by Susan Lewis
Smiling all over her face, Eva texted back again. You’re brilliant. Def want to know. Where’s your friend’s band playing tonight? R U still going? Don’t worry not planning to turn up and embarrass you. Still in London. After pressing send, she went back to his text to read it again.
Bobbie was shaking her head fondly as she helped herself to a small feast of Manuela’s succulent cheese puffs. The fact that Manuela had, only minutes ago, informed her they were laced with a drug designed to induce a slow, painful death seemed, if anything, to be making them tastier than ever. ‘You don’t know how glad I am that you waited till you got here to break this news,’ Bobbie told her, as Eva put her phone down. ‘I’d never have forgiven you if you’d rung or sent an email.’
‘I expect she wishes she had now,’ Manuela commented as she came to refill the cheese-puff bowl.
Eva gave a choke of laughter, since her old agent had practically crushed her bones she’d hugged her so hard.
‘Are you here again?’ Bobbie yawned. ‘Didn’t I fire you last week?’
‘Actually, was me who fire you, but out of goodness of my heart I take you back again.’
‘I humour her in letting her think she has a heart,’ Bobbie murmured in an aside to Eva as Manuela headed towards the door.
‘Don’t think I didn’t hear that,’ Manuela called out. ‘Is you who is deaf with Alzheimer’s, not me.’
‘I can’t wait for Richie to meet you two,’ Eva laughed delightedly. ‘He is so going to love you.’
With a mock scowl Bobbie said, ‘You’re already sounding like a teenager,’ but the light in her eyes was giving her away. ‘So he’s a rugby player is he, and he’s saying he wants to study politics when he goes to uni – where did that come from?’
Eva shrugged. ‘No idea, except it tells us he’s his own person, doesn’t it, which is fantastic. I’m meeting up with his aunt on Friday for a general chat about things, so I should be better informed after that.’
Bobbie’s eyes narrowed. ‘And what are you going to tell her – or him – about his father when they ask, which you know they’re bound to sooner or later?’
Eva’s smile faded as her insides tensed. ‘Actually, I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot since the weekend, and it’s not that I don’t intend to tell him, because obviously I do, again when the time’s right, it’s just … Oh, another text,’ she cried chirpily, and opening up her BlackBerry again she read out, ‘Its a rehrsl so in marc’s grge. U r not embarrassing. Evry1 wnts 2 meet u. Oh, Bobbie, this is so amazing, isn’t it?’ she cried ecstatically.
‘It certainly is,’ Bobbie agreed.
‘I’ve just got to be careful not to overdo it, or get things out of perspective, which I could very easily, considering everything else that’s going on.’
Bobbie’s eyebrows rose.
‘Not that I want to get into that,’ Eva warned hastily. ‘Though I have to admit I thought Don might have been in touch by now to say he’s pleased about Richie, or to wish us luck, but he hasn’t. Which, as far as I’m concerned, shows us that he’s really not the man we thought he was.’
‘Mm, I must say it surprises me too,’ Bobbie sighed, ‘but, as we all know, men are peculiar creatures who tell themselves all sorts of rubbish when it comes to dealing with emotions, especially their own. How’s Patty?’
‘I’ve no idea. Actually, can we change the subject? I really don’t want to talk about them. I spoke to Shelley earlier. It was very brief – you know how busy she always is – but you can probably imagine how thrilled she was to hear the news. I’ve made an appointment to see her in January to talk things through.’
Bobbie nodded approval and for the next few minutes she patiently allowed Eva to run on about the meeting she’d had with her new PR people that day; how business was improving at the shop; what she might buy Richie for Christmas, until finally Bobbie raised a hand to stop her.
‘We can go on avoiding the subject of Nick for as long as you like,’ she said, bluntly, ‘at least you can, but I’m not going to. He’s Richie’s father, and as such he has a right to know …’
Eva’s eyes flashed. ‘How can you say that?’
‘Wait!’ Bobbie chided. ‘I know you’d like Richie to be all yours, but he isn’t, so you need to make up your mind pretty swiftly what you’re going to do if the boy asks to meet his father, because it’s highly likely he will.’
