He paced the side of his car, ignoring the passing traffic, the conversation running through his mind. The look on Sacha’s face when he told him caused Jared to grit his teeth. His fucking mate. All this time, gone, lost.
He was fucking furious. No, that didn’t even begin to describe how fucking angry and betrayed he felt. How could he keep this a secret? Why?
Jared screamed again and lashed a foot out at a rock, watching it fly through the air. He needed to hit something hard. Really fucking hard. He felt like he was going to explode, his body was so tense, his muscles quivering under the strain. Sweat was pouring from him, soaking his shirt.
The conversation kept replaying over and over in his head. He screamed again when he remembered Sacha telling him, but stopped suddenly when he remembered how Sacha had looked when he walked away from him.
He dropped to the ground and brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He honestly didn’t know what to do. He was so angry at him for keeping it from him. Ten years.
Taking several deep, calming breaths, he leaned back on the car. It explained so much to him now. How he’d reacted when Sacha had brought a boyfriend home, the jealousy that had consumed him. He’d thought he was ill or some shit. Sacha was his friend, and he shouldn’t have been feeling jealous, but now looking back on it, was that what Sacha had hoped he’d feel?
Shit, he didn’t know. He scrubbed his face with his hands and stood wearily. Getting back into his car, he drove to the one place, the one man who he knew could help him.
Chapter Five
The door opened, and Jared attempted to smile but failed miserably. Chester didn’t say a word, but held the door open for him so he could step in.
As he walked in, his thoughts strayed to Sacha. He’d left him there alone... in their home. Was it even home anymore? How was Sacha? No, he shouldn’t be thinking about him. He lied for a decade!
Walking into the living room, he sat on the edge of the black leather sofa. Anger still thrummed through his veins, so he clasped his hands together, taking several deep breaths, trying to calm himself as he glanced around the room.
Warm and cozy. That’s how Jared would describe it. The focus of the room was the open fire burning brightly in the hearth. There was a huge flat-screen TV too, but the two sofas and chairs faced the fire. Sacha liked to have the fire on at night, both sitting-
Stop thinking about him, Jared.
He heard the kettle in the kitchen and sat back on the sofa as Chester walked in carrying a mug. “Thanks.”
Chester sat on the armchair opposite him and stayed silent, giving Jared the chance to gather his chaotic thoughts.
“I’m Sacha’s mate,” he finally muttered. He sighed and stared at the swirling coffee in his mug. Sacha knew how he liked his coffee, always making sure they had milk and sugar-
Shit, he was thinking about him again.
“I see.”
Jared glanced up, and Chester gave him a small smile.
“That’s it?” His eyes widened in surprise. He was sure Chester would have said more, but he sat there, with a sad little smile on his face.
“It had to be something, didn’t it? Ten years and neither of you have found a significant other but haven’t left each other either. There had to be something keeping you two together. I have often wondered if you two were mates but never asked as Sacha hadn’t acted on it.”
Jared shook his head. “He lied to me, Chester.”
“Yes, he did,” Chester replied solemnly.
Jared continued to watch Chester, waiting for him to continue speaking, but he remained silent. What was Sacha doing right now? No, he didn’t want to think about him, yet again, but he couldn’t stop the thoughts either, and that’s when he realized that he always thought about Sacha.
His dark hair cut short at the sides and back, but he kept it longer on top. Almost too long considering his job. Those dark blue, almost black eyes. Only Sacha and his father, Alessio, had them and Jared could remember joking with the two of them over it.
How many times had they sat like this in their own home, watching the flames of the fire dance and cast shadows on the walls? How many times had he caught Sacha watching him, but dismissed it as only a friend showing concern?
“What now?” he finally asked, wiping the memories away.
“What do you want to happen?”
“I’m so angry right now, Chester. I don’t know if I can speak to him, let alone see him. I had to leave because I wanted to hurt him and couldn’t do that to him.”
“Because he’s your mate.”
