by Jordan Shay
“Thank you, John, for your understanding and your offer. I will personally drive her in myself.”
I headed up the stairs, being as careful as I could to not make any noise, and went into my room, collapsing on my bed. I buried my face into my pillow.
Now what? How the hell am I getting out of this? Oh, how I miss Derek. I need his arms around me. I need to smell his manly musky scent.
I missed him so badly my heart was aching.
I must have fallen asleep lying on top of my bed, because they next thing I knew, Mama was waking me up.
“Anna, come help me with dinner. Your father ran into Caleb in town today and he is going to join us tonight.” I rubbed my eyes, trying remember where I was. Oh yeah. I’m back home. Fear lurched into my throat and made me unable to speak. Was Mr. Johnny being here a dream? A nightmare? Or am I going to have to go back?
I sat up and promised my mom I’d be right down.
Once downstairs, I took over making the biscuits. Soon they were in the oven and I started on an apple pie. We had a ton of apples from several apple trees on our property, and homemade apple pie was always one of my favorites. My mother and I worked mostly in silence, except for the occasional, “Pass me the salt.” Or, “Can you grab me the flour?”
I couldn’t help but think of that morning that Derek and I spent cooking together. Hard to imagine my father cooking with my mother. Caleb too, for that matter. It is not how Amish men are brought up. Not their fault I suppose, just the way it is. I smiled at the sight of Derek cooking. He seemed to know his way around the kitchen as well as any Amish woman.
When dinner was almost ready, I heard Caleb and my father come through the front door. I had no idea how long he had been here, but instantly I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Caleb was my only ally. Well, besides Derek of course.
He walked towards the kitchen, and leaned against the doorframe. “Hello Anna.” He smiled at me so sweetly I couldn’t help but smile back. He was sexy, leaning against the door, and I remembered the last time I saw him. I could feel my cheeks turning red. I resisted the urge to leap into his arms. Amish girls don’t do that.
“Hi Caleb.” I couldn't believe how happy I was to see him. The tension in the house was extreme all day, and Caleb offered a sense of a relief for me. My mother walked back through the backdoor and Caleb stood strait up.
“Good day, Ma’am. Thank you for having me over for dinner.” He was so polite.
I caught myself staring at him as he stood there, now talking to my mother. His face was so handsome. A little on the softer, rounder side compared to Derek’s chiseled face. As he spoke, my eyes were drawn to his lips. The memory of his kiss at the cabin was still stuck in my mind. It had been so unexpected. And then, sex in the buggy, in the dark. Also unexpected, and yet so wonderful. I wish I could have another chance with him in the daylight so I could see his whole body better.
“Anna? How is that pie doing?” My mother’s voice jerked me back to reality.
“Taking it out now, Mama. It will be cool in time for dessert.” I placed the pie on the window ledge to cool. I could feel Caleb now watching me.
I knew he and I would have some alone time after dinner, but I didn’t know if I could wait. I wanted, no, I needed to know about Derek. Was he okay? I also couldn’t wait to tell Caleb about Mr. Johnny. Would he know what I should do? I needed to be alone with Caleb. Now.
A quick glance into the dining room told me that was not going to happen. Papa was already at the table, as was Abe. It was time to eat.
Dinner was delicious. Mama’s famous fried chicken, with homemade noodles and gravy on the side. An Amish favorite. Next time I cook, I will make this for Derek. He will love it.
“Delicious dinner, Mrs. Yoder.” Caleb ate hungrily. The way his mouth moved with every bite made my mind go places it shouldn’t. And I felt slightly guilty still for thinking this way about Caleb. I am betraying Derek. I am a horrible person.
Cleaning up the dishes and the kitchen with my mother afterwards continued to be awkward. It was actually Papa that saved me.
“Anna. Caleb is outside on the porch waiting for you. Why don’t the two of you go for a walk and discuss...things.” I wondered what Papa thought about my absence. He obviously didn’t blame Caleb or he wouldn’t have been invited over. Did he think I was with Derek? Did he even know about me and Derek?
“Go ahead, Anna. I’ll finish up.” Mama took the dishtowel from my hand. She needn’t tell me twice.
I found Caleb sitting on the porch swing, waiting. “There’s my girl.” He patted the spot next to him, indicating that I sit down. I really wanted to go for a walk and get away from the house, but I sat. For now.
That did not mean I could wait for answers. I leaned over close to Caleb and whispered, “Have you checked on Derek today? Is he alright?” Caleb’s eyes shifted.
“He’s fine, Anna. I was at his house earlier. I guess I’ll head over to him tomorrow and let him know I checked on you and you’re okay. You are okay, aren’t you?”
“I guess so. I mean, it’s been rough today. But I’m okay. Poor Abe. He is so glad to have me home.” I paused. I needed to talk to him about Mr. Johnny. “Can we go for a walk, Caleb?”
“Sure.” He stood up and then reached for my hand to help me up. I grasped it, and followed him off the porch. I smiled. Just holding Caleb’s hand gave me a little reassurance that maybe everything would be okay.
We walked towards the back pasture. Abe had brought Ella and Twilight in earlier, so the field was quiet under the glow of the moon.
