by Alice Ward
“I really work here,” I said. “Unfortunately.”
“You don’t like it?” Paisley asked.
“It’s fine.” I shrugged. “It just wouldn’t be my first choice.”
“What would be your first choice?” Paisley asked in her kid voice.
“Well, before I worked here, I worked at a repair shop,” I said. “I used to fix motorcycles. I really enjoyed that.”
“Why’d you stop then?” she asked as we climbed out of the car.
“It was just time to move on,” I said with another shrug.
“You got fired,” Paisley accused. I laughed and looked over at her. She just stared back at me as we walked through the front doors.
“No,” I said. “I didn’t get fired.”
“Sure,” Paisley said. She rolled her eyes.
“I really didn’t,” I argued.
“I believe you,” Paisley said. It was obvious that she didn’t. I wanted to argue more, but I told myself to let it go. She was eight, and she enjoyed pushing my buttons. It wasn’t worth the fight.
We walked through the showroom slowly. Paisley’s eyes roamed wildly around, taking in everything around her. She looked at all the bikes one at a time. I stayed silent while she looked, waiting for her to ask questions.
She didn’t. She just followed me over to the elevators with wide, curious eyes. When we stepped on the elevator, her excitement faded slightly. I knew offices wouldn’t be as exciting to her as motorcycles.
We reached the conference room quickly. Tara was already there waiting for us. She stood up when we walked in and smiled down at Paisley.
“You brought Paisley,” she said to me. “I’m glad.”
“Tara!” Paisley squealed. She ran over and hugged Tara quickly. Tara hugged her back, her smile growing wider by the second.
“It’s okay, right?” I asked. “You said I could bring her with me.”
“Of course!” Tara said. Her eyes met mine, and I couldn’t look away. We hadn’t spoken since Saturday night. I didn’t know how to act. I thought about saying something, but I didn’t know how to with Paisley standing right beside us.
Tara’s face was impassive. I had no idea what she was thinking. We looked at each other for a long time before she finally looked away. I still wanted to talk about what happened between us, but Tara was clearly determined not to make a big deal about it. I decided to follow her lead.
“Come on,” I said to Paisley. “Let’s sit down.”
“Okay,” Paisley said. She bounced over to a chair. She sat down and placed her sketchbook on the table in front of her.
“What’s that?” Tara asked
“My sketch book,” Paisley explained. “I like to draw sometimes.”
“Really?” Tara asked. “Me too. What do you like to draw?”
Paisley shrugged and said, “I don’t know. All kinds of things.”
“Like what?” Tara asked. She had eyes only for Paisley in that moment. Paisley looked up at her with a frown. Her expression was thoughtful as she considered whether to show Tara her drawings.
Finally, Paisley seemed to decide. She cleared her throat and pushed the book toward Tara. Tara took it gently in her hands and glanced at Paisley to make sure it was okay.
“Go ahead,” Paisley said. “You can look.”
Tara opened the book and began flipping through the pages. She moved slowly, taking in every detail of each picture. I stood to the side and watched them. Paisley leaned over to show Tara which ones were her favorites. They talked about why Paisley like to draw and which ones she had trouble with. Paisley talked more in that moment than I’d ever heard her talk before.
Tara listened intently. She smiled and nodded. She told Paisley all about her own drawings, and she praised Paisley’s talent. It killed me not to see the drawings, but I knew better than to sneak a peek. Paisley wanted to show Tara, and I wasn’t going to ruin their moment.
Still, it was hard to watch Paisley grow more comfortable with Tara. I loved how easily they got along, but I was jealous. More than anything, I wanted Paisley to let me in. I wanted her to share her thoughts and feelings with me, her dad. I knew it would take time, and I was glad she had Tara. For the time being, I was just glad Paisley was able to talk to someone, anyone, about anything.
While they talked, I let my mind wander. I thought about that night with Tara. I remembered the way our bodies moved together. As I watched her play with my daughter, my heart swelled with emotion. I didn’t know what was going on between Tara and me, but I knew my feelings for her were very real. She wasn’t a one-night stand to me. Not even close.
