by Alice Ward
But I watched. Waited.
I breathed her air and gave her mine.
I touched and accepted the comfort of hers.
And when she cried out, her body trembling uncontrollably, I wasn’t at all surprised. And I was glad. I needed her orgasm as much as I needed my own.
A tear trailed down her cheek, and I leaned forward to lick it away, inhaling the scent of her skin.
“I know we said we wouldn’t, but I need you to make love to me,” she said against my lips, rising up so that it only took a small movement for our bodies to connect.
It burned.
It blessed.
And still we breathed.
In. Out.
And when it was my turn to come, it was also my turn to cry.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Zoe
I watched him sleep for hours that night, curled in the warmth of his arms.
When my bladder insisted that I roll out of bed, I did so as quietly as I could. Once in the bathroom, the big tub looked so inviting, that I turned on the taps, then lowered my sore body into the hot water.
It wasn’t only the sex that made me wince. The general aches and pains from the wreck could still be felt at times. But I was mostly better, the dizziness creeping up on me on occasion. Closing my eyes, I sank deeper until the water was at my chin.
Every day, I had to pinch myself, unable to believe that I was here. In the cabin. With him. It was hard to comprehend the chain of events that had brought us together.
I wasn’t sure if I liked or disliked the idea of fate, that we all were pre-destined puppets, rushing down some predesigned road, moving toward some other puppet who was meant to be there. I snickered, although it wasn’t really funny. In my case, I hadn’t been racing anywhere. I had been falling… falling… dangling by a thread. Or in my case, a tree.
I frowned.
If that was true and fate had directed me toward Gray and this cabin, was it also true that fate had directed me to that bar that night? Those men?
I’ll make you feel good.
I shuddered. Maybe I was thinking too hard, and instead of trying to determine the differences between fate and destiny and coincidence, I should simply appreciate where I currently was. Otherwise, I’d drive myself crazy trying to connect the dots of my life.
After an hour, it was still dark outside, and I rose out of the water, extra pruney. Shivering, I slipped back into Gray’s clothes, wishing I’d thought to search for something clean. Stepping out of the bathroom, I tiptoed to the door leading to the living room, Gray’s long, heavy breathing making me smile.
Click. Click. Click.
Maggie followed, Go racing between her legs. I scooped the kitten up, holding him to my chest. I smiled as he began to purr instantly. The little guy was really coming around.
Although I was relaxed after the bath, I still wasn’t sleepy. I put the kitten down and tossed a couple logs on the fire, needing the warmth and extra light in the dark room before lighting a lantern and carrying it over to the wall of glass.
Oh dear heavens. It was snowing again.
I set the lantern down and cupped my hands around my eyes to peer out of the glass harder. Yes… more snow. More like flurries than anything, but still… hadn’t we had enough?
Of course, the snow could leave me trapped even longer, which was something I decided I didn’t mind. I sighed. I just wished there was something more we could do.
Not that having sex six times a day was a bad way to pass the time.
My vagina pulsed, as if daring me to do it again.
Bored already, I walked over to the bookshelf but turned away just as quickly. I didn’t want to read. I wanted to write, and I wished I had my laptop with me, so I could allow my characters to have all the feelings I was experiencing.
Strolling to the huge office area, I stared at the gigantic computer screens. I knew they ran on power. I stroked the keyboard. So near and yet so far.
Continuing to walk through the cabin, I headed down a short hallway I’d seen before. Gray had never talked about the room, and I’d never asked. I assumed it was a guest room, but then again, he’d slept on the couch my first night here. If it was a guest room, wouldn’t he or I have stayed there?
The door was closed, and I tried the knob. It turned easily in my hand and I pushed it open.
Holding the lantern high, I stifled my disappointment to discover the room was only used for storage. Actually, it was filled to the brim with boxes. Curious, I lifted the lantern higher, then gasped. These were Gray’s late wife’s belongings.
Box after box was labeled with books — her books. Games. Collectables. Clothes.
When I came to a box labeled pictures, my curiosity got the best of me, and I lifted off the top. And there she was.
Thin. Long brown hair. Eyes that looked to be a soft brown, maybe hazel. We looked so similar that we could have easily been confused as sisters.
I picked up another picture, this one framed in an ivory coated metal frame, with beautiful scrollwork down each side. In this one, Jessica’s hair was piled on top of her head, very similar to the way I was wearing mine now.
Another photo made my heart squeeze. In a similar ivory-colored frame, it was Jessica in Gray’s arms, his hands on her bulging stomach, his lips in her hair.
Yet another. They were looking at each other. His face was clean-shaven, but the look in his eyes as he gazed down at her was familiar. It was the same way he looked at me.
“What are you doing?”
The picture fell from my fingers as I turned in surprise, my heart leaping into my throat. The frame exploded, glass going everywhere.
“I’m… I’m so sorry.”
Squatting down, I tried to save the photograph from the glass. There was a long scratch down the center, cutting them in two. A heartbreaking metaphor if I’d ever seen one.
“Leave it alone.”
His voice was harsh, tight. My fingers trembled as he snatched the picture from my hand, his jaw tightening as he saw the scratch I’d already witnessed. The look on his face as he gazed down at his dead wife broke my heart.
