by Anthology
"Mommy has to clean the kitchen while Daddy talks to Bella. You can watch on the big TV downstairs."
"Bella’s mad?" Joey scrunched his little face at me.
"A little. But she’ll be okay. I’ll come watch Iron Man with you in a bit." I picked him up and kissed his cheek. Joey put his hand on my jaw.
"You have to say sowwy, Daddy."
I kissed his hand and nodded. "I know, buddy. Believe me. Go with Mommy and I’ll be right down."
Sam and Joey made their way downstairs. I remembered the first Christmas I ever spent with Bella and Sam, and how I would have given my right arm back then for all we had now.
Bella crept over to where I was sitting with my legs crossed on the floor and climbed into my lap, burying her head into my chest.
"Hey." I put my finger under her chin to make her look up at me. "Why the long face? You got a ton of awesome presents."
"Yeah, but. . . I . . . didn’t get the big gift I wanted from Santa this year."
I glanced around the living room and found that a little hard to believe. There were Lego, My Littlest Pet Shop, and various princess toys as far as the eye could see. It was any other six-year-old’s dream come true.
"What did you ask for, Butterfly?" I wrapped my arms around her and she looked up at me with glassy eyes.
"I asked if you could be my daddy. My real one. So you would never have to leave. I thought when you were here this morning that I got it, but you told Mommy you were going back to your apartment tomorrow." Jesus. This little girl had the power to cut me off at the knees. It was an ability she inherited from her mother.
"It’s funny you say that," I whispered in her ear. "I asked Santa if I could be your daddy, too." Bella’s eyes widened as she popped her head up.
"You did? What did he say?" The innocence in her face as she believed me and hung on every word I said made my chest constrict.
"He said that a big gift like that takes time, but he was working on it. But until then, we get to see each other anytime we want. Sounds good, right, Butterfly?"
She beamed at me as she nodded. I kissed her cheek and tickled her side. Nothing made me happier than Bella’s giggle, especially after it took me so many months to coax it out of her. My little story satisfied her and we went back to building another castle.
Too bad Santa wasn’t real. I didn’t need another present for the rest of my life, as long as he let me have my girls.
Bella’s door was still ajar. I snuck in and tiptoed over to the bed. She lay face down on her pillow clutching a tissue. I sat on the edge of her bed and leaned over to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Hey, can I talk to you?" Bella turned and sat up, but didn’t look at me.
I took a deep breath. "Your father has a big problem. You’re a beautiful young lady, and I look at you and still see the five-year-old little girl who ran away with my heart." I put my arm around her shoulder and she turned her tear stained face to mine. "I’m sorry I went a little crazy. I’m like that with both you and your mom. It wasn’t the first time, and probably won’t be the last." Bella nodded with her gaze fixed back to the floor.
"I think you’re too young to date. There are plenty of years for you to do that. Being a kid doesn’t last for very long so you shouldn’t rush it. But, as far as Friday goes, you can go." Bella jerked her head in my direction and gaped at me.
"Really?"
"Yes. Really. Not late. I want to know how you’re getting there and back. And I want Christian to come in and talk to us before you leave. I won’t scare him, much." I smirked at Bella and she giggled. All these years later, that was still one of my favorite sounds in the world.
"Christian’s mom is taking us. After the dance, I was going to sleep at Megan’s house since her birthday party is the next day."
"You call us when you get to Megan’s house. Since everyone already knows I’m an unreasonable ogre, I’d like to speak to Megan’s mother. Just to make sure no stragglers come back to hang out with you guys." I thought back to the Fordham Prep Christmas dance my sophomore year and inwardly cringed. I shrugged off the memory and resolved to make sure my daughter’s memories of her first dance wouldn’t include sharing a forty-ounce beer.
"Okay." Bella smiled as she wiped her tears off her cheeks with her worn out tissue.
I kissed her forehead and took her face in my hands. "I never want you to stop telling me everything. I can’t promise you I won’t freak out—especially when it comes to you and boys. I’d rather worry about what I do know than what you may be hiding. And I come around, eventually." I winked at her and she flung her arms around my neck.
