Besides, the Internet was a wealth of information. I satisfied my curiosity, educationally speaking, and scared the crap out of myself by getting bold with Google. I swear, I thought I’d never recover after some of the stuff I saw. Yikes. And mom did her part, having the birds and bees talk. Insert tab A into slot B. Yes, tabs and slots. Mom was shy about using the words penis and vagina around me, but I got the picture and was thoroughly embarrassed. Lana didn’t posses the fear or prude nature I sometimes did, so she kept me up to date, and started experimenting early, like, in the ninth grade.
In the ninth grade I was happy to be out of my training bra and braces.
“When did you become such a downer?” Lana asked.
“A what?”
“You used to be fun.”
I hated to think that our friendship would be jeopardized over a boy I didn’t like, a lot. If I ended a friendship over a guy, he’d have to be pretty freaking fantastic.
“We’re dealing with a person, Lana, one I have to live with. Its not like Zack can’t find out what you’re doing.” I had a feeling it wasn’t if he found out, it was when. And when he did, I was screwed.
“You’re protecting him, Chloe. Admit it,” she said.
“Uh, no. I’m protecting myself from embarrassment.”
“It’s no use lying to me, just stop lying to yourself. You only hate him because you can’t love him.”
“That’s crazy!”
“No, it’s the truth. So get over him, or get under him.”
“Under?”
“Look, if you need help, I can tell you what guys like.”
“No.” I shouted. Then lowered my voice so Zack wouldn’t get curious and knock on my door. “Lana, I’ll handle this problem myself…if there ever is a problem. You just do me a favor and make sure no one finds out about the club. Although I’d prefer if you just ended it.”
“Sorry, I can’t shut down the club. But the offer still stands, my knowledge of men is at your disposal.”
“Uh, thanks. I’ll pass.” I said.
“Oh, and Kyle is having a party tonight. His parents are out of town. I want you to come.”
“Can’t make it. I don’t have a car. I’m stuck here.” I was also tired and still had to figure out how to set up my computer.
“I can come get you.”
“No, really Lana, don’t. I’m going to bed. Thanks for the invite though, and I’ll talk to you soon.” I hung up, wanting to chuck the phone out my window, and maybe my dinner along with it.
I hate Zack Warren.
Period.
There is no love here. That was in the past, long time ago, and it would stay there. There was no need to get over him, because I had never been under him—oh, lord.
But why did I dislike him in the first place?
When did my hatred for him start?
It wasn’t just the bike streamers, and it wasn’t the fact that he pulled a fire alarm in front of me, or all those pranks. I was frustrated with him…yes, very frustrated.
Now I’m getting somewhere.
I’ve been frustrated since that day he pulled the fire alarm.
I’d wanted something from him that day when I ran across him. A promise he would stop acting out, because I knew he was better than that. Acknowledgement, for him to show me he knew of my existence, in a nice way. That I was more than just some silly girl to annoy one minute and ignore the next.
And then frustration morphed into anger. Hating him every time he didn’t look at me when I passed him in the hallway. Hating it when he watched me, and looked away the second I noticed. Hating myself for not having the courage to walk up to him and just say hi.
Lana said I should try flirting with him.
I didn’t have the flirt gene. In fact, I suck at flirting. So how was I supposed to send out that little signal like the other girls, let him know that I was interested?
I tried flipping my hair and batting my eyes once and I ran into a pole.
Flirting wasn’t necessary though, and this I realized a couple years ago.
When I locked eyes with Zack, even if it was for just a second, I felt a connection…like this boy could really see me. He knew I could see him. My breaths were short, my heart hammering; sometimes I forgot what I was doing. The world went silent around me and I couldn’t see anything but him.
He felt it too. I saw it reflected in his eyes, but he ignored it.
So I guess I started the club for fun in the beginning, as a little girl playing a game. Then I distanced myself because of the hurt, knowing there could be something between us, and for whatever reason, Zack wanted nothing to do with me. So hurt turned to hate too. And if I was protecting myself, protecting him, that was okay.
Because Lana was right about one thing.
It is easier to hate than to love.
Chapter 8
Once the last of my things were put in their rightful places my room didn’t look so bad. Except my bedding didn’t match. It was fluffy and white, with blue swirls and flowers. The orange walls had to go if I’d be spending weekends and holidays here. My mom brought a few gallons of white paint with her; first thing in the morning I’d attack the walls with a roller.
I decided to take a nice hot shower and check out my bathroom. The bedrooms each had their own bathroom, something I was grateful for. Privacy when living with a guy is the key to my happiness. I stripped down to my bra and underwear, snagging a towel out of the stash in my closet.
I walked right in the bathroom, not bothering to look at where I was going, and slammed into something warm and hard. My hands went up to steady myself, landing on a very bare chest. Slowly I lifted my head and locked eyes with Zack.
A shirtless Zack.
Who was a boxer guy.
“What are you doing in my bathroom?” He seemed confused, looking into my room. His hair was wet, and he had a towel slung over his shoulder.
I snapped out of my shock, pushing away from him a little too reluctantly. This was my first time anywhere near a guy in blue boxers. Well, boxers of any kind.
