Lean on Me

by Candy Crum

  “Well he has a right to know, Bri,” Melanie said, looking her friend over.

  Bri nodded as she finished packing up her backpack. “I know. I’m just scared of how he’s going to react. He’s not the most patient or understanding person.”

  “Are you kidding? He’s a great guy. I see how he looks at you,” Melanie said, wagging her eyebrows.

  “That doesn’t make a great guy. A great guy is a guy who will be gentle with his girl. Who won’t use intimidation. Who won’t belittle, degrade, and scare his way into her pants. Mike’s not a great guy.”

  “Why don’t you dump him? There are loads of other girls out there who would kill to have him,” Melanie scolded.

  Bri’s eyes narrowed. “Like you?”

  Melanie laughed. “Well can you blame me?”

  Bri rolled her eyes. It made her sick that her friend was such a pig. Going after a friend’s significant other was disgusting enough, but knowing how horrible he was and still wanting him just because of his looks and popularity was far worse. Suddenly she was reevaluating her friendship with Melanie.

  “Look, just keep this between us, okay? I can’t afford the extra stress. I need to tell people myself. I just have to figure out how to do it.”

  “You need to focus on yourself. Don’t worry about anything else, okay?” Melanie said.

  “That’s easier said than done,” was all Bri said before walking out of the bathroom.

  Chapter 3

  Bri was feeling much better by the end of the week.The morning sickness had almost completely settled, only occasionally feeling a little nauseated after dinner. Friday morning came easy for her as she was able to roll right out of bed instead of lying still long enough to eat a few saltines before even sitting. She hopped in the shower, shaved, and got out in fifteen minutes. It was a personal record, especially with her sickness issues.

  Bri’s parents, as usual, were already gone and she set out to get something to settle her hungry stomach. She decided on sliced fruit for breakfast. She put it in a Tupperware bowl for easy travel, grabbed the keys to her parents’ Lexus and headed out the door. When she arrived at school, all eyes were on her as she moved through the halls. Several girls, and even guys, looked directly at her as they whispered amongst their friends.

  What is going on around here? She asked herself.

  As she moved toward her locker, she noticed a few of her fellow students laughing while others looked at her with either sympathy or disgust. Clarity was not far away as she turned to see her locker staring back at her, mocking her. Four bright red letters were displayed cross the front. Little streaks pooled at the bottom where the paint had dripped. She read the word over and over – SLUT.

  Bri’s jaw fell slightly open. What had happened? Had Mike told everyone he’d slept with her? Or had Melanie blabbed about her being pregnant? Fear of the consequences of what was happening flooded her. What would happen if her parents found out? What would happen if the school found out? Would she be suspended? Would her parents still love her?

  “Hi, Bri.” Bri recognized the annoying snooty voice immediately. Samantha Jenkins. Her father was a big time lawyer in their mediocre town and she was his very spoiled little brat. She hated anyone lesser than her. The only thing she hated worse was Bri, because she was beloved in the school, something that Samantha wasn’t due to her nasty attitude and sharp tongue. “My how we’ve fallen from grace. Ironic, given that it’s your last name.”

  “Back off, Jenkins,” Bri said, her voice short and uninterested.

  “And what do you plan to do if I don’t? Will you try to fight me in your current – condition?” Bri’s eyes involuntarily widened, a devious smile spreading across Samantha’s face. “I’m pretty sure fighting while pregnant is frowned upon. Oh! Are you excited about growing to the size of a blimp? It’s okay. You can always just cut a couple of holes in a tent for clothing. It will double as shelter. I’m sure it will be a step up for you.”

  Bri’s nostrils flared as she imagined wringing the life from the girl. “You’re pathetic,” she said. She fought back tears, both from anger and hurt.

  “Me? Oh, no sweetie. I didn’t get knocked up at sixteen. I hope you enjoyed your time at the top. It’s mine now,” Samantha said with a sarcastic smile.