"I love you, Dad. Thank you."
"I love you too, Butterfly." I kissed her on the cheek and led her back downstairs.
I was proud of myself. I spoke to my daughter about having her first date with a cool and level head.
However, Christian Davis was still a punk.
Chapter Two
Samantha
December 19
"What about this one?" I eyed the red lacy number that Bella picked from the rack for her very first dance. I narrowed my eyes at my daughter. We gave her an inch, but Lucas would lock her in her room if she tried to take an inch and a half.
"Unless you want your father to have you fitted for a chastity belt underneath, no. I know it’s a Christmas dance but let’s see if we can find something a little nicer and not so . . . in your face." I raised my eyebrows at Bella as she laughed and nodded.
"Mommy, look! Superman!" Joey was distracted by every superhero shirt, bag and whatever else in his line of sight, and always felt compelled to take off in that direction. I missed the hell out of his well-harnessed carriage. I grabbed him by the hood of his jacket and picked him up.
"How about this one?" Bella held up a very simple off the shoulder black dress with long sleeves. It was reasonable enough for my wallet and modest enough for my husband not to have a heart attack.
"Beautiful, why don’t you go try it on." Bella rushed into the dressing room while I pulled Joey onto my lap on the seat outside. The instrumental Christmas carols piping though the store only added to my headache.
"Mommy, will you marry me?" Joey whispered as he cuddled into my neck. His new favorite movie was The Book of Life, and he loved to reenact the proposal scene, sometimes even getting down on one knee.
"Baby, I’d love to marry you. But I'm already married to Daddy. I think he’d be sad if I wasn't.
Joey shrugged. "He can marry someone else."
It’s amazing what comes out of the mouths of children. My husband was always beautiful. When I met him he was twenty-three, and already breathtaking with his piercing blue eyes, disheveled enough to be sexy sandy brown hair, and a body that made my sheltered eighteen-year-old self want to do very bad things. Lucas was the man of my dreams all throughout college, and some days it's surreal that I get to share his bed and his life.
With the touch of gray at his temples and lines around his eyes distinguishing his face, he went from gorgeous to outright stunning. Women still fell all over themselves in his presence, so my son was spot on. He could find someone else to marry in a heartbeat.
Tonight, he would be at a swanky holiday client dinner where I was sure a couple of females would hang on his every word. They could ogle all they wanted. Of all the things I doubted in this world, Lucas's heart wasn't one of them.
Time together was so scarce lately between work, the kids, and the tiring hustle and bustle of holiday planning. It was odd to miss someone so much when you lived in the same house.
"Okay, Mom. How’s this?" My daughter’s voice brought me out of my wallowing. The dress was fitted but not too tight and made her seem so much taller. Her shiny chestnut hair cascaded down her back, and she looked so . . . grown up. I wasn’t ready for this. Where was the little girl who wrapped herself around my leg everywhere I went? My Bella was a young woman. The tears that pricked my eyelids made me wish I’d listened to my husband and sa
id no.
"Mom, is this okay?"
"Sorry, sweetheart. Yes, it’s perfect." My heart was heavy as I stood from my seat and strode to the register with Joey in my arms. His clinginess now felt like a precious gift, and I would make sure to enjoy every second of it from now on.
* * *
I got Joey into bed early and I hadn’t heard a peep from Bella’s room for the past half hour. I plopped down on my bed and tried to keep my eyelids from closing, but they were just too damn heavy.
I awoke with goosebumps spreading across my legs. As my sleepy eyes adjusted to the dark, I could make out a big lump in the sheets. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the lump moved.
"Relax, Baby Girl. It’s only me." Lucas climbed out of the sheets and crawled on top of me.
"What are you doing at the bottom of the bed? And didn’t I have pants on?"
"You did." Lucas’s voice was a low and husky whisper. He ran his hands up my thighs and hooked his thumbs under the waistband of my panties. "I wanted to kiss you awake." Lucas sucked my earlobe into his mouth as I whimpered.
