By:
S.M. Donaldson
Dedication
For my military family. We have a bond that most will never be fortunate enough to understand. You will always have my love.
"The Silent Ranks"
I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens
But I am in the Army in the ranks rarely seen
I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give
But the military world is the place where I live
I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get
But my husband is the one who does, this I cannot forget
I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line
But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
And the call to serve his country not all can understand
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me
I love the man I married, Soldiering is his life
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Army Wife
Author: Unknown
Secrets In Battle
All rights reserved. This Book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased or publicly performed or used in any form without prior written permission of the publisher.
Thank you for respecting the work of this Author.
Secrets in Battle is a work of fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book are either from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, with exception to brand names, Artists named, and their song lyrics, and direct quotes from movies whose titles have been named. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, or events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Copyright © 2014, SM Donaldson
Cover by SM Donaldson
Cover Image Male: Shutterstock.com
Cover Model Brittani Mount
Editing by Chelly Peeler
Introduction
Due to mature subject matter this book is for readers 17+.
This book is written in a true southern dialect, from a true southern person. Therefore, it is NOT going to have proper grammar.
A little note from s.m. Donaldson
Let me start by saying that as a military spouse, PTSD is something that is very near and dear to my heart. My husband and I were only 21years old when he was sent on his first deployment. A deployment that was supposed to just be a support mission in Kuwait. That support mission turned into a combat mission on March 20, 2003, when he and his unit were among some of the first soldiers to invade Iraq. This was a thirteen month long deployment with no R&R for him.
I can still remember watching the news on pins and needles, waiting for every phone call and driving home from work every day at lunch to check the mail just in case there was a letter in there. I probably spent over $10,000 between food, snacks, hygiene products and postage to send care packages. At this time, there weren’t PX/BX’s set up for the soldiers to buy items. All of them were sent from home. I also made some of my best and closest friends throughout this deployment with soldiers and spouses.
I was so excited for him to return home, all put together and in one piece. The only thing is, no matter how much they prepare you in the Return and Reunion Briefings for the battles that may still be occurring in their minds, you and your soldier are never completely prepared.
Dealing with PTSD is an ongoing battle for a soldier. It isn’t a wound that can be seen from the outside. I was lucky that my husband’s process of working through the biggest issues only took 9 months. He still has moments of anxiety and fear. I’ve learned how to help him and draw attention away from the problem, whatever it may be.
Some soldiers can’t manage to get through it and turn to vices to help. Some feel as if they’ll never be able to deal with it and take their own lives. I’ve watched all the different scenarios play out.
It’s not just the soldiers dealing with the issues, it’s the family, too. The stress from being a sounding board or a caregiver can be a lot on a loved one. I’m a firm advocate for Family Readiness Groups in the military and counseling for everyone involved.
This story was personal and sometimes hard for me write. I felt a little too close to it. There were parts of this story that were hard for me to write and even harder to relive in my mind. When it was complete though, I was glad that I slaved through it. I hope you have enjoyed Judd and the rest of the Savannah characters as much as I have enjoyed bringing them to you.
XOXO
S.M. Donaldson
If you know a solider or a soldier’s family who is having trouble, please share these websites with them.
http://www.militaryonesource.mil
http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org
http://www.ptsd.va.gov
http://veteranscrisisline.net
Prologue
A Year Ago…
Going out with Ryder tonight was what I’d been looking forward to this week. I have an upcoming deployment and it’s my first one at my new job, this is going to be my last mission with my old squad. Going into Special Forces has always been my goal, but it’s still nerve racking to actually be doing this.
Ryder has been going on and on about the chick he’s doing community service with. When he sees her friend’s car in the parking lot, he practically jumps out of his jeep.
We make our way inside and he scans the room. We grab a beer from the bartender and he looks at me. “Judd, I may need you to keep that little raven-haired beauty on the dance floor busy tonight.” He says, pointing to the blonde girl’s friend.
Fuck me, she is a raven-haired beauty. Holy shit, she’s hot. I will definitely take one for the team on this. “Damn bro, I don’t think that’ll be a problem for me.”
She’s sexy, and way too classy for the shithole we are in. I see her walk over to the bar to grab another drink and George Strait’s The Chair pipes through the speakers. The ultimate get a hot chick in a bar song.
I walk up to her. “Hey beautiful, would you join me on the dance floor?”
She looks up at me with her big green eyes. “Wow, a gentleman. I sure will.” Sitting her drink down with her friend, she takes my hand.
We make our way on to the dance floor. “I’m Judd. What’s your name?”
She grins. “Annabelle.”
“So, what do you do, beautiful?”
“I’m in nursing school and I’m a princess.” She says with a cute drunken smirk.
I burst out laughing. “Well, what kingdom are you the princess over?”
