by Alice Ward
She exhaled and nodded. “I thought it was you.” She fingered a necklace she wore, the same clover as Zoe’s, I realized. “Things happened so fast in Montana, I wasn’t sure. What are you doing here?”
I turned back to the window, to Zoe. “Does she hate me?”
Feeling the blonde approach and stand beside me, I waited for what I assumed would be the truth. Zoe’s best friend would know her inner feelings. She would have insight into her thoughts.
“No. She doesn’t hate you. She’s confused and hasn’t had time to process all that she learned just before I arrived with the rescue team because of all this.” She waved her hand to indicate the funeral and the people still coming into the room in droves.
“It was bad timing.”
Leslie turned to face me, crossing her arms over her chest. “I’m not sure there’s a good time to learn that someone you cared about had been spying on you for weeks. Watching private moments. The sense of invasion would be immense no matter the timing.”
I didn’t try to justify my actions. My inactions. My deeds, both noble and otherwise. I simply nodded. “You’re right.”
Leslie sighed. “I’m right and I’m wrong.” She made a growling, annoyed sound. “It’s not black or white.” She smirked. “It’s gray.”
I didn’t have the energy to smirk back. “Things often fall into that shadowed area.”
“Did squirrels really turn the camera?”
I looked her directly in the eye. “Yes. I noticed the new angle of that camera the day before Zoe arrived. It was supposed to scan that part of my property, but it was tilted in the other direction. Then Zoe arrived and I…” I shrugged. There was no justification.
“She’s beautiful,” Leslie murmured. “Men watch her all the time.”
I watched her now. Watched her sidestep another smarmy-looking bastard.
“She was so upset,” I confessed, remembering how she had held her stomach and cried those first few days especially. “I was worried about her. I thought… I thought…”
Leslie sighed. “Zoe would never hurt herself. She’s stronger than you and me combined.”
That was true.
“I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that she was experiencing a kind of pain I’d never witnessed before. And I was afraid for her.”
Leslie cleared her throat. “I knew something was wrong when she said she needed to get away, but I’d been so busy with work that I hadn’t pressed her about it. I’d simply given her the keys to my uncle’s cabin, thinking a couple weeks of solitude would do her good.” She touched my arm. “Do you know what caused her to be so upset?”
I watched Zoe’s face, the tight smile she was giving a duo of women dressed in matching leather dresses.
Memories of that first night were so clear, so vivid. Her mouth. The desire in her eyes. The heat of her body. Those words… I dare you to kiss me. Followed by, make love to me.
As vivid as the memory of touching her pliant body was, so was the memory of my realization that she had stiffened, grown cold and quiet. The revelation that had followed.
“Yes, I know,” I told her best friend. “And I also know that she wants to tell you herself.”
Leslie pushed her hand through her blonde hair, tucking some of the strands behind her ear. “Then I’ll wait for her to be ready.”
“You’re a good friend.”
She fingered the charm around her neck, lifting it to her lips. “It’s easy to be a good friend to Zoe. When she lets you into her life, she lets you completely in. She’s solid and she doesn’t judge, God knows she’s suffered enough judgement in her own life.”
“That’s probably why she doesn’t judge.”
Leslie nodded. “She has layers of self-protection that she wears all the time, and many people see that as her being icy. Or worse, they think she feels superior to them.” She laughed. “And that couldn’t be further from the truth. But that air of distance combined with…” she waved a hand at Zoe, “her perfection makes women hate her and men long for her. But it’s more about ownership than anything.”
“I love her.”
Leslie didn’t even seem surprised. She nodded and faced me again. “She worries that it isn’t truly her that you care about. She said she looks very similar to your late wife.”
I winced, couldn’t stop the action.
Leslie laid a hand on my arm for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s true, there is a close resemblance, and maybe that is part of what drew me to her, made me feel familiar with her at the beginning. It’s not what made me want to stay. It’s not why I’m here now.”