"Shh . . . no matter how many times I make you come you can’t make any noise." Even in the almost dark, I could tell Lucas was smirking at me. I remembered how many times he ‘kissed me awake’ when I stayed at his apartment in the city. I always woke up with a scream and the entire lower half of my body throbbing.
"Ambitious tonight aren’t we, Mr. Hunter?" I raked my nails up his bare muscular back. Lucas must have gotten naked the second he walked into the bedroom. Heat pooled between my legs as my hands drifted over all the muscles and hard ridges that I knew so well. Sex with Lucas was just as mind-blowing as it was all those years ago, but with a little boy who could hear a pin drop during the night, it always felt like we were racing against the clock. I loved the family we made together, but sometimes—and I hated myself for it—I longed for those nights of screwing each other’s brains out with abandon and no time limit.
"Oh, I’ll show you ambitious, Mrs. Hunter." Lucas crashed his mouth to mine in a ravenous kiss. His hard body pressed against me, and his even harder erection rubbed against my stomach. Not making noise was damn near impossible. He dragged open mouthed kisses down my neck and over the swell of my breasts. Lucas lifted my tank top over my head and covered my mouth with his hand as he sucked on a nipple. I mewled against his hand as his mouth continued its descent down my quivering body.
"Fucking finally," Lucas growled as he dragged my panties down my legs and buried his head between my thighs. He sucked my clit into his mouth and then flicked it with his tongue. I put two pillows over my face as he worked his mouth all over me. My hips bucked off the bed as he slid two fingers inside and pumped them in and out. My toes tingled as my legs trembled.
"Lucas . . . you feel so good. So, so good . . ." My whole body clenched as I came hard against his lips. I was still coming down from my high when Lucas positioned himself between my legs.
As if on cue, the door jiggled. We grumbled as Lucas’s head fell to my chest.
"We need to get a gate for that kid’s room." Lucas climbed off me and flicked on the lamp next to his nightstand before running into our bathroom to clean his face.
"We tried that, remember? We didn’t get any sleep because he kept screaming his head was stuck." I pulled on my pajamas and made my way towards the locked door. I was against the lock at first, but it was better for Joey’s mental health in the long run. The sight of your naked parents wrestling with each other had to invoke some kind of emotional trauma later in life.
Joey raced through the open door and plopped into bed. Lucas settled in next to him and let out a defeated chuckle as he gazed at his son.
"Good night, little man. I love you." Lucas pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and wrapped his arm around him. Seeing Lucas and Joey together always made my heart swell. They were so identical it was spooky. I loved them more than I ever thought possible, even when they both drove me nuts.
"I love you too, Daddy. Mommy, let’s snuggle." He reached out his little arms for me as I stepped back into bed. I laughed and cuddled into his embrace.
Lucas reached over Joey and extended his arm around me. "I like snuggling with Mommy, too." He winked and made me giggle. Both my boys turned me into mush with very little effort.
Joey was asleep in less than a minute. I gazed over at Lucas, and contemplated sneaking out to the living room to finish what we started. But my son would know, and follow.
"I was thinking," Lucas whispered as ran his fingers through my hair. "After the New Year, what do you think about going away, just us, for a weekend?"
I shut my eyes and rubbed his forearm. "I don’t know. It sounds wonderful, but Joey is still little. He looks for us."
"My mother would love to stay with the kids for a weekend. She asks all the time. Think about it, Baby Girl." I nodded and settled into my pillow. "I miss you, Sam. So much." The sadness and frustration on Lucas’s face gutted me. "I know it makes no sense since we live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, but—"
"I know, babe. I miss you, too." I turned my head and placed a soft kiss on Lucas’s wrist.
Lucas shut the light off and put his arm back around both of us. I reached across the bed to caress Lucas’s cheek and melted when he grabbed my hand to kiss my palm.
How did you choose between being a good mother and a good wife? As hard as I tried at both, I always felt as though I was failing miserably.
