by Anthology
"Five more minutes." My voice sounded shaky, even to my own ears. I smiled and steadied myself.
He smirked at me and his stunning eyes met mine. I could drown in the sea of blue all day and all night long. Suddenly, a deep ache spread through the center of my chest. I didn’t want to lose him. Not to Ashley. Not to anybody.
"Look at you, all domesticated." He tugged at my ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron and kissed the top of my head, and a soft sigh escaped me.
"Okay, I'm going to take a ten-minute shower. We were at a new linen manufacturing company in Clinton. It was hot as hell inside from all the machines. I feel sweaty."
Warning bells rang loudly in my ears. I forced a fake cheeriness on my face. "Okay." And then I watched his retreating back head to my room.
Sweaty? I wonder what he was manufacturing in. Was it quite possibly baby-making?
As soon as he slammed the door to my bathroom, I rushed to his laptop bag and stared at it.
I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. This was totally snooping. Snoop a dupe. Not cool.
I reached for the zipper but immediately slapped my own hand. After a minute, though, my hardheaded self outweighed any reason and I opened his bag, searching but seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Next, I went through his pockets. Nothing there, either. I tiptoed to my room and looked at his clothes on my bed. Silent like a snake, I slithered to the bed, reached into the back pocket of his pants, and opened his wallet. Automatically, I dropped it as guilt rose within me. It was like my hand was burned from the touch of the leather in my fingertips.
When a condom fell out, my hand flew to my mouth. We hadn't been using condoms in forever. I was on the pill.
Hands shaking, I opened the wallet to find a couple of bills and receipts. My eyes flew to the bathroom, but the shower was still running so I dumped the receipts onto the bed. There were four pieces of paper, and my eyes scanned the dates on them. The latest one was from today. From a bar, down the street from his work. The receipt listed bar food and two drinks. One beer and one cocktail.
When the shower stopped running, I shoved the receipts back into his wallet and ran into the kitchen. My heart raced in overdrive, pounding hard in the middle of my chest as a sheen of sweat formed on the back of my neck.
Breathe. Breathe.
Act normal.
I jolted toward the cupboard and pulled out the plates, silverware, and glasses, setting the table. A spoon slipped from my fingertips, falling onto the floor. I shakily picked it up.
Okay, there could be a perfect explanation. He could’ve taken a client out to dinner. Maybe it was an ugly dude who loved cocktails?
"So fresh and so clean." He laughed, drying his hair with the towel in one hand.
"Do you feel better?" Now that you’ve washed the stank of another woman off your balls? I gritted my teeth. My tone came out harder than I meant it to be.
Stop. Stop. Stop!
"I feel much better. More refreshed." He strolled to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. His hair was sexy wet from the shower, his gray sweatpants hanging low against his firm eight-pack abs.
The eight-pack that belonged to me.
I took another breath and counted.
One, two, three...
Mine. All mine.
He kissed the top of my head as he passed me and plopped into a chair at my two-seater circular glass table.
"How was work today?" I asked, innocently prying for information as I put some pasta onto his plate. With much effort, I kept my voice light.
I scooped up a piece of chicken and slapped it down, as though we were in some ho-down diner in the south. The sauce splattered against the side of the plate, some dripping on the table.
Apparently, my mood had already turned foul after seeing those receipts.
He eyed me, most likely clued into my irritation. "Good. This afternoon, we had that customer call in the suburbs. Linens Limited manufacture and service all the restaurants in the New York metropolitan area."
"What did you do after work? You were late today." There was bite in my tone; I couldn't help it. I plopped down across from him and toyed with the fork in my hand.
He averted his eyes, something Brian never did. "I met a friend for drinks."
Liar! I wanted to scream.
My neck taut, my eyes firm, I asked him, "Who?"
He shifted in his seat. He was nervous; I could tell. Why? I thought it was an easy question.
"A co-worker." Then he immediately changed the subject. "So, let’s try this chicken." He smiled and served me some pasta, but I stopped his hand mid-air.
