by Anthology
"Courtney," he said, though it came out as little more than air. "I should tell you something."
My lips devoured his neck, then worked their way down his chest. I couldn’t stop. It was as though I’d been awakened and I needed all of him, right this minute. "Later." I flicked my tongue over his nipple, causing him to groan loudly and throw his head back again. I smiled. I loved the way he reacted to me. He grabbed my hands and rested them against his chest where his pounding heart beat a rhythm into my palms. I sat up. What was wrong? Chase took several deep breaths, clearly steadying himself.
"I can’t let this continue until I’m honest with you."
My heart sank. How many times could this happen in a short amount of time? Would my heart give out from too many plummets? "What?"
His brown eyes met mine and they were full of sadness. "This isn’t something that’s easy for me to talk about. I don’t tell many people because it hurts and it’s ugly. But before we go any farther, I have to tell you. I can’t lie to you, especially not after you just opened up to me."
"You can tell me anything." I was uneasy waiting for his words to come.
He sighed as though he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. "You already know that I knew Jax first, but I didn’t tell you how I met him." I nodded, signaling him to continue. "I met him in rehab."
His words sank in. I waited for some kind of reaction within me, but nothing came. In truth, it didn’t bother me. Plenty of people struggled with demons. He got help; he worked through his. "Okay. That’s not a big deal."
He closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his cheek. "It’s not that easy. Rehab was the easy part. I destroyed my life to get there."
"Just tell me. I’m here for you." He accepted my baggage without fail, without question. The least I could do was listen to him and accept him.
"I was an alcoholic, like Jax. We all self-destruct, some of us just hurt more people. I hurt…a lot of people." He bit his lip. "I was married before. I had two young children with her and we had a pretty good life, I guess. But…I struggled. We had two sons under the age of three and I worked all the time. When I came home, she nagged me that I didn’t do enough. A beer to unwind after a long day turned into a six-pack. That six-pack turned into whiskey chasers. It got bad. I was bad."
My heart continued to sink with each word he spoke. He was married? He couldn’t be much older than me, maybe twenty-seven or so. How had he already gone through all of this? "I’m so sorry, Chase."
"That’s not even the worst of it." He chuckled, though it sounded bitter. "On New Year’s Eve, I was on my way home from a bar. I needed to escape my house. My wife had been driving me crazy and the kids were being terrors. In retrospect, they were just being kids, but I was sick. I was sick in the head in the worst possible way."
He paused, seeming to gather his strength. I tried to gather my own. Whatever he was about to say was sure to gut me, I could already tell. "I was drunk, of course. Driving while drunk had never been an issue before. I’d been completely plastered and made it home safely. This time, I figured it’d be okay. How wrong I was." He shifted. Since I still straddled his lap, I shifted with him.
My heart was in my throat. I wanted to know what he was about to say, and I wished he’d just tell me.
"I don’t remember the details. It’s a blur. I hit a van carrying a family. Almost everyone escaped with minor injuries, but…the mother lost everything. The baby she was carrying… she’s paralyzed." His voice broke and tears fell in earnest.
"Oh, Chase. I’m so sorry." I wiped away his tears. My heart was breaking for him. "That must have been so hard."
"It was the worst time in my life. I killed another human being. A baby that was going to grow up and be someone. A doctor, a nurse, hell, a starving artist. It doesn’t matter, that baby was a person. I cost that mother the use of her legs. She can’t chase after her kids or play soccer with them. She can’t walk down the aisle at her children’s weddings. She’s…she’s wheelchair bound forever. All because of me. Because I was stupid and thought I could drive while drunk."
He broke down, sobbing. His shoulders shook and he buried his face in his hands. My heart broke along with his. His pain, grief, and regret poured out of him, threatening to drown us both. I held him while he cried. I cried with him.