  Bri laughed. “No – I hope you enjoy your time at the top. You’ve only been on the bottom with ever male in the school to get there. And when you graduate you’ll realize you’ve peaked. So back to the bottom again. Only no one will want you. I might be in a difficult place right now, but I’m moving forward. You’ll never move past the need for attention and everyone will smell it from a mile away. It’s disgusting.” Bri was satisfied as she watched Samantha’s jaw drop. She turned and walked away without getting into her locker.

  It was almost time for the bell to ring and the amused onlookers were starting to scatter to their classes. Bri took the opposite hall she needed, coming to a doorway that led down to the old darkrooms that the new elective photography class used for storage. Because photography had progressed and the school hadn’t, the classes had fizzled out years ago but were coming back.

  She snuck downstairs, wanting to take a few minutes to herself. Rounding the corner, she came to stand in the large, unfinished classroom just a few feet from the two darkrooms that the school was finally updating after a donation from one of the wealthier student’s parents. It was still a work in progress – having just been re-sectioned off from the basement a few weeks ago. It was to be ready the following semester, though a photography club currently used it even in its unfinished state.

  A lot of the equipment laid unorganized on shelves and desks along the walls, but it would soon be a fully functional classroom. She’d considered taking the class herself, loving photography and even thinking of going to college for it. Would she even get the chance to do that now? Everything had changed. Everyone knew. What would she do? What about Mike?

  She’d no more than thought his name when she found herself tightly pinned to the wall. “Is it true? Are the rumors true?” he asked, his brows furrowed and his stale breath on her face.

  “Mike, you’re hurting me,” she choked out, trying to struggle away from his tight grip on her shoulders.

  “Answer me. Are you pregnant?” he was furious.

  Tears streamed down her face. She had no idea what to do. In the end, she decided the truth was best. She nodded. “Yes.”

  Mike slammed his fist into the wall next to her head, his hand easily piercing the fresh unpainted drywall. “Damn it! We only did it once. There’s no way that kid is mine. Who else have you been screwing, you slut? That bastard Matt?”

  “No! You’re the only person I’ve been with. You know that! Besides, everyone knows you can get pregnant no matter how many times sex has been had. One time can do it.”

  He laughed and backed away. “Yeah, I don’t believe that. That kid’s not mine and you better take care of it.”

  “I plan on taking care of it. You don’t have to have anything to do with either of us,” she said, slowly sidestepping away.

  One of his brows lifted as he stepped closer, lowering his face to hers. “No. I won’t have anything to do with that kid because there won’t be a kid. Get rid of it. Get an abortion. You’re not ruining my life because you couldn’t keep your legs closed.”

  Her eyes widened. She’d never wanted to be with him in the first place! She’d been scared. “It takes two! You should have kept it in your pants, too. Or at least wore the condom you told me that you wore! This is your fault too, Mike! I never even wanted to have sex with you at all! You’re disgusting!”

  The moment she saw the anger crossing his face she regretted having opened her mouth. He’d hit a sore spot – telling her to get rid of her baby, the baby that she’d been creating with her own body. She felt magical being able to create and sustain a life with her own body and she knew thousands of women would never be granted the gift that she’d been given. She couldn’
t imagine abandoning that responsibility knowing that. Especially for a man like Mike.

  He stepped forward again, pressing her flush against the wall with his body. “Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry.” She sighed a moment of relief as he spoke those words, hoping that he wouldn’t hurt her, but knowing that he didn’t truly mean them. She wanted to be away from him more than anything at that moment. “You must have misunderstood me. It’s okay. I understand that I’m far smarter than you and that must be difficult for you. Let me dumb this down for you,” he brushed his fingers through her hair and down her neck. “Get rid of that baby, or I’ll see to it that you do. Okay?”

  The feel of him against her made her sick. She wanted to run screaming through the halls, but as slow as she’d gotten over the last couple of weeks, she knew he’d catch her before she even got up the stairs. She nodded, swallowing hard as she did. He backed away and began moving for the stairs and she immediately began rubbing her belly as tears once again rolled down her face.