"Who did you go out with tonight?" My voice was firm when I met his eyes.
"Kendy..." he hesitated.
"Brian, it's a simple enough question."
His voice was quiet, reserved. "Ashley. We had to discuss some things...about work."
I shot up so fast, my chair fell backward. But he reached for me and pulled me toward him. "Kendy. Stop."
"Stop? Stop what? Being jealous of the Victoria Secret model who works too closely with my boyfriend! Why didn't you tell me you went out with her?"
"I'm telling you now." His eyes begged me to forgive him. For what, though? For lying? For cheating?
"But you weren't going to, were you?" I raised an eyebrow, studying him closely.
He let out a frustrated sigh. "How many times are we going to go through this? We work together. We had to discuss a deal. That's it." He tried to pull me closer, but I yanked my hand back. "I'd never lie to you, Kendy."
"Withholding information is lying, jerk." I jutted out my lip in a full-on Kendy pout and crossed my arms over my chest.
He stared at me, eyes hard as he growled. But in the next second, he yanked me toward him so fast, holding me close to him.
"Let me go," I whined, pushing both hands toward his chest, but he didn't budge. Damn him and his six-foot frame and unmovable muscles.
"Kendy, stop fighting me."
"Then let me go!" I squirmed in his hold.
"Never." His eyes held a seriousness in them, his tone soft yet firm. "You're mine. Forever and ever, amen." A smirk played at the edge of his lips.
I narrowed my eyes at him, pulled back my head, and bit down hard on his forearm.
He closed his eyes, his jaw tightening, but his hold on me wouldn't relent.
"I warned you," I said, though my voice came out softer that time. I didn't want to purposely hurt him. I just needed space, I needed to think. And I couldn’t think clearly with his arms around me.
In the next second, he bent me back, his lips on my neck as he sucked, harder than my bite but without teeth.
"Brian!" I thrashed in his hold, trying to get him off me. Pain mixed with lust caused warmth to pool between my legs as he sucked on my neck. Damn my body and its betrayal.
In the chaos, we both tumbled to the floor, me on the bottom. My elbows then head hit the carpet with a thud. Our eyes locked and the corners of my mouth unwillingly curved upwards. I tried not to laugh but failed, the anger in me dissipating. My boyfriend ruled as Goofball of the Year. I'd rubbed off on him in our time together.
"I've marked you for life. I'm going to suck your blood," he said in a Dracula voice.
My hands flew to my neck. I was sure he had given me a hickey the size of Manhattan.
"You bite me, I bite back." He chuckled.
Then his hands flew straight to my tickle spots and I started laughing like a crazy woman at the loony bin.
When he figured his torture could come to an end, his fingers slowed to a stop. His features softened, his eyes growing intense, and he pressed himself against me, cradling my face in his hands. His thumbs caressed my cheeks and a knot rose in my throat. "When are you going to get it through that thick head of yours that I only have eyes for you?"
I peered up at him and saw the sincerity that took my breath away. It was one of Brian’s best qualities, and one of many reasons I fell in love with him.
"I'm as
king you to trust me. It's only you, princess. You're all I want. Do you trust me?"
I let out a jagged breath. Because I wanted to believe him and because I loved him beyond reason, I nodded and closed the gap between us, meeting his lips as my answer.
Chapter Three
I shifted on the couch and stuffed popcorn in my mouth as Beth chattered on.
A Christmas Carol played loudly on the TV as I lifted my plaid red, green and white throw. The scent of my sugar plum holiday candle filled the room as nostalgia of Christmases past rushed to the surface. Mom's home-cooked meals and our small but lively Christmas tree in our living room. I didn't have much growing up, nor did I expect much knowing how hard my mother had worked to raise me by herself. But what we did have was each other.
‘Tis the season.
I always loved this time of year, when everything on TV was a Christmas show and everywhere I went played holiday music in the background.
The night before, I'd worked a long, twelve-hour shift. Though I loved my job as an E.R. nurse, the hours had me up in the evening and sleeping in the morning.