Feeling almost as though she’d been slapped, Eva was still bristling as she said, ‘You can’t have forgotten that Nick wanted nothing to do with us when Richie was born, so I don’t see …’
‘Eva, it was sixteen years ago, and Nick’s circumstances at that time were a lot more complicated than you realised …’
‘He was married, they had a child and he didn’t want to leave them. What more did I need to know?’
‘Actually, quite a lot, but as we know other things happened that night, and now, after all this time, rather than tell you myself what he was facing, I’m more inclined to let him do the talking.’
Eva wasn’t going to back down. ‘I’m sorry, Bobbie, but I really don’t want to see him.’
‘And I really don’t see that you have a choice.’
Since she didn’t, she couldn’t argue, but her eyes were still glittering with resentment as she said, ‘Has he ever told you why he contacted the magazine about me?’
‘No, but you’re aware of what his letter said, so I think it speaks for itself.’
‘But he had no right taking issue with anyone on my behalf.’
Bobbie merely shrugged. ‘Well, he did, and it’s hardly relevant to what we’re discussing now, is it?’
‘I don’t know, because I’ve no idea what’s going on in his head, or where he is … Is he still in Italy?’
‘No, as a matter of fact he’s been back in London for several years. At least this is his base, he travels around quite a lot. In fact I’m due to have dinner with him tomorrow night in New York, if I can stay awake that long.’
Starting to feel horribly wrong-footed, even outmanoeuvred, Eva got to her feet and started to pace. All that really mattered, she kept reminding herself, was Richie, and that she did what was right for him, and if that meant putting her own feelings to one side, then so be it. It might not be easy, but for his sake, she realised, she could do anything. ‘I suppose,’ she said in the end, ‘I ought to find out whether or not he wants to meet Richie, just in case he doesn’t. I’d have to prepare Richie for that, because if he doesn’t …’
‘Enough,’ Bobbie pronounced, turning off her mobile as it started to ring. ‘You’re creating your own scenarios when, until you speak to him, you’ve no idea what he’s going to say.’
‘If he is going to reject his son again then he can damned well look me in the eye when he does it.’
Appearing faintly amused by that, Bobbie said, ‘I don’t imagine he’ll have a problem looking you in the eye. Now, we should be going off to dinner, my love. I have to be up at five in the morning to get my flight.’
Patty was sitting at the table in her kitchen, barely hearing the rain that was hammering down outside, or feeling the warmth from the Aga that was steaming the windows and thickening the air. In the hearth, the fire she’d just lit – out of habit, or to kill time, she couldn’t be sure – was starting to throw up a lively flame, while the old grandfather clock Reece had left behind was about to chime the hour. Six o’clock on a Thursday evening, three weeks before Christmas – it would be the first without Eva, the first that she and Don would spend together as a couple.
Except it wasn’t going to happen that way.
She’d made up her mind what had to be done; all she needed now was the courage to see it through.
Picking up her mobile as it rang, she saw it was Livvy and clicked on.
‘Hey Mum, did I leave my red and black scarf there earlier? I can’t find it anywhere.’
Looking at it, draped over the back of a chair, Patty said, ‘Yes, it’s here.�
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‘Great! I was afraid I’d dropped it somewhere. Can you pop it into the shop if you’re passing? Eva’s back from London now, but she’ll be out between two and four tomorrow if you can make it then.’
Hating that they were having to work out how she could avoid running into Eva, Patty said, ‘If I’m passing I will.’
‘Cool. If not, I’ll try to get over at the weekend. Are you going anywhere?’
‘Nowhere in particular. How about you?’
‘I’m working all day Saturday, as usual, then on Sunday Jas and I are going with Eva to watch Richie play rugby. His aunt’s invited us for tea after. Isn’t that sweet?’
Patty’s heart contracted so painfully that it was a moment before she could say, ‘Lovely.’ She was recalling the times Eva had joined her for Livvy and Jake’s sporting occasions. Now, at last, she was able to watch and cheer on a son of her own, and Patty would have loved nothing more than to be able to go along with her.