Wowzers.
“This is my…” I peered around him to see another door that lead into the camouflaged hell I’d escaped form earlier. “Our bedrooms are connected by a bathroom?”
“Shit.” He sat on the side of a claw foot tub. I couldn’t wait to take a bath in that thing. It was big enough for a million rubber duckies.
First I’d install a padlock on the door.
I noticed he was staring at me, really staring.
And then I remembered I wasn’t wearing any clothes.
Quickly, I wrapped my towel around me, trying to remember to breathe.
“Cute.”
Zack Warren has seen me in my purple bra and panties with the yellow lace, daisy pattern.
I don’t think it can get much more embarrassing than that.
“At least it’s nice.” I said, ignoring his reference to what I was wearing, or not wearing. We had double sinks and ample drawer space. A separate shower with a dark gray curtain and blue tiles stood next to the tub. It was actually pretty, and surprisingly contemporary.
“I don’t believe this.” He murmured, sliding a hand over his face. “Our parents are insane.”
“I cannot share a bathroom with you.” I tried to look at anything but him and his nicely chiseled abs. Really, I tried so hard. But my eyes were drawn to his stomach like moths to a bug zapper. I decided Glenn wasn’t the only one who had strict rules, or needed them for that matter. “Look, were stuck with this arrangement, so I think it is in our best interest to figure out set times for using the bathroom.”
He laughed, baby blues twinkling. “What, you want to make up a little chart?”
“Not a chart, more like a verbal agreement.” I wound the towel tighter. It didn’t cover as much as I’d like.
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
He stared at me, his eyes measuring me in a strange way. I couldn’t do anything but s
tare back, rooted to the spot as he pushed up from the tub and crowded my very personal space.
His cocky, cool mask was gone.
I could see it in his eyes. Looking at me like I looked at him, in confusion and fascination. It was terrifying. Other guys didn’t look at me like this, as if they could see my soul, everything that made me tick.
Sometimes I think I can see inside him too, and by the expression on his face, he felt it. There were days when he met my gaze, when he looked tired from practice, and I felt like he wanted something from me. I squashed the strongest urges to throw myself at him, wrap my arms around his waist and give him a hug. He’d looked like he needed it. Wanted it.
His baby blue eyes were warmer than they’d ever been; boring into me with such intensity and emotion my knees began to shake. I had to squash the urge to fling myself at him now because of what I saw in his eyes. He wanted me, needed me.
Beneath the cocky attitude was a person I could rely on, share secrets with. Someone who would never hurt me. His reason for acting like an ass was a mystery, but I bet he thought it was important.
This boy didn’t have a mean bone in his body and he didn’t want me to know.
“I’m not going to go to the bathroom at specific times.” His nose was an inch from mine. He bent close and trapped me against the bathroom counter. Our eyes were still locked, but that look of fascination faded away, replaced by blankness, and so much confusion that it made me confused. Scared. I was scared we’d never figure out what this thing between us meant.
“Okay, let me rephrase.” I whispered.
He didn’t back off and flattened his hands on the counter on either side of me.
“Go for it, Baker.”
“I meant…I-I,” I couldn’t think with his face so close, or the smell of his minty toothpaste breath fanning across my skin. All I could do was focus on keeping that tiny inch between us. I was supposed to hate him—no, really dislike him—after all, hate is such a strong word. But this was for our protection, so he wouldn’t find out about the club and get hurt, thinking I was like those other girls. I’d loose any respect he had for me if he knew what I’d done.
“Baker?” he sounded irritated, glaring at me with an expression I wasn’t familiar with. He was either going to kiss me or toss me out of the bathroom.
Shamelessly, I hoped it wasn’t the latter.
Being unimpressed by his behavior and crowding, I gave myself an internal shake. There wasn’t going to be a kiss.
I placed my hands against his chest, on purpose this time, and pushed.
“Sorry.” He took a step back, not looking in the least bit apologetic. Instead he sounded more amused by my reaction. Most girls would be pulling him closer.
“I don’t like being intimidated.” I sighed, rubbing my eyes, wondering how I would survive living with him.
“You look tired.” Now there was some kindness in his voice.
“Yeah, so do you.” I gave him a half smile. “I really didn’t mean what I said about scheduling times. Uh, I like to shower at night. It helps me sleep when I feel clean.”
He chuckled. “Good, I’m more of a morning person. Showering helps me wake up.”
“This works then.”
“Yep,” his hesitation was barely detectable, and his fingers lightly brushed my elbow as he walked out of the bathroom. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” I sighed, shutting the door behind him, rubbing my elbow. It was like I could still feel his fingers on me, smoothing over my skin.
I forced myself to forget what happened, showered, and brushed my teeth and pulled on a white tank top and cotton shorts. It might be night, but it was still warm out. When I saw myself in the mirror, my cheeks heated. I might as well be in my underwear again. I felt overexposed. I should be wearing a bra under my top and donning sweat pants, a parka even.
Having Zack next door would be an educational experience of epic proportions.
Would he be walking around in his boxers all the time?
Did he ever go commando like one of the girls said?