The conference room door swung open with a bang, pulling me back to reality. Paisley stopped talking and whirled around. Tara followed her lead and looked over at the door, but I was quicker than them both. My eyes had already fallen on the unexpected visitor.
My brother moved quickly across the room, heading toward us.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Tara
My eyes narrowed as Zach walked across the room. Paisley and I were in the middle of a great conversation when he barged into the conference room. He was almost always the last person I wanted to see, but in that moment, my animosity toward him was stronger than ever. I tried to remain composed when he stopped in front of me, but I knew my face betrayed me.
“Good morning,” Zach said brightly. He looked from me to Sean to Paisley and back again. “Who’s this?”
I glanced at Sean to see if he would answer. His face was like stone as he stared at his brother. I never found out what happened between the brothers, but I knew that wasn’t the moment to ask. I moved closer to Paisley and wrapped my arm protectively around her shoulder.
“This is Paisley,” I said loudly. “Sean’s daughter.”
Paisley moved closer to me while I spoke. She melted into my side, and I could tell she was nervous. I didn’t blame her. I’d known Zach for years and he still made me nervous every time he walked into a room. He had that effect on people.
“Paisley,” I said gently. “This is Zach. Zach Yates.”
I let the introductions stop there. It wasn’t my job to explain to Paisley that Zach was also her uncle. I glanced at Sean. His eyes were glued to his brother’s face. Zach acted as if I hadn’t spoken. He took a step toward his brother with a malicious look on his face.
“This isn’t a daycare,” he said. “It’s a place of business. You can’t just bring your bastard children here whenever you want.”
Sean took a step forward, but I was faster. I moved to stand in front of Zach, putting my face inches away from his. He looked surprised by my sudden movement, but he quickly recovered. He grinned at me in that way I hated.
“You need to leave,” I said simply.
“Excuse me?” Zach asked. He raised his eyebrows.
“Get out,” I said. My voice was low. Dangerous. I’d never stood up to Zach before. It felt good, but that wasn’t the reason I did it.
I glanced around Zach and saw Paisley watching me with wide eyes. She didn’t look scared, but she was confused. She didn’t understand why everyone seemed so angry. I wanted to protect her.
“This isn’t your conference room,” I continued. “We’re working in here, Zach. You need to leave. Now.”
Zach stared at me with mild amusement. His lips spread into a slight grimace that made him look like a movie villain. As we stared each other down, his grimace turned into a sickening grin. I had to fight the urge to slap him across the face. I could almost feel the sting of his skin against my hand.
“Okay,” Zach said slowly. “I’ll go.”
Zach turned to leave, and I exhaled slowly. I watched him walk across the conference room with my fists clenched at my sides. When he was almost to the door, he turned back around and looked between me and Sean. There was something almost too understanding in his eyes. My stomach flipped nervously.
“You need to work, anyway,” he said. “If the numbers don’t increase within
the next month, you’re gone.”
With that, he turned and left the conference room. The door slammed behind him, and I flinched at the sound. My eyes closed for half a second before I remembered I wasn’t alone. I turned to face Paisley with a smile that I hoped didn’t look too fake. Paisley smiled back, but it didn’t reach her eyes. I knew she was upset by what just happened.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Sean said from behind me. I turned to face him. He was standing at the back of the conference room, leaning against the wall. His hands were clenched just like mine, and his face looked pinched with effort. If that encounter had been hard for me, I couldn’t imagine just how difficult it was for Sean.
“I wanted to,” I said truthfully. “I’ve put up with Zach for too long. He’s a prick and someone needed to put him in his place.”
“Yeah,” Paisley said. “He is a prick.”
Sean and I looked at Paisley with surprise. My eyes widened and I had to fight back a laugh. When I turned back to Sean, he was smiling but trying to hide it. I mouthed an apology to him, and he just shrugged and laughed. We looked at each other for a few more seconds while the tension faded from the room.