“Caleb I need to talk to you.” He paused. He told me to stay put, and he went over to where my father had parked one of our buggies. Grabbing a blanket from inside one of them, he jogged back to me, reached for me with his empty hand, and pulled me along with him as he jogged on towards the field. Together we ran until we reached the large oversized oak tree. He spread out the blanket underneath, and we sat down.
“I’m all ears, Anna.”
I took a deep breath, then recanted the conversation I had walked in on between Mr. Johnny and my father. Caleb knew that Mr. Johnny was a dangerous man.
When I had finished, we both sat silently. Caleb’s face went from sweet and loving, to firm and angry. His eyes narrowed, and he pursed his lips together firmly. I hadn’t realized how tightly I had been holding his hand until he pulled it away from me and stood up. He began pacing back and forth in front of me.
“I’m sorry, Caleb. I didn’t mean to upset you...I just don’t know what to do.” I hesitated. “I’m scared.”
“I’ll be goddamned if I’m going to let you go back to work for that guy.” Caleb had tossed his hat on the ground and was running his fingers through his blond hair.
“But, my father is insisting on taking me.”
“I’m going to figure out something, Anna. I promise you.” He finally sat down next to me, and turned my face to his with two fingers under my chin, “I promise.”
My insides turned to butterflies when I realized what was coming next. Caleb’s face was nearing, until his lips found mine. He was gentle at first. His hand behind my neck, his mouth was nearly devouring mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we kissed so passionately, slowly lowering ourselves to the ground.
As we lay there kissing, the thoughts of Mr. Johnny, my parents, and most of all, Derek, left my mind completely as I was totally consumed by Caleb. He was on top of me, and I liked it. I wrapped my legs around his waist, to bring him closer. He obeyed. His swollen dick, covered by his pants, lay right on top of my pussy. We kissed some more, and he rubbed his groin into mine. Caleb wasn’t the only one getting excited.
Suddenly, Caleb stopped and sat up. “Anna, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I was just overcome by being with you.” He stood up and started fixing his shirt. “We should go back into the house. I mean, I don’t want to stop, but we should. We already committed such the sin in the buggy. I don’t regret it. But I just don�
��t know if God will forgive me. I want you Anna. But, I want you as my wife someday...but I know that isn’t what you want.” His eyes were big looking at me in the moonlight. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I’ll shut up now.” He took a deep breath and went looking for his hat.
I was surprised. This man. This man that in no way wanted to marry just a few short weeks ago, had told her that he wanted to marry her...and she didn’t say a word. My heart felt something for Caleb. I respected him. Respected his wishes, so I sat up and said, “Caleb, I do have feelings for you. I don’t know what exactly these feelings mean. Maybe one day we would be married, but I honestly don’t know right now.” I knew I truly wanted Derek, and I didn’t want to lead Caleb on. But it was true, I felt confused when I was with him. “You’re right, Caleb, we should go in the house.”
We walked back toward the house, hand in hand. Caleb stopped at the foot of the steps and said, “It was great to see you tonight, Anna. I know Derek weighs heavily on your mind; I’ll check on him for you. Good night, sweet Anna.”
“Don’t you want to come in for a few minutes?” Part of me dreaded being alone with my family right now. “Please, Caleb?” I pleaded.
“Nah. I better get going. I’ll come by and see you tomorrow hopefully.’
I nodded. I understood, I just didn’t like it., “Good night, Caleb. Thanks for being so amazing.” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. He smiled and gently touched my face before pulling away,
Caleb finally turned to walk back to his buggy. After a few stops, he stopped, looked back at me and said, “I won’t let you go back to work for Mr. Johnny. I promise. He’s no good Anna.”
“Okay,” I replied.
I would never go back to work for him. I would runaway first.
Chapter Thirteen
It was Tuesday morning. Just a few more days, and I would be off to live a new life. When I woke, I laid in bed for several minutes, just looking around her room. The very room I grew up in; spent many a years, my childhood. I got out of bed and carried on with my normal morning routine. After getting dressed, I went downstairs to help Mama in the kitchen. Mama looked sad, and Papa sat at the kitchen table quietly drinking his coffee.
“Mama, everything ok?” asked Anna. Something seemed wrong.
“Everything is okay. We just received some sad news, honey.” She glanced up at me, watching my reaction. “Caleb’s uncle passed away in the night, last night. We all knew it was coming, but it’s still sad regardless,” explained Mama. “We will need to bake pies for the funeral, and see where else we can help. You won’t be able to go to work for Mr. Johnny this week. I’ll need you here to help.”
In the light of a sad event, Mama saved me. Ironically, it was Caleb who promised me I wouldn’t have to go back to work at the furniture store. My heart ached for what Caleb would be going through, but at the same time I felt relieved that I didn’t have to go work for Mr. Johnny. Funny how life works out sometimes.
Mama and I made a list of the groceries we needed, and called a driver for a ride to the store. The driver arrived a short fifteen minutes later and we were off to get what we needed. Mama and I didn’t talk much at first. Just sat in silence, watching the world whip by, out the passenger van windows. I was treasuring this time with my mother. Times like this will soon be only a memory. I bit my lip. Out of nowhere I blurted out, “Mama, I just want you to know I love you, and I always will love you. Thanks for looking out for me and protecting me.”