Chapter Three
Samantha
December 20
I think the last time I actually looked forward to Christmas was when I lived at home with my mother. She bought all the gifts and I just signed my name.
We shopped for Joey first since, of course, the toys he always wanted were the season’s hot commodities. Every single holiday season, no matter how much I tried to avoid it, I was the idiot in line on December twenty-third and wrapping like a madwoman on Christmas Eve.
Thankfully, our clients usually took the two weeks before Christmas as vacation, so our office was quiet for the most part. I managed to sneak over to Macy’s to attempt to finish buying presents for Lucas and Bella. I was thrilled with myself for finding the last present I needed even though sweat dripped from my brow. Stores during the Christmas season should have air conditioning instead of heat to accommodate for running around in winter gear.
"Samantha? Is that you?" A nasally voice screeched across the men’s department and made me turn my head. I recognized Janet, one of Lucas’s coworkers, making her way towards me. I forced a smile. All I wanted was to pay and leave. I had zero interest in making small talk with a woman who, the last time I saw her, stuck to my husband like static cling. Most of the people in his office were nice. Lucas liked to bring us in to his office from time to time to ‘show us off,’ but this lady was entirely too attentive to both Lucas and the kids. Until now, she never seemed to notice his wife.
"Hi, Janet. How are you?" As much as I tried, I couldn’t fake being happy to see her.
She flipped her wavy hair over her shoulder and cackled. "Oh, I’m fab. That’s something about Lucas, huh?"
I hated people who used the word ‘fab’. This wasn’t Sweet Valley High.
My brow furrowed. "What about Lucas?"
"Oh, he didn’t tell you? His big promotion! He was telling me all about it when we went to get sushi the other day. They’re waiting until the first of the year to make the announcement. That is an amazing man that you have!"
I grinned so wide my cheekbones hurt. "Yes, my husband is amazing. I’m the luckiest woman alive." I was also the most pissed off woman alive. However, my effort to claim him didn’t go unnoticed. She stumbled and seemed a bit flustered.
"Yeah well, I’m sure he’ll tell you, hon. When you guys are together it’s probably all kids and family stuff so it slips his mind."
My cheeks heated, and not from the stifling heat of the store. Who was I most angry with? I couldn’t decide if it was this bitch who tried
to make me believe she was Lucas’s new confidant, or my husband, for one, not making a lunch date with me in months, and two, not telling me this huge piece of news. I fought the urge to drop my packages and punch Janet in her surgically altered nose.
"Well, looks like I’m next." I nodded toward the register. "You have a nice holiday." I piled my items on the counter and didn’t care to look as the clicking of her heels faded in the distance.
My eye caught the silver cufflinks I had picked out for Lucas. They were butterflies, and even though they were a bit girly, I thought with all the grief we gave him about Bella going to her first dance he would get a kick out of them. My chest squeezed as my stomach sank. Was that all we were now—parents who didn’t share anything with each other except when it was about our kids?
I paid for the gifts, then did my best to ignore the tears that threatened to fall and dug my phone out of my purse.
Me: Can you get a drink tonight?
Jason: On a school night? Usually I have to book time with you two weeks in advance. You OK, O’Rourke?
Me: I’m yours if you want me.
Jason: Don’t let Lucas see this text. Won’t matter that I’m a cock lover, alpha hottie will kick my ass anyway.
Me: I’m upset and I need a friend to get me drunk.
Jason: Happy to oblige, my dear. I’ll take care of you. Sushi Samba?
Sushi. I almost threw my phone on the concrete as I exited the store.
Me: How about Di Comos? I need cold Pinot Grigio and a bartender who pours without judgement.
Jason: You got it. Meet you there at 7.
The thought of Lucas keeping things from me, especially something like this, broke my heart. He said he missed me but was I ignoring him to this extent? That he confided things in someone like Janet because he thought I didn’t care? The rational thing would have been to head home and speak to my husband, but rational was never my strong point.