With everything he already said, I forgot about the wife and sons. That was, until he started talking again. "I ended up having charges filed against me. Instead of prison time, the judge ordered me into an intensive rehab program, realizing that I needed to change my life. I went willingly, thinking I’d turn my life around. I thought I’d have my wife and children there when I got out, that I’d have time to make it up to them." His voice cracked again. "I wasn’t even in rehab a full week before the divorce papers were delivered to me. On top of that? She filed a restraining order against me, as though I’d ever hurt them. Yes, I fucked up. God, I fucked up so much, but I’d never hurt them. I was changing my life. For them."
"What’d you do then? I mean, about the papers?"
"I signed them. She moved across the country and took my boys with her. I’ll never see them again."
"I’m so sorry." My words were lacking. How he was able to function with all of this hanging around him was a mystery to me. This was a lot for one person to take on.
"It’s been a few years, but I’m still healing, Courtney. I’m over my marriage, I will never be over my sons being taken away from me, and I will never forgive myself for robbing that family of so much. In a lot of ways I’m a broken man, but I want you. If you’ll have me." His brown eyes pleaded with me to be gentle with him.
I took his face between my palms and ran my thumbs over his cheeks. "You aren’t broken, Chase. You’re dented and scratched in a few places, but you aren’t broken." A lump threatened to strangle me. "I want you."
"I will never be good enough for you, but, God, I want you." At that, he yanked me forward and kissed me with such desperation and passion that my spine tingled. Chills raced through my veins before I warmed. I threw myself around him as he moved so he was on top of me, pressing me into the couch. His hands glided over my body. I felt cared for, safe, sexy. He kissed his way down to my neck and I arched my back up into him. He hadn’t undressed me or slid his hands anywhere indecent, but already he turned me on. I wanted his hands everywhere.
I ran my hands over his bare chest as he continued to devour my neck. I couldn’t stop the moans that escaped my lips. Finally, Chase moved his hand under my shirt and cupped my breast. I damn near jumped out of my skin. He caressed me. I felt like putty in his hands.
Before long, my shirt joined his on the floor. I unbuttoned his pants and slid my hand inside, then gripped him firmly. He hissed a breath between his teeth and rested his forehead against my chest as I stroked him. He trembled above me. I felt everything for him in that moment. He’d shown me true vulnerability and accepted my own.
I continued to rub him, loving the way he reacted to me. I seemed to make him powerless.
"God, Courtney. That feels so good." His breath fanned my neck and shoulder, and caused my body to shiver. He peppered my neck with kisses before he captured my lips again. The kiss was laced with so much passion that I feared I would explode and he hadn’t even touched me yet. Without warning, he came undone, groaning into my ear. "You’re amazing."
I bucked my hips. I wanted him to touch me—needed him to touch me. He chuckled before he crawled to the floor and undid my jeans, then slid them over my hips and down my legs. He met my eyes briefly before he bent down and touched me with his tongue. I exclaimed and grabbed his hair in my hands.
"Chase," I moaned. I couldn’t get anything else out before he slid his fingers inside me. I was at his mercy, a slave to his tongue and fingers. I reached my own climax, way before I wanted to. He moved back up my body, lay behind me and pulled me into his chest.
"That was intense," I said.
"It was perfect." He kissed my nec
k. I lay in his arms, sated and content, feeling truly safe for the first time in years. I lost the battle with sleep, wrapped in Chase’s arms.
Chapter Six
Courtney
Chase and I spent every moment together that we could. We went from casually texting, to texting nonstop. We’d meet for dinner and end up at one of our houses, where we’d get tangled in sheets and each other. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this good. I woke with a smile and I went to bed with a smile. All of it felt right.
Chase: I’m getting out of work a little early. Come to my house after work?
Me: Perfect!
I hurried through my day and rushed out of the office. Before I knew it, I was standing on Chase’s doorstep, waiting for him to open the door. When he did, he grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into him, crushing me with a scorching kiss. I fisted his shirt to stabilize myself.
