by Anthology
I smiled shyly, my cheeks flushing. "Yeah." Mama’s boy.
"I know you’re different from your brothers. You’re beyond your years, always were. You feel."
The corner of my mouth drew in at her sentiment. Right now it didn’t feel like something special. It felt like a curse.
"I know you think this is the right thing to do, that Casey would want it. And maybe she would. But just be sure. If you guys are meant to be, she’ll be there when you’re done with college."
When I didn’t answer, she continued. "Look, son, you know I’d love nothing more than to finally have a daughter, but you’re right, I was a girl once. And as much as we all dream of our wedding day and wonder who our husband will be or what our name will look like spelled next to their last name, when we’re staring at the ring that is supposed to represent our future, something inside does panic. It makes no sense, but it happens. The pieces start to float together and we wonder if this is the destiny we’re meant to live. If he really is "the one". If we’re really supposed to say yes."
I slouched back in my chair, my heart racing one hundred miles an hour in my chest. "I didn’t think of it that way. I just wanted her to know how serious I was about her. How much I love her."
"She already knows that, baby. This is Casey. If it’s really what you want, then go for it. She’s already a daughter to me. She always has been. But you’re my son. My baby boy. Search inside yourself a little. Make sure you’re ready for this. There’s a big world out there, love. And you’ve only seen a small corner of it."
"I got it. Thanks, Ma."
"Anytime, baby." She slid the bowl back in front of her and pushed up her sleeves, sucking her top lip back into her mouth.
I stood and rounded the table to kiss her on the top of her head. Stopping at the door, I stared at her once again. "You’re really kinda smart you know that?"
"Mmm hmm," she grunted, seeming like she was trying to use her tongue to mold the thing in her hands.
"And I didn’t mean the girl thing. You’re still a girl."
She looked up. "I knew what you meant, baby."
I smiled. "And I still wanna marry you."
A huge smile split her face. "You married me the day you were born. No matter who wears your ring." She winked.
If only it were that simple.
Chapter Six
Search myself. Search myself. Search myself.
I paced my apartment until the threads in the carpet were flattened. How the hell do you search yourself? I didn’t think I needed to search myself.
With a huff, I slumped back onto my couch cushions and dropped my head into my hands. Immediately, Casey’s radiant smile filled my mind. I fisted the hair at the back of my head as I imagined her dropping her head back and laughing her hearty little giggle at one of my jokes, her hair glistening in the summer sun. A warmth filled my chest at the memory.
I was sitting on the swing, watching a little girl. I’d never noticed girls before, but she looked different. She looked nice. I wanted to talk to her. Or, I wanted her to talk to me.
My palms started to sweat along the chain links even though it was cool enough that I was wearing a jacket. I watched as she hopped, crunching the brown leaves as she ambled through the small opening into the area where the swing sets were.
I immediately jumped off mine.
She snagged her fingers with her free hand and twisted her body side to side, staring at me.
"Want a turn?" I held the chain out to her.
She smiled, bashful and then she opened her mouth and the sweetest sound came out of it. "Sure." Her cheeks turned rosy and I thought I fell in love right there, even though I still had no clue what that even meant. All I knew was that I wanted to give this girl anything that was mine. Make her smile a million times because something about it made me feel all gooey.
She got closer and stopped before me, seeming to study me the same way I was studying her and my belly did this weird flip-floppy thing. I nudged the chain closer to her in invitation and the corner of her mouth quirked before she spun, sending the smell of strawberries floating on a breeze and sat, her fingers brushing mine in the process. Maybe it was the metal, but I swore she zapped me. I thought she felt it too because she giggled and slid her hand away from mine and this overwhelming feeling of disappointment washed over me.
"What’s your name?" I asked.
She used her tippy toes to pull back and then she propelled forward. "Casey." She smiled down at me and I knew. Right then I knew.
And I still did.
