed at her, his breath racing, the morning sun reflecting off her black hair. Jenna pulled back from him, and he let go, waiting for a cue she wanted more. She closed her eyes and leaned forward. That was all he needed.
In a flash, Trevor embraced Jenna’s face with his two hands again, holding her as he kissed her softly, over and over. She kissed back, hungrily. Damn. She felt so warm, and soft, and…right. Now that he had started, he may very well never stop kissing her. With his hands still on her face, he pushed her back to the wall beside the windows. She hit with more force than he had intended, releasing a tiny gasp.
“Jenna.” He growled her name. She was smaller that he was, so he would have to be careful.
Trevor pulled back from her, looking at her pouty mouth, already red and swollen from kissing. Their size difference gave him pause for a moment but as she closed her eyes and whispered, “More,” he dove back into the kiss, planting his two hands on the wall beside her head. He would just move slowly and carefully and if he hurt her, he would stop immediately. He could do this. He could maintain some semblance of control.
Trevor nudged his body against hers. Sure she was smaller but when she lifted onto her toes and he leaned down, his hips pressed against her hips, and her breasts rested against his abdomen. She moaned into his mouth in response, and Trevor leaned in harder against her. Every push solicited a moan from Jenna, making him grow and swell in response.
Damn, damn, damn…he wanted to move slowly, but what could he do when she felt so freaking incredible? He sucked in a gulp of air, trying yogic breathing, anything to pace himself. Feeling her warm soft body against his was too much. He pulled back from her only to reach up and tear off his t-shirt then resumed his position, cocooning her against the wall. She touched him tentatively, placing her hands on his bare chest and Trevor shuddered in response. He kissed her more and more forcefully, scared he may not know when to stop…
He unlatched from her mouth and made his way down her neck. She craned her head upward, giving him direct access, panting heavily. Her nipples poked through her t-shirt, grazing his abdomen. It was too much. He needed her to be his, once and for all. Standing upright, he found his way to her mouth again, his tongue strong and forceful. He pressed her to the wall, grabbing her legs, lifting her easily so she straddled his waist. He held her tightly, one hand around her waist, the other, supporting her bottom. She clamped her mouth back onto his, and carefully, still kissing her, he walked them to the stairs leading to his bedroom.
“Wait.” She lifted her head from their kiss. “Can we go to the music room?”
“You’re sure? There’s no bed…” His words were choppy.
“Yes. Please.”
Trevor placed his mouth on hers again and carried her to the music room. He laid Jenna down on the couch, lowered himself over her, then took her soft hands and placed them on his chest. He closed his eyes, inhaling, feeling the magic of her warm touch. Slowly, she traced the outline of his tattoo, her fingers brushing against his nipples. He opened his eyes, smiling at her.
****
He leaned down, covering her, his weight resting on his elbows, his strong hands stroking her hair. Jenna nuzzled against him as he opened his mouth to speak.
“No—” Jenna flattened her hands on his chest, shaking her head. “Please, Trevor. Please don’t say anything.” One ill-timed word, and she would have no choice but to leave. Forever. Eyes wide open was the only option.
His eyes flashed with sadness. “I was only going to ask about birth control.” He held himself above her. His wavy messy hair fell forward; his gorgeous gaze fixed on her.
“I—I’m sorry.” She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to regroup. She looked up at him again. “I’m…uh…on the pill.”
“Really?” He tilted his head, squinting.
Crap. She’d need to explain. “Yes. Not for long, but long enough, I think. Six weeks.”
“That’s long enough.”
His reassurance was so s
exy, her already moist jeans dampened. The fact that he was experienced, and he knew and liked women—it was all a complete turn-on. He squinted again, and she was sure he was doing the math in his head.
“I didn’t go on it for sex.” Why was this conversation so difficult? “Obviously.”
“Why obviously?”
He leaned down on her, his weight heavy on top of her. He pressed against her, and her thoughts jumbled. She wiggled beneath him.
“I wasn’t planning a relationship.”
“And yet here you are.”
“Trevor…” She tried to move, but he held her still.
“Shh…” He leaned down and kissed her. “Jenna.” He shook his head.
She sighed and relaxed into him.
He smiled, his eyelids lazily closing and opening. “When we get there, do you still want me to wear a condom? I’ve been tested. I’m clear, but would you feel safer?”
Jenna looked up at him knowing this feeling of closeness and excitement she was experiencing was a feeling she may never encounter again. This one moment, this perfect mixture of him, Valentine’s night, and opening night; it was the happiest she had ever been. And she was certain she would never experience it again. She shook her head. “I have never felt safer in my life than when I’m with you.”
****
Hell, yeah. The fact that Jenna felt safe with him made him more excited than he could possibly imagine. So not only would he blow her mind but he would do it in a way that made her feel even more secure and protected. She wiggled beneath him and he just couldn’t wait any longer. “Jenna…” Trevor whispered, sliding over to her side. His hand cruised down to her stomach and grabbed onto the belt loop of her faded jeans. The jeans were so old and worn they were nearly as soft as her skin…okay, maybe not that soft. “Jenna, look at me.”
Her eyes opened. His hand lingered on the top button of her jeans. He wanted to yank the buttons and tear her jeans off of her but he wouldn’t. His breath raced as he stared into her eyes. His chest moved forcefully as he popped open her top button.
Her breath hitched. “Trevor…” Her word was a moan.
To Be or Not To Be: The Actors Page 17