“I’m sorry.”
His face tightened again as he placed the photograph back in the box. “Get out, Zoe.”
I swallowed hard and took a step back, crying out when a piece of the glass sliced into my toe.
He cursed and reached for me, scooping me up and over the glass. He was breathing hard, not from exertion but from pure anger as he deposited me on the kitchen counter.
I’d been here before, not so long ago, my wounds being treated by him. But this time, he wasn’t looking at me with compassion and worry. Now, the anger was growing and growing, the way he was ripping open the bandages evidence of how truly furious he was.
I caught his wrist, stopping his movement when he went to lift my foot. “I can do this.”
He growled low in his chest and yanked his wrist away. “I think you’ve done quite enough.”
The verbal barb was razor sharp, and I took a deep breath. He had a right to be angry, I reminded myself. I had snooped without permission. I had broken something that was precious to him.
Pain sliced through my toe as he pulled the glass out, turning me without warning until my foot hovered over the sink. The water was icy when he first turned it on, and I tried to jerk away. He growled again, tightening his hand around my ankle, holding me still.
“Let. Me. Go.”
He grunted some response I didn’t understand but loosened his grip as he waited until the water was warmer. Then he washed away the blood and used paper towels to dry me off.
“Is that why you were attracted to me? Because I look like her?”
His eyes flashed up to mine, an expression I’d never seen living there. It was a combination of every emotion a human being could feel. But he said nothing.
“Is it?”
Something deep and vital to my well-being was cracking in my chest as he fumbled with a Band-Aid
, the adhesive sticking to his finger then collapsing on itself when he tugged it loose.
“Fuck!” he screamed, throwing the small brown bandage at the cabinet. But it didn’t go. It clung to his hand, pissing him off even more. “Dammit!” He wagged his hand up and down, trying to shake it off, and I couldn’t help it… I laughed.
Seeing such a big man having a hissy fit was funny.
He whirled on me, the bandage still hanging from his hand. “You think this is funny?”
Not anymore.
The way he glared at me was a reminder that I was isolated with a stranger I knew intimately, but didn’t really know.
My heart began to pound. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop fucking saying that!” he roared. “God, stop it. Just stop.” His voice cracked. “Just stop.” His voice was a whisper by the end.
Taking a fresh bandage from the box, I wrapped my toe and slid down from the counter. “Gray. I—”
He backed away, his hands in his hair again, the Band-Aid now stuck to his beard. My heart squeezed. All the fear I’d just felt, all the pain and uncertainty melted away. Not completely, but compassion took the place of it all.
I held out my hand. His face grew tight and he looked up at the ceiling, his hands still in his hair.
I waited. I didn’t force myself on him. Just held the space for him to come closer.
Come Closer.
The book I’d begun writing as a girl. The book I’d finish writing as a woman.
Because of him.
There was a part of me that wanted to punish him for yelling at me, for scaring me, for looking at me with such hateful eyes. That was the ego part of me that wanted to make him wrong while putting myself on the pedestal of rightness.
There was also a part of me that wanted to doubt him, that made me want to put my wall back up, push him away. That was the scared little girl inside me, the one who’d seen the dark side of the world and had trouble believing that anyone could live in the light.
The biggest part of me didn’t want to lose Gray. I didn’t want to lose what was growing between us. I wanted to fight for him. For us. For me. And I refused to let my ego or my fear get in the way.
His fingers linked with mine, and I exhaled as he lifted my hand to his lips. “You do look like her,” he said, voice raw. “At first, it was a punch in the gut. The similarities may have been what drew me to you, but it’s you, Zoe… dammit, it’s you, the unique you, that made me unable to stay away.”
“You saved me when you couldn’t save her.”
His entire face twitched as his jaw tightened. “Yes. And I thank God every day that I made it to you in time.”
I squeezed his fingers, tears burning in my eyes. “Let me save you back.”
He smiled. “You are. You do. Back in the room, I went a little crazy. I’m sorry for that. It’s just that I hadn’t been in that room for so long, and seeing you there… seeing the pictures, her stuff. I don’t often go off a deep end, but I took a flying leap from it then.”
I nodded. “Yes, you did, but even in your anger you didn’t hurt me.” I smiled and stepped closer to pull the Band-Aid from his beard. “You pretty much demolished this, but you didn’t hurt me at all.”
He touched my cheek, the big hand so gentle. “I would never hurt you.”
“Even with a feather?”
He scratched at his beard, at the place where I’d yanked off the bandage. “Um… feather? Am I missing something here?”
I laughed, relief flooding through me that after the very tense few minutes we’d experienced, we were able to come back to this good place. We would need to talk about things later. But that was later. This was now.
“On my first night here, I asked if you tortured people and you said that—”
“Oh, yeah. That’s right. I said I only tortured with feathers.” He slid his hand down his face. “God, I can’t believe I’m that corny.”
I stepped closer, until my breasts were resting against his chest. “I don’t think it’s corny. I think it’s sexy.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You do?”
I ran my hands under his t-shirt, feeling his warm skin. “Will you torture me?”