“I’m the princess in my family. My parents are loaded, my mom is Queen Bitch and I have four older brothers who are the court jesters. So I’m the princess, I’ve been in training since I was in princess panties.” She shrugs, being a smartass. “What do you do, besides being completely mouthwatering hot?”
Damn. I grin. “I’m in the Army, right now I’m stationed just over at Ft. Stewart. I grew up around here, though. My best friend is Ryder Abbott, we grew up together. My dad has always worked for his family and we have been friends since we were both in diapers.”
She points her cute little finger into my chest. “Oh, so you are using me as a distraction. I know Ryder. He’s been sniffing around my girl Scarlet.”
“Well, I hate to tell your friend, but if Ryder wants a girl he normally gets her. For the night at least.”
She smirks. “H
a, well I hate to tell Sir Douche Bag, but Scarlet’s not easy.”
“Oh, I’m sure that will wound him. He seems a little caught up on this one. Can’t say I’ve ever seen him this way.”
She smiles drunkenly at me. “Well, the last guy that pissed her off ended up with an ax handle taken to his car. So best of luck to Ryder.” She lays her head on my chest, rubbing over it and making my dick strain in my pants.
Normally I would say drunk girls are off limits, but with her, I can’t. I want her and I need this distraction before I go. I nibble her ear. “So Princess, you wanna get out of here and show me those panties?”
She looks up at me with those beautiful green eyes and whispers. “Yes.”
I knew what I was doing tonight was stupid, so stupid, but for a little while I just wanted to not feel. I shouldn’t have went to that bar alone. Ever since I met Judd a little over a week ago, I can’t get him out of my freaking head. I know he’s leaving and we agreed to be friends after our wild night/morning of passion, but there is something about him. Something about how I screamed his damn name so loud the hotel called and asked us to quiet down.
When I think about all of the times he made me scream out like that, my panties are flooded. I figured maybe if I went out tonight and met someone it would get my mind off of things. Scarlet’s at work and I don’t have anyone else I wanted to go out with me, so my stupid ass went alone.
Now, I’ve escaped a possible rape situation and I can’t fucking drive. That little preppy college prick seemed so nice. I knew I should’ve stuck to buying my own drinks.
A loud knock at my window scares me. “OH SHIT!”
“Princess, open the fucking door.”
I open the door and Judd pulls me out. I start crying into his chest. After a few minutes he pulls back from me. “Are you okay? Let me see you.”
He looks down at my torn dress, the bruise forming on my face and my split lip. “Do you know the guys who did this to you? Because I’m going to kill them.”
I shake my head. “No, they just bought me drinks in the bar. I know I was stupid taking them. I’m sorry I had to call you but Scar is at work and I can’t hardly see, much less drive.”
He brushes the hair from my face. “Hey, it’s not a problem. But promise me you’ll never go out by yourself again. I’m about to leave and I need you here when I get back.”
I nod my head. “I know, this scared the shit out of me. I’m just glad that I never finished the drink. When I started feeling woozy I left, but they tried to stop me, that’s where the tear in the dress came from and I fell into a door. Then I ran to my car and hauled ass. When the road started getting fuzzy, I pulled over and called you.” I wipe my eyes. “I was scared they would come after me.”
He pulls me back into his massive chest and strokes my hair. “Shh. Shh. It’s okay, I will never let anything happen to you.”
I look up and get lost in his blue eyes. “Take me to your place.”
“Princess, normally I would never turn you down, and yes, I’ll take you to my place to get you sober and cleaned up, but we can’t have sex tonight.”
I start kissing at his chest. “Why?”
“Because you are doped up and I’m not that kinda guy. Now tomorrow, when you are sober, I’m gonna fuck you so that you remember me until I come home.”
He puts me in the passenger side of my car and drives to his house on post. I can feel him carrying me inside and putting me to bed. Hmm, he’ll fuck me so I can remember him until he comes home. I look up as he lies down beside me. “Please come back home.”
“I promise, Princess.”
Chapter 1
Staring at the walls of this hospital room for the past few months has been hell. I’m ready to get the hell out of here and go home. Well, to Ryder’s house anyway. I can’t stay with my family yet, my mom would smother me. Along with rehabilitation, both mentally and physically, I have to get used to the fact that the career I chose is over.
My door swings open. “You ready to go home, man?”
I look up at my best friend Ryder. “Yeah, I’m ready to get out of this fucking place.” I grab up my crutches and start toward the door.
He shakes his head. “Whoa. Slow down. Don’t worry man, I have the downstairs set up for you and your physical therapist. Nana is all ready to have you home to feed and take care of.”
“Please tell me they didn’t plan some kind of welcome home shit. I’m tired and I really don’t feel like seeing people.” I love my family and friends, but I don’t want to deal with everyone else.