With Zach gone, I went back to my conversation with Paisley. She showed me a drawing of a treehouse that she did recently. It was beautiful and so well done that it took my breath away. I glanced up at Sean to find him watching us again. I could tell he wanted to be more involved, but I didn’t know how to bridge the gap between him and Paisley.
It wasn’t my job. Not really. Still, I felt guilty knowing how badly Sean wanted to know his daughter. It was easy for me with Paisley. We bonded instantly because there was no pressure to do so. I came into her life out of the blue, and she just connected with me. It was simple, fast, and nice. For Sean, though, I imagined it was a struggle.
From the look on his face, I knew he appreciated my presence. He smiled faintly while Paisley and I talked, but I could see sadness behind his eyes. He wanted to be in my position. He wanted to sit with her and look at her drawings. He wanted to hear her talk with such excitement about each one. I smiled at him, trying to convey everything I felt without words.
“These are amazing,” I told Paisley kindly. “I can’t believe you really drew all of this.”
“They’re okay.” Paisley shrugged. “My friend Amber is way better. She can draw anything.”
“Anything?” I asked with raised eyebrows. “Really?”
“Really,” Paisley said firmly. “She’s so good.”
“I bet you’re better,” I teased.
Paisley smiled and rolled her eyes. She continued to flip through her sketch book absentmindedly. I patted her on the back and stood up. I watched her as I walked over to where Sean stood against the back wall.
“Hey,” I said softly so Paisley wouldn’t hear me. “I’m sorry about this. I don’t mean to overstep or intrude or anything.”
“You’re not,” Sean said kindly. “She loves you.”
“I don’t know about that,” I laughed uncomfortably. “I think she just needs someone to talk to who isn’t…”
I trailed off, not wanting to finish my thought. I didn’t know what I was going to say until it was already halfway out of my mouth. Once I realized what I was about to say, I wished I could take it back. I grimaced apologetically and looked down at me feet.
“Someone who isn’t me?” Sean asked softly.
“I didn’t mean that,” I said quickly. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re right,” Sean nodded. “It’s not your fault. It’s hard for her. Being without her mom. Moving in with me. She probably just needs to talk to someone who’s removed from the situation, who she doesn’t have all this pressure to get to know.”
“I know it’s hard for you, too,” I said.
I looked into Sean’s blue eyes, and my heart ached from him. Just like at the museum, I was overcome with a desire to take his hand in mine. Only now, it was different. After the night we spent together, everything was different between us. I felt it, and I knew he felt it, too.
Before that day, I decided to pretend like it never happened. I convinced myself it was just a mistake, just a meaningless mistake. I spent all day Sunday regretting the previous night, but now that I was face to face with Sean, I couldn’t regret anything.
I felt more conflicted than ever as we stood there, side by side in the conference room. His eyes just as focused on mine as mine were on his. There were a thousand unspoken words being said between us in that moment, but I still wasn’t sure what they were. I didn’t know how Sean felt about me, and I certainly didn’t know how I felt about him.
My entire life had suddenly been thrown off course. One day, I was going full steam ahead. I focused on my career. I built a name and a life for myself. I was independent and goal oriented. I may have worked too hard and spent way too much time stressing about my job, but I was happy. I was content. I was comfortable. Then, Sean came into my life and flipped everything on its head.
Now, I didn’t know which way was up.
“We should get to work,” I said weakly, finally tearing my eyes away from Sean’s face.
“Yeah,” he said. He cleared his throat and glanced over at Paisley. “We should.”
Sean and I sat down at the conference room table and went over his schedule for the week. I went over the notes I took about his first meeting with the press, and he listened politely. He didn’t speak except to answer my questions, but I knew he was listening. He never once looked away from my face. I tried to stay professional, but I could feel myself blush every few seconds.
I finished going over everything on my list and stood up to stretch. Sean followed suit and Paisley closed her sketch book to look over at us.