Mama looked a little confused at first. Then sad. She didn’t say it, but I think she knew. She knew these would be our last days together. There is something about a mother’s intuition when it comes to her babies. She knows them better than anyone else. Mama reached out her hand, and held mine. I held hers back. For a moment, I felt like I was five years old again. As a child, my mama would always hold my hand. Lead me here, lead me there. She was my protector, the woman I looked up to, my best friend. Even when she was tough on me, I realized at that moment, it was all for my own good.
Over the years, our relationship got a little tangled. I don’t think it was her fault or mine. She held strong to her community and I felt like I never fit into it. No matter what though, I loved her. And she loved me.
Mama then said, “Anna, you are my firecracker. My wildflower. I love you sweetheart. Don’t ever forget where you came from, but live. Live your life.” Her hand squeezed mine so hard, I flinched.
She wasn’t telling me to leave. But she knew I would. She just didn’t know when.
Suddenly, Mama shouted out to the driver, “Sir, we needn't go to the grocery today. We need a superstore. The one with groceries and house items.”
We didn’t go to the superstore often, but Mama must have thought of other things she needed. I didn’t think too much about it. With an upcoming funeral to attend, we might need something extra.
About ten minutes later, we arrived at the superstore. There were people everywhere. Hustling and bustling around. Walking fast, looking at their lists, looking like they were on a mission. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time. Mama and I hopped out of the van and headed into the store.
“Get a cart, Anna,” Mama instructed.
I grabbed a cart and she grabbed one too. Not sure what she planned on buying, but it must be a lot...we never shopped with two carts! We rolled our carts into the store and Mama stopped abruptly and said, “You fill your cart. Anything you need, but only enough to fit in two duffel bags.”
I was shocked. I couldn’t say anything. Anything I need? I couldn’t move. She knew and she was helping me. I couldn’t believe it. But then, maybe I could, she was my mama, after all.
Mama went on to say, “Go shop. Find what you need. Meet me at the registers in thirty minutes.”
I did as mama said. Still surprised by her participation in my plan, I headed off to stroll the aisles. I really wasn’t sure what to get. But then my brain finally kicked in. I need necessities. I grabbed soap, shampoo, a couple washcloths, towels, dish soap, some female items, two pans, some simple silverware, and then stopped. Clothes. I need some English clothes.
I headed to the clothing racks and started looking through the items on display. Oh shit. I have no idea what size I’d be in English clothes. Plus, what will people think when I’m at the checkout...Amish girl buying Yankee clothes. But, I knew I had to. I grabbed two pairs of sweatpants with matching sweatshirts. I chose blue and pink. They felt soft. I wondered what they would feel like against my body. I saw the jeans, and I wanted a pair so badly, but I had no idea what size I’d be. I grabbed a couple of pairs, and headed to the fitting room. The lady at the counter was so distracted by her cell phone, that she nodded and told me to go in any empty fitting room. If she thought it was odd that an Amish girl was trying on jeans, she said nothing.
To complete the trip, I headed to the grocery section. Grabbed some simple non-perishable items, and threw them into the cart. Near the checkout line there was a large selection of chocolate bars. I grabbed the biggest one I could find, but it wasn’t for me. It was for Mama. She loved her chocolate.
Half-hour later, I met my mama at the registers, just as she had instructed. My heart started to hurt as I watched her walk toward me. She was growing older and I had not even noticed. Until now. She had a subtle limp when she put pressure on her left leg. Why had I never noticed? My mom. The woman who irritated me. Who scolded me for looking at Derek. There she was, my hero. My best friend. Damn. I’m gonna miss her. I wasn’t prepared for those feelings, and before I knew it, I had tears in my eyes.
“C’mon Anna. We need to pay and get back home,” said Mama. She would not like emotion. She was not emotional.
“Okay, Mama,” I said.
I cleared my eyes and my mind, and helped Mama to put all of our purchases on the conveyor belt to be scanned. The lady ringing up our stuff was so focused on throwing soft stuff together, putting only a couple heavy things together, putting clothes together, etc. She didn�
�t even look up when she rang the Yankee clothes up. I guess she didn’t care as much as I thought she would.
She had a lot of colorful make-up on; blue eyeshadow, bright red lipstick, and dark eyeliner. Should I have gotten some make-up? Would I look prettier? Would Derek like it? I knew it was too late, but maybe down the road I’ll try it out.
Mama paid the bill in cash, and off we went. We loaded everything into the waiting van and headed out of the superstore parking lot.
Mama instructed the driver once again, “Sir, please stop at the ice cream shoppe.”
Ice cream, in November? I wasn’t going to argue. Mama had a way of lifting my spirits. I also think she just wanted to cherish this time together. One of our last times that we would be together. I knew I would hang onto this memory just as much as she would.
Mama and I went into the ice cream shoppe and ordered large ice cream sundaes. Despite the sadness of the day, we managed to make the most of our time together. We talked and giggled. Overall, it was such a good day together.