Gray’s nostrils flared, his pupils dilating as desire spiked through him as hard as it was spiking through me. “I thought we were taking a day off from sex.”
I pushed his shirt up, closed my lips around his tight nipple before worrying it between my teeth. His cock pulsed against my belly, and I pressed tighter against him. “I’m thinking I might like a little pain with my pleasure. That okay with you?”
As an answer, his hands moved to the knot on top of my head, and soon, the long tresses were falling around my shoulders. His fingers wound through the strands, tightening, pulling my head back. “How much pain do you want?”
The intensity in his gaze made me shiver. “I honestly don’t know. More than a pat. Less than oh shit.”
He laughed. “Will I ever be able to be mad at you for more than two seconds?”
I shrugged. “If it leads to make-up sex, I hope so.”
He grew serious again. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you.”
“I’m sorry for snooping through your things.”
Gray stepped back and exhaled, his fingers moving to the belt on my robe. With a quick yank, it fell open. He pulled the belt from the loops. “Put your hands together.”
I swallowed and did as he asked. Very carefully, he wrapped the belt around them, and when he was finished binding me, his thumbs stroked over the soft skin of my inner wrists, and I realized I needed to add that spot to my list of erogenous zones. My pulse beat against his thumb, and I felt the echo of it in my temples, throat, chest… lower. It was as if an imaginary string was connected to those pulse points and the slow circular movement of his thumb was winding that string tighter and tighter.
“Do you trust me?”
The answer was immediate. “Yes.”
Gray’s mouth closed over mine in a deep, almost bruising kiss that set my heart to pounding. One hand in my hair, the other rested at the base of my throat, his palm curving over the vein where my pulse raced.
He made a harsh groaning sound against my lips that was so erotically charged that it caused my nipples to draw into buds so tight, they hurt where they pressed against his chest. Inching my fingers around his waist, I pulled him closer in an effort to ease the ache.
I was glad that my brain wasn’t needed to provide vital functions when we kissed this way because I knew I wouldn’t remember how to breathe. The kiss was deep. Taunting. Tormenting. His tongue taking its time exploring my mouth.
Outside, the sun began to rise, the light casting an orange glow in the cabin, surrounding us with a light that seemed to be filled with blessings. He turned my head so that he could nuzzle my neck, raking his teeth down my throat. Dropping his hands to the belt surrounding my wrists, he stepped away and pulled. “Follow me, woman.”
I’d follow him anywhere.
“What do you plan to do with me?”
He grinned, the little gap making a reappearance. “I have no plan, Zoe. And I have no limits.”
It could have been a punishment or a promise. Both.
Pulling on the belt, he led me to his room, then closed the door on an offended looking Maggie and Go. A shiver raced through me. The fire had died down and it had grown cool in the bedroom. The coolness was in contrast to the erotic fire burning inside me.
I loved it.
The contrast.
The duality of both sensations.
Pain. Pleasure.
Which would I love more?
I wanted to find out.
Maybe some of what I felt was a newer, darker yearning for excitement, a craving for something wicked and unknown.
As I laid down, Gray climbed up my body, pulling my bound arms over my head, securing them to the headboard. Still straddling me, he ran his hands under the t-shirt I wore and began easing it up until it covered my
eyes.
Oh. My.
Robbed of my sense of sight and touch, my breathing began to come harder still. I wore no bra, giving him easy access to my breasts. He took advantage, a fingertip circling my nipple. The touch was so light I could have imagined it. Then it changed, and I arched up as he pinched and tugged at the sensitive flesh. Then he turned gentle again, licking the underside of my breasts with the flat of his tongue.
Each petting stroke lifted me higher, the nerves sizzling hot as I waited to see what he’d do next.
I cried out as his teeth sank down on my hipbone, then light, butterfly touches explored my thighs as he pulled the sleeping shorts down my legs.
“Which is better, Zoe? This…” He licked between my legs. “Or this…” He sucked my clit into his mouth, sucking hard, causing me to fight the bindings holding me captive.
He chuckled, the sound vibrating up through my sex. Then he was gone. No warning. Just gone.
The door clicked open. Closed. Then nothing. Seconds seemed to stretch into minutes as I waited for him to return.
When he did, I was fully aware of how exposed I was. Although the robe was still officially on me, my arms still in its sleeves, I was naked. Sightless. Vulnerable to him.
Every sound seemed like an explosion of noise as he sat a few things down on the nightstand. I could hear him breathing. His feet nearly catlike on the floor.
I felt it on my foot first, a soft brush of sensation that at first I thought I had imagined. Then it was back, tickling up my arch, then my shin. My thigh. Oh. I arched into the sensation as Gray dragged the feather up my stomach, and even if my eyes hadn’t been covered, I wouldn’t have been able to keep them open. It was too much. Too delicious.
My breasts felt the feather’s softness. My underarms. My throat. Then the torture repeated itself, this time tracing a path down to my toes.
As it made another journey up my body, I hissed as something warm dropped onto my stomach. It didn’t burn but it was warm, and the feeling was juxtaposed to the feather brushing up my thigh.