“All done?” she asked.
“Yup,” I smiled. “You guys are free to go.”
“What about you?” Paisley asked quickly. “Are you done working today?”
“No,” I laughed, “I’m never done working.”
“Oh,” Paisley frowned. “Never?”
“Well, not never,” I corrected. “I’ll just be here really late.”
“Maybe you could come over after?” Paisley asked hopefully. “When you’re done?”
I looked at Sean for a second. He just stared at me, waiting to hear my response. When I didn’t give one, he stepped forward and cleared his throat.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” he said. “Tara is really busy, Paisley. She has to work.”
“But I mean after work,” Paisley insisted.
I smiled at her persistence. She reminded me of her dad more than ever. My head spun and my heart pounded. Everything between Sean and me was so confusing. I didn’t know what we were or weren’t. We hadn’t even talked about what that night meant, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I didn’t know anything except I couldn’t disappoint Paisley.
“Maybe this weekend?” I asked, glancing at Sean to make sure that was okay.
“Really?” Paisley asked, bouncing up and down with excitement.
“If it’s okay with your dad,” I said. I raised my eyebrows questioningly.
“Sure,” Sean said. He smiled at me slowly. “Sounds like a plan.”
“Great!” Paisley squealed. She ran over and threw her arms around my waist. I hugged her back tightly, not wanting to let go.
When she and Sean left the conference room, I watched them go, feeling more miserable by the second. I was no longer just struggling with my feelings for Sean, I was struggling with how much I’d grown to like Paisley. She was a bright, funny, talented little girl, and I loved getting to know her. Spending time with her was quickly becoming one of my favorite ways to pass the time. I didn’t want to give it up.
I sat down at the table and put my head in my hands. I breathed slowly, trying to clear my head. The day wasn’t over. I still had a lot more work to do, and now, I was more confused than ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Sean
; On Wednesday morning, I woke to find Paisley already dressed and waiting for me at the kitchen table. She smiled when I walked in but didn’t speak. I grinned back at her and moved toward the coffee pot. I brewed myself a pot of coffee and poured Paisley a quick bowl of cereal. I set it down in front of her, but she didn’t touch it.
“Do you want something else?” I asked with a frown. I didn’t know everything about my daughter yet, but I did know how much she loved cereal.
“No,” Paisley shook her head. “This is good.”
Still, she didn’t touch her breakfast. She looked down at the bowl then back up at me with wide eyes. She clearly wanted to say something, but she hadn’t quite worked up the nerve. Instead of pressing the issue, I went about my morning routine. Grabbing a coffee mug from the top cabinet, I poured myself a full cup and sat down across from her. I sipped my coffee but didn’t speak, patiently waiting for her to say something.
“Um, Sean?” Paisley asked softly. I looked up quickly.
“Yes?” I asked.
“I get to go to work with you again today, right?” Paisley asked quickly. Her words came out in a rush, as if she was afraid she might lose her nerve if she spoke too slowly.
“Of course,” I said, chuckling. “Why wouldn’t you?”
Paisley shrugged and picked up her spoon. She shoveled cereal in her mouth, barely bothering to chew between bites. I’d seen her eat this way before, but it still unsettled me. I was terrified she would choke and that I wouldn’t know what to do.
When she finished, Paisley took her bowl to the sink and set it inside. She wasn’t quite tall enough to reach the faucet, but she struggled to turn on the water anyway. After rinsing her bowl as well as she could, she placed it in the opposite side of the sink and turned off the water. I watched her closely, slightly in shock.
In the weeks since Paisley came to live with me, she hadn’t done a single chore. I was afraid to ask her to do anything. I didn’t know what her mother made her do when she was still alive. The last thing I wanted was to disrupt Paisley’s routine any more than it had already been. It was a simple task: rinsing a cereal bowl, but it warmed me to see. Every day now, Paisley slowly settled into her life with me. My house was no longer just the place she slept, it was becoming her home.