One touch, one kiss, one look sent me up in flames. He walked backward until we were in the house and he slammed the door, then pressed me up against it. He molded his body to mine and I could barely breathe. He normally wasn’t forceful and I loved seeing this side of him.
He grabbed one of my legs and hooked it over his hip, then ground into me in a delicious way. I broke the kiss to gasp at how perfect the friction felt. Chase never missed a beat, he kissed down over my chin and to my neck. He yanked my shirt off and pulled the cups of my bra down, then attacked my nipples. Noises flew from my mouth that I didn’t even know I could make. I buried my hands in his hair and held on.
"I need you," he said against my skin. Chills danced across my skin.
"Then have me."
He growled and stood, picked me up and carried me back to his bedroom. He tossed me on the bed. I didn’t have time to move before he was on top of me, touching me, unbuttoning my pants, placing hot kisses along my skin.
"Chase," I whispered. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Too many emotions warred inside of me. I wanted him so damned bad. We fooled around all the time, but had never crossed the finish line. Tonight? I wanted to race across that damn finish line and come in first place.
"What?" he asked around a mouthful of my flesh.
"I want you."
"I’m right here." I felt him smile against me.
"I want you inside me. I want to feel you moving in me. I want all of you."
"Fuck," he cursed, and rested his head against my chest as he heaved a breath. I worried I went too far. Was he not ready to take that step? Before I could ask, he stood and dropped his pants to the floor. I drank him in. There were slight indents that ran along his hips down to the part of him I really wanted right now. He had a dusting of hair on his chest and a trail of it running down his lower abdomen. I loved running my fingers through that hair. I loved the way he felt. I couldn’t wait to feel all of him. He went over to his nightstand, opened a drawer, and grabbed a condom.
"Chase?" I bit my lip.
"Yeah?" His heated eyes skated over my body, drinking me in.
"I’m on birth control."
His eyes flared and he stalked back over to me. He climbed on top of me. "Are we going to have the clean talk now?"
"Enough talk. Just want you inside me."
He smirked, then pulled his hips back and slid into me. My eyes closed and he groaned. "So tight," he muttered. That spurred me on. I raised my hips into him, taking him deeper. He cursed under his breath. Slowly, so slowly that I thought I would die, he pulled his hips back before slamming into me. I screamed out and clawed at his back.
This wasn’t a gentle coming together. This wasn’t making love or slow sex. This was fast, furious, and meaningful fucking and I never wanted it to end.
"You like that?" he asked. His words caused me to clench around him. "You want more?"
"Faster," I moaned.
He obliged and I saw stars. We moved in sync, each muttering our own curses and dirty words. I was so overwhelmed with sensation that I couldn’t focus on anything but the sliding of him in and out of me.
"Getting close," he groaned. "You close, baby?"
"Yeah." Knowing that he was close combined with how good he felt sent me over the edge. I called out and he moaned, his face buried in my neck. He moved his hips slowly, drawing out both of our releases. My toes curled as I clutched him to me.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
He collapsed next to me and pulled me into him. We wrapped our limbs around each other and I pressed my face into his chest.
"I never knew you were such a dirty talker," I remarked, a smile permanently plastered on my face.
"You bring out the best in me." He chuckled softly.
I kissed the center of his chest; his slight sheen of sweat tasted salty. I loved the way he tasted, the way he felt, him.
The realization crashed over me and I felt so contented. I never wanted this to end. The realization aroused me all over again and I ran my fingers down his abs. He inhaled a breath and his abdomen tightened.
I wanted him again. I wanted him forever.
I kissed his chest and neck while I stroked him. He laughed. "Court, I love your enthusiasm, but I may need a few minutes."
"Don’t want to wait. Just want you."
He grabbed my hand and stilled it. "I’m not going anywhere." He kissed my forehead. I snuggled closer to him.
I was home.
Chapter Seven
Chase
Courtney and I were in my kitchen, making dinner together. After the other day, she hadn’t been home other than to grab some clothes. I was going to ask her to move in with me. It was fast, but I was a big believer in living life to the fullest. I’ve spent so much of my life living in regret, grief, and misery. I wanted to grab this good and hold it close. I wanted to protect it and cherish it.