  Why me? She asked herself. How did I allow myself to get in this situation? She thought about having a little girl and what she would want her daughter to think of her. Bri wanted her daughter to think she was a strong woman, a woman who would never allow a man to hurt her. She wanted her daughter to realize that it is not okay to allow anyone to hurt her or disrespect her. That no matter what anyone ever tried to tell her, that she deserved all of the best things in life, but that she didn’t need anyone’s attention or approval to make her feel whole. All she needed was herself and her strength.

  Bri straightened her clothes and made her way upstairs. They hadn’t installed the speaker system or the bell downstairs yet, but she knew it rang more than three minutes ago by the sound of slamming doors. She pushed herself to clear up her tears and her confusion before entering class. She knew she’d need to focus due to the looks and whispers she was about to get in her next class. She knew she’d get them all day and for many to come.

  By the time her English class ended, she was exhausted. Forcing herself to ignore such blatant cruelty drained her. She expected to be confronted by a teacher - any teacher - as she walked through the school, but she hadn’t yet had the displeasure. For that, she considered herself lucky.

  It was game night and, aside from being infatuated with her taboo teenage pregnancy, everyone was concerned with the opposition. The Franklin Devils was a hard team to beat, but Bri had never had an issue beating them before. That night, however, with news of the pregnancy, everyone was terrified the star player would blow it for the whole team. She wondered if she should even go. The idea of placing herself in all that unnecessary stress – the pointing, whispering, judging, making assumptions about her character – just to prove that she could do it seemed a little pointless. What was she more concerned about risking here? Her reputation? Or her health?

  Why should I care what they think? If I fall or catch a ball to the stomach I could hurt my baby. No amount of popularity is worth that.

  She decided that she would quit the basketball team. When her last class was over, she hid out off the side of the stairs where her classmates’ visibility of her would be low, watching them scatter while trying to free themselves of the building. She waited until she saw the last person leave before running to her locker – ignoring the terrible word still lingering there – and grabbing her uniform before making her way to Coach Kepner’s office. It was unlocked, but she wasn’t inside – exactly what she wanted.

  Bri quickly placed the uniform on the desk and wrote a quick note to the coach:

  Coach,

  I’m sorry, but I’m no good to the team right now. I’m slow and I’ll do nothing more than slow everyone down and make them work harder to compensate for me. Please forgive me for the short notice – but I felt this is what’s best for me right now.

  Thank you for everything,

  Bri Grace

  Once everything was done, she left through the teacher’s entrance through the back of the school to avoid everyone in the front. It was a bright and cold early December day. As she approached her car, she saw a friendly familiar form leaning against the side, his ankle-length black trench coat unbuttoned. His face was turned down, staring at his crossed feet.

  “Matt,” Bri said. “What are you doing?”

  “Coming to check on you. I heard.”

  She sighed. “Of course you did. So do you think I’m a fat whore too?”

  He looked at her incredulously. “You are most certainly not a whore. And I don’t care how big you get carrying that baby, you’ll never be fat.”

  She swallowed, not expecting that answer. “Well, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  She tried to shove around him to get to the driver’s side door, but he blocked her path. “You’re paranoid he will see us talking, aren’t you?” She didn’t answer, proving her guilt. “That’s what I thought. You’re afraid of him. Has he hurt you?”

  She set her backpack on the ground, realizing that she wasn’t getting away. “He hasn’t beat me, if that’s what you mean. But he’s intimidated me. Slammed me into walls, pinned me – things like that. Well, I guess he’s hit me once. But it wasn’t a beat down or anything. He does what he can to get what he wants.”

  Matt’s eyes narrowed. “Including sex?” Bri looked down to her feet. “Damn it all. When I heard you were pregnant, I didn’t believe it. You never acted like you actually loved him and that was your one requirement for having sex with someone. I knew he pressured you into it.”

