Liquid & Ash

by E. M. Abel

  “Good morning,” he replied, almost as an afterthought.

  We stared at each other for a few seconds, but to me, they felt like minutes. Brandon’s hair was a mess, and it looked like he’d just been dragged out of bed. His eyes were still as devastating as ever.

  Snapping out of my daze, I cleared my throat and turned to smile at the little girl sitting across from him. She looked like she was six or seven. With short brown hair to her chin, her bangs hanging over one eye, she gave me a small grin, but it was obvious she was shy.

  “Can I get you guys something to drink? Besides the water, I mean.”

  He was making me nervous again.

  “I’ll take a coffee. Black, please. What about you, Madison?” Brandon lowered his head and smiled at her, making her reveal her missing front tooth.

  “Orange juice, please,” she murmured before tucking her bangs behind her ear and hiding her teeth again.

  I couldn’t help but wonder how they knew each other. Maybe she’s his daughter. They don’t look alike, but you never know.

  I smiled at both of them before responding, “Sure thing. I’ll be right back with those.”

  Dropping the tray back on the counter, I went to pour Brandon’s coffee, and I took a second to look down at my outfit. I was dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a black Jackie’s Diner T-shirt. My hair was a mess, and I had no makeup on.

  Great.

  When I glanced over at them, Brandon blew his straw wrapper across the table, making the little girl laugh again. I smiled as I filled her glass with orange juice. Licking my lips, I took a deep breath before taking their drinks to their table. I set the coffee down first, and Brandon’s tattooed hand wrapped around it, his index finger grazing mine. I could feel his eyes on me as I ignored his touch and put the orange juice down.

  Taking a step back, I held my notepad and pen out in front of me before meeting his gaze again.

  “So, what else can I get for you?” I asked, giving Brandon a friendly yet professional smile.

  The corner of his mouth lifted, and I could see mischief dancing in his eyes before he looked at Madison and nodded.

  “Um, I’d like the pancakes, please,” she said.

  I turned to face her as I scribbled her order down on my pad. “Of course. Would you like eggs and bacon with that or just the pancakes?”

  “Just pancakes, please.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  Brandon stayed silent, so I opened my mouth to ask him for his order, but he spoke before I could, “You look good.”

  My mouth snapped shut, and I tried to hold back my smile. “Thanks. Do you know what—”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  My eyebrows furrowed as I lowered my pen and pad. “What? Why would I—”

  “I had a pretty big crush on this woman, and she totally blew me off,” he told Madison.

  I fought the humiliation threatening to expose itself.

  Madison giggled and leaned back in her seat, looking embarrassed for me.

  “So?” he asked. A smirk playing on his lips, he lifted his coffee mug to take a sip.

  “I’ve been kind of busy,” I said, hoping to shut him up with my narrowing eyes.

  He chuckled as he set his coffee back on the table. “I’ll take the western omelet, please.”

  I nodded and jotted it down on my notepad. “Coming right up.”

  Turning on my heel, I walked back toward the kitchen, fighting the smile twitching on my lips.

  More tables came in as Rick cooked their food, and I was grateful for the distraction.

  Brandon’s confidence and candor were unnerving, and so was my juvenile reaction to it. I was too old to be blushing so much. I should have become somewhat jaded after the things I’d been through with Derek. I was disappointed in myself, to be honest.

  As I mindlessly took orders and filled drinks, I wondered if I’d learned anything from my marriage or if I’d fall victim to love all over again. It was all beginning to feel too familiar and not in a good way. Sure, Brandon wasn’t Derek, and I wasn’t the same woman I had been in college, but his words had kindled my hope just the same.

  I was able to drop off Brandon’s and Madison’s food without incident, pretending to be busier than I actually was. Perhaps he sensed the change in my demeanor. Either way, he left me alone.

  It wasn’t until I handed him the check that his eyes met mine again.

  “How long are you working today?” he asked.

  I glanced at Madison before meeting his confident stare. “I’m not sure,” I lied.