I didn’t need to look any further. I was lucky enough to have my life’s partner fall into my lap and I wasn’t going to jeopardize losing her. Mom was right, it was a big world and I wanted to see it all…
With her.
Chapter Seven
After positioning the fresh pine wreath on my door, Casey spun on her heels and smiled. "So what are we doing tomorrow?" She twirled her hair and sat beside me on the couch.
"I wanna cook a special Christmas dinner for you. Start our own tradition the day before. Then we’ll spend the eve with your folks and Christmas Day with mine like we always do so they can’t complain. Cool?"
"Sounds good to me." Her smile turned coy as she twisted to face me. "But are you on the menu?"
Why did she have to say things like that? It always made me lose my train of thought as they express trained straight to my dick. I took a moment to pretend-mull it over, teasing her. When her breathing became heavy in her chest, I leaned in and cupped her sex hard, my thumb biting into her jeans as I squeezed. "I think that can be arranged. But you better stop talking like that or I’ll prop you on that table like a Christmas turkey and chow down until my appetite’s satisfied." She took a sharp intake of breath and licked her lips and I knew I’d hit the spot. I smiled at how easy it was to affect her that way. Almost like a reflex, her legs widened.
"Easy, Mama. We can’t right now. We’re already late."
She huffed, moving my hand aside and crossing her legs. "I can’t believe you just did that to me and you’re not even gonna let me come."
"I’m sorry. I’ll make up for it tomorrow, though. I promise." There was that word again. I swallowed hard and backed away.
"Whatever." She stood, purposefully sticking her little round ass in my face as she did, and I swore my dick moaned.
"Down, boy," I whispered, palming it. I turned my attention back to her. "Come on. They’re all dying to see you."
* * *
My younger brother, Chance, looked up from his X-box game as we walked through my parents’ front door. The smell of pine needle and cinnamon lingered in the air. My mom’s house was always decorated like Santa’s workshop the week after Thanksgiving, and never without a festive Yankee Candle burning at all times.
"Hey, sis."
"What’s up, bro?" Casey set down the tray she was holding on the coffee table and leaned down to give him a kiss on the cheek.
He paused the game and sprang up on long sprightly legs, swiping his head to the side to remove his shaggy hair from his blue eyes. "No way, it’s been way too long. Get over here." He grabbed her around the neck and squeezed.
Casey laughed, hugging him back. "I missed you guys." When she tried to pull back, Chance tightened his hold.
"When you gonna take a chance on me?"
Casey rolled her eyes with a giggle. "Still using the same line, huh?"
I moved in, taking her hand. "Back off, young stuff. That’s a lotta woman right there. She don’t want no man-boy. She needs a beast." I puffed out my broad chest, pulling her to me.
"Pfft, man-boy. You shoulda seen what I had in my bed last ni… Oh hey, Mom." He smiled, looking toward the entryway.
"Mmm-hmm. I heard you, mister. Keep it in your pants. You’re still in high school and I can still whoop your ass." She stopped in front of Casey and took her hands in her own. "How’s my favorite girl?" She examined her from every angle. "School treating you okay? You can alw
ays come back home, ya know."
"Yes, Momma C, school’s been fine." She smiled and my heart warmed at her sentiment. She’d been calling her that since we were in junior high, which only proved she was already family.
"Good." My mom tweaked Casey’s nose. "Better be careful. There are way too many guys in this house looking to get their hands on you."
"That’s okay. I’m not scared. I missed them all something fierce." She glanced down at the tray. "Oh, I almost forgot, my mom sent cookies. She says she misses you guys." She smiled, handing over the tray.
"You should’ve told them to join us. There’s always room at my table for them."
"Thanks. I’ll mention it next time."
"Short stack!" Dom rounded the corner with his arms open. "Lay it on me." Casey leaped into his brawny arms the way she always did. I actually always hated that she did that, thinking Dom was enjoying his free feel too much, but it was too late to change it now. He twirled her around before setting her on her feet.