“What?” Jared sat up, shocked. “No! Because he’s my friend.”
Chester chuckled, shaking his head. “Donnie’s your friend, but that didn’t stop you two going for it that one time.”
Jared grunted. Yeah, Donnie had pissed him off just like Sacha had, and yet Jared could never hurt Sacha. Shit, it was because of the mate thing. Shit, shit, shit.
“Shit, Chester.”
Chester leaned forward and sighed heavily. “I’m not the person you need to speak to.” He grimaced as he spoke and Jared felt for the guy. Sheriff Bailey refused to see him, and it was hard to witness Chester’s suffering. “Go and stay with Donnie and Jeremy for a few days. Calm down and ask them questions. See how a mated couple are together.” Chester stood and stretched, then added, “Oh, and Jared, listen to their answers.”
“What?” Jared raised a hand to his chest, a look of mocked shock covering his face.
“Jared…” Chester spoke his name like a father speaking to a child.
“Okay. Okay, I will.” Jared stood and followed Chester to the front door. “Chester?”
“No, he isn’t answering me, Jared.”
“I’m sorry.”
Chester shrugged. Sighing deeply, he looked at Jared, the pain evident in his dark eyes. “I have to let him work his way through this.” Stepping closer, he said, “You have a mate, Jared. Don’t throw something that important, that special, away.” Jared nodded and Chester stepped back, running a hand over his bald head. “I will. I just need a few days to, shit, I don’t know.”
“Let your anger run its course, then talk to him. He will be devastated you left.”
“I don’t want to hurt him, but fuck it, I’m so pissed off right now.”
Chester gripped his shoulder. “Go and talk to D and Jeremy.”
Nodding, Jared picked up his bag. “I will.”
The front door stood open when Jared arrived, and he walked in, closing it behind him.
“Kitchen.”
Jared followed Donnie’s voice and found him in the kitchen, stirring something in a pot.
Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled and waved a hand towards the table. “Sit and grab that bottle of beer. Don’t worry, I haven’t cooked it. My mate has.”
As he said the words ‘my mate,’ Donnie’s face completely changed. The happiness and love were plain to see, and Jared swallowed, looking away.
Would it be like that for them? Him and Sacha? He rubbed his forehead and sighed. He’d been with men, experimented in boot camp and a few one-nighters later, but to have an actual relationship with one? Well, he hadn’t had a relationship at all. He was a healthy, virile man in his thirties, and he was still playing the field.
“Jeremy’s upstairs making the bed up for you. Chester said you might be here for a few days.”
“Did he tell you why?” Even as he said the words, he knew Chester wouldn’t have spoken a word. He wasn’t that kind of man.
“No. Chester said you’d tell us when you were ready. You know Chester, he keeps things close to his chest.”
Jeremy came in and walked over to Donnie, embracing him from behind and kissing the back of his neck. Again, Jared looked away. So open, so sure... so in love.
“Hey, Jared.”
Seeing the mark on Jeremy’s neck, Jared blurted out, “Does it hurt?”
Jeremy touched his neck, his cheeks blushin
g. “I’ll admit I was a little concerned at first, but now I can honestly say, no, it doesn’t.” His blush deepened, but Jeremy continued. “It adds to the connection and the sex...” Coughing, he asked, “Chili okay?”
Jared nodded, smiling at Jeremy. “D’s assured me he hasn’t cooked it.”
Smiling, Jeremy touched Donnie’s arm. “He is getting better, but no, he hasn’t cooked this. I’m only letting him stir it.”
“And you’re sure he won’t contaminate it.”
Donnie waved the wooden spoon at him. “Fuck off. Once, man. Once.”
“And we all suffered for days.”
“What’s this?” Jeremy sat at the table opposite Jared and grinned at him. “Come on, spill.”
“We had stopped for a break on a search and rescue, and Donnie offered to cook.”
“Oh, that’s bad,” Jeremy muttered.
“Yes, it was. I gave them all food poisoning, and we still had to continue the mission.”