  He raised a speculative brow. “You’re not sure?”

  “Yeah, well, I’m supposed to get off after lunch, but sometimes, they need me to pull a double shift.” That wasn’t a total lie, but I knew it wouldn’t be likely.

  “And when do they stop serving lunch? You know, in case I get hungry again later.”

  I pursed my lips, and Brandon’s curved into a defiant lopsided grin.

  “Around three,” I muttered as I began clearing their plates from the table.

  Lifting his ass from the seat, Brandon reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He removed a fifty-dollar bill and handed it to me with the check.

  I took it between my fingers. “I’ll be right back with your change.”

  “No change,” he said, waving his hand at me, as he put his wallet back in his pocket.

  I stood there for a second, staring at him. His breakfast only cost fifteen dollars and sixty cents.

  “Are you sure? It was only—”

  “I’m sure,” he said, cutting me off, as he peered up at me.

  The tightness in his expression invited no argument, and I was in no position to argue anyway. I needed the money.

  “Thanks.”

  “Thank you,” he replied before tilting his head toward Madison. “You ready, kiddo?”

  She nodded, and they both began to get up. I realized I was standing there like an idiot, so I quickly got back to work and brought their dirty plates back to the kitchen.

  It was almost three, and I was finishing up my side work. I’d filled all the salt and pepper shakers, and I’d cleaned the restrooms. Now, I was wiping down my last table.

  When someone entered the diner, I fought the urge to look. I hoped it was Brandon and prayed it wasn’t.

  I’d spent the last few hours wondering if I would be capable of having casual sex with him. I knew being with Brandon would be thrilling and exciting, and I was pretty sure he wasn’t looking for anything more than a good time. I’d just seen him with another woman a couple of nights ago—holding her hand, laughing, following her upstairs.

  Why would I be any different? I don’t want to be. Do I? Ugh. Just forget about it. You’ve got enough shit to worry about.

  Standing up straight, I turned around to discover it wasn’t Brandon after all. It was Lindsay coming in to start her shift. Trying to ignore the disappointment that betrayed my good judgment, I brought the wet rag back to the sink, washed my hands, and removed my apron. I’d already counted my tips. I ended up with seventy-one dollars, thanks to Brandon’s generosity.

  “Okay, I’m heading out. I’ll see you tomorrow, Nancy.”

  “Okay, sweetie. Enjoy your night.”

  Grabbing my purse, I pulled the strap over my head, ready to ride my bike back home. The hot, humid air clung to my skin as I walked onto the sidewalk, and a cloud of smoke drifted toward me. Squinting, I turned my head to the side, and there he was. Brandon was sitting on the ground, his knees bent and his back against the front of the diner, with a pair of Ray-Bans over his eyes.

  He lifted his head, his full pink lips curling on the ends. “It must be my lucky day.”

  I shook my head but couldn’t suppress my smile this time. “What are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?”

  Standing up, Brandon dusted himself off, his strong shoulders flexing under his white T-shirt. He’d changed since I’d last seen him. He w
as wearing a pair of dark green pants that perfectly fit his body with brown boots on his feet. His hair was combed to one side, and his beard looked freshly trimmed.

  He was way too stylish for our surroundings. Most of the men in that area wore loose jeans and T-shirts. They only dressed up for church, and even then, they wore khakis and a button-down shirt, nothing formfitting like Brandon wore. He looked like he’d come straight out of a fashion magazine.

  “I just wanted to walk you home.”

  “Mmhmm. Why? So, you can find out where I live?”

  Brandon flashed me his straight white teeth. “You know where I live. It’s only fair. Don’t you think?”

  Instead of responding, I walked over to my bike that I’d locked onto a small rack and bent down to take it off.

  “Nice bike.”

  I peered at him over my shoulder, catching his sunglasses aimed in the direction of my ass.

  “Thanks. You want to sit on the handlebars?”