Leslie didn’t pull any punches. “Are you sure?”
I thought of the gravestone, the bones of my wife and daughter lying beneath it. “Yes. Before coming here, I flew to New York. To say goodbye.”
Her hand moved to cover her mouth and tears filled her eyes, but they didn’t fall. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
“Where you able to say goodbye?” she asked, her fingers on her charm again.
“Yes. It’s what Jessica would have wanted. She wouldn’t have wanted me to live the way I’d been living, so isolated from the world.”
“It has to be hard, walking the line between the present and the past.”
I looked at Zoe again. “It had been hard. Until her.”
Leslie sniffed. “Dammit, you’re going to make me cry, and I swore that I wouldn’t cry.”
I remembered breaking down after our Tantra night together, how freeing the release had been as Zoe held me. It had been embarrassing. Men didn’t cry. Men were strong, didn’t show that kind of emotion.
The stereotype was bullshit.
I thought of Mr. Pederson, the foster father I was most grateful for. I remembered him holding me while I cried and he cried before I was taken away. I’d been thinking of him often, wondering how he was. If he’d remarried. Moved on with his life. Maybe I’d try to find him, tell him how grateful I was for the time I’d been able to spend with him and his wife.
“Excuse me, I need to go do a couple things,” Leslie said, wiping at her tears with a tissue she’d produced from somewhere. “I’ll be back in a little while. Will you still be here?”
I nodded, watching Zoe. “Yes. I’m not going anywhere.”
I didn’t. I stayed right there, watching over the woman I loved, hoping that she was able to sense my protective presence… and that she would find it welcoming.
Much later, Leslie reappeared at my side, a water bottle in her hand. She passed it to me, and I gratefully took it. “Thank you.”
“It’s almost over,” she said, watching the last of the crowd trickle out of the building. “Where are you staying?”
“I secured a room at the Omni. A driver is waiting for me outside and can take me…” my eyes were on Zoe, “hopefully us anywhere. She and I need to talk.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Will there be a burial tomorrow?” I asked. “I didn’t see anything other than this service tonight.”
Leslie shook her head. “Cynthia is being cremated. I’m sure Zoe will want to do something special with the ashes, but there is nothing planned after tonight.” She groaned, her face growing tight. “Shit.”
I was immediately alarmed by the look in her eyes. “What? What’s wrong?”
“The bastard is here,” she said through gritted teeth. “He just couldn’t stay away.”
I looked back through the window to see an older man practically swaggering in Zoe’s direction. From the look on her face, she was about as pleased to see him as Leslie was.
“I’ll be right back,” Leslie said and was gone before I could stop her. I heard her heels clicking on the marble floor as she ran to the entrance of the chapel.
I kept my eyes on Zoe, watched her cross her arms protectively over her chest. She looked past him and held up a give me a minute finger, to Leslie, I supposed. A few seconds later, the heels ca
me clicking back in my direction.
The man looked greasy, and not just because of the dark hair that was slicked back from his face. He simply carried that air around him as he spoke to Zoe.
I watched her stiffen, cross her arms tighter. Watched her shake her head, her face a mask of fury.
“Who is he?”
“Theo Southerland,” Zoe spat. “Cynthia’s agent. Nastiest man on the planet.”
My eyes narrowed. “The agent who wanted to get her in the business?”
Leslie’s nostrils flared. “The one and only.”
Leslie gasped when the man raised a finger and pointed it in Zoe’s face. I growled and took a step toward the window.
Zoe said something, causing the older man to stomp his foot. He looked ridiculous, like a child. “Score one for Zoe,” Leslie murmured.
I wasn’t so sure. The man’s face turned a mottled-looking purple. I silently hoped he would stroke out.
Theo Southerland said something else, and Zoe spit in his face.
His response was immediate. His hand came around, hitting her hard. Beside me, Leslie screamed.
I didn’t hesitate. I turned and ran, racing down the long hallway to the chapel entrance, rage riding my back.