“All of us throwing up.” Jared laughed. “It was fucking awful.”
“And since then they haven’t let me near any food.”
“Can I ask you guys a question?” Jared asked.
“Is it about mates?” Jeremy responded.
Jared nodded. “Telepathy. What’s it like?”
“It’s so difficult to describe, but I know no matter where Donnie is, I can speak to him.”
“You just need to remember not to reach out when angry,” Donnie grinned and Jeremy punched him on the arm.
“Yes, we’d argued and I wasn’t thinking-”
“And he told me what he was thinking, literally.” Donnie touched the side of his head as he spoke.
“Practice has certainly helped.” They shared a smile, and Jared glanced down at the table.
“So, what’s up?” Donnie asked.
Staring down at the table, Jared sighed. Shit, he was doing that a lot. “It’s Sacha.”
Jeremy leaned across the table. “Is he okay?”
“Probably not right now,” Jared muttered. In a louder voice, he added, “He’s my mate.”
Jeremy beamed at him. “That’s fantastic news, Jared. You have a mate.”
“Babe, it kinda isn’t.”
Turning to Donnie, Jeremy frowned. “Why not? You tell me all the time how special mates are. How all vampires search for theirs but also how rare it is to find. We’re lucky, and now Jared will experience it.”
“I’ve known Sacha for over ten years, Jeremy. I’ve lived with him for nine, and he never told me.”
Jeremy’s frown deepened. “But why wouldn’t he? I don’t understand.”
“Jared isn’t gay, babe.”
“What? That’s shit. You wouldn’t be Sacha’s mate if you didn’t like men.”
“Babe, it doesn’t always work like that. Jared fucks women.”
Grimacing, Jared interrupted. “Not always.”
Donnie dropped the spoon into the pot and turned hands on hips to glare at him. “What the fuck!”
Jeremy stood and pushed him out of the way so he could stir the chili. “Go and sit down.”
“When I was younger and occasionally over the last few years. Recently, it’s been women.”
“The mate bond,” Jeremy told them. “Wouldn’t let you fuck a man when your mate was at home waiting for you.”
“But it was okay with women. Babe, please.”
“Stop, Donnie.” Looking at Jared, Jeremy asked, “When you’ve been with women, has it been great sex or have you got off, and that was it?”
Jared went to tell him it was always great sex, but stopped when he thought about his last few times. Furrowing his brow, he rubbed his chin and really thought about it. “No, it hasn’t been great,” he muttered, hesitating over the words. It hadn’t, and the realization shocked him.
“And I bet it’s been worse the last few times?”
Nodding, Jared stared at Jeremy, surprised he knew. “Yeah, but how do you know?”
“I’ve been researching.”
Donnie grinned, smiling at Jeremy. “He has. We’ve learned so much about mates.”
“Like what?” Jared leaned forward on the table, waiting for Donnie to answer.
“When you find your true mate, you live longer.”
“Like decades longer,” Jeremy added. “And it seems humans can become stronger and faster. Not like a vampire, but there’s definitely a difference.”
“Yeah,” Donnie stood, walking over to Jeremy and rubbed his arm. “Ready?”
“Yes, get the bowls please.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
Jeremy shook his head as he added rice to the bowls. “No, but thank you, Jared. Relax and enjoy. I think you have enough going on.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes, and Jared moaned as the taste exploded over his tongue. “Damn, this is good, Jeremy.”
“Thanks. It’s my mom’s recipe.”
They continued eating until nothing was left and then moved to the living room, each holding a beer.
Jared slumped back on the sofa and sighed, patting his full stomach.
Jeremy leaned forward and pierced him with an intense stare. “What are you going to do, Jared? Sacha will be hurting.”
“He lied to me. Ten years he’s lied to me. I can’t just forget about that. All that time wasted and what for? Because he was scared that I wouldn’t accept him?”