Shaking my head, I flipped off the bathroom light and went into my room, making sure the door was shut tight behind me. I tossed Kirk a boot shaped chew toy.
For me it was love at first drool when I found him five years ago at the pound. He might snore, fart, and make a huge mess when he got into the garbage, but I loved him.
He hopped up to sleep at the foot of my bed with his boot, I plugged in my nightlight, and we snuggled in.
I fell asleep almost instantly…after trying to wipe the image of a half naked Zack from my mind.
Chapter 9
Zack
After a shower, and subsequently a run-in with the little terror next door, I sat at my desk, staring at the bathroom door, now closed. The light was on and shower running. Chloe was humming. I tried not to think about what happened between us in the bathroom. I tried hard not to think about her standing under the hot water…naked. I’d been successful, until she stared to hum. Her voice was soft, sweet.
It had been nothing short of terrifying and amazing. Feeling her slam into me, smelling the sweetness of her hair. It was better than anything I’d ever felt.
She looked up at me, her lips forming a small smile. Her cheeks going pink. I wanted to kiss her. Really kiss her. The kind of kiss that no other guy could ever or would ever top. I wanted to ruin her for anyone else. My reaction felt primitive, like I’d reverted to a caveman or something. I’d never experienced that before.
The urge was so sudden and strong I almost kissed her.
But I counted to ten, sat on the side of the tub, and turned into the grouch she was more familiar with. I put on a good act, trying to make it seem like I really wanted nothing to do with her. But it had been the hardest act of my life.
When she shrank back and I wanted to kick myself. I wish there was a way to rewind time, to tell the younger me that keeping Chloe at a distance was the stupidest thing I would ever do.
Too wound to go to sleep, I decided to finish unpacking. I had a desk, a bed, and a computer.
Now, I could function, but I didn’t feel like waiting until tomorrow to finish, and I needed a distraction. So I started on my punching bag. I got my dad’s toolbox from the garage, and brought my desk chair to the far left corner of the room. I could thank Chloe for the room switch. Even though the wallpaper sucked, it was bigger than the other room. Big enough for me to hang the bag here, and not in the garage or attic, where there wasn’t any air conditioning.
I located the support beam running through the ceiling. I drilled a hole, installed the bag and decided to test out my handiwork.
My first hit was soft. I watched the bag swing. Didn’t smack the wall, and it seemed pretty stable. My next couple hits were hard. I kicked. It swung. The thing was solid.
The computer burbled, making that strange sound on Skype. I sat down to see Kyle sent me a message.
Toohot4U: Zack, what up?
ZWpchr: Not much.
Toohot4U: party?
ZWpchr: I’m staying in tonight, but thanks.
Toohot4U: you need to have more fun! spring break!!
ZWpchr: We have different ideas about what constitutes fun.
Toohot4U: but I need you man
ZWpchr: Why?
Toohot4U: people don’t listen to me
ZWpchr: So you want me there incase the party gets crazy? What am I, your bouncer?
Toohot4U: duh!
ZWpchr: I feel so used.
Toohot4U: seriously?
ZWpchr: No, you ass.
Toohot4U: I invited the mason twins ;)
ZWpchr: Tempting, but I’m still going to pass.
L&K4VR has signed on
L&K4VR: HEY BOYS!
Toohot4U: hey babe
ZWpchr: Hi, Lana.
L&K4VR: R U READY TO PARTY ZACK?
ZWpchr: No thanks, maybe next time.
L&K4VR: JEEZ, YOU AND CHLOE ARE SO BORING. SHE CAN’T COME TO THE
PARTY CUZ SHE DOESN’T HAVE A CAR! ZACK! YOU HAVE TO COME SO SHE CAN COME TOO!!!!!!
Toohot4U: chill out honey we’ll throw another party
L&K4VR: PROMISE?
Toohot4U: yes
L&K4VR: OK, THEN I GTG. I NEED TO PUT ON MY PARTY DRESS.
Toohot4U: the red one?
L&K4VR: YAH!
Toohot4U: too bad it won’t stay on for long
ZWpchr: TMI
L&K4VR: KISS KISS! LOVE LOVE! BYE BYE!
L&K4VR has signed off
ZWpchr: I’m happy for you guys, but I feel like she’s yelling all the time.
Toohot4U: thinking about taking her to caps lock rehab
ZWpchr: Lmao, nice. Well, I’m going. Later.
Toohot4U: you’re coming to the next party dude
ZWpchr: Maybe.
My eyes drifted shut and popped open again. The light coming from the crack beneath the bathroom door had gone out a couple hours ago. I was in bed. It was hot in my room, and I doubted if the air was working. I lay there, wondering if Chloe was hot, if was she still awake or dreaming. Did she dream in color? Have nightmares?
Chloe always made me think about the strangest things.
I flipped onto my stomach and tried to think about someone else. The Mason twins were hot…with heads full of air. Hot air.
No luck, I had Baker on the brain.
One time Chloe dropped her books in the hallway, and I wanted to help her pick them up. I was on the other side of the hall, talking with Kyle. By the time I’d given an excuse and made my way over, she’d collected her books.
The Unofficial Zack Warren Fan Club Page 6