‘Are you OK?’ Livvy asked. ‘You sound a bit down.’
‘No, I’m fine,’ Patty lied. ‘Just trying to decide what to make for supper. I guess you’ll be eating with Eva.’
‘Actually, we’ve got so much work on that if we eat anything tonight it’ll be a takeout. Did I tell you, we’re interviewing for another part-time assistant tomorrow and Coral’s decided to take her job on permanently, so if it all works out I should be able to go with Eva when she’s checking out possible new shops in the new year.’
Feeling as though everything was running away from her, Patty said, ‘Does she have anywhere in mind yet?’
‘There are a couple of options in the pipeline. I think she’s quite keen on one we have the details for in Bath … Did you get Jake’s text?’
‘I did. He’ll be home next Monday and staying until the fourth of January.’
‘When he’s off to Hong Kong, jammy thing. If he carries on like this he’ll have all his uni fees covered and some. Bet that pleases you.’
Patty tried to smile. Though she knew Reece, or even Don, would make sure Jake’s fees weren’t an issue, she dearly wished she was in a position to take care of them herself. If she’d had a full education or a modelling career, maybe she’d have been able to.
Hearing a car pulling up outside, she felt her insides starting to contract with nerves. ‘I should go now,’ she said to Livvy. ‘I’ll do my best to drop the scarf in tomorrow afternoon,’ and ringing off she shut down the phone before slipping it into her pocket.
‘This is a nice surprise,’ Don said, stomping his feet on the mat as he came in from the rain, ‘I thought you weren’t back till seven.’
‘My last meeting was cancelled,’ she told him, staying where she was instead of going to greet him the way she usually did.
She watched him hang his coat on the back of the door and looked up at him as he came to embrace her. Before he reached her she put up a hand to stop him. ‘Please don’t,’ she said quietly. ‘I … There’s something I have to tell you.’
Surprised, then immediately concerned, he asked, ‘What’s happened? Are you OK?’
She tried to nod, but shook her head.
‘Is it Eva? The kids?’
Noting how high on the list her sister remained, she lowered her eyes as she said, ‘They’re fine. Everyone is. It’s just … It’s what’s happening between us …’ She clenched her hands tightly, trying to make herself go on. ‘I want you to leave,’ she told him quickly. She hadn’t meant it to come out quite like that – she’d been unsure she’d be able to say it at all – but it was there now, an invisible force charging the air with a terrible truth that was also a lie.
When there was only silence, she lifted her eyes to his and felt herself breaking apart inside.
‘You don’t mean that,’ he said roughly.
It was true, she didn’t, but for all their sakes it was what she had to do.
‘Patty, for God’s sake …’
‘Don, please. You know what we’re doing isn’t right. It never has been, and nor will it ever be, so we have to start being honest with ourselves. I think you still love Eva, and that you never stopped …’
‘Patty, listen to me,’ he cut in forcefully. ‘Whatever you’re telling yourself, you’re wrong …’
‘I know I’m right …’
‘… yes, I do have strong feelings for Eva, I’ve never denied that, but it’s not the same as the way I feel about you. For Christ’s sake, you have to know how much I love you …’
‘I know you think you do, but maybe we got carried away … Everything became confused, or misunderstood …’
‘No, no, no. I’m completely clear on the way I feel about you. So maybe this is you trying to tell me you’re having doubts about me?’
‘No!’ Her eyes were wild. ‘Yes. Oh God, I don’t know, but look at the way things are. My family’s split in two, we hardly ever hear from any of our friends, we’re afraid to go out in case we bump into Eva, and what’s going to happen at Christmas? I have a nephew now, and you have a stepson, are we just going to ignore that? Think how hurtful it’ll be to Eva if we do.’
‘So what are you suggesting? We can’t invite them here, and she’s obviously not going to invite us there …’
‘She wouldn’t have to if you were already there.’