  “Look, I don’t even want to think about it. It was just something bad that happened and it’s over. He didn’t force me – but he did pressure me. Can we talk about something else? I really don’t want to think of him right now.”

  Matt saw a shiver take her, though he didn’t believe it was the cold weather that caused it. Regardless, he pulled his trench coat off and wrapped it around her shoulders, using the time to study her face. He saw her brows slightly furrow and her nose gently flare. She was angry. “What happened? You’re pissed. I know that face anywhere. And don’t give me that you don’t want to know crap. You know I do.”

  She sighed, not having expected to need to explain it so soon. “He told me to have an abortion.”

  Rage coursed through Matt. For a man to demand that his woman to do such a thing instead of allowing her to make the decision angered him deeply. “Seriously? He asked you to get rid of it?”

  Bri shrugged. “Not in so many words… It was a demand – not a request.”

  His eyes narrowed again as his hands balled into fists. She couldn’t help but notice how cute he was when he was so angry and willing to fight to defend her. Though she knew why other girls were so attracted to him, it was odd to her to actually see it herself.

  “Did he threaten you?” She opened her mouth, but closed it again. “What are you going to do? This is your choice you know.”

  She smiled and slid her hand under the coat to touch her belly. “I’m keeping the baby. I know it will be hard. But I’m not going to let the fear of a couple of strenuous years deter me from a lifetime of happiness. This is what I want. I want my baby. She and I will be a family.”

  Matt smiled. He stepped forward, finding himself inexplicably drawn to her. He saw her hand resting on her abdomen. He knew that she wasn’t far along yet, but he wanted to touch her growing belly, too.

  “She huh?” Matt asked. Bri nodded, her smile growing. Matt smiled and shook his head before speaking again, his voice light and playful. “Mmhmm. If it is a girl, I’m going to have my work cut out for me.”

  “You don’t have to get mixed up in this too, Matt. It’s complicated and now the whole school knows. I still have no idea what that means. Eventually this will get to my parents, the teachers… I even quit the basketball cult.”

  He laughed. “Look – I know you don’t think this is my responsibility. Maybe it isn’t in some ways. But you and I have been family since we were little. That demon-baby in there is
my undocumented adopted niece or nephew. That means my family to protect. Just like you. If you need anything, you tell me okay?” She nodded. “But just so you know – we are definitely running buddies again. We will go a few times a week, though it doesn’t have to be long.”

  “Why? Afraid I’ll get fat?” She winked, knowing he wouldn’t think that way of her.

  “Nope. In fact I’ll probably be your biggest enabler. Pregnant women are my weakness. If you get bigger it will be because of me. Bigger does not mean less beautiful, just so you know ahead of time. I remember how mom was when she was pregnant with Gabe. I snuck her anything she wanted. She gained eighty pounds with him. My dad never looked at her any different. She was still his beautiful queen.”

  There was a moment of silence when each of them thought about the little brother that Matt lost and how hard it was on their family. Gabriel was only three when he’d died two years earlier.

  “What I don’t want, however, is your body getting weak and you getting hurt during delivery. Mom told me delivery was really hard for her and she regretted not going running with me when I asked. She said the docs told her it could have helped her longer term in the delivery room. Running won’t hurt you because you already do it, unless you develop issues later. In fact, it might help decrease those risks. Promise me you’ll stay strong. I don’t want to worry about you. Sleep all you want, but keep your body prepared.”

  Bri shook her head. “God, I’d forgotten how you were when your mom was pregnant. You’re a worrier.”

  He smiled. “I worry about my girls. What can I say?”

  He pulled her into a hug, his scent filling her nose. She remembered how Mike smelled and it made her want to vomit. Matt smelled great to her. It was a natural man scent without all the cover-up of heavily scented body washes, cheap pungent cologne, aftershave, and thick deodorants. All she could smell was him and the light scented musky cologne he dabbed on each side of his neck.