I wanted to cherish Courtney.
I put the plates on the table and Courtney followed behind me, laying out the silverware. I liked the togetherness we had. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Courtney enjoyed it too.
"Hey, Court," I said. She looked up at me, a smile on her gorgeous face. Her hair was piled in a messy bun on top of her head and she wore sweatpants. I loved how comfortable she was with me already.
"Yeah?"
I wanted to seize the moment and the feeling. "Move in with me?" She gasped and her eyes widened. "I guess we could move into your place instead. I don’t care. I just know I want to be with you. I want to go to sleep with you and wake up with you. I want to fix our meals together. I want you to be my constant, Court." Tears shimmered in her eyes and her chin wobbled.
The doorbell rang.
I fought down my irritation. "Hold that thought, okay?" I asked. She nodded. I went to the front door and opened it. The person on the other side clobbered me like a pallet of bricks. "Terry."
My ex-wife stood there, my two sons next to her. I fought to keep my emotions in check. I drank in my sons. Timmy was up to his mom’s hip, his big hazel eyes peering up at me, full of curiosity. His hair was cut short, no doubt in an effort to contain the wild curls he possessed. Jason was shorter than Timmy, naturally, but he bore a striking resemblance to his older brother. His loose waves made his brown hair unruly, and he had the same hazel eyes. I fought the urge to fall to my knees and scoop them in my arms. I braced my hand on the doorframe. My heart pounded in my chest and I felt lightheaded. I thought I’d never see them again.
"Chase. Can we come in?" my ex-wife asked. My eyes jumped to her. She was the same woman who left all those years ago. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a tight hairstyle, making her face look stern. Her green eyes were sharp. She was thinner and looked more worn out, but she was here. She brought my boys here.
"Of course." I stepped back and motioned them in. I had to keep my hand against the wall to keep from collapsing. This was too much.
"Chase?" Courtney came into the living room. Her eyes swept over Terry and the boys, and realization dawned on her.
"Who is that?" Terry asked, her voice like a shrew
. She pierced me with a glare. Where did she get off coming here after four years and then acting as though I was doing something wrong?
"Give me a moment, Terry." I walked over to Courtney and pulled her into the dining room. "That’s my wife and my sons, Court. My sons are here." The tears I’d kept at bay slid down my cheeks. She rested her hand on my arm and squeezed it. "Can you go? I need to find out why she’s here."
I didn’t miss Courtney’s flinch, but I couldn’t think about anything other than my boys being in the next room. They weren’t across the country. I could hold them, kiss them, talk to them, learn who they were now. I didn’t have to be haunted by outdated memories. I could see them in the here and now.
"Of course," Courtney murmured. She picked up her purse and quickly left.
All my attention was on Terry and the boys. I went back into the living room. "Please, sit." I motioned to the furniture. "I’m sorry I don’t have any toys or anything for the boys. I wasn’t expecting you." My mind raced so quickly. I wasn’t even sure what I was saying or if I made sense.
"I brought them some coloring books and toys," Terry said. She handed Timmy a book bag, then sat in a chair. "Go in the other room, please. Your father and I need to talk for a few minutes." Her voice was soft for the boys and I could see the love in her eyes.
"Okay, Mommy," Timmy said. He took Jason by the hand and led him into the dining room. I watched them interact and move. They quickly got out toys and went about playing quietly. My heart swelled so big that I feared my chest would split open. My boys were here, in my house.
"Chase." Terry pulled my attention back to her. I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from the boys and gazed at her.
"I’m surprised to see you, Terry. And the boys…" My voice got stuck in my throat. "They look good."
"They are good. They’re excellent."
"Why are you here?"
"We moved back to Virginia. I lost my job out there and I wanted to come home to my family. It was hard being away from my siblings and my parents. So the boys and I are back."