He shakes his head. “No, man. Not today, but I can’t promise about another day this week.”
“I just really want to be alone.”
“Okay, man. I’ll do what I can.”
“Look, I know everyone means well, but I just can’t handle crowds right now.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Alright, we’ll just take it one day at a time. Okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks for letting me stay with you. I don’t think I could handle my mom 24/7 right now.”
He walks out with me to his jeep. “I know, man.”
After we get everything loaded and ready to go, we hit the road for the long drive home. I look over at him. “Thanks again, man, for everything. Getting my parents to Germany so quick, coming to get me. Just everything.”
“Hey, you’re like my brother. I’d do anything for you. So, have you talked to Annabelle?”
I shake my head. “Nah. I really haven’t wanted to talk to anyone while I was here. I just wanted to concentrate on getting well enough to go home.”
Ryder turns up the radio a little bit trying to break the tension. It’s weird, he’s my best friend, practically my brother. The person who knows me better than anyone else, and I’m nervous and scared to be around him. I guess because I know he’ll see through the facade, see all the things I’ve done. I don’t know why I’m so uncomfortable in my own skin right now. I just keep staring out the window, watching small towns and mile markers go by.
After a few hours, Ryder looks over at me. “Hey man, I’m gonna swing in here to refuel and take a piss, you want anything?”
“Yeah, grab me a water. I need to take my meds.”
He nods and goes in the store.
Once he’s back in the jeep, I take my pain meds and lie back in the seat.
Finally, he looks over at me a little bit later, trying to break through the invisible wall in the vehicle. “So, I heard you got to spend some time with Ivie, Gable and the guys overseas.”
Whew, something generally easy for me to talk about. “Yeah, they were all pretty cool. They’re an awesome band. Ivie is great and she’s one of a kind, that’s for sure. I’m guessing she and Gable have worked things out.”
“Oh yeah, more than anyone knows.” I look over at him with a questioning look on my face and he smiles. “Don’t tell anyone but since you’re family, you can know. Well, once we get home Nana would tell you anyway. Right after I proposed to Scar, they slipped off to Vegas and had a quiet wedding. They don’t want the media getting ahold of it yet. They have this whole thing about labels, blah, blah. I don’t really get it, but I can understand how they wouldn’t want people all up in their personal lives.”
I shake my head. “Wow, that’s some crazy shit. Oh yeah, so how is engaged life?”
He takes a deep breath and exhales. “It’s great. I never thought I could love someone at all. Never thought I deserved someone like her. She and Annabelle have been working on wedding plans, we both want something small at the farm.” He shrugs. “Waking up next to her everyday just feels right.”
I smile. “Sounds good.” I shake my head. “Damn, I never thought I’d see the day that Ryder Abbott settled for one woman. Son, hearts are breaking all over Dixie right now. I’m happy for you though, man. Scarlet is good for you. Let’s face it, she passed the Nana test, that says enough right there.”
He chuckles. “Tell me about it. Nana likes hav
ing all these girls around now. Between Scar, Annabelle and Ivie, she has a house full of them.”
“I feel like I’ve missed so much.”
“You have but we’ll catch you up. So, what have they said about your enlistment?”
I prop my elbow on the window and rest my head in my hand. “They are probably going to medical discharge me. With all the shit with my leg and back, I’ll never pass a med review board.”
“What are you thinking about doing?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I thought maybe about going to college and taking some classes.” I shrug. “I have a little time to make up my mind and I have quite a bit in savings. It’s just, I never thought I’d need a backup plan.”
“Hey man, you can stay with me as long as you want. You know how big and empty that damn house is. Dad is spending more and more time in Atlanta, I honestly think he’s seeing someone there, but he hasn’t said anything to me. Ivie and Gable stay with us every once in a while when they’re in town, but other than that it’s just Scar and me.”
I need to change the subject. “So you think Greer has a woman?”
He shrugs. “Well, like I said, he’s been spending more and more time up there. I’ve also noticed him texting more. He’s never been into texting before and he’s all secretive about it.”
“Whoa! Do you think your dad is sexting someone?” I chuckle.
Ryder’s face contorts into this look of sickness. “Dude. What the fuck? I don’t even wanna think about that. Don’t ever say something like that again.”
I laugh, holding my ribs. “Why? I’m sure Nana has already said something like that.”
“No, she’s much more colorful about it.”
“Gotta love Pearl.”
“Ain’t that the damn truth?”
“I bet Nana is wanting you to have her some great-grans, though.”
“No, actually she wants us to take time for ourselves, get to know each other and not rush into the whole kid thing.”
Secrets in Battle: Secrets of Savannah Series Book 3 Page 1