“Would you have?” Donnie asked. “Think back to the person you were ten years ago. I didn’t know you then but I’ve heard you talk about the past and I’ve got to say I don’t think you would have accepted it.”
“But it’s Sacha. He’s like my closest friend.”
“He is now, but back then?” Donnie took a sip of his beer, then continued. “Would you have listened to him when he told you? Would you have sat down with him or would you have got the fuck out of there?”
Jeremy glared at Donnie. “What the fuck do you know? You’re all happy and cozy and loved up with your fucking mate. You’ve never given a shit about your sexuality-”
“I had to keep quiet just like you, so don’t throw that shit in my face. The difference here is I have no problems with my sexuality. You-”
“Shut up both of you,” Jeremy shouted. When they both stared at Jeremy in shock, he nodded. “Now that I have your attention. Jared, Sacha lied because he knew you weren’t into guys or you let him think that. Does he know you’ve fucked men?” When Jared shook his head, Jeremy gave him a small smile. “How was he to know that he might be able to tell you the truth about who you were to him?”
Looking away, Jared stared at the floor. Jeremy was right, Sacha had no idea because he’d never told him.
“I know it’s hard right now, J. Stay here for a few days, then contact him.”
Nodding, Jared stood. “I’m gonna go bed.”
Leaving them in the living room, he walked into the bedroom and dropped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling above him.
What was he going to do?
Chapter Six
How Sacha managed to function over the next several days was beyond him. He’d turned up for work each day and locked himself away in his office, avoiding everyone. He didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. He’d managed to get to work each day, and as far as he was concerned, that was a major fucking achievement.
When he’d had to attend meetings, he rarely contributed and didn’t interact with anyone present, leaving as soon as the meeting was over.
He struggled every single day just to get out of bed. He wanted to waste away, so he didn’t have to face his lonely existence now his Jared was gone. His body was a heavyweight he dragged around, and he wanted to cut it loose so he could float away and never feel again.
Sometimes, he would sit in his chair for hours at a time and have no recollection of where the time had gone. He knew he was losing weight; his clothes felt looser and, as a vampire, that was the last thing he needed. Soon, his vampire side would take over,
and he would hunt, not caring who the donor was and if they were willing or not.
Not that Sacha cared. He merely shuffled from one place to the next or sat staring at the photos that littered the place. Pictures of him and Jared. He’d have to take them down soon and pack up Jared’s things.
There were times he’d find himself in Jared’s room, lying on his bed and holding his pillow, smelling his scent. Or standing by his window and staring off into space, not paying attention to anything.
His house and office were a mess, but Sacha didn’t care, not when his chest was so hollow. His heart had been ripped out and just an empty space was left behind.
He was tired, so very tired, and he didn’t know if he could go on like this, wasn’t sure if he cared enough to want to or not.
His father had noticed. Of course, he would notice, and now Sacha was on his way to his office, dragging his tired and weary body. Alessio had demanded a meeting, and no excuses had changed his mind.
Sacha wasn’t looking forward to it. He didn’t want to tell him Jared had walked away. There had been no contact since the moment the door had slammed shut behind him, and every day, Sacha’s heart broke a little more, and with it, his hope for the future.
He closed his father’s office door behind him and sat on the chair, waiting for his father to finish his call. He stared at his clasped hands, rubbing his thumbs together. A soothing touch he desperately needed. If only his mate could provide it.
“Sacha, you look like shit.”
Sacha snorted out a laugh and raised his eyes to his father’s. “Thanks.”
“I don’t need to ask how it went.”
Sacha shook his head and mumbled, “No.”
“I’m so sorry, son.” Alessio came around the desk and knelt next to Sacha.
Sacha looked at him, his eyes itching as they filled with tears. “My mate doesn’t want me.”
Alessio pulled him into his arms, and the dam broke. Sacha cried, not caring if anyone outside could hear his pain. He gripped his father’s shirt in his hands and wept. All the pain and anguish he’d kept locked away the last few days came pouring out, and through it all, his father held him.
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