I was about to kill another man with my bare hands.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Zoe
“Well, Mom. I think you would have approved.”
I laid my hand on the golden coffin with its enormous spray of assorted roses. Mom could never decide which color she favored, so I’d gotten them all. She’d never know but it made me feel better.
She’d lived for the glitz, the limelight, the attention… and all of that was happening in droves. Mom had finally gotten her wish — the entire country and much of the world was talking about her.
The casket was closed as I stood beside it and shook hands with the gaudily dressed women and sleazy looking men who’d dropped by to pay their last respects.
“Your mom was a jewel, and you’re the spitting image of her.”
“She showed me the ropes. I never would have survived the industry without her.”
I made myself smile at each remark. I couldn’t hate the ladies who had chosen this lifestyle. Like my mother, they all had their reasons. Their own crosses to bear. The guilt and shame they dealt with in different ways.
I did hate the producers, the agents… Theo Southerland especially.
Bile rose to my throat as the smarmy bastard approached. I’d stood in that same spot for over two long hours thinking I wouldn’t have to see his face. Just as the service was over and everyone left, he appeared, making my skin crawl.
“How’re ya holding up, doll?”
I didn’t even offer him a tight smile. “The truth is, as sad as I am about Mom’s passing, I’m glad that I never have to lay eyes on you or hear your voice again.”
He laughed, the slimy creep. Then he leaned forward, assaulting me with his cheap cologne and coffee breath, but I didn’t step away. “Don’t be like that. I took good care of your mama all these years. You should show me a little more respect.”
From the corner of my eye, Leslie appeared at the door. Her eyes narrowed the second she laid eyes on the asshole. I lifted a finger, silently asking her to wait. She gave a slight nod and took a step backward, but I knew she wouldn’t be going very far.
“I owe you nothing,” I said, turning back to Theo, scowling when he snapped a rose from the enormous spray on Mom’s casket and tucked it into his jacket pocket. I wanted to snatch it away, stuff it down his throat, but I only looked at him steadily, refusing to give him the pleasure of an emotional reaction.
He refocused his attention on me, his eyes sliding down my body, clearly displeased by my choice of attire. It wasn’t slutty enough, I was sure. Not by a long shot. But there was very little that was slutty enough for Theo Southerland.
“You and I have a few details to settle, so you can come by my office and—”
I didn’t even look at him. “No.”
He cursed under his breath and ran a hand over his greasy, slicked back hair. “Baby doll, your mom would want you to have her royalties. In a few quick signatures, the money would—”
I did face him that time. “I don’t want it.” When he appeared to be pleased, I realized my mistake. I didn’t want this horrible bastard to have it either. “I’ll have my attorney make sure it’s funneled to anti-pornography dot org.”
His jaw tightened and a vein on his forehead started to pulse. Good. I’d pissed him off. Maybe the damn thing would explode.
He lifted a finger, put it close to my face. It was one of the intimidation tactics I’d seen him do many times. “I’ll have you know that the industry provided you with a good lifestyle.”
I scoffed, and my ulcer, which had been hibernating as of late made itself known. “Lifestyle, maybe. But what about providing me with a life?”
He stepped closer, turning his head to eye me from the top of my hair, down to my feet and back again. “I could make you a star, doll. Give you a life where men worship at your feet. Revere you. Think of nothing but you. Give you financial freedom. Diamonds. Everything you ever wished for.”
He made me sick, and the ulcer began to burn in earnest, but I refused to let my face show my anxiety. “Go away.”
He exhaled, and I held my breath to staunch the bitter smell. “There are a few other things we need to go over before I leave, doll. The first is that the adult network will be doing a memorial for Cyn during the next awards show. They’d like it if you’d come and accept the award—”
“No.”
Like the hateful child he was, Theo stomped his foot, his face taking on a ruddy hue. “Aw, come on. You’re being ridiculous. Do it for your moth—”
“No.”