Glancing at the clock, I noted it was five in the evening and I hadn't eaten lunch or dinner.
"So, are you and Brian okay?" Beth's voice brought me to the present, and I lowered the volume on the television.
I pulled the phone closer to my ear.
Honestly, I wasn't sure. I had been trying to push down any negativity lately but Ashley’s texts kept playing over in my head. I wondered if I hadn’t asked him about Ashley, would he have told me he’d seen her?
But I reminded myself that I knew Brian. He was loyal. I had to give him the benefit of the doubt. He asked if I trusted him, and I did.
"I think we’re okay."
"So, what happened? Did you talk to him?"
"Yes, kinda. But not really." I stuffed more popcorn in my mouth as I pulled the throw closer to my chest.
"What changed?"
"I decided I needed to raise the stakes. If he ever leaves me, I want him to know what he's missing."
Beth's laughter echoed through the phone. "Oh, no, Kendy. What’re you up to?"
"Been up to, in the last few days since we've talked. I've been screwing the man senseless, of course. Three times a day."
"Good God, lady." She sounded shocked but impressed. "You're flipping crazy."
"Yep. I milked him dry before he left for work, and then I stopped by during his lunch break. There’s no way in hell he'll be able to get it up for anybody else. He's spent."
I let out an evil laugh. "Operation Dick In Pants is in order." I fist-pumped the air, even though she couldn't see. If I wasn't holding the phone with one hand, I would've high-fived myself.
"Oh, my God. No, you didn't."
"Yes, I did." I shifted on the couch and winced, the cotton of my flannel pajamas hurting my spent lady parts. A girl had to do what a girl had to do. No pain, no gain was my motto. Who needed to work out, especially since we were both getting this much activity outside of work?
"I bet he's walking funny." Beth giggled.
"Him? Naw, I'm the one walking like a duck."
We both burst into a fit of laughter until my sides hurt.
"I'm glad everything is okay, Kendy," she said through her giggles.
"Yeah. Thanks," I replied. "Me, too." However, the insecurities still threatened to push back to the surface.
Was it all okay? I wasn't entirely sure. If we were okay, why did I still have this unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach?
* * *
Central Park bustled with Christmas shoppers in their winter wear. A woman passed us toting her Macy bags while her husband pushed their stroller with multiple kids behind her. The scene reminded me that I should start present-shopping real soon.
We sat at a bench covered with a shimmer of frost as Brian scooted in, throwing an arm around me. I took in a deep breath and exhaled a puff of cold air, resting my head on his shoulder. The air nipped at my skin but I basked in the warmth of his hold, his body right beside me.
When we were like this, together, in utter silence, it seemed as though there were no problems in the world, and all that existed was the two of us.
A brisk wind stung the exposed skin on my face. Though I had a mid-length, black down jacket that functioned like a thick sleeping bag to keep me warm, it was still chilly.
No words were spoken. But this was us. Comfortable. Relaxed.
But was comfortable boring?
I sighed, not realizing I did it out loud.
"What's the matter?" Brian asked, pulling me closer, practically onto his lap.
"Nothing. Just stuffed. And tired." That supreme pan crust pizza set heavily in my stomach. I was more than full and funny enough, we ended up at Gino’s East. We both had laughed about it throughout dinner.
If only I could force my brain to relax. My mind had been racing non-stop recently, worried I might find one thing that would raise my doubts about us again.
"Dinner was amazing, wasn't it?" He kissed my nose, and it warmed where he touched.
"It's no Cameron's," I teased.
"Pfft. Cameron's," he scoffed. "The only reason you want to go there is to see someone famous."
"So?" I sassed.
"I doubt they even have good food there. I guarantee you they won't have that chocolate dessert they did tonight at Gino's."
"Yes. That chocolate soufflé was ah-mazing with a capital A. I need to recreate that at home. A dozen at a time, and then freeze it so I can have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner."
An irresistible infectious grin spread on his face. "You and your chocolate. Hot chocolate. Chocolate cake. I swear if I cut those veins of yours, they'll leak chocolate."