"Where’s Poppa?" she asked, looping her arm around Dom’s waist and looking around.
"He went to the liquor store with Trent. They’ll be back soon," Dom answered.
Trent was my other older brother. He was younger than Dom but just as much of a horndog as him and, apparently, Chance. This was a house of piranhas, but I knew they’d never seriously go after my girl. Bro code always ruled. And no matter how much they joked, I knew they loved her like a sister.
Dom and Casey fell onto the couch cushions and he switched off Chance’s game. "Hey," Chance protested.
"Sorry, bro, tube’s mine now. Go pop a zit or something."
"Idiot," Chance mumbled, sulking from the room. I laughed and sat beside Casey, leaning forward to pick through Mom’s candy dish. It was a fixture on her table, but during the holidays it was always filled with ribbon candy and chocolates. And it always sat next to a box of After Eight Mint Chocolate Thins.
Dom slid his arm behind Casey on the couch. "So, Case, do you promise you got me a good Christmas gift?"
I choked on my chocolate, Ferrero Rocher ball and then turned to glare at him through watery eyes. He smirked but kept his eyes on hers.
"Yes, I promise I got you a good gift. Don’t I always?"
"You never disappoint, but you’ve been away so long. I hope you didn’t forget what we meant to you in our absence."
I loudly cleared the remnants of chocolate from my windpipe and pounded on my chest for effect.
"You okay?" Casey turned to me, concerned and patted my back. "Want me to get you some water?"
"He’s just fine. I promise."
I snarled at him before directing my attention to Casey. "Yeah, maybe I could use some water, thanks."
"No problem." She kissed my cheek and walked to the kitchen.
I spun to face Dom fully. "Are you out of your fucking mind? What are you trying to do to me, asshole?"
"Calm your tits." He laughed. "Learn how to take a joke." Dom slapped the back of my head and stood just as the front door banged off the wall, letting in a cold gust of air.
"Where’s my girl?" my dad’s deep voice called out.
"Poppa!" Casey skipped in with my drink, handing it off to me before turning and throwing herself into my dad’s arms. I was crazy to question whether it was right to make her a part of my family. She already was. Anything else just wouldn’t seem right.
My dad set her down and then Trent had his turn with her. With a tilt to his lips, he slid his arm around her narrow waist and squeezed, rocking her side-to-side. Trent was the smooth talking model type with piercing blue eyes and perfectly styled hair. He was a lady killer in his own way, but he wasn’t blunt about it. He was too suave to let them think he was chasing them, which, in turn, made them chase him.
"Okay, everyone. In the kitchen before the food gets cold," my mom shouted from the doorway.
"Yes, ma’am," Casey answered, looping her arm through my dad’s and allowing him to escort her in. He kissed her on the top of her head and helped her into her seat. She was family so, of course, she had her own seat, too.
The rest of the meal carried on the way it always did. Everyone caught up, and of course, Casey was grilled about school and whether or not they agreed it was in her best interest to be so far away. And, the longer I sat, and the more questions were asked, the sweatier my palms got. The clammier the back of my neck and my forehead became.
What if she said no? What if she liked her newfound independence? If she realized how young we were when we got together?
I took a giant gulp of wine and swiped my forearm along my forehead. I couldn’t think that way. I wouldn’t.
I hadn’t noticed the family had split from the table until my mom’s voice broke through my thoughts. "Come in the living room, Casey. The spot where your ornament goes has been bare long enough."
Each year when we decorated the tree, we hung our own ornaments. Like the previous two years, Casey was away at school this time, so Mom had saved hers, and the one we’d gotten together when she’d first left, that way she’d still get to hang them herself.
We rounded the corner and the flashing colored lights and smell of pine built a lump in my throat. I loved all things Christmas, and this year I’d have one more reason to cherish it. Casey threaded her fingers through mine and I led her over to where her ornaments waited for her on the mantel.