His eyes widened with shock. ‘Patty, I don’t know what’s got into you …’
‘I think you should go back to her, Don. It’s the right thing to do. The only thing.’
Grabbing her hands, he held them tightly in his own as he forced her to look at him. ‘I went back to her once, remember, at your insistence, and it wasn’t what any of us wanted. Patty, please, just tell me what’s happened.’
Pulling her hands free, she turned away from him and went to stand over the fire.
‘Is it Livvy? Jake? Has one of them said something?’
‘No, it’s me,’ she cried. ‘I can’t bear what I’ve done to my sister, or the reasons behind why I did it …’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘I should have tried harder to end our relationship …’
‘You did everything you could, we both did.’
‘We couldn’t have, or it would never have come to this.’
Going to her, he made her turn and face him. ‘For once in your life, Patty,’ he said, gazing fiercely into her eyes, ‘you have to start putting yourself first. Ever since I’ve known you she’s seemed to matter more to you than anyone, sometimes even more than your children …’
‘Don’t say that,’ she cried, pressing her hands to her face. ‘She was a child when our mother died. I had to take care of her …’
‘But she’s a grown woman now, and you have to start letting go sometime …’
‘Maybe, but not like this. No, Don, please don’t say any more. I want you to leave …’
‘I’m not letting you do this. For Christ’s sake, you’re not the first sisters this has happened to.’
‘She’s more than a sister, you know that …’
‘You’re not her mother.’
‘But I’m the nearest thing she had to one, and I can’t just ignore that because it suits me to now.’
‘Patty, you have to get a better grip on this …’
‘No, it’s you who has to try and understand that I don’t want it to be this way, I’d give anything for it not to be, but the truth is our mother did what she did because of Eva, and a part of me hates Eva for that, even though I know it’s not her fault. She couldn’t help what was going on in our mother’s head, she didn’t even know, for God’s sake, but that doesn’t change the fact that having Eva … having Eva … She used to love me, we were so close, and then she didn’t think about me any more, even when she died, and now I have to ask myself if I’ve taken you from Eva to try to prove that I matter too?’
Blinking in total bewilderment, he simply stared at her as he struggled for a response.
‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled. �
��I know it’s …’
‘Patty, listen to me,’ he broke in urgently, ‘you’ve got to know how much you matter to me, to all of us, and you can’t seriously believe that breaking us up is going to alter the past, or repair things for you and Eva …’
‘You might not think so, but over time, if we’re no longer together … If I put her first then I’ll know I haven’t acted out of some awful, selfish sense of injustice, or need for revenge, and if she realises she’s still that important to me then maybe we can start to repair things.’
His face was taut with incomprehension as he looked back at her. ‘I can’t believe you’re thinking this way,’ he told her. ‘It’s crazy. It’s just not making any sense.’
Her only answer was to close her eyes and put her head in her hands.
‘And what about me?’ he asked bluntly. ‘Am I just supposed to carry on as though we don’t mean anything to one another any more? As though I don’t have any feelings?’
‘You’re stronger than we are,’ she insisted. ‘You’ll be able to cope in a way that Eva and I can’t.’
‘No! It’s you who can’t cope, Patty, not her …’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Yes it is, you only have to look at how well she’s holding herself together, turning her life around, while you, my darling, are starting to fall apart – which is why I have to be here, so that someone who loves you and is prepared to put you first, even if you won’t, is taking proper care of you.’
Knowing she’d never felt more desperate to hold on to him, to cling to him and never let go, she forced herself to move past him and over to the door. ‘If you really want to put me first,’ she said shakily, ‘then please do as I ask and …’
‘Patty …’
‘Even if it’s only for a few weeks,’ she cried. ‘We have to have some space, some time to think … Oh God, I’m sorry to do this to you now, but you can go to one of your brothers …’
‘And what will you do?’
‘I’ll be OK. I just …’ Unable to say any more, she unhooked her coat and started to put it on.
‘Where are you going?’ he demanded.
‘I’ll stay at one of the cottages tonight to give you the chance to gather up your things.’