"Quite possibly." I smiled up at him, genuine, real.
I loved this man, my man.
When his phone vibrated in his pocket, he released me to check it. My teeth chattered from the chilly night air at the loss of his arm around me. When his eyebrows pulled together, I sat taller, leaned over and tried to get a peek at his phone.
Noticing my nosiness, he smiled and tucked the phone back into his jacket pocket.
"Who was that?" My voice leaked with curiosity as I tilted my head toward him, my eyes darting to his pocket.
He hesitated. "Trey." Then he pulled out the Fun Dip we’d bought from the drugstore earlier. "Ready for dessert, part two?"
A prickle of awareness hit me. Was he trying to change the subject? But I pushed it down. "Sure."
He tore through the package and handed me my red Fun Dip and tore off the top of his blue one. I'd decided that we'd had too much chocolate; therefore, I opted for candy instead.
Dipping the stick into the red sugar, I brought it to my lips. "This reminds me of when I was a kid. Beth and I would get different flavors, too."
"Yeah, my sisters and I would do the same." He dipped his white sugar stick into his blue package, then leaned back against the bench. We were silent for a few seconds, both deep in thought. Probably for different reasons.
This was the worst, the nonstop worrying about my partner, wondering if he had a woman on the other side. It wasn’t the type of relationship I wanted to be in. I needed to trust him but in my gut, something was off. I could feel it.
"You excited about our parents meeting this Christmas?" His eyes studied my face, somewhat nervous. He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.
"Why? You think it’s too soon? We don't have to go." I sat up straighter in my seat, blinking but not breaking eye contact. I wondered where all of this was coming from. For weeks, he’d seemed so excited that our parents were finally meeting.
"No." He shook his head, though he seemed doubtful. "My parents invited you."
"But do you want me to go?" I countered. My fingers trembled as I waited for his response, my eyes never breaking from his.
"Of course I do," he promised, putting his hand in my lap, his fingers sticking out of his wool gloves, the cut-out kin
d. "It's just a big step, y’know? Are you ready?"
I jutted out my chin in a challenge. "Are you not?"
He let out a nervous laugh. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" He shook my hand playfully. His smile was warm, but my heart turned ice-cold. "You just seem so off lately. So unsure." He narrowed his eyes at me, attentive to my reaction.
My shoulders tensed. There was no way in the fiery pits of Hell he was going to put this on me. "Oh, I'm sure, all right. But if you’re not, you just let me know."
"I'm sure."
He didn’t sound too certain. "Really?" I snapped, giving him an out. I straightened on the bench, facing forward as my heart pounded harder than normal. "‘Cause if you're not..." I held my breath. Here's your opportunity.
"I just want to make sure you’re ready for this next big step. That’s it." He leaned in. "Stop already. I'm not having doubts, if that’s what you’re afraid of."
"I'm not." I wasn't convinced. I jerked my head in the other direction and stuck the white stick candy into my red sugar packet again.
"Princess..." He reached for a strand of my blonde hair, peeking from under my hat. He was trying to be playful, but I wasn't having it.
"What?" I flipped to face him.
"Get over here." He pulled me to him. "Don't be mad. I hate it when you're mad at me. I'm so sure of us. Lately, I'm just worried that you're not." He kissed the side of my neck, causing tingles to form down my spine and hit every nerve.
He nuzzled my neck. "Are you mad?"
I forced my voice to soften. "No." After all, he had asked a simple question. There was no reason to go ape-bitch-crazy on him.
His face lit back up again. "Now, can I have some of your Fun Dip?" He aimed his sugar stick tainted with blue sugar into my red sugar packet.
I yanked my candy away from him. "No! Don't be sticking your stick where it doesn't belong."
He laughed, but I smirked. Dead-ass serious.
Chapter Four
Saturday morning, I stretched my arms high, reaching to the ceiling and praising the God above for glorious slumber. Brian was snoring lightly beside me. I could watch him sleep forever. He had the cutest baby face—angelic, even—when he was soundly sleeping.