After hanging the worn out ballet slippers, symbolizing her time as a ballerina, she turned to me and accepted her half of the turtle doves ornament we’d bought together. We’d chosen them because they stay with their partners for their lifetime, symbolizing loyalty and faith. A faithful love.
Feeling a sense of security and pride swarm my chest, I hung mine beside hers and pulled her tight to me. She rested her head under my chin and we took a moment to admire the tree and just be together.
Another year and a half apart, and then we’d be together for good.
Chapter Eight
I awoke with a start, almost falling from the bed as I leaped up to smack the alarm clock. My hand flew to my heaving chest as I settled back into the pillows, trying to ground myself.
What a fucking nightmare.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to push the image of Casey’s arms and legs wrapped around some jock, her lips sucking onto his as though they needed them to breathe, from my head.
It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream.
Shake it off, man.
I looked at the clock again. Today was the day. I’d either get my promise of forever, or I’d get my heart splintered into a million pieces. Throwing back the covers, I twisted to hang my feet off the side of the bed. I scrubbed my hand along my stubbled jaw and focused on the task at hand: Operation Woo Casey. There was much to be done today.
I rose from the bed, stretched my arms high above my head and made for the kitchen. "Ouch! Fuck!" I hopped, holding onto my foot and falling back onto the bed, trying hard to be the man that I knew that I was and not cry from the blistering pain searing my littlest toe.
"Ugh. Motherfu—" I bit down on my lip and flared my nostrils. When I was sure I hadn’t lost the fucking thing altogether, I chanced a look down at my broken digit. Sure enough the nail was split in two and I was bleeding, the surrounding skin turning a purplish-blueish color. Awesome. At least purple was Casey’s favorite.
I clumsily stumbled to my feet, scowling at the foot of the bed that had just injured me. I brought my leg back in an attempt to kick the fucking thing and then thought better of it, knowing it was a fight I’d surely lose, if not another toe. Hobbling to the bathroom, I cleaned away the blood and taped my toes together. That would have to do. Hopefully, it wasn’t actually broken.
I made my way to the kitchen, knowing I required a full cup of joe before I could be considered human, my poor baby toe bearing the proof of that. I opened the cupboard and stared at the blank space that normally housed my coffee with my eyebrows knitted together and the
n I remembered discarding the empty plastic container the day before.
"Ugh."
I hung my head and took a deep breath. I needed to buy the food to make for Casey tonight anyway, but not starting my day off the right way was never a good sign.
The bell to the coffee shop chimed as I dragged my ragged looking body over the threshold. Sounds of Burl Ives’s Have a Holly Jolly Christmas rang out and the workers were all wearing Santa hats. I was greeted by the warm smile of a red-headed young woman, who seemed to be sizing me up, scruff and all. "Good morning, what can I get started for you?"
"Best words I’ve ever heard." I returned her smile. "Can I have a large hazelnut—black, please? And could you throw an extra shot in there to zing my ass?"
She licked her lips and her eyes flicked to the lower portion of my body briefly, drawing attention to my stupid insinuation. I merely shrugged with a half-smile, hoping she’d see that this just wasn’t my day. She popped a shoulder and dragged her bottom lip into her mouth. "My pleasure." She looked back to her screen and tapped on it a few times before focusing back on my mouth. "That’ll be four eighty-seven, please."
"Sure thing." I reached around to my back pocket and patted my empty ass-cheek. Not only did it not contain the bulge of a wallet, but my sweatpants didn’t harbor a pocket at all. I blew out a frustrated puff of air and hung my head, talking toward the counter. "Well, this is embarrassing." I met the redhead’s eyes. "I seem to have forgotten my wallet."
"One of those days, huh?"
I answered her kind eyes with the slant of my mouth.
"Don’t worry about it. It’s on the house."
"I can bring it back later."
"As much as I’d love to see you again, it’s all good. I hope you have a better day."