  He lifted his head to meet my eyes and chuckled as he raked his fingers through his blond hair. “Maybe next time.”

  “Don’t say it unless you mean it,” I said, throwing his words back at him.

  He must have remembered because he lifted his sunglasses onto his head and looked me in the eyes when he told me, “Oh, I mean it.”

  Turning back around, I busied myself with my bike as I struggled to resolve the battle I’d been fighting in my mind since he’d left that morning.

  Can I have casual sex with Brandon Cain? My heart was hesitant, but my body was screaming, Hell yes!

  “Well, I live about a mile away. You sure you want to walk that far?”

  “Absolutely.” Brandon’s gravelly voice was louder than I’d expected.

  I sucked in a breath as I felt his warm body next to mine.

  Reaching around me, he put his hand on my bike’s seat. “Here, let me get that for you.”

  Glancing over my shoulder, I was met with my own reflection in the sunglasses he’d put back in place. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t see his eyes. I could still feel them.

  “Thanks.”

  Keep it together, Penny.

  We started walking—me with my hands wrapped around my purse strap and Brandon with LOVE on my bike’s handlebar and FEAR hanging between us. The clicking coming from my bike’s gears was the only sound for the first minute or two as we became acquainted with the silence and new company.

  “So, how do you know Madison?” I asked as I began pulling my hair down to fix it.

  Brandon glanced at my hands as they worked to get my hair tie out. “She’s my neighbor’s daughter.”

  I looked at him in surprise. “Really? Were you babysitting or something?”

  He smiled but kept his eyes forward as I watched his profile. “Not really. Her mom isn’t exactly nurturing,” he said, peering over at me. “She didn’t come home last night, so Madison came over to wake me up. She knows she can always come over if she needs to.”

  I dropped my hands by my sides and stared at my feet as they moved me forward. Poor girl. “That’s awful. Have you thought of reporting her? To CPS or something?”

  He shook his head. “Nah. I grew up in foster care. I wouldn’t wish that shit on anybody, especially not a little girl like Maddy. Her mom isn’t violent or anything. She’s just selfish.”

  I nodded and bit my bottom lip. Just as I’d suspected, there was a lot more to Brandon than a pretty face and tattooed skin.

  “Well, that’s really nice of you…to take care of her like that.”

  He shrugged, dismissing my compliment. “She’s a good kid.”

  I couldn’t stand the awkward conflict going on in my head anymore. Brandon had already admitted that he was interested in me. Maybe this would all be easier if I was up-front, too.

  “So, why are you walking me home, Brandon?”

  He looked over at me and lifted his sunglasses onto his head again. The bright sun shone on his face, his eyes like pools of clear blue water. “I don’t really know.”

  That wasn’t the response I had expected, but I guessed I never really knew what to expect when it came to Brandon. That was one of the things I liked about him.

  I put my hands back on the strap of my purse. “Fair enough.”

  “You always leave me wanting more,” he said, almost interrupting me, as if he’d been trying to think of an answer that made sense.

  Surprised, I peeked over at him and grinned. “Well, I haven’t really given you much.”

  “Exactly.”

  We walked in silence for a couple of minutes. A bead of sweat rolled down my neck and under my shirt as I wondered what I should say next.

  “Tiffany told you I left my husband?”

  “Yeah. He’s miserable, isn’t he?”

  I chuckled. “I don’t know about miserable. We’re both trying to get used to the change, I guess.”

  “How long were you together?”

  “Nine years.”

  His eyebrows rose. “That’s a long time.”

  I nodded. “Too long. You were, what? Sixteen when I met Derek?” I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

  Brandon smiled, his eyes squinting as he peered over at me. “Seventeen. Why? Is that a problem for you? My age.”

  I shrugged. “I do feel kind of old when I think about your age. You don’t really act like most guys in their twenties though.”

  “Yeah? How’s that?”

  “Well…” I paused, trying to come up with an explanation. I wasn’t really sure why.