Even as the word left my mouth, he grabbed my arm, his fingers digging into the bone. “Listen to me, you little bitch.” His voice was low, menacing now. The vein in his forehead pulsed, like a worm slithering from his brain. “You, little girl, are going to do what I say, do you hear me?”
Mustering every bit of saliva in my mouth, I spit in his face.
The smack came so hard and so fast, I didn’t even have time to brace for the blow. I heard Leslie scream, but Theo was sneering in my face again. “I know how to take care of problems, little girl. Remember that little problem with your virginity? I took care of that good enough, didn’t I?”
I was stunned. The verbal punch hit much worse than the physical blow as I understood what he was saying. “You…” It couldn’t be true. Surely no one could be so cruel. “You had those men rape me?”
His fingers bit into my arm harder, grinding nearly to the bone. “Rape? They said you liked it. Got nice and wet for them. I knew you were a natural.” He laughed, his lip curling up into a sneer.
“It wasn’t Mom,” I realized. “She didn’t text me, wanting to meet me at the bar. You did. You set me up. Y had those men…” It was too awful to repeat.
He laughed. “Yep. And I didn’t even have to pay ‘em. Those boys jumped at the chance to pop your sweet little cherry. Lots of men will jump at the chance to—”
The hateful words disappeared as he was off me, dragged backward through the air, and Leslie was at my side, pulling me to her chest. All I saw was a flash of a dark suit before the sounds of wood pews cracking under the weight of the two men was drowned out by Theo’s pitiful screams.
Oh my god. It was him. He was here.
“Gray!”
Jumping forward, I watched in horror and some weird sort of fascination as Gray’s fist broke Theo’s nose with a loud cracking sound. Blood gushed, breaking me from my paralysis, and I grabbed onto Gray’s arm before he could land another blow.
“Gray. Stop. Please, it’s okay.”
Theo crumpled to the floor when Gray finally released him. Gray was breathing hard, his face a mask of fury as he pulled me into his arms.
Employees of the funeral home rushed into the
room, and Leslie pointed at Theo. “He attacked Zoe. Call the police.” She looked at me, tears in her eyes. “I… I heard everything.”
Then I was in both of their arms, the two people I loved the most in the world surrounding me with their protection and love. But I didn’t cry. Theo Southerland would never be witness to my suffering.
An hour later, after giving the police my statement, I sat numb with Leslie at my side, our hands clutched together as I told her about the rape. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just…”
Her fingers squeezed mine. “It’s okay. I knew something was wrong. I should have pressed harder instead of letting you run away to the mountains.”
I looked over at Gray, who was still talking to the detective, and like he could feel my gaze, he looked over at me too. I leaned my head against her shoulder. “I’m glad you let me run away to the mountains.”
Leslie kissed my cheek. “I’m going to miss you so much, you know that, right?”
I smiled. She knew me so well. “I’m going to miss you too, like crazy. You’ll have to visit Uncle Stanley’s cabin all the time.”
She laughed. “And you know you’ll miss the sun, so you’ll have to come back here.”
Leaning against her, I closed my eyes and a bone deep weariness overtook me. “Tell me I’m not crazy.”
Her sigh was loud and long. “You’re not crazy. He loves you. You love him. That’s the easy part. Now, you go and figure each other out, see if the love can outlast the crap that every relationship goes through.” She kissed my cheek again. “And if it doesn’t, you’ll always have a home with me, but I have a feeling you’ll both be okay.”
Gray looked at me and my stomach twisted at the rawness of the gaze.
“Damn…” Leslie sighed, “I hope a man looks at me like that one day. I can’t wait to read your new sex scenes. New York Times Best Seller, here we come.” She laughed, a soft sound that always made me smile. “Pardon the pun.”
I grinned, blushing to my roots as I gave her a shoulder check. “You’re punny.” Then I looked at Gray again. He looked so good in his charcoal suit, the blue tie setting off his eyes. “He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?”