  He looked like he was in his twenties with his trendy hair and clothes. He was a bartender and a drug dealer. He was obviously very sexually active.

  “I don’t know. You just seem to have more depth to you than most guys. I’m not sure I can really explain it.”

  “I feel the same way about you.”

  Brandon and I looked into each other’s eyes for a moment. We both grinned before I finally broke the spell.

  “My building is just up the street…”

  I stopped walking, and Brandon did, too.

  I narrowed my eyes, staring hard at the front steps of my building. “Shit,” I bit out as I turned around.

  Brandon tilted his head, trying to see where I’d been looking. “What?”

  “It’s Derek. My hus—my ex. He’s waiting for me.”

  “You want me to get rid of him?”

  I shook my head as I ran my hands over my face. “No. I really don’t want to deal with this shit right now. Can we…can we go somewhere else?”

  “If you wanted to come home with me, you could have just asked, you know, and saved us the walk,” Brandon said, smiling, as he turned my bike around and put his free arm around my shoulders.

  I thought I’d feel guilty about leaving Derek sitting there, waiting, but I didn’t, not at all.

  I was sitting on the couch in Brandon’s apartment. We’d gone back to the diner, locked up my bike, and gotten into his black Camaro. He lived about three miles from the diner in the busier part of town. His place looked exactly the same, aside from the framed painting of a tiger he’d hung on the wall. It looked like something Madison might have made. It was simple, and the lines were shaky, but somehow, it was still beautiful.

  “Maddy made it,” he told me when he noticed what I’d been looking at.

  “I like it.”

  “I’ll be sure to tell her.”

  Coming to sit beside me, Brandon rested his elbows on his knees. His eyes were focused on the floor for a few seconds, and I waited to see what he’d say.

  He tilted his head and peered up at me. “So, what happened between you two?”

  “Me and Derek?”

  He nodded.

  Brandon was waiting for my answer, and I wanted to give it to him, but I still wasn’t sure I knew.

  “We were so in love at first, but…I think we might’ve wanted love more than we wanted each other. Derek had this idea of how I should be, and instead of standing
my ground, I tried to fill the role he’d made for me. I lost myself in him, and…well, he lost interest, I guess.”

  Brandon grinned.

  I couldn’t help returning it. “What?”

  “I expected you to tell me that he was a selfish prick who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.”

  I laughed, and Brandon never looked away, his eyes turning liquid as he watched me. My heartbeat tripled in speed.

  “Well, he is a manipulative asshole, too,” I said with a grin.

  “Clearly.”

  Brandon opened the drawer to his table and took out a joint. I could feel myself growing anxious. I hadn’t smoked anything in months, and I couldn’t help but think of the last time we’d smoked together.

  I was definitely attracted to Brandon, but I still knew so little about him, and it left me feeling too vulnerable.

  “Have you ever been in love?” I asked as Brandon lit the end of his joint.

  He took a drag, his eyes narrowing in contemplation. He leaned forward and flicked ashes into the ashtray. “I don’t think so.”

  “Never?”

  “Never.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Does that surprise you?”

  “A little. I’m sure women have fallen in love with you though.”

  Brandon looked at me with amusement dancing in his eyes.

  I smiled. “What? You know you’re gorgeous. We’re Facebook friends, remember? I’ve seen the comments women leave on your pictures.”

  He laughed, and I felt it vibrate from his chest into mine.

  “Those women don’t love me. They don’t even know me.”

  “I know, but you’ve had relationships, right? What about Destiny? You guys seemed to be pretty close.”

  He ran his hand over his beard, his gaze moving toward the windows. “Destiny and I were never close. We kept our demons to ourselves. I think that’s why we got along so well.”

  I didn’t miss the fact that he had spoken in past tense.

  “So, you don’t see each other anymore?”

  Brandon looked at me again, his face hardening, before he told me, “She died three months ago. OD’d on some pills.”

  Sucking in a breath, I sat up straight. “Oh my God, Brandon, I’m so sorry. Were you…were you guys…”